*The Great NYS Ultimus Card Heist

Void_DCXI

The year is 2070. NYS Ultimus cards have been delayed another week due to another request for them to be released. At this point, even the Season 257 Ultimus Champion Hahalua cards have been released. Well 3 (now retired and living comfortable lives at a nursing home) NYS Players have had enough. Captain Rogers, aged 393, only recently retired last offseason. His only goal in life was to steal Brandon Prince’s touchdowns. Dogwood Maple, aged 442, is a jaded vet who actually did not want to be involved with this at all and is only going under the promise of free french fries at the end. And finally, Rob Boberts. Aged 777, he feels it’s his lucky day. They invited former Silverback Brandon Prince, who accumulated 7 yards and 154 touchdowns over his career, but he ultimately declined. The 3 former New Yorkers head to Wyoming, at Dotts HQ. Once there, they use Rogers’ shield to break through the window of Dotts CEO Mithrandir. they find mithrandir asleep at his desk. After shaking him awake, they interrogate him. “You wanna know the real reason these cards haven’t been released yet?” mith said, “49 years ago, they were stolen, and we still haven’t caught the thief”. Not satisfied with this conclusion, Captain Rogers slaps mith in the face for no reason and continues. But where does one look now? These cards could be anywhere. Next, they buy plane tickets to Sarasota to interrogate frost. Frost would have a motive, as some Silverbacks players have been known to say “frost sux lmap” on occasion. When they arrive in Sarasota, they are greeted with the news that Frost has not been GM of the Sailfish for 45 years. They leave, but not before Robert Bobs steals one of their ultimus trophies because frost sux lmap. It’s been a long journey, and dogwood still hasn’t gotten his fries yet, so they decide to take a break by going to see a game between the Yeti and the Silverbacks. Sam Howitzer is still the QB and he’s fresh off his 26th Breakout Player of The Year award, so the Silverbacks win easily 62-0, but the real fun came during the halftime show. The halftime showed Colorado co-GM Melvin Murder-Moose flying a jet pack, but his belt buckle was strangely shiny. Maybe a little too shiny. Using his 20/20 vision and flight capabilities, Rogers flies up to Melvin and sees the long lost Bob Roberts ultimus card on his belt! Rogers immediately went to grab the stolen card, but the Moose known for murdering put up a good fight. Rogers won an epic battle, but just before he grabbed the card, a black hole opened up and everyone died the end.