(S31) PT 4 - Dirt

[Birdman]

WSBL Affiliate

[ddrector]

WSBL PT

[Gwdjohnson]

After the infamous case of tax fraud against Garfield Despacito Jr. in the past, there was much scrutiny about his career and financial situation moving forward as a player. Despacito Jr. announced his incoming end of season retirement not long after that, and it had many wondering if he was just cashing his retirement check to make ends meet for himself after his bank took a nosedive. Despacito Jr. has claimed he has since recovered and his new We Are Despacito merch line will recover what he has lost and more, but questions are now asked of his son. A reporter supposedly was claiming that Garfield Despacito III was due to suffer a financial crisis imminently stemming from the precarious situation of his father, but the youngster on Bondi Beach backs his ability to be self sustaining financially once he makes the ISFL, and does not see it being something that will cause an issue for him moving forward. It is to be seen how the financial scandal of Despacito Jr. and the crisis it caused in the family will affect the long term of the promising Despacito III but it does not seem like right now the "dirt" had on GD3 can be corroborated at the moment. We will continue to monitor this moving forward.

(216 words)

[HENDRIX 2.0]

Baseless speculation by a TMZ reporter brought Wraiths player Douglas Quaid into the limelight. A week before the Wraiths S30 1st round playoff loss to the Berlin Firesalamanders, Quaid was seen in a Las Vegas casino. Being a prolific card and dice player Quaid is a known gambler. Quaid purchased a $10M property two weeks after that loss. Quaid didn’t have a great game in the loss and looked like he was completely gassed in the 4th quarter. The reporter suggested Quaid bet heavily on Berline, tanked his performance, and won a huge sum of money. That would be a problem for any player, especially one that plays such a high impact position as Quaid. The truth was Quaid received a significant roster bonus after the season and immediately used it to purchase property. Quaid hired a lawyer that was able to handle the accusations by providing the proper paperwork. It was a major black eye for the publication TMZ. The reporter had his ISFL credentials taken away and is currently serving time in a labor camp in the Northwest territories. TMZ as a whole have been banned from entering ISFL team facilities. Being incorrect about, and running a story about one of the most well known ISFL players with allegations so serious is inexcusable. (215 words)

[Net]

Well, I think that for my player there is only one really true answer, he's from Eugene, Oregon. Or something. Why does this matter Net? Well this is because my player is from Astoria, which is in Oregon HOWEVER Higgins grew up a Washington fan, which gave him a lot of shit from coaches and players. He doesn't like Oregon extremely so he probably is getting dirt from a Ducks fan. I would handle it by probably just asking the dude straight up, and if he's a dick I'll come back with a better response. That's the media most the time and their job, so you can't do a ton but sometimes you can get some of those pricks to shut up luckily. But yeah he's a Ducks fan probably. What I also need to know is how long ago, because it could be something very different and unrelated to football at all that may have occured. But we don't have enough to say this so who knows, sometimes people just got dirt for dirt, and others for the drama. Gosh alright, well thank you graders for grading and doing the job, I love you so much <3 please have a good day  and for the love of god, don't root for Oregon at all, except sometimes.


217 words

[Amidships]

Tyler Montain has very little to hide, so the suggestion that there could be any sort of dirt on him that would harm his career is, quite frankly, laughable. After wracking his brain for several minutes, he genuinely could not think of a single thing that would embarrass him or cause any sort of issue with his professional career. This is literally the first time there has ever even been a rumor that anything untoward has happened to, near, or by Tyler or any of his cohorts. The fact that someone has brought a story to a reporter or that a reporter has suggested that they may have a scandalous story is simply fallacious. Tyler, upon hearing these rumors, would likely just laugh to himself and carry on with his training regimen to make sure his on field performance never becomes scandalous. Even if something were to surface off the field, so long as it wasn't anything criminal which of course it would not, it would not affect him so long as he kept putting his all into his on field performance. In all reality, it is likely a reporter out to make a name for themselves who has decided to pick on Tyler who has a fairly well known character. Until the story breaks, Tyler will keep living his life as normal.

[Tesla]

P.J. Dime: Nice to meet you both I am P.J. Dime reporter from Well Known Print Publication.

Agent Tesla: Nice to meet you Mr. Dime.

Magnus Rikiya: Yes! Very nice to meet you Mr. Dime.

P.J. Dime: Now this interview was supposed to be about you breaking the single season forced fumble record for defensive tackles that had been set back in the third season of the league Magnus, however in doing our due diligence ahead of this article we made a disturbing discovery during a background check of your agent. Were you aware of what they used to do?

Magnus Rikiya: I am well aware that their history includes some unsavory business, but I am not aware of specifics. Imagine it has something to do with where you worked before becoming my agent?

Agent Tesla: That would be my best guess as well, although it could honestly be any number of things. We should get back on track though Mr. Dime as this interview is about my client and not about me.

P.J. Dime: What do you have to say for yourself about these allegations though?

Agent Tesla: Well Mr. Dime what I have to say about all of the things you discovered during your background check is to think about the fact that you found less than half of the things that I have done in my lifetime that might concern you, and that given that you can imagine what I might do to someone who decides to try to run a hit piece against my agency instead of the piece praising my client that was supposed to run. Now Mr. Dime do you want to continue this line of questioning, or can we get back to the fact that Magnus broke the single season forced fumble record for defensive tackles?

P.J. Dime now noticeably paler: Moving on. Magnus how did it feel to break the record with three games left to be played?

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[Thelastheraclid]

It is quite the open secret around the ISFL that Cliff Burton has a dark side. Before picking up the old pigskin, Burton was quite the accomplished musician and he and his thrash metal cohorts went hard. Although he put the music scene behind him the bottle remained. With his rookie season proving to be more challenging than expected, Burton has been setting booze filled records off the field to make up for his lackluster stats in Austin.

One of the more embarrassing bits of dirt that has been brought to light is that Burton has demolished every last one of his teeth in an attempt to break the world record for number of beer bottles opened with one’s mouth. Burton apparently has excellent technique in this but made the terrible mistake of drinking every single bottle opened as soon as it was opened instead of waiting for the record-breaking bottle to celebrate.

This pretty much season long bender as led to another record breaking event though. Burton has taken, and this is confirmed by the Guinness book of records, the world’s largest beer shit. A team of plumbers had to be called in the get an accurate reading and make sure that was confirmed the dump could be flushed without absolutely destroying the city of Austin’s sewage system.


(219 words)

[qWest]

The Nakamura family has ancient roots in his home nation of Japan. His ancestors were artists, samurai, imperial solidiers, and yes, deeply involved with the Yakuza after the war. The most recent few generations of the family have put a great deal of distance between themselves and those roots, at least publicly, but those connections still remain. Even after moving across the Pacific into the US, the Nakamura family still held connections to a wide net of underground resources. While Tatsu Nakamura largely kept himself out of the old family business, he did find himself needing to use those resources on occasion. In fact, the first time he'd used those connections on his own volition was in the lead-up to the S22 NSFL Draft. Determined not to end up being drafted by one of the lesser organizations in the league, he paid a good sum of money saved up from his DSFL contract to threaten or obfuscate information from important scouts in certain teams. Now coming towards the end of his career there was word that a certain Texas area beat reporter had gained information from a retired Austin Copperheads scout that had been bribed to pump up eventual bust Kichwa Jones in order to convince the team to draft him over Tatsu. Thankfully, the reporter did not yet have enough information to go to print. I guess Tatsu will have to reach out to those Yakuza connections to make this story disappear...

[SomeSay...]

Media scum always trying to ring up a story on a player. There have been rumblings of a certain journalistic outfit tossing around some rumors on “The Stig” and who he must be. From a little boy, I grew up wanting to be a racing driver. I wore my helmet and suit everywhere my parents would allow. Until I was old enough to make the decision to wear the outfit every day. The longer this went on and the more I raced. The more people forgot who I actually was. For years I tried to make it to the top into F1, but unfortunately it just never came about.

When you are young and athletically gifted, you can turn your attention to other sports and try to make a dream come true. Not only was a quick in a car, but I was quick on my feet too. And had the determination to not any blockers get in my way when I started football. But like racing, I never took my helmet off and always wore a dark visor. SO the DIRT these journalists want to throw around…. Is going to be who is “The Stig” and this will always be the question till the day I stop playing

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207 Words