10-10-2021, 12:55 PM
(This post was last modified: 10-10-2021, 05:00 PM by Big_Papi. Edited 1 time in total.)
BILLS BULLSHIT
Bill’s Bullshit is a daily journal of William Fontaine de La Tour Dauterive’s life in which he vents about the things in his daily life that cause him some irritations or annoyances. Once a day he will write about these things in hopes of getting his anger out on pages instead of the football field.
09/25/21
Entry 3:
Well it was game day today. I woke up feeling more drained than usual, super dehydrated from all the drinking last night. You know, the usual routine. Anyways I felt I needed a little something extra besides my coffee and my beaver tranquilizers to get me ready for game day. So I decided to sneak over to my friend Hank’s house and “borrow” some of his testosterone patches. The instructions said to place to patches over my scrotum sack, so I did just that and waited for the juice to kick in. Two whole hours later I didn’t feel even a little different. To be honest, I think I even started to feel more drained. I decided to put on an extra two patches just for safe measure. So I sat and waited until two hours before game time but still nothing. I didn’t feel any better. These must be duds I thought, at which point I grabbed the box of testosterone patches and read the fine print. They had expired years earlier! I didn’t know what to do, I was relying on the extra boost to help me for the game and was now shit out of luck. Panicking, I decided to roll a fat blunt that looked like a cigar. I invited Hank, Dale, and Boomhauer over for a pregame session, but they were all busy doing “stuff”. So there I was, barely able to keep my eyes open, barely having enough strength to hold the big blunt in my hand. But I sat there and smoked the entire thing. There was so much smoke in the house that one of my neighbors called the fire department thinking my house was on fire. The fire fighters broke down my door and found me passed out in my underwear in a thick cloud of marijuana smoke. At first they thought I was dead and tried giving me CPR. I woke up to a grown man kissing me on the mouth claiming to be giving me CPR. I should report that guy to his superiors. Anyways once I got up I felt all my energy and power come back to me immediately. I guess I just needed a good power nap. The fire fighters, noticing who I was, offered to give me a lift to the stadium so I wasn’t late. They put their sirens on and sped all the way to the stadium just in time for the start of the game. I didn’t even warm up, literally changed in the fire truck on the way to the stadium and went straight on the field for the first play of the game. Surprisingly, I played better than usual. Did I just start a new pregame tradition? I think so. After the game, Hank came over to my house in a rather unhappy mood. He showed me the surveillance video of me breaking into his house and stealing his patches. He threatened to call the police if it ever happened again, but I know that is just Hank and his type of humor. Oh that Hank Hill, always the kidder.
Bill’s Bullshit is a daily journal of William Fontaine de La Tour Dauterive’s life in which he vents about the things in his daily life that cause him some irritations or annoyances. Once a day he will write about these things in hopes of getting his anger out on pages instead of the football field.
09/25/21
Entry 3:
Well it was game day today. I woke up feeling more drained than usual, super dehydrated from all the drinking last night. You know, the usual routine. Anyways I felt I needed a little something extra besides my coffee and my beaver tranquilizers to get me ready for game day. So I decided to sneak over to my friend Hank’s house and “borrow” some of his testosterone patches. The instructions said to place to patches over my scrotum sack, so I did just that and waited for the juice to kick in. Two whole hours later I didn’t feel even a little different. To be honest, I think I even started to feel more drained. I decided to put on an extra two patches just for safe measure. So I sat and waited until two hours before game time but still nothing. I didn’t feel any better. These must be duds I thought, at which point I grabbed the box of testosterone patches and read the fine print. They had expired years earlier! I didn’t know what to do, I was relying on the extra boost to help me for the game and was now shit out of luck. Panicking, I decided to roll a fat blunt that looked like a cigar. I invited Hank, Dale, and Boomhauer over for a pregame session, but they were all busy doing “stuff”. So there I was, barely able to keep my eyes open, barely having enough strength to hold the big blunt in my hand. But I sat there and smoked the entire thing. There was so much smoke in the house that one of my neighbors called the fire department thinking my house was on fire. The fire fighters broke down my door and found me passed out in my underwear in a thick cloud of marijuana smoke. At first they thought I was dead and tried giving me CPR. I woke up to a grown man kissing me on the mouth claiming to be giving me CPR. I should report that guy to his superiors. Anyways once I got up I felt all my energy and power come back to me immediately. I guess I just needed a good power nap. The fire fighters, noticing who I was, offered to give me a lift to the stadium so I wasn’t late. They put their sirens on and sped all the way to the stadium just in time for the start of the game. I didn’t even warm up, literally changed in the fire truck on the way to the stadium and went straight on the field for the first play of the game. Surprisingly, I played better than usual. Did I just start a new pregame tradition? I think so. After the game, Hank came over to my house in a rather unhappy mood. He showed me the surveillance video of me breaking into his house and stealing his patches. He threatened to call the police if it ever happened again, but I know that is just Hank and his type of humor. Oh that Hank Hill, always the kidder.
“My name is Dauterive comma Bill, I am also insane.”