(S32) Ultimus Week

[ReverendOReily]

i'm just here to brag about having a pass this season

[Greenbaynathan]

bio: I was always one of the more knowledgeable kids out there, was a trivia master (as evidenced by my jeopardy bot scores) and was a faithful member of my school band playing the trombone.  I was always to scared of pain to play football although I loved watching it and keeping track of stats. My Football story however begins in august of my freshman year when a PE teacher and assistant coach realized my size would play well in football especially on my high school team that was(is) undersized and quite bad, long story short I couldn’t be much worse, so I said, "What the Hell" and joined, that was the best decision of my life.  From there I became an extremely talented LB using my size to make plays and my extensive memory and scouting knowledge to know what the opponent was dong before they did it, I did however often catch criticism for not going all in on my tackles, which was true, but I was only trying to protect my head from hits that could compromise the greatest part of my game.  This wasn’t a big deal as the team still sucked(we were comparable to the Seawolves in  a lot of ways, we had talent just not enough of it at the time) , that is until my senior year when we finally put things together and went on a run towards the state playoffs, it all came down to  one game to decided our fate for the season we won that game, we made the playoffs only for the refs to screw us over just one game from the state championship (if you didn’t realize by now my high school team in the 2030s in a parallel to the last few years of the Seawolves) . I was distraught, but  used it for motivation to be better going into college. ( will be posting this for media, not to be graded, just because i will be publishing a lot more of these player bios for myself since this only covers high school football and not many other aspects of my players life and I want to have them all in media)

expansion should probably not happen as we don't really have enough players for the team we have in some instances.  but if we were to expand, I would propose a couple destinations. the first of these is Toronto, simulation football only has one team in Canada, Yellowknife, I feel like we should definitely make a team for eastern Canada to cheer for as well.  Toronto has the people to support a team and already have successful football history with the Argonauts, I propose that we name this team the stars, not only is it a simple name with tons of ways to do colors and branding, it also references the large amount of movies that are filmed in Toronto leading to its nickname of Hollywood north.  The next location  i propose is Tokyo Japan, we dont have any teams in asia, so i feel like we should expand into this market, Tokyo has a very large Population, technologically advanced and I propose a mascot of the samurai, they carry a allure of strength, power, and Honor that any football player would love to live up to.  Finally, the last place we havent tapped into is the rest of Europe, so a team in paris france or even Rome would work well, in fact i would lean towards Rome do to the branding opportunities of being an ancient Rome inspired mascot such as the centurions or gladiators,  both work well for football names due to their inherent strength and bravery for the centurions and flat out unbridled aggression from the gladiators.  Overall, i believe that if simulation football had a sudden influx of players that would lead ot a need for expansions that we should tap into some market that we havent yet and still have great team names and markets to play in.

[nunccoepi]

UW Pass

[fever95]

Code:

19. If your player had a show starring them, what would the plot be? Graphic Option: Create the cover art for your player’s show

Original images:
https://www.bankrate.com/2019/09/0110080...pping.jpeg
https://www.daddyleagues.com/img/nfl/pla...e/8013.png

Code:

20. Make a scouting report for any of the ISFL or DSFL draftees. Show their stats, abilities, TPE, or highlights. Written or graphic option available.

Original image:
https://imagez.tmz.com/image/16/4by3/202...43d_md.jpg

Code:

23. Create a billboard, magazine cover, unique trading card, or video game cover depicting a one of the league's stars.

Original images:
https://cdn.theathletic.com/app/uploads/...24x683.jpg
https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/61Vs...SX342_.jpg

Code:

30. Affliate PT from either SHL/PBE/WSBL. The Weeks must match with the timeframe of this UW. And you may only use a max of 1.

PBE Affiliation

[Huskies311]

Task 30 - PBE Affiliate

[hihihi_62]

Option 13: I'll kick this one off with full transparency and let the reader know that I haven't been engaged enough in the league in recent months to be able to tell you honestly whether expansion would actually be a worthwhile idea or not but in my fictional world it would be and based on that this is my proposal. The ISFL is proud to sport teams in cities worldwide but somehow we only have one team in Canada - Yellowknife of all places. I think Canada is loaded with potential for the league and of most heads would turn toward the major centres such as Vancouver or Toronto but I'd like to propose two more slightly "obscure" locations. First and foremost - Regina, Saskatchewan. Right off the top "Saskatchewan" is just a fun word to say and the team naming potential is off the charts. IN real life Regina is home to the CFL's Saskatchewan Roughriders and has a die hard fan base. I know several ISFL members, myself included, are huge real life Rider fans and think this would be an awesome location for an ISFL squad. Truth be told Regina in real life kind of sucks - it's cold, windy, flat and not a lot to do but that's what makes it such a great football town! The locals have nothing to do but support the team. Secondly I'd propose Montreal, Quebec. Montreal is about as historic of a city as they come in Canada and Quebcors love their football. I think it'd be a super cool location for an ISFL team and the bi-lingual portion definitely opens up some cool naming possibilities. Not to mention poutine could be the stadium food item of choice and who doesn't love fries, gravy and cheese curds mixed together. In Conclusion I would like to formally introduce the Saskatchewan Samsquanches (You've got competition Yeti) and Montreal Cheese Curds. (313 words)

Option 17: Well, well, well after years of waiting the Mayor of New Orleans has finally approved the Secondline's proposal to build a new stadium and they have enlisted up and coming engineering genius hihihi_62 to design the new digs. First and foremost I'd build the stadium on the highest elevation plot of land the city has to offer so that we can continue to host games even in the face of the inevitable mass flooding New Orleans has become accustomed to. Next the stadium itself would contain numerous night clubs and fine dining establishments so that it becomes the town's hot spot for not only the best sports team in town but for anyone looking to hit the town. Inside the stadium we'd do away with individual plastic seats and install state of the art Lazy Boy recliners for every fan. Finally, every fan would be given beads as they walked into the stadium and every game would be it's own mini mardi gras! (163 words)

Option 22: This is a great question and I'm glad the ISFL has enlisted my thoughts on this. Last Sunday was the Grey Cup and I'll be in honest in saying I'd never heard the Arkells play but they were the halftime show and they were unreal. How does that compare to the Superbowl halftime show of Dr Dre, Em and the gang is to be determined but I'll be honest and tell you I think I can top both of those. First of all, music acts are overrated. Fans of the Ultimus come to be entertained and entertained is how I intend them to leave. First of all we will have monster trucks. Why? Cause they are awesome. The Monster trucks course will surround a huge aquarium housing the world's finest dolphin aquatic show and surrounding the aquarium will be strippers. Hundreds of them. The cherry on top? Fireworks. Lots of them. I can see it now. Strippers dancing, fireworks cracking, dolphins jumping through flaming hoops and monster trucks jumping it all. Beautiful. (172 words)

[Reno]

Task 30 - Affiliate
SHL PT

32. Inspired by the spirit of giving that is Bayley, the Chicago Butchers are going to be going around and helping deliver toys to children this holiday season. Imagining the smiles on the kids faces as they come downstairs on Christmas day and see a bunch of presents under the tree, it really brings a tear to your eye. The twist here is that in addition to all of the toys we’re giving out, there’s also going to be a copy of Red (Taylor’s Version) included with each toy. In addition, we’re opening up a soup kitchen to help alleviate the pressure on the existing ones during the holiday season. This was an idea brought up by the equally as nice spirit of giving in CC, and while it may have originally started as an idea to help him flex his soup making knowledge, he immediately used this knowledge to help us do great charity work to help those less fortunate.

33. In the Butchers Secret Santa, Tessie Garciaparra was given the unfortunate assignment of having to get a gift for the worst person the team, her brother Jason Garciaparra. I say unfortunate assignment because Jason Garciaparra is a bit of an eccentric personality. He’s willingly homeless, he picks fights with racoons in trash cans, and worst of all he’s a weeb. So for the Secret Santa what I’ve decided to do is get him something that can combine all his worst personality traits into one useful gift. For this reason alone I decided to get him a giant bowie knife, but it’s shaped like an anime waifu character thing. The reason behind the giant bowie knife is because while he’s out here being randomly homeless, he’s going to need a tool to fight off the raccoons when he’s fighting for dinner and the knife will help, it could even help him hunt dinner as well. The anime waifu shape is just so he can have some human shaped company while he sits in the dumpster behind the stadium.

34. The biggest team holiday tradition in Chicago is “Pin the tail on the Muford.” Every time this time of the year rolls around, we get Muford into the locker room and we blindfold everyone while we grab tails from the tail pile we have in the room (don’t ask) and try and stick it on him using gum. After pin the tail on Muford, which usually ends with CC being suplexed through a table, we begin the annual telling of “How The Butchers Saved Christmas” for the underprivileged children in the area. Now the play itself isn’t great, as most of the Butchers are not great actors, but the terribleness is what makes it so enjoyable and the kids get to laugh and have happy memories of watching their favorite football players make fools of themselves on stage. The play was temporarily on hiatus after the Tree Gelbman years of it ended with several missing persons reports and an axe wound on a local newspaper that saw the play and left a scathing review.

[bjkman]

22. Half Time Show



30. Affiliate PT

PBE Affiliate

31. Holiday Card



32. Community Service

Reporter 1: Up next we'll hear about a local team that is doing good not just on the field, but off the field as well.

Reporter 2: Reporter Andrew Church is on the scene with our next story... Andrew?

Reporter 3: Hey Sam! Members of the Sarasota Sailfish are out Volunteering filling up gift baskets for many families in the Sarasota area, we spoke will some of the players to see why they are spending their Tuesday out here.

Jacob Small: Everyone should have something to give away for the holidays, I'm so excited to be giving back directly to many families in Sarasota.

Mike Boss Jr. The community has done so much for us over the years it was important to find something we could do for them!

Ernest Lover: What can I say? I love the community.

Reporter 3: It was great to hear from them and great to see all those players volunteer; back to you Sam.

Reporter 1: We certainly love our Sailfish haha, they helped the community out a lot and hopefully they continue this service for years to come.

Code:

185 Words

[JayWhy75]

11. Write about your team’s biggest rivalry and what makes it so fierce. Is the competition founded in statistics and the team’s recent performance, or is it a rivalry that developed over time during the team’s history that would exist regardless of statistics?

Right now only one rival makes any sense for your Tijuana Luchadores. We rose up this season and took the league by storm going 11-3-0, and yet we finished second in our division and the league I believe. That is why Norfolk is our number one rival at this moment.

We are in line to take them on the playoffs, after having gone 1-1 with them where home field advantage played a major role and experience was important. Early in the season they took advantage of some inexperience on our team, and they blew us out at their home in a 48-23 rout. Later in the year we were determined to get that back and we shut them down and took a 24-10 win away from them. Now we head to the playoffs and back to Norfolk for the rubber match, and I think the principles that we established in the second game need to be utilized, if tweaked a bit.

The first game, we failed to establish the running game and only got 20 yards total in the game. We got into a shootout and we can't afford to be in a race with them. Our blocking scheme didn't get into the second level and get Sconnie McHits, a fellow Yeti prospect, to hold him off. Instead, we were stuttered and sheltered in.

Our second game against them, we were able to control the pace of play, create openings to the run game and utilize that run game to establish a passing offense when things got tight. We baited Norfolk in tight near the endzone and used the one-on-one match-ups that we knew would always go in our favor to light the lamp. We need to keep that going, pulling the defense inward and taking every shot we can on the outside. Otherwise, we're doomed to see them run away with it.

Defensively we need to focus on teh passing game. While they will run the ball, and we can't sell out too hard and let them break through, but keeping a two-high coverage that limits big play ability and makes them get bottled up near the endzone should hold them from doing anything dangerous against us. If we can keep coverage above them, we should have no problems managing that pacing and frustrating a team that wants to go-go-go.

14. Describe your player and/or team’s journey through this latest season. What were the highlights? What were the lower points? What might you have done differently? What are your expectations for next season?

I believe I did something similar to this in the last couple of seasons, but this time I have a legitimate and great reason to do this as Jason Waterfalls, that's me, has set the record for Pelota de Juegos in Tijuana Luchadores history. In case you don't know spanish, because I don't expect anybody to really even though it's a cool thing to have, that means that I have had the most gameballs in team history and therefore have the most dominant single game performances in team history as well.

The thing that makes this so much more delightful is that @Kotasa was there to see it the whole way through. In spite of all of his gameplanning, telling Live Laughlove to never look in my direction at all, instructing IsHe... ReallyInvisible to purposefully overthrow to the sideline or the back of the endzone to keep me from getting my catches and my touchdowns, and ultimately enforcing a run-only gameplan just to keep the ball out of my hands -- I have overcome the tyranny and become THE Luchadore.

This is the stuff that Disney makes movies about. This is the stuff that CMLL or AAA are going to create a wrestling story around. My evil, despicable coach has held me down for far too long and now I have finally risen above it and taken control of my own destiny. I am Waterfalls, hear me roar!

Take that John Kotasa, or whatever your name is. You can do whatever you want, call me on digs and throw posts, call me on posts and throw gos, call me on gos and throw slants. You can say all you want that I run the wrong routes and I'm a primadonna, we know the TRUTH! You gave me a different playbook, different terminology, and you're just trying to hold me back. Well you can't hold me back any more! I am FREE! And I am LEGENDARY!

[C9Van]

PBE CW

For the holiday bollocks