01-19-2023, 08:36 PM
(This post was last modified: 01-24-2023, 02:39 AM by dude_man. Edited 1 time in total.)
A little note about me many people may know or not know, is that I am a numbers guy. I love numbers, and I love statistics. One of my favorite things about numbers, is the fact that at the end of it all, sometimes numbers don't have any meaning to them. So starts my series about worthless statistics about random stuff in the ISFL. If you don't recall, my first ever media piece, was a comparison of DSFL cities based upon the amount of gentlement clubs they had there. Now, I am going to spin a totally not rigged wheel that will choose the random statistic that I base this article on. Oh would you look at that, Waffle House!
Today's episode of Shaggy Dog Stats, I will be comparing all of the ISFL, and DSFL cities based upon the amount of Waffle Houses within a 100 mile radius of them. (BITE ME METRIC DORKS) To find the #, I went to Waffle House's website, typed in the city I was looking up, and scrolled out and counted until we hit the first Waffle House outside of the 100 mile zone. Now if you don't know what a Waffle House is, I have two answers for ya. If you are 21 or older, it is your godsend after a night of attempting to throw your life away. If you are under 21, it's a fight club. Now lets dive in!
Team One; Baltimore Hawks
Total Waffle Houses: 29
Off to a pretty decent start, considering there are a good amount of goose eggs laying around. Surprisingly, only 12 of the wafflehouses in this statistic are located in Maryland. Another fun fact, on the Waffle House wikipedia page, the Waffle House located in Urbana, Maryland is pictured in the Locations section on the page!
Team Two; Berlin Salamanders
Total Waffle Houses: 0
Oh, 'nother thing about Waffle House, they're only located in the US, so if you are outside of the US, you do not have the privilage of living in a Country with a Waffle House. So it sucks to be you.
Team Three; Cape Town Trash
Total Waffle Houses: 0
Well you would've been real high on the list if you didn't move, I think you were thinking of the other "Football" when you moved your team here.
Team Four; Chicago Butchers
Total Waffle Houses: 0
Well shit Chicago, you are so close to having a Waffle House, as the closest is only 159.7 miles away. It's really telling of your city that Waffle House avoids it. They even have two locations in Illinois, but the closest location is in Indiana.
Team Five; Colorado FTYeti
Total Waffle Houses: 10
For teams named after states, I am just gonna go with their largest city, so Denver in Colorado's case. In the whole state of Colorado, there are only 10 Waffle Houses, and Denver is within 100 miles of all of them.
Team Six; Sarasota Sailfish
Total Waffle Houses: 59
Our first real contender for most Waffle House locations, Florida is the state with the second most Waffle Houses located inside of it.
1. Georgia 434
2. Florida 184
3. North Carolina 183
So it is with no surprise that Sarasota is able to put up a large number. Now if they were a little further north, and closer to the Tampa area, they'd really be able to put up some insane numbers.
Team Seven; Yellowknife Wraiths
Total Waffle Houses: 0
Another non-US team, so another goose egg. But they are on the same Continent, so bonus points to them.
Team Eight; Arizona Outlaws
Total Waffle Houses: 11
Alright, with Arizona, we go with Phoenix. Totaling 11 of the state's 15, wait a minute.....
THIS IS NOT A DRILL, ONE WAFFLE HOUSE IS CLOSED, BOARD THE WINDOWS, BUY GME, HOARD TOILET PAPER
For those who do not know, there is an index used called the "Waffle House Index." Waffle House has a reputation for never closing, so whenever they do, it is usually for a serious reason. It is used by the US Government (FEMA specifically) to determine the severity of natural disastors or food shortages. Now back to our featured program.
Okay, deep breaths, shake off my 'cane PTSD. If you live in Arizona, you are in my thoughts.
Team Nine; Austin
Total Waffle Houses: 3
Well, out of the 121 Waffle Houses in Texas, Austin only has 3. What an absolute let down, especially considering the amount located in the other Texas city on this list. For shame Austin, for shame.
Team Ten; Honolulu
Total Waffle Houses: 0
Unfortunately, Waffle House is a landlocked dining experience, and has not earned its sealegs yet. Maybe one day in the future.
Team Eleven; New Orleans
Total Waffle Houses: 92
Hold on.... Let me shuffle my notes and double check......
God damn, out of the 99 Waffle Houses in the state of Louisiana, New Orleans is within 100 miles of 92 of them. What an acomplishment. This deserves a gold star and a picture on my fridge.
Team Twelve; New York Silverbacks
Total Waffle Houses: 3
For a city so acclaimed and "cultured", your complete lack of Waffle Houses is a total embarassment. Shame on you.
Team Thirteen; Orange County Otters
Total Waffle Houses: 0.... In California
So I'm assuming the Otters are located in California, and if so they have a good old goose egg. But there is an Orange County in Florida (Cause of all the oranges), and if we count that, we hit a whoppering 74 Waffle Houses! So I'm going to be nice and give them the 74, especially since I am Florida Man.
Team Fourteen; San Jose
Total Waffle Houses: 0
The biggest reason not to move to California? 0 Waffle Houses. Need I say more?
And that is the end of the ISFL teams. So far the top three looks like:
1. New Orleans - 92
2. Orange County* - 74
3. Sarasota - 59
So now lets check the DSFL teams!
Team Fifteen; Kansas City Coyotes
Total Waffle Houses: 16 if Missouri, 16 if Kansas
What a weird little city you are. Located in two states. Anyways, no matter which state you stand in, you will still be connected to 16 Waffle Houses. Only 4 of which are located in Kansas.
Team Sixteen; London Royals
Total Waffle Houses: 0
The UK has the same amount of Waffle Houses as they do goals against the US in the last world cup, 0.
Team Seventeen; Minnesota Grey Birds
Total Waffle Houses: 0
There are no Waffle Houses located in the frozen hellscape known as Minnesota. They don't sell chocolate milk.
Team Eighteen; Portland Pythons
Total Waffle Houses: 0
Another worthless state simply because of their lack of Waffle House. How dare you.
Team Nineteen; Bondi Beach Buccaneers
Total Waffle Houses: 0
Hold on, give me a second. ˙ǝʇɐɯ ʇɹǝsǝp ǝlqɐɹǝsᴉɯ pǝɹ sᴉɥʇ uᴉ sǝsnoH ǝlɟɟɐM ou ǝɹɐ ǝɹǝɥ┴
Team Twenty; Dallas
Total Waffle Houses: 63
Thank god we are back in a respectable city. Totaling a stellar 63 Waffle Houses, Dallas is in a beautiful location for being near Waffle Houses, being close to over half of the state's Waffle Houses.
Team TwentyOne; Norfolk
Total Waffle Houses: 44
Things are starting to seem normal, Norfolk has a respectable 44 Waffle Houses, and we two in a row without goose eggs. Maybe things are looking up for us. Wait a minute... What's this?
The world isn't ending, the world isn't ending, the world isn't ending, the world isn't ending.
Team TwentyTwo; Tijuana
Total Waffle Houses: 0
And onto the final team, who are unfortunately left without a Waffle House. Ay dios mio.
Oh look, we're finally done. So lets rank the cities now!
1. New Orleans - 92
2. Orange County, FL - 74
3. Dallas - 63
4. Sarasota - 59
5. Norfolk - 44
6. Baltimore - 29
7. Kansas City - 16
8. Arizona - 11
9. Colorado - 10
10 (TIE). Austin - 3
10 (TIE). New York - 3
12. Chicago - 0
13. Tijuana - 0
14. Bondi Beach - 0
15. Portland - 0
16. San Jose - 0
17. Orange County, CA - 0
18. Honolulu - 0
19. Berlin - 0
20. Yellowknife - 0
21. Minnesota - 0
22. London - 0
23. Cape Town - 0
So what did we learn or discover? Nothing useful. Thanks for reading!
Today's episode of Shaggy Dog Stats, I will be comparing all of the ISFL, and DSFL cities based upon the amount of Waffle Houses within a 100 mile radius of them. (BITE ME METRIC DORKS) To find the #, I went to Waffle House's website, typed in the city I was looking up, and scrolled out and counted until we hit the first Waffle House outside of the 100 mile zone. Now if you don't know what a Waffle House is, I have two answers for ya. If you are 21 or older, it is your godsend after a night of attempting to throw your life away. If you are under 21, it's a fight club. Now lets dive in!
Team One; Baltimore Hawks
Total Waffle Houses: 29
Off to a pretty decent start, considering there are a good amount of goose eggs laying around. Surprisingly, only 12 of the wafflehouses in this statistic are located in Maryland. Another fun fact, on the Waffle House wikipedia page, the Waffle House located in Urbana, Maryland is pictured in the Locations section on the page!
Team Two; Berlin Salamanders
Total Waffle Houses: 0
Oh, 'nother thing about Waffle House, they're only located in the US, so if you are outside of the US, you do not have the privilage of living in a Country with a Waffle House. So it sucks to be you.
Team Three; Cape Town Trash
Total Waffle Houses: 0
Well you would've been real high on the list if you didn't move, I think you were thinking of the other "Football" when you moved your team here.
Team Four; Chicago Butchers
Total Waffle Houses: 0
Well shit Chicago, you are so close to having a Waffle House, as the closest is only 159.7 miles away. It's really telling of your city that Waffle House avoids it. They even have two locations in Illinois, but the closest location is in Indiana.
Team Five; Colorado FTYeti
Total Waffle Houses: 10
For teams named after states, I am just gonna go with their largest city, so Denver in Colorado's case. In the whole state of Colorado, there are only 10 Waffle Houses, and Denver is within 100 miles of all of them.
Team Six; Sarasota Sailfish
Total Waffle Houses: 59
Our first real contender for most Waffle House locations, Florida is the state with the second most Waffle Houses located inside of it.
1. Georgia 434
2. Florida 184
3. North Carolina 183
So it is with no surprise that Sarasota is able to put up a large number. Now if they were a little further north, and closer to the Tampa area, they'd really be able to put up some insane numbers.
Team Seven; Yellowknife Wraiths
Total Waffle Houses: 0
Another non-US team, so another goose egg. But they are on the same Continent, so bonus points to them.
Team Eight; Arizona Outlaws
Total Waffle Houses: 11
Alright, with Arizona, we go with Phoenix. Totaling 11 of the state's 15, wait a minute.....
THIS IS NOT A DRILL, ONE WAFFLE HOUSE IS CLOSED, BOARD THE WINDOWS, BUY GME, HOARD TOILET PAPER
For those who do not know, there is an index used called the "Waffle House Index." Waffle House has a reputation for never closing, so whenever they do, it is usually for a serious reason. It is used by the US Government (FEMA specifically) to determine the severity of natural disastors or food shortages. Now back to our featured program.
Okay, deep breaths, shake off my 'cane PTSD. If you live in Arizona, you are in my thoughts.
Team Nine; Austin
Total Waffle Houses: 3
Well, out of the 121 Waffle Houses in Texas, Austin only has 3. What an absolute let down, especially considering the amount located in the other Texas city on this list. For shame Austin, for shame.
Team Ten; Honolulu
Total Waffle Houses: 0
Unfortunately, Waffle House is a landlocked dining experience, and has not earned its sealegs yet. Maybe one day in the future.
Team Eleven; New Orleans
Total Waffle Houses: 92
Hold on.... Let me shuffle my notes and double check......
God damn, out of the 99 Waffle Houses in the state of Louisiana, New Orleans is within 100 miles of 92 of them. What an acomplishment. This deserves a gold star and a picture on my fridge.
Team Twelve; New York Silverbacks
Total Waffle Houses: 3
For a city so acclaimed and "cultured", your complete lack of Waffle Houses is a total embarassment. Shame on you.
Team Thirteen; Orange County Otters
Total Waffle Houses: 0.... In California
So I'm assuming the Otters are located in California, and if so they have a good old goose egg. But there is an Orange County in Florida (Cause of all the oranges), and if we count that, we hit a whoppering 74 Waffle Houses! So I'm going to be nice and give them the 74, especially since I am Florida Man.
Team Fourteen; San Jose
Total Waffle Houses: 0
The biggest reason not to move to California? 0 Waffle Houses. Need I say more?
And that is the end of the ISFL teams. So far the top three looks like:
1. New Orleans - 92
2. Orange County* - 74
3. Sarasota - 59
So now lets check the DSFL teams!
Team Fifteen; Kansas City Coyotes
Total Waffle Houses: 16 if Missouri, 16 if Kansas
What a weird little city you are. Located in two states. Anyways, no matter which state you stand in, you will still be connected to 16 Waffle Houses. Only 4 of which are located in Kansas.
Team Sixteen; London Royals
Total Waffle Houses: 0
The UK has the same amount of Waffle Houses as they do goals against the US in the last world cup, 0.
Team Seventeen; Minnesota Grey Birds
Total Waffle Houses: 0
There are no Waffle Houses located in the frozen hellscape known as Minnesota. They don't sell chocolate milk.
Team Eighteen; Portland Pythons
Total Waffle Houses: 0
Another worthless state simply because of their lack of Waffle House. How dare you.
Team Nineteen; Bondi Beach Buccaneers
Total Waffle Houses: 0
Hold on, give me a second. ˙ǝʇɐɯ ʇɹǝsǝp ǝlqɐɹǝsᴉɯ pǝɹ sᴉɥʇ uᴉ sǝsnoH ǝlɟɟɐM ou ǝɹɐ ǝɹǝɥ┴
Team Twenty; Dallas
Total Waffle Houses: 63
Thank god we are back in a respectable city. Totaling a stellar 63 Waffle Houses, Dallas is in a beautiful location for being near Waffle Houses, being close to over half of the state's Waffle Houses.
Team TwentyOne; Norfolk
Total Waffle Houses: 44
Things are starting to seem normal, Norfolk has a respectable 44 Waffle Houses, and we two in a row without goose eggs. Maybe things are looking up for us. Wait a minute... What's this?
The world isn't ending, the world isn't ending, the world isn't ending, the world isn't ending.
Team TwentyTwo; Tijuana
Total Waffle Houses: 0
And onto the final team, who are unfortunately left without a Waffle House. Ay dios mio.
Oh look, we're finally done. So lets rank the cities now!
1. New Orleans - 92
2. Orange County, FL - 74
3. Dallas - 63
4. Sarasota - 59
5. Norfolk - 44
6. Baltimore - 29
7. Kansas City - 16
8. Arizona - 11
9. Colorado - 10
10 (TIE). Austin - 3
10 (TIE). New York - 3
12. Chicago - 0
13. Tijuana - 0
14. Bondi Beach - 0
15. Portland - 0
16. San Jose - 0
17. Orange County, CA - 0
18. Honolulu - 0
19. Berlin - 0
20. Yellowknife - 0
21. Minnesota - 0
22. London - 0
23. Cape Town - 0
So what did we learn or discover? Nothing useful. Thanks for reading!