04-13-2023, 10:51 AM
(This post was last modified: 04-21-2023, 11:12 AM by xenosthelegend. Edited 2 times in total.)
It is DSFL Draft Day and there has only been one mock DSFL draft put out. So with no time to spare here is my last minute mock rookie draft. Unfortunately for you all I literally have no idea what half of the positions are or what goes into to properly building out a team. Chances are if your player stands in the middle area in the big clump of players, I have no idea what they’re supposed to do. Given that, I will be ranking the top prospects based solely on player name. I can verify that given the parameters that this is 100% an expert opinion and should be treated as such.
Rubric
There are several categories that go into a good player name. It is hard to compare a totally real non-joke name like Hank Mardukas to a totally not real, fun name like Dino Nuggets. So, we will break those two into separate categories. Real names will be judged based on their aesthetics both visual and audible. For visual I am going to place all names in size 11 calibri font on a word document and pick the ones I like the most. For the audible category I will just say them out loud and see how they sound. The funny names will be ranked on how funny they are. Pretty simple.
Because there are 71 prospects I will only discuss the top 8 from each group.
Real Fake Names
1. Brett Rumble @”nickjaredartist” – This guy just ooooooozes football. A last name like Rumble commands energy, all eyes will be on him when he runs out of the tunnel. As a blocking tight end that is ready to rumble with whatever lineman comes his way. Sitting at 50 TPE and seemingly inactive this guy is a total steal for whoever picks him up.
2. Aaron Jager @”MouseMazing” – Another one that commands power and also another tight end and also an Attack on Titan reference. Normally I’d lump this in with the funny names, but because it’s been adjusted, I gave it a pass. Aaron is a recreate from a seasoned player who will definitely be useful to his new team. There are too many regular named tight ends.
3. Ace Anderson “DangWookie” – The name just rolls off the tongue. We love an alliteration. He plays a position that I don’t really understand, but hopefully the team that drafts him does.
4. PJ Star @”khens4” – Perhaps a reference to CJ Stroud, PJ is a seemingly IA quarterback rookie. He gets fourth place as the only name that’s two letters. It is unique and stands out in a sea of letters. Draft him if you’re trying to save physical space on your roster sheet.
5. Daquavion Davis Jr. @”Ark20” – Another Alliteration, another tight end. He’s putting up numbers and looking good while doing it. Solid real fake name, not much else to it.
6. Troi Ballamallyou @”Phagocytosis – Audibly sounds great and has a fantastic mouth feel. Visually, it leaves you wanting a little more, it just looks extra really fake. Props to this rookie safety, coming in with a great name.
7. Blaze Benson @”Northern Titan” – The symmetry, simplicity and alliteration are what sold me on this guy. No idea what a corner back is but he’s definitely one of them. Though thematically with a name like Blaze I would like to see him at running back.
8. Hank Mardukas @”Chicken Lips” – Hank.
Funny Fake Names
1. Dino Nuggets @”swoosh” – Not sure if it is the child like nature or the sheer ridiculousness but Dino Nuggets is the best name in the rookie class. Accompanied by the fact that the man turns out 50 graphics a day, Mr. Nuggets is going to for sure be a huge part of his future team. Oh and he is a center back.
2. Adriano Goopert @”Goop” – This name is both silly and has a great audible quality to it. Additionally, he is the only defensive tackle (is that what DT stands for?) in this rookie class. This man will bring the drip to wherever he ends up.
3. Justa Ol’Shoe @”CheekiBreekiDamkie” – This guy has drafted the whole lore behind a lone shoe playing defensive end. The richness of the story adds to the silliness of the name. I see him going far in this league and being active in the LR.
4. RE #38 @”Aleris” – With a name reminiscent of a science experiment RE #38 is another defensive end prospect. This one leaves a lot to the imagination, what happened to RE #1 through RE #37? I hope they’re doing okay.
5. Shucks McShuckle – Pokemon namesake? He is one thick man, would make more sense to see him on defense rather than offensive line. With all his cash in the bank he should be called Bucks McBuckle am I right?
6. Wing Wang @”platanocat” – I think there used to be another player Wang Wing? Well this is his alter ego Wing Wang and let me tell you Wang Kick Good. Aside from being an active user Wing Wang will cheer up everyone in the LR with his funny name.
7. King Leonidas I @”LordEscanor” – Leonidas is straight up deadly in the back field. Watching him play is sinfully sweet. 7.
8. Luigi Numberone @”ztarwarz” – Based on the whopping $273 million bank account I am going to guess this man is a recreate so he knows what he is doing. Luigi may be Numberone but I see him getting picked eighth.
Wouldn’t be a list of things without a few honorable mentions.
1. Zisia Ojeisndiwoseodj @”UpperNet” – Not sure if this is a realistic name or not, seemed like a lot of letters all at once. If you are a GM and can pronounce this, I think you are obligated to draft him. A rising QB star will definitely not leave his team disappointed. But maybe he needs a nickname.
2. Reginald Shrubbery @”shrub02” – Simple and Silly, what more do you need? A recreate looking to cause havoc breaking through defenses. Toss him a pick and he will go the distance.
3. Connor Brody @”cbrod45” – probably the most realistic and general name on the whole list.
Conclusion
Clearly there is some stiff competition in both categories and this year’s draft is going to be a doozy. There are a handful of DSFL teams that could use a name like Adriano Goopert to spice up their roster. I can’t wait to watch in anticipation until someone has to pronounce Zisia’s name as well. I appreciate anyone who took the time to read this shameless 2x media grab, it took a surprisingly long time to organize, retype and say out loud all the names. As a rookie I am only familiar with this class and a handful of others who are active in the DSFL discord channel, so who do you think has the most ridiculous name of all time? Or if you are a rookie and think your name belonged somewhere on this list let me know below. Who are you picking 1oa?
Just wait there's more!
This is an update following last night's draft to grade my predictions. Out of the 16 names I selected three were selected in the first round! Goes to show that sometimes it takes more than just a name I guess. It doesn't help that half of these players are IA though. Additionally, I was validated on a few points. During Troi Ballamallyou's draft it was stated "what a cool name". Also want to give a shoutout to the hosts for successfully making it through Zisia Ojeisndiwoseodj. Overall I would give myself a grade of F-- for the ones I got wrong but a A+ for the ones I got right. Draft was fun, thanks to everyone who put in the work to make it happen.
Rubric
There are several categories that go into a good player name. It is hard to compare a totally real non-joke name like Hank Mardukas to a totally not real, fun name like Dino Nuggets. So, we will break those two into separate categories. Real names will be judged based on their aesthetics both visual and audible. For visual I am going to place all names in size 11 calibri font on a word document and pick the ones I like the most. For the audible category I will just say them out loud and see how they sound. The funny names will be ranked on how funny they are. Pretty simple.
Because there are 71 prospects I will only discuss the top 8 from each group.
Real Fake Names
1. Brett Rumble @”nickjaredartist” – This guy just ooooooozes football. A last name like Rumble commands energy, all eyes will be on him when he runs out of the tunnel. As a blocking tight end that is ready to rumble with whatever lineman comes his way. Sitting at 50 TPE and seemingly inactive this guy is a total steal for whoever picks him up.
2. Aaron Jager @”MouseMazing” – Another one that commands power and also another tight end and also an Attack on Titan reference. Normally I’d lump this in with the funny names, but because it’s been adjusted, I gave it a pass. Aaron is a recreate from a seasoned player who will definitely be useful to his new team. There are too many regular named tight ends.
3. Ace Anderson “DangWookie” – The name just rolls off the tongue. We love an alliteration. He plays a position that I don’t really understand, but hopefully the team that drafts him does.
4. PJ Star @”khens4” – Perhaps a reference to CJ Stroud, PJ is a seemingly IA quarterback rookie. He gets fourth place as the only name that’s two letters. It is unique and stands out in a sea of letters. Draft him if you’re trying to save physical space on your roster sheet.
5. Daquavion Davis Jr. @”Ark20” – Another Alliteration, another tight end. He’s putting up numbers and looking good while doing it. Solid real fake name, not much else to it.
6. Troi Ballamallyou @”Phagocytosis – Audibly sounds great and has a fantastic mouth feel. Visually, it leaves you wanting a little more, it just looks extra really fake. Props to this rookie safety, coming in with a great name.
7. Blaze Benson @”Northern Titan” – The symmetry, simplicity and alliteration are what sold me on this guy. No idea what a corner back is but he’s definitely one of them. Though thematically with a name like Blaze I would like to see him at running back.
8. Hank Mardukas @”Chicken Lips” – Hank.
Funny Fake Names
1. Dino Nuggets @”swoosh” – Not sure if it is the child like nature or the sheer ridiculousness but Dino Nuggets is the best name in the rookie class. Accompanied by the fact that the man turns out 50 graphics a day, Mr. Nuggets is going to for sure be a huge part of his future team. Oh and he is a center back.
2. Adriano Goopert @”Goop” – This name is both silly and has a great audible quality to it. Additionally, he is the only defensive tackle (is that what DT stands for?) in this rookie class. This man will bring the drip to wherever he ends up.
3. Justa Ol’Shoe @”CheekiBreekiDamkie” – This guy has drafted the whole lore behind a lone shoe playing defensive end. The richness of the story adds to the silliness of the name. I see him going far in this league and being active in the LR.
4. RE #38 @”Aleris” – With a name reminiscent of a science experiment RE #38 is another defensive end prospect. This one leaves a lot to the imagination, what happened to RE #1 through RE #37? I hope they’re doing okay.
5. Shucks McShuckle – Pokemon namesake? He is one thick man, would make more sense to see him on defense rather than offensive line. With all his cash in the bank he should be called Bucks McBuckle am I right?
6. Wing Wang @”platanocat” – I think there used to be another player Wang Wing? Well this is his alter ego Wing Wang and let me tell you Wang Kick Good. Aside from being an active user Wing Wang will cheer up everyone in the LR with his funny name.
7. King Leonidas I @”LordEscanor” – Leonidas is straight up deadly in the back field. Watching him play is sinfully sweet. 7.
8. Luigi Numberone @”ztarwarz” – Based on the whopping $273 million bank account I am going to guess this man is a recreate so he knows what he is doing. Luigi may be Numberone but I see him getting picked eighth.
Wouldn’t be a list of things without a few honorable mentions.
1. Zisia Ojeisndiwoseodj @”UpperNet” – Not sure if this is a realistic name or not, seemed like a lot of letters all at once. If you are a GM and can pronounce this, I think you are obligated to draft him. A rising QB star will definitely not leave his team disappointed. But maybe he needs a nickname.
2. Reginald Shrubbery @”shrub02” – Simple and Silly, what more do you need? A recreate looking to cause havoc breaking through defenses. Toss him a pick and he will go the distance.
3. Connor Brody @”cbrod45” – probably the most realistic and general name on the whole list.
Conclusion
Clearly there is some stiff competition in both categories and this year’s draft is going to be a doozy. There are a handful of DSFL teams that could use a name like Adriano Goopert to spice up their roster. I can’t wait to watch in anticipation until someone has to pronounce Zisia’s name as well. I appreciate anyone who took the time to read this shameless 2x media grab, it took a surprisingly long time to organize, retype and say out loud all the names. As a rookie I am only familiar with this class and a handful of others who are active in the DSFL discord channel, so who do you think has the most ridiculous name of all time? Or if you are a rookie and think your name belonged somewhere on this list let me know below. Who are you picking 1oa?
Just wait there's more!
This is an update following last night's draft to grade my predictions. Out of the 16 names I selected three were selected in the first round! Goes to show that sometimes it takes more than just a name I guess. It doesn't help that half of these players are IA though. Additionally, I was validated on a few points. During Troi Ballamallyou's draft it was stated "what a cool name". Also want to give a shoutout to the hosts for successfully making it through Zisia Ojeisndiwoseodj. Overall I would give myself a grade of F-- for the ones I got wrong but a A+ for the ones I got right. Draft was fun, thanks to everyone who put in the work to make it happen.