*The Many Clauses of Mr. Jarvis Harbinger-Marjin

**DREAMSLOTH**

Here is what JHM was seeking upon being initially signed; these clauses are in effect until the conclusion of the S41 season:

S36 - S41

1. If the Liberty have more wins than losses in any regular season under contract, negs and Lucid have to play truth or dare with the entire LR. Minimum of 3 truths/dares each

I’ve been waiting to redeem this since I started back in the Philly days. Although Lucid is now on another team, I’m hopeful that LCC will take up his stead and we shall learn great and terrible truths from the current Cape Town managerial duo. Part of me bears regret that I will possibly learn highly sensitive information about negs, but that is the cross I must carry alone.

2. If the Liberty have a lesser or equal W-L record to Austin Copperhead at the end of any regular season under contract, negs and Lucid must both make an Austin-focused graphic and a joint media piece explaining why unconfident is actually not stinky

negs was so kind as to fulfill this obligation around the time Austin started getting good again. LPT: You know a graphic is negs’ work if it has a stretched logo covering something that requires any real editing effort.

Still beats the Copperhead Twitter account though Wink

(IYKYK)

3. If any individual Crash (née Liberty) player or the team ends a game or the season while JHM is under contract with exactly 420 total yards, negs has to change his handle to "nugs" across all ISFL servers for the entire next season

I slacked on checking this during S40, but I did inspect every single game from S36 - S39. No such luck, unfortunately. There were a few games that were mighty close. Would’ve been legendary had it actually happened. Oh, what could have been…

4. If the Crash (née Liberty) win an Ultimus at any point in JHM's career, negs and Lucid must share an unsolicited, socks-on foot pic in #the-reservation (née #bell-tower) within 24 hours of the victory (non-negotiable, applicable for each victory)

Alright, look.. I realize how this might read taken out of context. But you just need to understand that the old Philly LR had jokes about feet that were probably not serious most of the time unless it was @Sebster mentioning feet, and then you knew for a fact that guy was serious. Did you know he chugged a Four Loko for charity? That’s a real American hero right there. Plus he’s handsome.

Anyways, this never happened.

5. If JHM ever falls outside top 25 in total yards in a season (for RB/WR), dreamSloth must install League of Legends and play at least one game with negs

Thank every god that’s ever existed or not existed that I dodged the bullet here. ARAM is good but ranked sucks. Don’t play ranked. It’s for your own sake, I promise.

S42 - S50

6. dreamSloth retains the right to change negs Discord ISFL handle by one letter after any season the Cape Town Crash does not win an Ultimus.

For the new contract I didn’t want to have to keep track of a thousand things, and in hindsight I’m very surprised some of the previous clauses were accepted at all. I’m pretty excited about this one.

Realistically, I know we’re not going to win an Ultimus every season I’m in Cape Town. It’s very possible we don’t win one at all. If that happens, at least I can take solace in being able to proc this clause for the following season.

There are plenty of ways I can take this, and I’ve got some ideas already. Nothing overly vulgar or volatile. Turns out you can have a lot of fun with four-letter words though. I’m open to ideas for anyone that would like to contribute!

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Ok, ok, now onto the shoutouts and such.

I had no expectations when I was initially drafted to the Liberty (RIP). Outside of forums, I’d only really spent time in the DSFL and Pythons servers and on #ISFLsim Twitter (shoutout to the homies Spicy Ron and bechtudo for the fire tweets). My exposure to the rest of the league was limited, so my only hope during the draft was to go in the first round (also RIP). Despite going into everything blind, I couldn’t have been more fortunate to get drafted by the Liberty.

My time with the league has been awesome largely due to the locker room vibes I’ve had in both Portland and Philly / Cape Town. What I’ve enjoyed as much as anything else the ISFL has to offer is the GM’ing experience we’ve had in Philly / Cape Town from the combination of @negs @Luciddreams702 and @lordcoolcats throughout my tenure. I believe the ridiculous contract demands I was able to get passed are a reflection of that.

@zeagle1 @CptGoosar - Thank you both for being awesome GMs when I first joined the league. You were the exact kind of mentors I was hoping to find upon joining this new and wild world of simulation football. The Portland LR was a vibrant place to be during my tenure and helped give me a lot of hope for being able to get a return from the time I was investing into my silly graphics and media and updating and whatnot.

@RussDrivesTheBus @Asked Madden - Y’all were incredible mentors and guides when I first started in the league. Every innocuous question I had was answered in short order and with a friendly voice. And for the myriad of times I messed up updates and had y’all help me figure out how to get back on track, you are appreciated.

@negs @Luciddreams702 - Thank you for taking a shot on me in the ISFL draft. For my first go-round with the ISFL, I couldn’t have ended up in a better spot. @lordcoolcats - You’ve been a great teammate and I’m happy to have you as our GM now as well! And of course a +1 to everyone I've played with on Philly and Cape Town. Y'all are the best, truly.

@Yeenoghu @"Laser" @Swanty @DarknessRising @firstfray @zeagle1 @Amidships @ReverendOReily @Opera_Phantom @Asked Madden @nunccoepi @Mojojojo - Appreciate you all for doing what you’ve done for the league. Not everyone gets a chance to see how much work HO puts into the DSFL and ISFL to make sure this league continues to run. I’ve seen a few other leagues collapse in my ~1 year with the ISFL while we remain strong. Sure, we’ve had plenty of hurdles and hardships along the way, but I continue to hold out hope for this community in the long run largely due to the people supporting it.

And while I can’t name everyone here, that appreciation is shared for anyone who holds a job or a department lead role.

@unconfident - Appreciate you giving me the opportunity to co-host ISFL Gamedays with you. I’ll forever be your “maybe” ?. +1 for @Mooty99 @Twenty6 and the one true Brit of the ISFL, @infern8 .

@AnUnoriginalGuy - I’ve never met someone so down to support a football player literally no one else has ever heard of. You will always remain an original guy, despite the name – it’s been awesome being on the ISFL ride with you Adam. Happy to be your teammate in Cape Town.

@Baron1898 @ImSatanJunior @SchwarzNarr - Thank you for being positive role models and drivers of inclusivity in the league. I’m almost certainly missing other people here, but your work has lasted in my mind because of its impact. Appreciate you for going above and beyond to make the ISFL community a better place for anyone to be.

There’s plenty more people I can shout out but my baby is going to wake up soon so I need to get some other things done. In summary, I just want to say thank you to everyone who takes part in the ISFL, and especially to those who support the operation of the league and development of the community. This is one of my favorite corners of the internet, and I’m optimistic that will continue to be the case for a long, long time.

Much love y’all.