07-30-2023, 05:04 PM
(This post was last modified: 08-02-2023, 09:02 AM by lemonoppy. Edited 3 times in total.)
You probably clicked on this media thinking what does that title even mean? Well wary traveler I’m glad you asked. I have collected the birthplace of all 80 prospects listed in the Player Database and plotted them on a map which can be viewed here https://www.google.com/maps/d/u/2/edit?m...sp=sharing
The goal here is to grade each player based on how unhinged the 1-star review is (the more unhinged the better) of the fast food restaurant in their city. The parameters are fairly straightforward:
1. I will choose Mcdonald's above all others
2. If there are multiple in a city I will choose the worse rated
3. If there are no fast food restaurants in the area I will choose a store or other location I deem noteworthy
4. If there is still nothing to review the player receives an F
5. Those without a city listed but have a state/country listed, I will choose the worst-rated fast food restaurant in the capital city
6. Fictional places were placed as “realistic” or “close to” as possible in the real world
Ex: There is “Mushroom Kingdom” in Martinsville, Indiana so Wario Saturday was placed there.
This should have a massive impact on how you view this new Prospect Class and future teammates so look carefully when picking the players you want on your team because it could have massive ramifications depending on who you choose.
Now that we have the rules out of the way let's get to grading!
*UPDATE* It would appear the emojis from the google doc did not translate to the forum so anytime emojis are mentioned use your imagination
*Unless otherwise noted assume the review is for Mcdonalds
Jordan Bamford, Biggie Fast
Sacramento
“Bruh the fries are hard, they didnt even finish my big Mac ? theres a manger thats messed up to one of her employee who ik that use to work there and blamed him for her shi, L manager L food, L fries machine”
Zenzeroni’s thoughts: Starting it off with a zoomer review and as you can see lots of L’s for this Mcdonalds. I hate it when the “fries machine” isn’t working properly. On the unhinged scale this one is fairly low but the poor customer didn’t even get a finished Big Mac ?
Grade: C
Thor Bǫllrsveifla
Asgard
Zenzeroni’s thoughts: Unfortunately there isn't anything in the remote vicinity of the area with reviews to make a proper grade.
Grade: F
TuaTurnDaBallOva
Hawaii
“I swear to god this mcdonalds is trying to break my spirit. A year ago i asked for a burger with no ketchup and they gave me two buns with just ketchup on them. No meat or nothing else. Just ketchup. The order ticket even said *NO KETCHUP*. 6 months ago I order a burger with no ketchup and again the order ticket said *NO KETCHUP* BUT there was ketchup. No mustard tho >:/ TODAY…. I order a burger and I beg, please no ketchup, extra mustard… on the outside of the burger it says *NO KETCHUP* EXTRA MUSTARD BUT GUESS WHAT, there was so much ketchup. My burger was oozing and throbbing with ketchup and no mustard. I had a ketchup jelly donut of a burger. Why was there so much ketchup. Why do you guys hate me. Who are you people and who did i hurt? Is my request too complex? Do yall look at each other when I order and say “here comes the mustard monster, lets make sure we slap this patty in a ketchup bath” before you all break my heart. I can not continue to come here”.
Zenzeroni’s thoughts: This is the type of content that gives you a great grade as a prospect. There is so much content in here to go over. First the fact that allegedly the customer got a sandwich with literally just ketchup and nothing else inside is hilarious. Not sure how much I believe what they are saying but it is a great review and what I’m looking for in our Prospect’s birthplaces if they are looking for a good grade.
Grade: A
Austin Guasman
Orange, TX
“Its bad ... I found feces in the playground area twice ... back to back visits also .... since it's been closed(play area) the workers seem alot happier and my food is decent but I hate going honestly just go to any other place this mcdonalds is pretty bad... they mess up your order sometimes its cold.... like really just go anywhere else”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I like the idea of an adult wandering through the kids play area and finding “feces” twice. But if you have been to a Mcdonalds play area and NOT seen something like that then you haven’t had an authentic Mcdonalds experience.
Grade: B-
Christopher Wilson
Astoria, OR
“One of the worst experiences I've had at McDonald's. First, they handed me a Coke with a hole in the bottom so it dripped all over my car and myself. I wasn't offered any napkins to clean it up and when I did ask she acknowledged me but didn't hand any to me, so I thought they would be in the bag. Nope no napkins at all. When we got home, which is 5 minutes away, all of our food was cold and the French Fries were ice cold. Cold fries are the worst. I've noticed the quality has gone down recently at this location but the prices keep going up. I will no longer be paying the same I would at a restaurant to get less than average service”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I love the old hole in the bottom of the cup trick. Classic. Also got to gobble up those fries right away that’s just how it is.
Grade: B-
Malcolm Baynes
Lombard, IL
“NO FRIES WITH ORDER NAUGHTY NAUGHTY”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Sometimes less is more and this is one of those cases. This customer gets their point across in 6 words while still showing emphasis which is an impressive feat.
Grade: A-
Lenard McRobinson
Sioux Falls, SD
“Nice and new, but so many loud beeping noises. It' sounds like I'm in surgery and close to dying! Something is beeping, something else is booping and there is something going ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Me and like 4 others sitting here are looking at one another, like wth??
I came inside to do a little work and break up my day, but instead made a handful of friends, bonded over the very adamant machinery, SCREAMING to br attended to. These different howls and blasts and beeps and ticks are the worst! People must be frazzled in the back, there. I know I am!
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: With a name like McRobinson I would expect the unhinged review to be A tier and it certainly doesn’t miss with the customer close to dying! Boop. Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Howl. Blast. Beep. Tick.
Grade: A
Marty Crane, Jackson Smart
Miami, FL
“You know I get that sudden urge here and there for a big Mac some Nuggets and then here comes Mcdonalds forgetting the BBQ sauce and giving me some old a** fries. Why? Why must this happen to me? All I wanted was to taste the savory deliciousness that I desire once in a blue moon. An then they remind me why I no longer eat from here. Sad emoji face ?”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I’d love to know the difference between old ass fries and new fresh fries. Poor customer just wanted their BBQ and blue moon Mcdonalds. sad emoji face
Grade: B+
Andrew Wilson
Mississauga, ON
“WORST MCDONALDS IN THE WORLD. They always forgot to give you parts of your order, but have no trouble remembering to charge you. Food is often cold and service is poor. If youre especially hangry, I would avoid this mcdonalds at all costs”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Being hangry is the worst feeling in the world. Every little thing makes it worse and when you don’t get exactly what you want it can only escalate so I feel for this customer but despite the proclamation of this being the worst Mcdonalds in the world the reasons they give don’t stand out to me. Especially after reading thousands of reviews from other locations. Got to try harder if you want to go all out. Sorry Andrew your city let you down on this one.
Grade C-
Maple Dogwood, Lane Frost III, Scott Junior, Bronco Stallion
Atlanta, GA
“Security horrible. Put laptop on table in front of cash registers, went to BR for one minute, laptop and sunglasses gone when I returned. Sunglasses were Rx. Stupid. Be forewarned”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: This one isn’t really unhinged as much as stupid. Not stupid on Mcdonald’s part but by the customer. You put your laptop….in front of where people are actively going to be exchanging money….what result were they expecting to happen? But because I threw this in I will add a legit review….
“I ordered a Big Mac, French fries, Southern sweet tea without ice and a lemon slice, and a large premium hot coffee with cream and sugar. One of the first item menu learned at McDonald's restaurants is to dress a Big Mac because it is one of the company's flagship products and signature dishes. Unfortunately, the employees at this location are in desperate need of training. The managers dropped the ball. I received a Big Mac that tasted like a Quarter Pounder. There was no crisp shredded lettuce or finely chopped onions. However, there were a lot of pickles on this sandwich. Not to my likings. My French Fries were dry. The Southern sweet tea without ice tasted like weak lemon water with a tinge of tea. And the hot coffee was not sweet and sugar had to be requested. Disappointing experience!”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I love when customers go to fast food places and review them like they are at a fine dining establishment and this review might have taken the cake. Honestly, they should become a chef and run their own restaurant because they seem to know what they are talking about.
Grade: A-
Dan Sevin
Santa Clarita, CA
“Update- I visited this McDonald’s and placed a mobile order from right outside, I checked in to Drive-up #1 at 9:56pm, I instantly called to ask if I could purchase 2 McDonald’s toys as my kids were restless and we were heading out on a 4 hour trip. Before anything I asked him if my order was received because the app looked a little different on my phone. He stated that my order was on his screen and confirmed the items in my order. I then asked about the toys, he mentioned that it was a policy “toys cannot be sold separately “. I hung up disappointed. I waited 10 mins and called back because my son kept seeing the big buzzlightyear picture on the glass. I asked him to confirm that he had the actual buzz toys in stock because although I had already placed a big order with lots of food, I was going to buy 2 extra happy meals just to receive the toys for my boys. He said there was only 1 kind available, a girl toy with a cat. That wasn’t going to work for me (not knowing what they look like I did not want a girl toy for my son). I thanked him and said never mind. 10 mins after the phone conversation a big drive-thru rush is cleared and cars arriving after us have come and gone. A male worker clocks out and as he’s walking through the door I remind him that I’ve been waiting for 20 minutes and if he can please advise the staff inside that I’m still waiting. He went inside, mentioned something to them, and left. 35 mins later I’m beyond frustrated as the drive through had been very slow for 5 or so minutes and yet no one has brought me my food. I mind you were traveling and this has now set us back on time. The drive through again starts to slowly fill up so I get out of my vehicle to check the door as the hours online state that the restaurant closes at 11pm. I walk up and as I’m walking I’m saying excuse me bcs I could see a worker. I was completely ignored. No one was attending me until “Tiffany” mentioned to me that I need to leave as the lobby is closed (the front doors were open and not locked I didn’t struggle at all to walk in the door and there were other ppl in there and in the restroom). I explained to Tiffany that I’ve been parked in curbside #1 for about 40 mins now and I’m wondering what’s going on bcs cars have been coming and leaving and we’re still there. She had nothing to say but I needed to leave. She did not acknowledge anything I was saying. At that point I asked to speak to a manager bcs she kept walking away doing other things and not listening. There were 4/5 other employees that I could see and none ever looked my way. I was asking for customer service and everyone including Tiffany were acting as if they could not hear me and as if I was not standing there. I was asking Tiffany (as she was the only one who came near me in the beginning but she literally did not use any words, did not care to understand what I was talking about, did not communicate or more than 5 words) she finally asked “what are you talking about” after I’m standing there explaining from the moment I walk in to try and get someone’s attention bcs im beyond tired and frustrated of waiting. I explained that I was there for curbside #1. She said she didn’t know what I was talking about. I could not believe my ears and my eyes (the girl at the drive through was walking around laughing and the male that was in the center area stocking boxes/misc) no one acknowledged me or anything I was saying- I literally stood there saying “please help me, I’m beyond confused I’ve been here for 40 minutes and no one can even talk to me and explain what’s going on are you serious, this has to be a joke” I started to shake at that point. I noticed that Tiffany pointed something out on the screen…etc.”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: To add to this wonderfully typed review, the customer also had a picture that included themselves in a mirror and yes they look like the definition of a Karen. I tried to rap my head around what was happening and it seems like the customer was trying to get happy meal toys that didn’t exist at that location so after telling her they didn’t have it they just ignored her. Either way, it has made for some top-tier reviewing and Dan has taken the cake so far in the Prospect Grading
Grade: A+
Alexander Hamlin
Seattle, WA
“It’s McDonald’s”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: For a 2.7 rated Mcdonalds (the lowest reviewed yet) there weren’t any crazy reviews so I thought this review was a perfect encapsulation of the Mcdonalds experience.
Grade: D
John Parano
Richmond, VA
“Yo! I’m famished and to my surprise i take a bit of this burger and it’s missing the meat!!!
I’ve had issues with this run down lack of care location over and over. Between customer service and the half a** made food items that are made COMPLETELY INCORRECT PER REQUEST OR AS THE ITEM WOULD NORMALLY COME. This is UNACCEPTABLE and i can’t say i except more but UNPROFESSIONAL. Zero STARS”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Yo! That ain’t no burger dawg that sounds more like a lettuce and tomato sandwich! Capitalized words are always a nice touch and important to note for all you prospects looking to improve your Mcdonalds unhinged review game
Grade: B+
Jarad Marshall, Big Birtha
Chicago, IL
“The chicken was floating and a jelly like substance was eating on of the toilets. There was an animal in there barfing on my meal and you know as the usual, the dogs.. Unicorns dide, I swear, they were everywhere”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: If someone is high right or drunk or both could you please explain what is happening in this review? I don’t know whether this deserves an A or a D but I think the former makes more sense as I can’t make sense of what is being said despite trying desperately to understand.
Grade: A
Bobby Hands
Augusta, ME
“I CANT BELIEVE THAT THIS MCDONALD'S GIVE YOU ONLY ONE PICKLE PER BURGER I AM A PICKLE LOVER AND THEY ADD 1 PICKLE THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE!!!”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: This is more of a personal vendetta against pickles than anything but pickles ruin everything they touch so this reviewer should be happy they only got 1. It would have been even better if there were no pickles. Sorry Bobby but the pickle tax requires me to give you an automatic D-
Grade: D-
Orange Julius
San Francisco, CA
“mean nasty service! This was one of the worst experences of my life even worce than the time my renter left a dead. Body in the bathtub or the time one of the engines was on fire on the plane i was on. The people working here have no people skills mc donald needs new managers and to get rid of rude crew members!”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: This person seems to have had quite the life, from finding a dead body, to being on a burning plane, to having nasty McDonalds service this reviewer has definitely seen it all.
Grade: B
Mattrim Cauthon
Two Rivers, WI
“The word "fast" in this location should only be referred to of mentioned if one is planning on "fasting" for religious reasons! Every time I go there the line moves slower than any other restaurant I have ever been to and half of the times I go to this location the strawberry shake machine is out of order again. I figure that the only reason that people still go there is that it's the only place in town anymore that has a drive through. Then there's the issue of getting the order right! Extra pickles does not mean the same as "hold the pickles" and a Plain strawberry shake is not the same as a vanilla shake holding the strawberry, it means no whipping cream! Seriously something has got to change”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I love me a good “angry analogy” and this one is no exception. This one isn’t so much unhinged as thought-provoking as it seems they really put some time and thought into what they were going to say and how they were going to say it.
Grade: C-
Domeo Roubs
Sebring, OH
*Zap’s Pizza “Horrible experience!!! Placed an order online. Over an hour after they said it would be delivered with 2 hungry children...I called and asked where our order was and If they got it they said they didn't get it. We ordered somewhere else but my card was charged through zepps for the "order they didn't get" I called back and they said they had our order but wouldn't deliver...we had already ordered somewhere else by then. I asked for them to reimburse me and the manager was extremely rude cussing and yelling and told me to never order from them again wow I'm shocked, I've ordered from them for 4 years and whoever the woman ( manager) is that's working there needs to do so much better!! As a restaurant manager as myself you should never treat anyone like that when you're in the wrong ! I will be following up with the police department!”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Anytime you decide to call the police department you know the reviewer has to be at least a little unhinged. But I guess as a restaurant manager this reviewer knows what they are talking about so why argue?
Grade: B
Diego López de Castilla
Lima, Peru
“this place was the best, but i dont wanna r8 any more than a one. i would r8 0 startz if possible but i cant”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: It seems that the people of Lima really enjoy their McDonalds as I found it difficult to find a truly unhinged review. To reflect that I decided on this 1 star review that is unhinged because of how contradictory it is.
Grade: B
Trey Hyman
Norfolk, VA
“GET OVER HERREEEE!? What happen to the bare minimum ??♂️ $4 can turn into 7 bucks quick? I mean man, all I wanted was a hash brown and sausage biscuit really but I was pressure to spend more and that was all for me smh lol they charge u all this money for this nasty a** food... Gone head n keep making ya money MickeyD but not from I again??♂️”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Get over here and never go to this Mcdonald's again!
Grade: B+
Theo Blake, Pat Uncertain
Memphis, TN
“Two nights in a row , THEY GOT NOBODY WORKING AT NIGHT (LIKE AT 7:30pm and the other 9pm) & WE ARE LEGIT SITTING IN THE LINE FOR HOUR AND HALF!!! HOW TF THIS NEXT TO THE UNIVERSITY CLOSING AT 11pm WHEN THERE NOBODY PAST 7:30pm?!?! But aside that though the donuts are meh at best.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Waiting an hour and half in line when you know no one is working there is certainly a statement. Also had no idea Mcdonalds even had donuts so that is news to me.
Grade: C+
Rip Torn
Modesto, CA
“Worse experience ever... waited 25 minutes ,,,, for my food,,, an other people,, who ordered,, there food on mc donalds app,,, they where all angry,,, cause it took forever,,, an all the Mexican girl employees,,, was just standing around talking to one another,,, there where alot of people,, who left the bussiness,, due to Them taking forever,, with other orders.. I will never go,,to this mc donalds ever again.. Worse experience ever.”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I don’t,,,, even understand,,,,, how you can manage to ,,,,, type,,, like this,, Like what,,, are they doing,,, to make this,, possible and why,,, are they doing it,, in the first place.
Grade: A-
Jelani Avant
Farmington, AR
“You all we not believe this...but its very true. I went to McDonald's today and ordered medium fries & medium chocolate shake, I asked for 1 packet of ketchup and 1 packet of mayo. I was told that i would be chargerd .32 cents for ketchup & .36 cents for mayo, i laughed to the kid because i thought he was joking, he was very serious. This is the look i gave him? ?, i said WHAT? So needless to say i ate dry fries, plus had to use my sleeve to wipe crumbs off my mouth because they don't give out napkins either. I will never support McDonalds in FARMINGTON, AR. or any other McDs, so if you decide to dine in make sure you take your own bottle of Ketchup or you'll be charged on your ticket and you'll never know that they sneaked in extra charges. BAD SERVICE.????? to McD's.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I can honestly say I do believe it, at least if you are buying extra. I think there is some exaggeration in this review but I will let it slide somewhat because of the great use of emojis.
Grade: C-
Joey Flex
Buffalo, NY
“Was ripped off, workers completely incompetent. We had 15,000 McDonald’s points. Rolled up to the window and asked if we could use all of the points to order various things. They said sure no problem. Ordered a happy meal, large drink, 1 mcchicken and 2 cheeseburgers. Gave 5 codes and all our points were gone. Price after points was $2. Come to first window, incompetent rude miserable worker #1 claimed we owed $19-something; that she had no idea about the points. I Could clearly see on her monitor that the item prices were crossed off as we had used the points to pay (I don’t even know how this worker could manage to screw this up, if it was truly unintentional). Argued for a minute, called the manager over who then said yes, we’re right, it’s $2. Pull up to the next window. Incompetent miserable worker #2 says that we only have a happy meal and a drink. Argued for a while again, and just gave up with the drink and happy meal for my kid because 3 dollar-menu burgers aren’t worth the frustration. Wish my husband was in the car as he isn’t a push-over like I am and would have went inside and demanded it be sorted. I don’t have the patience for that.
In all of the combined 90 years of life experience that was in the car, none of us had ever had such an awful experience at a fast food place. Never dealt with such rude and incompetent people, ever. It’s not the customers fault that you work at McDonald’s.”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: People with more life experience at Mcdonalds needs to inform me whether 15000 points is as much as I think it is. Anyways as incompetent miserable worker #3 I would like to say that We were all trying our very best but this customer made things very difficult for us to do our job.
Grade: B-
Bradley Uppercrust III
Columbus, OH
“McD's will shorten life faster than cigarettes.. and Ray Kroc was theif, and a misogynist jerk. McDonald brothers founded McDonald's, not Ray Kroc(h)”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: This one isn’t so much about the location but rather the company as a whole. And while this customers review may have some merit to it to just go out and put this review on a random Mcdonalds seems kind of unfair.
Grade: C+
Thomas Passarelli
Visalia, CA
“Ice cream machine always broken!!! Not "lov'in it"!!”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I would be remise if I did not have a review that did not include something about a broken ice machine but to add the Mcdonalds tag line at the end of the review is *chef’s kiss*
Grade: D+
Conway Spittey
Birmingham, AL
“Why don’t zero stars exist??????? This McDonald’s is the closest one to my house. I love McDonald’s and crave it all the time. I’m not sure why I keep giving this one a chance. I have never once had a good experience there. The lines are always long, the sign says open 24 hours dining room and drive thru (not true) they had the doors locked for inside at 10:00 and the “manager” was counting the drawer instead of tending to the customers. I sat at the window for 3 minutes and no one was in sight. (Actually I saw the manager in the corner and she completely ignored me and went back to counting the drawer) anyway, I drove up to the “3rd” window and no one was there. Believe it or not, there was another car parked in the drive thru parking who just so happened to have been there for 15 MINUTES waiting on their food to be brought out. As to no surprise, they had forgotten her order. Well ONCE AGAIN, I wanted to give it another shot. I attempted to go through the drive thru but both lanes were full of cars. Well just so happens the night shift manager was walking in and the other manager was letting her in as i drove passed. I asked both of them about my order and they said I was welcome to drive back through and reorder. I nicely replied with “well I’m probably not going to do that.....” and was rudely interrupted by these so called “managers” as they over talked me, told me I was wrong, and then shut the door. This place needs a makeover. ASAP.”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: This person must enjoy torturing themself or are in a time loop that forces them to continue to return to this location because despite complaining about problems with the place they keep going back time and time again.
Grade: A-
Jerod Mustard
Woonsocket, RI
“The emblzment that's going on in this store and the owner has not a clue. I can't fathum why top brass hasint closed it down fyi plus the food comp thay could feed a large country”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: A couple thoughts here, one, how does this customer know embezzlement is going on. Two, how does the owner NOT know it is happening? Wouldn’t they be the one embezzling the money in the first place?
Grade: C+
Michael Morton
Berlin, Germany
“What a drama!!! I went here 2 times in 1 week, because I had some vouchers: all 4 burgers were cold!!! Then on the last time, I was screamed at by the waitress who spoke German with a strong foreign accent and no manners!!! All because I sat there too long. She could come to me and tell it to me politely, but instead she screamed to me multiple times - the whole restaurant could here it! Also they really need to do something with this dirty place. It's ridiculous,.......... NEVER AGAIN!!!!”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: How dare a woman in Germany speak German to this customer! This is absolutely unacceptable and I am extremely happy this person spoke up and said something about it.
Grade: C
William Lucas
Cardiff, Wales
“pathetic organisation, never paper in machines for order print outs, staff slower than a legless corpse, waited twenty minutes for a basic big mac meal today, wouldn't bother going to this branch unless your desperate”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: As I mentioned before I love a good analogy and “staff slower than a legless corpse” may be one of my new favorites.
Grade: D
Justin Time
Jacksonville, FL
“The most ghetto, negative, low vibrational atmosphere, poor quality food, poor customer service, that I have ever received from any McDonald's in my 49 years of living!!!! Whoever owns this McDonald's location as a franchisee and employs the individuals working there should be punished!”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: “Low vibrational atmosphere” what does this even mean? The adjectives and descriptors used in this review are second to none. Bravo Justin for being born in Jacksonville because it has given you an excellent grade!
Grade: A-
A Waffle
Los Angeles, CA
Special exception *Dinah’s Family Restaurant
“This is a nice place. I love the old phono players and cameras that are all around the restaurant. I had a banana and walnut Belgian waffle that was very tasty. I'll be back. ? …”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Some of my favorite reviews are when they don’t understand how the star system works and in this case this reviewer giving the place a 1 star when trying to give it 5 stars is hilarious to me. Also apparently this place is very good so “A Waffle” you might be eaten sooner than you think.
Grade: D-
Thor Dangerson
Stockholm, Sweden
“It’s like time stopped in here and not in a charming way. I counted 8 employees all walking around like zombies chitchatting with each other. The burgers are left to dry out and served old and the venue is just dirty. I actually came here about a month ago and was exactly the same thing. This was def the last time. Shouldn’t even be allowed to be called a McD.”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: It would seem the Mcdonalds zombie virus is on the loose. From legless corpses to zombies Mcdonalds has all sorts of ghouls and goblins!
Grade: C-
Paul McLaughlin
New Orleans, LA
“First of all, I don’t even eat this cancerous / poisonous food anyways… but the one night I’m craving some warm chocolate chip cookies, I decide to come here. Now I know y’all knew these cookies are burnt smh!!! I see why you guys reviews are so low. Can’t even fix cookies right!”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: If you are going to Mcdonalds for cookies you might want to rethink your life choices.
Grade: C
Wario Saturday
Martinsville, IN
*Mushroom Kingdom (school): “got some killer shrooms by some shady guy in overalls and tripped balls, and woke up naked, still a good school though”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Seems like a normal day at the Mushroom Kingdom glad it is as unhinged irl as it is in the video games.
Grade: A+
Gajeel Redfox
Magnolia, TX
“I was served a bloody burger, blood all over box and bun... Do not try to have a conversation with anyone in this place they will speak Spanish at you as if you are just stupid,very rude, will never go back to this McDonald's again”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: No thoughts. I think the review speaks for itself
Grade: C
Carter Goad
Chesterton, IN
“WE WILL NEVER GO AGAIN. WE GO HERE ALL THE TIME.. NEVER AGAIN. CORPORATE WAS CONTACTED AND OWNER. The food has gone down, service as well multiple times we have left without food and had to go back or not gotten it at all. 2 weeks ago we bought the big breakfast with pancakes. Drive thru. Left came home and no pancakes. (Accidents happen) called and explained to manager. Was then told they were no longer serving breakfast and we could give our name and come get back and get them next time we came in. Went back a weekend after and they were to busy to be bothered with it. ( we get that no problem we will wait) went back today and was told... this never happened we weren't getting our pancakes. That they don't give out FREE FOOD. It wasn't free WE PAID FOR THEM AND NEVER GOT THEM. MANAGER made a huge scene over 4 pancakes that we were told to come back and get and (yes we were upset but not yelling or threatening her or anyone and even apologized for being upset but explained our frustration) then she called the police when we left as if we did something wrong. We go to this McDonald's ALL THE TIME. WE WILL NEVER GO AGAIN”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: This is my type of review and another one that blows me away with the quality. The delusion in this review is impressive. To say they weren’t being threatening while yelling via text with their capitalized words is comical. I also like the immediate reversal from going to Mcdonalds all the time to never going again likely because they ended up getting banned from going to that location to be honest. Also who goes to Mcdonald’s for pancakes?
Grade: A
Moonwolff von Doomovic
Salamanca, Spain
“Arrogant staff, with a lack of humility, make mistakes when placing your order and instead of apologizing they offend you. I have had to call the local police because they have not provided me with an official complaint form from the Junta de Castilla y León. I do not recommend this place at least with the staff that was there today. Disappointing and all for an ice cream.
By the way they didn't have water for sale either”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Karen Unleashed. All for an ice cream.
Grade: B-
LeBlockus Brickwall, Dylan Friedland
Philadelphia, PA
“Don't do it! All the McDonald's are ghetto and unprofessional! There's never any true adults working , just young ppl not caring about, anything or anyone! Not knowing how to carry themselves with decorum! McDonalds can use some training and hiring tips from Chick-fil-A and Canes! This one is no exception! class up folks!”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: New business idea - We are going back to the 20’s everyone wear suit and ties and regal clothing. That will turn this nation around I’m sure of it!
Grade: B+
Otis Graber
Freedom, IN
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Lot’s of churches but no food to be seen for miles
Grade: F
Buck McTruck
Soddy Daisy, TN
“Clown food and the clown is gone. Bring back Ronald or shut the doors”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I completely agree with this reviewer BRING BACK RONALD. He was the only reason I went to Mcdonalds in the first place. Without that terrifying clown smile how am I supposed to know if I enjoy the food or not? Ronald was always there to comfort me and make sure I was enjoying it. Luckily they recently brought Grimace back which brought me some joy to be able to celebrate Grimace’s birthday but other than that Mcdonalds has gone downhill I tell you! #BringBackRonald
Grade: C+
Tim Tebow Jr.
Gainesville, FL
“Stingy over napkins????? I used my shirts, no worries. Super rude customer service. Clown is so suitable for you”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Mcdonalds was clearly doing this reviewer a favor by not providing napkins. Why waste valuable napkins when they are willing to use their shirt instead! Both Mcdonalds and the reviewer should be proud of themselves for saving the trees! Nice of them to mention Ronald it seems that the word is already beginning to spread! #BringBackRonald
Grade: C-
Crazy Tomato
Victoria, BC
“I just came from this place. I when in the drive thru and scraped my car because of how tiny their drive thru is I bumped the side of their wall maybe going 2-5 kms and now i have a hole in my front bumper. They need to take better care of their property. This is NOT OK. Not to mention the cashier saw my car after and didn’t even say anything about it”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I like how this sentence “I bumped the side of their wall maybe going 2-5 kms and now i have a hole in my front bumper” is followed by this sentence “They need to take better care of their property”. But who am I to judge! It is clearly Mcdonalds fault this reviewer doesn’t know how to drive properly!
Grade: A
Redd Mistt
Darby, MT
*406 Saloon/Big Cat Cafe: “This place is total Rip off. My wife and I ordered 2 doubles and it was 24.50 for my crown and coke, and 22.50 for my wife's rum and coke. When we asked why their prices were so high they said because it's a tourist area and yellowstone filmed in the area. They have no affiliation with the movie just trying to take advantage of people passing thru. I will not be back and will make sure I let all my friends know NOT to stop there.
First off, I don't need your feedback for my opinion on my review. Secondly you charge $6.00 per shot, plus .50 for soda. highest I've paid in any bar in Montana, so my 2 doubles of crown was 24.50, we walked across the street where you buy your liquor from and the whole bottle was only 32.00. Your greed says it all. I'm done with you.”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: This is the first review I have included that the customer wrote a review, the owner responded, and the reviewer wrote back. This person clearly is unaware of how tourist towns function but I like how they double down and feel the need to debate the owner long after they have already been to the restaurant.
Grade: B+
Dormo Bloodhand
Jesus Maria, Mexico
*Waterdeep Store “An excellent store, a sanctuary for wargames players, mainly warhammer 40,000, Blood Bowl, Infinity, Song of Fire and Ice, Bolt Action, etc. Great place to go play, learn new games or just appreciate the collections on display”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: This one is a little different because Dormo was born in Waterdeep and this was the best I could do. With that being said, this store has a perfect rating and everyone seems to thoroughly enjoy it. However that is not why we are here and how we do our ratings so I have no choice but to grade Dormo as…
Grade: F
Lod Vilkshelm
Oslo, Norway
“The McDrive smells like horrible rotten garbage - almost threw up while getting my McMuffin :'-(
Otherwise not bad at all.”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I’ve never heard the Drive-Thru referred to as the “McDrive” but I guess there is a first time for everything. I also appreciate their honesty here with almost throwing up to saying it wasn’t bad at all.
Grade: D+
Trent Thigpen
Pittsburgh, PA
“Whatever meat they use for a Chicken McCrispy is completely inedible garbage ?️ they remade my sandwich 3x each time some strange, sinewy cartilage meat that doesn't chew or pull like actual Chicken and I'm disgusted ? it was even in my mouth”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I can’t believe this person DARED to put food in their mouth. They are my hero. Also labelling Mcdonalds meat as meat is quite generous but you have to expect that when you are going to Mcdonalds. So as far as unhinged? Not really? Honest? Maybe. 3x multiplier? Yes.
Grade: C-
Ryan McBean
Crawfordsville, IN
“I know for a fact that there is a employee there that has bed bugs and she (bb) is the one that has them she gave them to me. So watch y'all's food might be getting more then u ordered for once”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Bed bugs legit terrify me but to make a claim like that is quite the proclamation. I may need to do some investigative journalism into this reviewer to get to the truth behind the review.
Grade: C+
HK 19
Riverside, IA
*Casey’s: “Had stuffs”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: What more can you ask for. When I go to a restaurant or am looking to get some food I’m definitely looking to eat some stuffs. So this review isn’t so much unhinged as it is informative!
Grade: D-
Eric James
Letterkenny, ON
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: There are multiple Letterkenny cities so I wasn’t sure which one Eric was actually from but I tried to make an educated guess as best I could. With that being said as you can see from the lack of reviews, there is absolutely nothing around in this area. Letterkenny, Ontario is a barren hellscape with nothing for miles and miles without even a Mcdonalds for salvation. I feel bad for Eric James and the people of Letterkenny.
Grade: F
Joey Battle
Tulsa, OK
“Holy hell what did I just experience the God awful place I just went to just killed everybit of a mcdonalds experience I had to almost run out of there. The place foe 1. Stinks like sweage mix with a boys bathroom grotesque. The fact it took 12min for a simple quarter lb meal and there was only one person in line but that God awful smell jeeze some cleaning supplies might help make a new store something God bless those workers I couldn't do it”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Now this is, while colorful, not really what I would call unhinged. But what made me choose this review above all others was that besides the review in the subtext the reviewer writes “I found parking wish I didnt” and because of this simple statement it adds an extra layer to the pain and context of the situation.
Grade: C
. Gougar
The Bronx, NY
“Manager has limited explanation as to why the phone that was used to order food needs to be present so that the order can appear on the order screen. Had to get out of the shower to walk to the McDonald myself”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I don’t even know where to begin with this one. So the person was trying to order Mcdonalds for delivery? Were they ordering through door dash? It doesn’t seem like it because they were apparently on the phone with the Manager. But they were on the phone with the manager in the shower? So many questions but at least the reviewer is squeaky clean!
Grade: A-
Billy Ennair
Jupiter, NY
“NEVER AGAIN! I ordered the wrap and was excited to eat it and once I bit into it, a putrid taste of death overcame my mouth. Once opening it, this is what I'm met with..rotten eggs. This McDonald's does not inspect their quality of food? NEVER EVER AGAIN! BUYERS BEWARE!!!”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: “a putrid taste of death” I love me some good descriptors and these reviewers continue to not let me down. Especially because rotten eggs do kind of have that “deadly” smell to them.
Grade: C+
Ryan Labotep
Bridgeport, CT
“Terrible, assistance manger try to attack me,the mother work in the back making food and came to attack me too, all started bcus I waited to be taking care for my kids order & she gave me a attitude. The manager there defended her let her go outside and wrestle me. She did not even get fire.. they let her & mother work like nothing happen”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Mcdonalds wrestling match sure sounds exciting. What we really need is a Chuck E Cheese Ball pit to put it all together and get a Chuck E Cheese X Mcdonalds battle royale going. That would get all sorts of attention. I have all sorts of great marketing ideas Mcdonalds if you are ever looking for someone to help you out.
Grade: B-
Chris Bourassa
Boston, MA
“We found rocks in the chicken nuggets that’s so disgusting”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I don’t know how to react to this one. It feels like a far-fetched thing to lie about but at the same time finding rocks in chicken nuggets seems….impossible? Whether it is true or not I’d say that is pretty unhinged.
Grade: B
Baron Reaves
Oklahoma City, OK
“Everything about this place sucks please go to any other McDonald's in OKC but this one. My whole family was poisoned by these people that rather run their mouth than make decent food. They need a while new staff and I'm sure the franchise owner is upside down”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: the franchise owner is upside down? Is this a reference I should know? Either way from poisoning to upside-down owners this person has definitely lost their marbles.
Grade: A-
Adam Dietzel
Norristown, PA
“They instantly hung up on me cause I am a kid and my mom wanted me to try to order for myself. DONT CALL THEM AS A KID”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Poor kid just trying to live an adults life in a kid’s world. It’s rough out there. But maybe one day things will get better. The sheer happiness this kid will feel when finally, FINALLY, they will get to order for themselves will be well worth the wait I’m sure.
Grade: C
Pete Moss
Slippery Rock, PA
“This is a disgrace to the Golden Arches. Ray Kroc would be rolling in his grave. I usually don't like to leave bad reviews but this is a constant for this McDonalds in Slippery Rock. I don't know who is running this franchise but they may want to come into their store and see how ridiculous it is being operated. Enjoy waiting in long drive through lines to spend around $10 to get this type of food”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Nah, I’ll pass
Grade: C
Wayne Miller
Little Rock, AR
“The slowest, dirtiest McDonalds I’ve ever been too. It was hot and smelly. Trash and flies everywhere. Nobody to take orders or get drinks. The food was horrible left worst taste in my mouth. It was cold and very greasy. Shame on you McDonald’s. I wouldn’t let me dog eat at this one”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: We are really getting into the nitty gritty with this one as they go as far as to say they won’t let their dog eat here. But on the unhinged radar it is a pretty luke-warm take that seems to be echoed by many throughout the country and not just at this location.
Grade: C-
Geo Roberts
Charolette, NC
“What's with the trap music playing in here? Brought my kids in today and all lyrics were referring to " shake that money maker ho " ! Come on manager get it together!. Can't rate the food. We left due to the atmosphere not appropriate for kids”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: This person must have a hard time eating anywhere if they can’t eat with those lyrics.
Grade: B+
Xavier Moreno
“We made a mobile order. It was 8 items total. We pull up and they give us a bag with 5 items. We attempt to tell them what was wrong but the kid running the food window just said "aight aight" but didn't actually listen. He takes our bag and gives us a new bag... With two items in it. Then we tell them it's wrong again. None of this is our fault we literally were missing over half our order. He takes that bag and brings back another bag with three totally different items. At this point he's STILL giving us major attitude. My husband asks for a refund and they take our debit card for like 15 minutes. So now we're worried they copied it out of spite. Don't order from here. They severely messed up our order four times in a row.”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Aight, aight let me give you a little secret. People don’t like being told they are wrong so if you are going to do what this reviewer did be as polite as possible and I feel like there is some exaggeration/hiding of the truth in here. My guess is those items were a bunch of sauces or napkins. It is important to note after analyzing the review the person never mentions what “items” are actually missing this leads me to believe they are not telling the full truth!
Grade: C-
James Orion
Indianapolis, IN
“THE MANAGER THAT WORKD ON SUNDAY AT 12:32 pm IS SOOOO RUDE LIKE YOU CANT OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND ASK ONE SIMPLE QUESTION?!! " Hi CAN I HELP U"!! WORK ON YOUR CUSTOMER SERVICE SKILLS!!?? ?️ ???”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Interesting use of emoji’s here we have a lot of trash and angry faces but we also have a bullseye and 100 emoji that would indicate it was good. Not sure what those are about and with that kind of mix it is hard to decipher a coherent message.
Grade: A-
Carlos Monfils
Houston, TX
“When the rude girl handed me the first of my 2 drinks at the drive through it had the tea dripping all down the sides when I asked her to please wipe it off she got mad and instead just shoved my second drink at me with some napkins. It was then that I saw there was green slim around the cups edges and the rim. When I asked her what it was she said with attitude, "I don't know!" The second cup with the napkins around it were very wet and it was then that I realized that the second cup was actually split down the side. I quickly had to throw it to the curb..luckily their curb, their sidewalk and probably their window just too bad the same nasty girl with attitude was missed but hopefully she atleast had to clean it up! Better them then the interior of my brand new SUV! If you don't like your job...find another one!”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Don’t be an asshole ?
Grade: C+
Dunkin Lazlo
Nashville, TN
“Musty ratchet employees, led by the dirtiest manager…. Chickfila would never allow people like them working there (but they have to go somewhere right) lol had to leave because I didn’t want to catch anything….in the food or a shell case. Be careful here!”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: A lot of talk about these employees but I need something more from this review. What made the employees “ratchet” how was the manager “dirty”. This person needs to take a book out of some of these other reviews to learn how to use some powerful descriptors to really bring home their point.
Grade: D+
Felix Waterman
Stamford, CT
“these lazy grasshoppers hate doing their job, please update the sign on the door which states the inside is open till 12 am. they will pick and choose who can come inside to order food about two hours before the inside is supposed to be closed and if not enjoy waiting in the line of cars going down east main. let’s hire people who actually can be useful to the community these multi billion dollar company chains are providing for instead of continuing to recruit the manager(s) lazy family members with disgusting attitudes”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: “Lazy grasshoppers”. Interesting analogy. Since I’m thinking about lazy grasshoppers I will tell a quick story. When I mow the lawn there are always hundreds of grasshoppers in the yard and I don’t have the time to stop for every single one so if you are a lazy grasshopper then you are getting sliced and diced. So I guess that is a good analogy because it describes the employees as lazy, clueless, and slow and if they are trying to make a point at how bad they are at the job it definitely hits home.
Grade: B-
Golden Foote
Bangkok, Thailand
“Not a real McDonald’s. Probably a franchise, the food tastes disgusting compared to other McDonald’s”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Before I talk about the review I want to mention that I have found that internationally, Mcdonalds tends to be rated higher than in the US. I wonder if that is because it is deemed “foreign/American” food that there is extra appeal or what but in almost every place outside of North America the ratings for Mcdonalds have been higher. With that being said this 1-star review describes this location as a franchise. I hate to break it to this reviewer but around 90% of Mcdonalds locations are franchises so this one isn’t anything special. In fact if it tastes so different maybe it isn’t a franchise.
Grade: C-
PasLewy Weaver
Fredericton, NB
“Terrible experience! My chicken big Mac looked like it had been hit by a bus, I got less nuggets than I paid for, and no sauce with them. If this site would let me rate 0 stars, I would. Not to mention, they are extremely slow, I've been served faster in a major city during a lunch or dinner rush rush I did late at night here”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Well I would prefer my chicken big Mac look like it had been hit by a bus than look like an actual chicken so there is that. Less nuggets may be a result of eating those nugs so fast you didn’t even notice you had them until it was too late. But if they were actually missing nuggets then this is a well warranted review and unacceptable behavior from Mcdonalds as that would ruin my entire night.
Grade: B-
Fieramosca Malatesta
Rome, Italy
“MC Donall’s ITALY - They Don’t have a refill soda. And the burgers ingredients is so poor.??
I recommend the BURGERMEISTER in Germany”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Alright looks like we have a BURGERMEISTER spy spreading deceit amongst the Mcdonalds ranks. They also had a picture that had them with some sort of BURGERMEISTER sauce they definitely went to Mcdonalds for the lone reason of trashing it in favor of their otherworldly BURGERMEISTER.
Grade: D-
Zenzeroni Xystarch II
Disappointment Island, New Zealand
*Disappointing Ice Cream: “I was drop shipped by a flying bus and had to fight my way there only to discover there was no store, then my girlfriend broke up with me. Worst date ever!”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I am not biased whatsoever and alas Disappointment Island, unfortunately, has no Mcdonalds (what a disappointment) however we do have one lone ice cream place and it looks like this reviewer was hoping to be dropped at Tomato Town so that they could get down. But instead were dropped on the nothingness of Disappointment Island. Then their girlfriend broke up with them so they might want to rethink where they are dropping in the future. I hear Tilted Towers is a great place to go although I don’t think it exists anymore. Anyways, this is a pretty unhinged review talking about something completely unrelated to the actual establishment is big bucks in my book.
Grade: A-
Desmond Jones
Portageville, MO
“Probably should hire someone who knows more words than ha/spent almost 10 minutes at the drive up trying to get the order right and best answer I got was ha/finally drove away very frustrated”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: ha/not sure what is going on or what this person is describing but I think they just got PRANKED! ha/
Grade: B+
Unuway Jepthat
Nairobi, Kenya
*The Peach Restaurant: “Got food poisoning on Sunday July 16th 2022. Vomiting, diarrhea..the works. Thought I was going to die! All from eating masala chips and goat meat from here. Never again!”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Not ideal.
Grade: D
So what should these Prospects and scouts and GM’s take from all this? Well, there is a great number of things that are important to think about and remember when looking at the information provided above. Firstly it is a great indication of how much trust you can put into your Prospects. If their birthplace has a higher graded Mcdonalds review then the less you can trust them as they have that “unhinged” blood inside them as well. They could snap at any moment so it is important to notice the signs of becoming unhinged:
1. Responding to answers saying “L” or “W”
2. Large use of emoji’s
3. Lot’s of all capitalized words
4. Not self aware
5. Karen-like behavior
There are many other ways to see whether your prospect is falling into the unhinged rabbit hole but it is important that if you see these actions taking place to give them help immediately. And for any prospect that is looking at their review and realizing they are at risk of becoming unhinged it is important to tell your GM immediately so that they can help you as soon as possible. The sooner you become aware of the symptoms, the sooner you can combat it.
Closing Thoughts
This analysis is the only analysis GM’s should need when picking a prospect for their DSFL roster as it is the most comprehensive of the personality the prospect will have. Take Antonio Brown for example. He was born in Miami, Florida which I gave a B+ for the unhinged factor. Now imagine if he is only a B+ what those Prospects with an A- or higher are going to turn out to be like. I am revolutionizing the way Prospects are graded and assessed as it is more than just the play on the field but the head inside the helmet that is important as well.
You may have noticed that I have an A- rating. Do not be alarmed I am currently seeking no help and don’t need anyone’s help. I am completely fine and am the only exception to the rules I have laid down. It is obvious from this entire article how perfectly fine I am and how “hinged” I am vs unhinged. There is no need to worry about me lashing out and quitting midway through a game like Antonio Brown because I can focus my emotions on the game at hand without losing sight of the end game. Just ignore my previous article about the Clown Car Four because I was completely fine when I was writing that article and had no problems or anger issues whatsoever.
?????????????????????????????????????????????????
The goal here is to grade each player based on how unhinged the 1-star review is (the more unhinged the better) of the fast food restaurant in their city. The parameters are fairly straightforward:
1. I will choose Mcdonald's above all others
2. If there are multiple in a city I will choose the worse rated
3. If there are no fast food restaurants in the area I will choose a store or other location I deem noteworthy
4. If there is still nothing to review the player receives an F
5. Those without a city listed but have a state/country listed, I will choose the worst-rated fast food restaurant in the capital city
6. Fictional places were placed as “realistic” or “close to” as possible in the real world
Ex: There is “Mushroom Kingdom” in Martinsville, Indiana so Wario Saturday was placed there.
This should have a massive impact on how you view this new Prospect Class and future teammates so look carefully when picking the players you want on your team because it could have massive ramifications depending on who you choose.
Now that we have the rules out of the way let's get to grading!
*UPDATE* It would appear the emojis from the google doc did not translate to the forum so anytime emojis are mentioned use your imagination
*Unless otherwise noted assume the review is for Mcdonalds
Jordan Bamford, Biggie Fast
Sacramento
“Bruh the fries are hard, they didnt even finish my big Mac ? theres a manger thats messed up to one of her employee who ik that use to work there and blamed him for her shi, L manager L food, L fries machine”
Zenzeroni’s thoughts: Starting it off with a zoomer review and as you can see lots of L’s for this Mcdonalds. I hate it when the “fries machine” isn’t working properly. On the unhinged scale this one is fairly low but the poor customer didn’t even get a finished Big Mac ?
Grade: C
Thor Bǫllrsveifla
Asgard
Zenzeroni’s thoughts: Unfortunately there isn't anything in the remote vicinity of the area with reviews to make a proper grade.
Grade: F
TuaTurnDaBallOva
Hawaii
“I swear to god this mcdonalds is trying to break my spirit. A year ago i asked for a burger with no ketchup and they gave me two buns with just ketchup on them. No meat or nothing else. Just ketchup. The order ticket even said *NO KETCHUP*. 6 months ago I order a burger with no ketchup and again the order ticket said *NO KETCHUP* BUT there was ketchup. No mustard tho >:/ TODAY…. I order a burger and I beg, please no ketchup, extra mustard… on the outside of the burger it says *NO KETCHUP* EXTRA MUSTARD BUT GUESS WHAT, there was so much ketchup. My burger was oozing and throbbing with ketchup and no mustard. I had a ketchup jelly donut of a burger. Why was there so much ketchup. Why do you guys hate me. Who are you people and who did i hurt? Is my request too complex? Do yall look at each other when I order and say “here comes the mustard monster, lets make sure we slap this patty in a ketchup bath” before you all break my heart. I can not continue to come here”.
Zenzeroni’s thoughts: This is the type of content that gives you a great grade as a prospect. There is so much content in here to go over. First the fact that allegedly the customer got a sandwich with literally just ketchup and nothing else inside is hilarious. Not sure how much I believe what they are saying but it is a great review and what I’m looking for in our Prospect’s birthplaces if they are looking for a good grade.
Grade: A
Austin Guasman
Orange, TX
“Its bad ... I found feces in the playground area twice ... back to back visits also .... since it's been closed(play area) the workers seem alot happier and my food is decent but I hate going honestly just go to any other place this mcdonalds is pretty bad... they mess up your order sometimes its cold.... like really just go anywhere else”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I like the idea of an adult wandering through the kids play area and finding “feces” twice. But if you have been to a Mcdonalds play area and NOT seen something like that then you haven’t had an authentic Mcdonalds experience.
Grade: B-
Christopher Wilson
Astoria, OR
“One of the worst experiences I've had at McDonald's. First, they handed me a Coke with a hole in the bottom so it dripped all over my car and myself. I wasn't offered any napkins to clean it up and when I did ask she acknowledged me but didn't hand any to me, so I thought they would be in the bag. Nope no napkins at all. When we got home, which is 5 minutes away, all of our food was cold and the French Fries were ice cold. Cold fries are the worst. I've noticed the quality has gone down recently at this location but the prices keep going up. I will no longer be paying the same I would at a restaurant to get less than average service”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I love the old hole in the bottom of the cup trick. Classic. Also got to gobble up those fries right away that’s just how it is.
Grade: B-
Malcolm Baynes
Lombard, IL
“NO FRIES WITH ORDER NAUGHTY NAUGHTY”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Sometimes less is more and this is one of those cases. This customer gets their point across in 6 words while still showing emphasis which is an impressive feat.
Grade: A-
Lenard McRobinson
Sioux Falls, SD
“Nice and new, but so many loud beeping noises. It' sounds like I'm in surgery and close to dying! Something is beeping, something else is booping and there is something going ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Me and like 4 others sitting here are looking at one another, like wth??
I came inside to do a little work and break up my day, but instead made a handful of friends, bonded over the very adamant machinery, SCREAMING to br attended to. These different howls and blasts and beeps and ticks are the worst! People must be frazzled in the back, there. I know I am!
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: With a name like McRobinson I would expect the unhinged review to be A tier and it certainly doesn’t miss with the customer close to dying! Boop. Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Howl. Blast. Beep. Tick.
Grade: A
Marty Crane, Jackson Smart
Miami, FL
“You know I get that sudden urge here and there for a big Mac some Nuggets and then here comes Mcdonalds forgetting the BBQ sauce and giving me some old a** fries. Why? Why must this happen to me? All I wanted was to taste the savory deliciousness that I desire once in a blue moon. An then they remind me why I no longer eat from here. Sad emoji face ?”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I’d love to know the difference between old ass fries and new fresh fries. Poor customer just wanted their BBQ and blue moon Mcdonalds. sad emoji face
Grade: B+
Andrew Wilson
Mississauga, ON
“WORST MCDONALDS IN THE WORLD. They always forgot to give you parts of your order, but have no trouble remembering to charge you. Food is often cold and service is poor. If youre especially hangry, I would avoid this mcdonalds at all costs”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Being hangry is the worst feeling in the world. Every little thing makes it worse and when you don’t get exactly what you want it can only escalate so I feel for this customer but despite the proclamation of this being the worst Mcdonalds in the world the reasons they give don’t stand out to me. Especially after reading thousands of reviews from other locations. Got to try harder if you want to go all out. Sorry Andrew your city let you down on this one.
Grade C-
Maple Dogwood, Lane Frost III, Scott Junior, Bronco Stallion
Atlanta, GA
“Security horrible. Put laptop on table in front of cash registers, went to BR for one minute, laptop and sunglasses gone when I returned. Sunglasses were Rx. Stupid. Be forewarned”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: This one isn’t really unhinged as much as stupid. Not stupid on Mcdonald’s part but by the customer. You put your laptop….in front of where people are actively going to be exchanging money….what result were they expecting to happen? But because I threw this in I will add a legit review….
“I ordered a Big Mac, French fries, Southern sweet tea without ice and a lemon slice, and a large premium hot coffee with cream and sugar. One of the first item menu learned at McDonald's restaurants is to dress a Big Mac because it is one of the company's flagship products and signature dishes. Unfortunately, the employees at this location are in desperate need of training. The managers dropped the ball. I received a Big Mac that tasted like a Quarter Pounder. There was no crisp shredded lettuce or finely chopped onions. However, there were a lot of pickles on this sandwich. Not to my likings. My French Fries were dry. The Southern sweet tea without ice tasted like weak lemon water with a tinge of tea. And the hot coffee was not sweet and sugar had to be requested. Disappointing experience!”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I love when customers go to fast food places and review them like they are at a fine dining establishment and this review might have taken the cake. Honestly, they should become a chef and run their own restaurant because they seem to know what they are talking about.
Grade: A-
Dan Sevin
Santa Clarita, CA
“Update- I visited this McDonald’s and placed a mobile order from right outside, I checked in to Drive-up #1 at 9:56pm, I instantly called to ask if I could purchase 2 McDonald’s toys as my kids were restless and we were heading out on a 4 hour trip. Before anything I asked him if my order was received because the app looked a little different on my phone. He stated that my order was on his screen and confirmed the items in my order. I then asked about the toys, he mentioned that it was a policy “toys cannot be sold separately “. I hung up disappointed. I waited 10 mins and called back because my son kept seeing the big buzzlightyear picture on the glass. I asked him to confirm that he had the actual buzz toys in stock because although I had already placed a big order with lots of food, I was going to buy 2 extra happy meals just to receive the toys for my boys. He said there was only 1 kind available, a girl toy with a cat. That wasn’t going to work for me (not knowing what they look like I did not want a girl toy for my son). I thanked him and said never mind. 10 mins after the phone conversation a big drive-thru rush is cleared and cars arriving after us have come and gone. A male worker clocks out and as he’s walking through the door I remind him that I’ve been waiting for 20 minutes and if he can please advise the staff inside that I’m still waiting. He went inside, mentioned something to them, and left. 35 mins later I’m beyond frustrated as the drive through had been very slow for 5 or so minutes and yet no one has brought me my food. I mind you were traveling and this has now set us back on time. The drive through again starts to slowly fill up so I get out of my vehicle to check the door as the hours online state that the restaurant closes at 11pm. I walk up and as I’m walking I’m saying excuse me bcs I could see a worker. I was completely ignored. No one was attending me until “Tiffany” mentioned to me that I need to leave as the lobby is closed (the front doors were open and not locked I didn’t struggle at all to walk in the door and there were other ppl in there and in the restroom). I explained to Tiffany that I’ve been parked in curbside #1 for about 40 mins now and I’m wondering what’s going on bcs cars have been coming and leaving and we’re still there. She had nothing to say but I needed to leave. She did not acknowledge anything I was saying. At that point I asked to speak to a manager bcs she kept walking away doing other things and not listening. There were 4/5 other employees that I could see and none ever looked my way. I was asking for customer service and everyone including Tiffany were acting as if they could not hear me and as if I was not standing there. I was asking Tiffany (as she was the only one who came near me in the beginning but she literally did not use any words, did not care to understand what I was talking about, did not communicate or more than 5 words) she finally asked “what are you talking about” after I’m standing there explaining from the moment I walk in to try and get someone’s attention bcs im beyond tired and frustrated of waiting. I explained that I was there for curbside #1. She said she didn’t know what I was talking about. I could not believe my ears and my eyes (the girl at the drive through was walking around laughing and the male that was in the center area stocking boxes/misc) no one acknowledged me or anything I was saying- I literally stood there saying “please help me, I’m beyond confused I’ve been here for 40 minutes and no one can even talk to me and explain what’s going on are you serious, this has to be a joke” I started to shake at that point. I noticed that Tiffany pointed something out on the screen…etc.”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: To add to this wonderfully typed review, the customer also had a picture that included themselves in a mirror and yes they look like the definition of a Karen. I tried to rap my head around what was happening and it seems like the customer was trying to get happy meal toys that didn’t exist at that location so after telling her they didn’t have it they just ignored her. Either way, it has made for some top-tier reviewing and Dan has taken the cake so far in the Prospect Grading
Grade: A+
Alexander Hamlin
Seattle, WA
“It’s McDonald’s”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: For a 2.7 rated Mcdonalds (the lowest reviewed yet) there weren’t any crazy reviews so I thought this review was a perfect encapsulation of the Mcdonalds experience.
Grade: D
John Parano
Richmond, VA
“Yo! I’m famished and to my surprise i take a bit of this burger and it’s missing the meat!!!
I’ve had issues with this run down lack of care location over and over. Between customer service and the half a** made food items that are made COMPLETELY INCORRECT PER REQUEST OR AS THE ITEM WOULD NORMALLY COME. This is UNACCEPTABLE and i can’t say i except more but UNPROFESSIONAL. Zero STARS”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Yo! That ain’t no burger dawg that sounds more like a lettuce and tomato sandwich! Capitalized words are always a nice touch and important to note for all you prospects looking to improve your Mcdonalds unhinged review game
Grade: B+
Jarad Marshall, Big Birtha
Chicago, IL
“The chicken was floating and a jelly like substance was eating on of the toilets. There was an animal in there barfing on my meal and you know as the usual, the dogs.. Unicorns dide, I swear, they were everywhere”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: If someone is high right or drunk or both could you please explain what is happening in this review? I don’t know whether this deserves an A or a D but I think the former makes more sense as I can’t make sense of what is being said despite trying desperately to understand.
Grade: A
Bobby Hands
Augusta, ME
“I CANT BELIEVE THAT THIS MCDONALD'S GIVE YOU ONLY ONE PICKLE PER BURGER I AM A PICKLE LOVER AND THEY ADD 1 PICKLE THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE!!!”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: This is more of a personal vendetta against pickles than anything but pickles ruin everything they touch so this reviewer should be happy they only got 1. It would have been even better if there were no pickles. Sorry Bobby but the pickle tax requires me to give you an automatic D-
Grade: D-
Orange Julius
San Francisco, CA
“mean nasty service! This was one of the worst experences of my life even worce than the time my renter left a dead. Body in the bathtub or the time one of the engines was on fire on the plane i was on. The people working here have no people skills mc donald needs new managers and to get rid of rude crew members!”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: This person seems to have had quite the life, from finding a dead body, to being on a burning plane, to having nasty McDonalds service this reviewer has definitely seen it all.
Grade: B
Mattrim Cauthon
Two Rivers, WI
“The word "fast" in this location should only be referred to of mentioned if one is planning on "fasting" for religious reasons! Every time I go there the line moves slower than any other restaurant I have ever been to and half of the times I go to this location the strawberry shake machine is out of order again. I figure that the only reason that people still go there is that it's the only place in town anymore that has a drive through. Then there's the issue of getting the order right! Extra pickles does not mean the same as "hold the pickles" and a Plain strawberry shake is not the same as a vanilla shake holding the strawberry, it means no whipping cream! Seriously something has got to change”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I love me a good “angry analogy” and this one is no exception. This one isn’t so much unhinged as thought-provoking as it seems they really put some time and thought into what they were going to say and how they were going to say it.
Grade: C-
Domeo Roubs
Sebring, OH
*Zap’s Pizza “Horrible experience!!! Placed an order online. Over an hour after they said it would be delivered with 2 hungry children...I called and asked where our order was and If they got it they said they didn't get it. We ordered somewhere else but my card was charged through zepps for the "order they didn't get" I called back and they said they had our order but wouldn't deliver...we had already ordered somewhere else by then. I asked for them to reimburse me and the manager was extremely rude cussing and yelling and told me to never order from them again wow I'm shocked, I've ordered from them for 4 years and whoever the woman ( manager) is that's working there needs to do so much better!! As a restaurant manager as myself you should never treat anyone like that when you're in the wrong ! I will be following up with the police department!”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Anytime you decide to call the police department you know the reviewer has to be at least a little unhinged. But I guess as a restaurant manager this reviewer knows what they are talking about so why argue?
Grade: B
Diego López de Castilla
Lima, Peru
“this place was the best, but i dont wanna r8 any more than a one. i would r8 0 startz if possible but i cant”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: It seems that the people of Lima really enjoy their McDonalds as I found it difficult to find a truly unhinged review. To reflect that I decided on this 1 star review that is unhinged because of how contradictory it is.
Grade: B
Trey Hyman
Norfolk, VA
“GET OVER HERREEEE!? What happen to the bare minimum ??♂️ $4 can turn into 7 bucks quick? I mean man, all I wanted was a hash brown and sausage biscuit really but I was pressure to spend more and that was all for me smh lol they charge u all this money for this nasty a** food... Gone head n keep making ya money MickeyD but not from I again??♂️”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Get over here and never go to this Mcdonald's again!
Grade: B+
Theo Blake, Pat Uncertain
Memphis, TN
“Two nights in a row , THEY GOT NOBODY WORKING AT NIGHT (LIKE AT 7:30pm and the other 9pm) & WE ARE LEGIT SITTING IN THE LINE FOR HOUR AND HALF!!! HOW TF THIS NEXT TO THE UNIVERSITY CLOSING AT 11pm WHEN THERE NOBODY PAST 7:30pm?!?! But aside that though the donuts are meh at best.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Waiting an hour and half in line when you know no one is working there is certainly a statement. Also had no idea Mcdonalds even had donuts so that is news to me.
Grade: C+
Rip Torn
Modesto, CA
“Worse experience ever... waited 25 minutes ,,,, for my food,,, an other people,, who ordered,, there food on mc donalds app,,, they where all angry,,, cause it took forever,,, an all the Mexican girl employees,,, was just standing around talking to one another,,, there where alot of people,, who left the bussiness,, due to Them taking forever,, with other orders.. I will never go,,to this mc donalds ever again.. Worse experience ever.”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I don’t,,,, even understand,,,,, how you can manage to ,,,,, type,,, like this,, Like what,,, are they doing,,, to make this,, possible and why,,, are they doing it,, in the first place.
Grade: A-
Jelani Avant
Farmington, AR
“You all we not believe this...but its very true. I went to McDonald's today and ordered medium fries & medium chocolate shake, I asked for 1 packet of ketchup and 1 packet of mayo. I was told that i would be chargerd .32 cents for ketchup & .36 cents for mayo, i laughed to the kid because i thought he was joking, he was very serious. This is the look i gave him? ?, i said WHAT? So needless to say i ate dry fries, plus had to use my sleeve to wipe crumbs off my mouth because they don't give out napkins either. I will never support McDonalds in FARMINGTON, AR. or any other McDs, so if you decide to dine in make sure you take your own bottle of Ketchup or you'll be charged on your ticket and you'll never know that they sneaked in extra charges. BAD SERVICE.????? to McD's.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I can honestly say I do believe it, at least if you are buying extra. I think there is some exaggeration in this review but I will let it slide somewhat because of the great use of emojis.
Grade: C-
Joey Flex
Buffalo, NY
“Was ripped off, workers completely incompetent. We had 15,000 McDonald’s points. Rolled up to the window and asked if we could use all of the points to order various things. They said sure no problem. Ordered a happy meal, large drink, 1 mcchicken and 2 cheeseburgers. Gave 5 codes and all our points were gone. Price after points was $2. Come to first window, incompetent rude miserable worker #1 claimed we owed $19-something; that she had no idea about the points. I Could clearly see on her monitor that the item prices were crossed off as we had used the points to pay (I don’t even know how this worker could manage to screw this up, if it was truly unintentional). Argued for a minute, called the manager over who then said yes, we’re right, it’s $2. Pull up to the next window. Incompetent miserable worker #2 says that we only have a happy meal and a drink. Argued for a while again, and just gave up with the drink and happy meal for my kid because 3 dollar-menu burgers aren’t worth the frustration. Wish my husband was in the car as he isn’t a push-over like I am and would have went inside and demanded it be sorted. I don’t have the patience for that.
In all of the combined 90 years of life experience that was in the car, none of us had ever had such an awful experience at a fast food place. Never dealt with such rude and incompetent people, ever. It’s not the customers fault that you work at McDonald’s.”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: People with more life experience at Mcdonalds needs to inform me whether 15000 points is as much as I think it is. Anyways as incompetent miserable worker #3 I would like to say that We were all trying our very best but this customer made things very difficult for us to do our job.
Grade: B-
Bradley Uppercrust III
Columbus, OH
“McD's will shorten life faster than cigarettes.. and Ray Kroc was theif, and a misogynist jerk. McDonald brothers founded McDonald's, not Ray Kroc(h)”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: This one isn’t so much about the location but rather the company as a whole. And while this customers review may have some merit to it to just go out and put this review on a random Mcdonalds seems kind of unfair.
Grade: C+
Thomas Passarelli
Visalia, CA
“Ice cream machine always broken!!! Not "lov'in it"!!”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I would be remise if I did not have a review that did not include something about a broken ice machine but to add the Mcdonalds tag line at the end of the review is *chef’s kiss*
Grade: D+
Conway Spittey
Birmingham, AL
“Why don’t zero stars exist??????? This McDonald’s is the closest one to my house. I love McDonald’s and crave it all the time. I’m not sure why I keep giving this one a chance. I have never once had a good experience there. The lines are always long, the sign says open 24 hours dining room and drive thru (not true) they had the doors locked for inside at 10:00 and the “manager” was counting the drawer instead of tending to the customers. I sat at the window for 3 minutes and no one was in sight. (Actually I saw the manager in the corner and she completely ignored me and went back to counting the drawer) anyway, I drove up to the “3rd” window and no one was there. Believe it or not, there was another car parked in the drive thru parking who just so happened to have been there for 15 MINUTES waiting on their food to be brought out. As to no surprise, they had forgotten her order. Well ONCE AGAIN, I wanted to give it another shot. I attempted to go through the drive thru but both lanes were full of cars. Well just so happens the night shift manager was walking in and the other manager was letting her in as i drove passed. I asked both of them about my order and they said I was welcome to drive back through and reorder. I nicely replied with “well I’m probably not going to do that.....” and was rudely interrupted by these so called “managers” as they over talked me, told me I was wrong, and then shut the door. This place needs a makeover. ASAP.”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: This person must enjoy torturing themself or are in a time loop that forces them to continue to return to this location because despite complaining about problems with the place they keep going back time and time again.
Grade: A-
Jerod Mustard
Woonsocket, RI
“The emblzment that's going on in this store and the owner has not a clue. I can't fathum why top brass hasint closed it down fyi plus the food comp thay could feed a large country”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: A couple thoughts here, one, how does this customer know embezzlement is going on. Two, how does the owner NOT know it is happening? Wouldn’t they be the one embezzling the money in the first place?
Grade: C+
Michael Morton
Berlin, Germany
“What a drama!!! I went here 2 times in 1 week, because I had some vouchers: all 4 burgers were cold!!! Then on the last time, I was screamed at by the waitress who spoke German with a strong foreign accent and no manners!!! All because I sat there too long. She could come to me and tell it to me politely, but instead she screamed to me multiple times - the whole restaurant could here it! Also they really need to do something with this dirty place. It's ridiculous,.......... NEVER AGAIN!!!!”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: How dare a woman in Germany speak German to this customer! This is absolutely unacceptable and I am extremely happy this person spoke up and said something about it.
Grade: C
William Lucas
Cardiff, Wales
“pathetic organisation, never paper in machines for order print outs, staff slower than a legless corpse, waited twenty minutes for a basic big mac meal today, wouldn't bother going to this branch unless your desperate”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: As I mentioned before I love a good analogy and “staff slower than a legless corpse” may be one of my new favorites.
Grade: D
Justin Time
Jacksonville, FL
“The most ghetto, negative, low vibrational atmosphere, poor quality food, poor customer service, that I have ever received from any McDonald's in my 49 years of living!!!! Whoever owns this McDonald's location as a franchisee and employs the individuals working there should be punished!”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: “Low vibrational atmosphere” what does this even mean? The adjectives and descriptors used in this review are second to none. Bravo Justin for being born in Jacksonville because it has given you an excellent grade!
Grade: A-
A Waffle
Los Angeles, CA
Special exception *Dinah’s Family Restaurant
“This is a nice place. I love the old phono players and cameras that are all around the restaurant. I had a banana and walnut Belgian waffle that was very tasty. I'll be back. ? …”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Some of my favorite reviews are when they don’t understand how the star system works and in this case this reviewer giving the place a 1 star when trying to give it 5 stars is hilarious to me. Also apparently this place is very good so “A Waffle” you might be eaten sooner than you think.
Grade: D-
Thor Dangerson
Stockholm, Sweden
“It’s like time stopped in here and not in a charming way. I counted 8 employees all walking around like zombies chitchatting with each other. The burgers are left to dry out and served old and the venue is just dirty. I actually came here about a month ago and was exactly the same thing. This was def the last time. Shouldn’t even be allowed to be called a McD.”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: It would seem the Mcdonalds zombie virus is on the loose. From legless corpses to zombies Mcdonalds has all sorts of ghouls and goblins!
Grade: C-
Paul McLaughlin
New Orleans, LA
“First of all, I don’t even eat this cancerous / poisonous food anyways… but the one night I’m craving some warm chocolate chip cookies, I decide to come here. Now I know y’all knew these cookies are burnt smh!!! I see why you guys reviews are so low. Can’t even fix cookies right!”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: If you are going to Mcdonalds for cookies you might want to rethink your life choices.
Grade: C
Wario Saturday
Martinsville, IN
*Mushroom Kingdom (school): “got some killer shrooms by some shady guy in overalls and tripped balls, and woke up naked, still a good school though”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Seems like a normal day at the Mushroom Kingdom glad it is as unhinged irl as it is in the video games.
Grade: A+
Gajeel Redfox
Magnolia, TX
“I was served a bloody burger, blood all over box and bun... Do not try to have a conversation with anyone in this place they will speak Spanish at you as if you are just stupid,very rude, will never go back to this McDonald's again”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: No thoughts. I think the review speaks for itself
Grade: C
Carter Goad
Chesterton, IN
“WE WILL NEVER GO AGAIN. WE GO HERE ALL THE TIME.. NEVER AGAIN. CORPORATE WAS CONTACTED AND OWNER. The food has gone down, service as well multiple times we have left without food and had to go back or not gotten it at all. 2 weeks ago we bought the big breakfast with pancakes. Drive thru. Left came home and no pancakes. (Accidents happen) called and explained to manager. Was then told they were no longer serving breakfast and we could give our name and come get back and get them next time we came in. Went back a weekend after and they were to busy to be bothered with it. ( we get that no problem we will wait) went back today and was told... this never happened we weren't getting our pancakes. That they don't give out FREE FOOD. It wasn't free WE PAID FOR THEM AND NEVER GOT THEM. MANAGER made a huge scene over 4 pancakes that we were told to come back and get and (yes we were upset but not yelling or threatening her or anyone and even apologized for being upset but explained our frustration) then she called the police when we left as if we did something wrong. We go to this McDonald's ALL THE TIME. WE WILL NEVER GO AGAIN”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: This is my type of review and another one that blows me away with the quality. The delusion in this review is impressive. To say they weren’t being threatening while yelling via text with their capitalized words is comical. I also like the immediate reversal from going to Mcdonalds all the time to never going again likely because they ended up getting banned from going to that location to be honest. Also who goes to Mcdonald’s for pancakes?
Grade: A
Moonwolff von Doomovic
Salamanca, Spain
“Arrogant staff, with a lack of humility, make mistakes when placing your order and instead of apologizing they offend you. I have had to call the local police because they have not provided me with an official complaint form from the Junta de Castilla y León. I do not recommend this place at least with the staff that was there today. Disappointing and all for an ice cream.
By the way they didn't have water for sale either”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Karen Unleashed. All for an ice cream.
Grade: B-
LeBlockus Brickwall, Dylan Friedland
Philadelphia, PA
“Don't do it! All the McDonald's are ghetto and unprofessional! There's never any true adults working , just young ppl not caring about, anything or anyone! Not knowing how to carry themselves with decorum! McDonalds can use some training and hiring tips from Chick-fil-A and Canes! This one is no exception! class up folks!”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: New business idea - We are going back to the 20’s everyone wear suit and ties and regal clothing. That will turn this nation around I’m sure of it!
Grade: B+
Otis Graber
Freedom, IN
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Lot’s of churches but no food to be seen for miles
Grade: F
Buck McTruck
Soddy Daisy, TN
“Clown food and the clown is gone. Bring back Ronald or shut the doors”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I completely agree with this reviewer BRING BACK RONALD. He was the only reason I went to Mcdonalds in the first place. Without that terrifying clown smile how am I supposed to know if I enjoy the food or not? Ronald was always there to comfort me and make sure I was enjoying it. Luckily they recently brought Grimace back which brought me some joy to be able to celebrate Grimace’s birthday but other than that Mcdonalds has gone downhill I tell you! #BringBackRonald
Grade: C+
Tim Tebow Jr.
Gainesville, FL
“Stingy over napkins????? I used my shirts, no worries. Super rude customer service. Clown is so suitable for you”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Mcdonalds was clearly doing this reviewer a favor by not providing napkins. Why waste valuable napkins when they are willing to use their shirt instead! Both Mcdonalds and the reviewer should be proud of themselves for saving the trees! Nice of them to mention Ronald it seems that the word is already beginning to spread! #BringBackRonald
Grade: C-
Crazy Tomato
Victoria, BC
“I just came from this place. I when in the drive thru and scraped my car because of how tiny their drive thru is I bumped the side of their wall maybe going 2-5 kms and now i have a hole in my front bumper. They need to take better care of their property. This is NOT OK. Not to mention the cashier saw my car after and didn’t even say anything about it”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I like how this sentence “I bumped the side of their wall maybe going 2-5 kms and now i have a hole in my front bumper” is followed by this sentence “They need to take better care of their property”. But who am I to judge! It is clearly Mcdonalds fault this reviewer doesn’t know how to drive properly!
Grade: A
Redd Mistt
Darby, MT
*406 Saloon/Big Cat Cafe: “This place is total Rip off. My wife and I ordered 2 doubles and it was 24.50 for my crown and coke, and 22.50 for my wife's rum and coke. When we asked why their prices were so high they said because it's a tourist area and yellowstone filmed in the area. They have no affiliation with the movie just trying to take advantage of people passing thru. I will not be back and will make sure I let all my friends know NOT to stop there.
First off, I don't need your feedback for my opinion on my review. Secondly you charge $6.00 per shot, plus .50 for soda. highest I've paid in any bar in Montana, so my 2 doubles of crown was 24.50, we walked across the street where you buy your liquor from and the whole bottle was only 32.00. Your greed says it all. I'm done with you.”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: This is the first review I have included that the customer wrote a review, the owner responded, and the reviewer wrote back. This person clearly is unaware of how tourist towns function but I like how they double down and feel the need to debate the owner long after they have already been to the restaurant.
Grade: B+
Dormo Bloodhand
Jesus Maria, Mexico
*Waterdeep Store “An excellent store, a sanctuary for wargames players, mainly warhammer 40,000, Blood Bowl, Infinity, Song of Fire and Ice, Bolt Action, etc. Great place to go play, learn new games or just appreciate the collections on display”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: This one is a little different because Dormo was born in Waterdeep and this was the best I could do. With that being said, this store has a perfect rating and everyone seems to thoroughly enjoy it. However that is not why we are here and how we do our ratings so I have no choice but to grade Dormo as…
Grade: F
Lod Vilkshelm
Oslo, Norway
“The McDrive smells like horrible rotten garbage - almost threw up while getting my McMuffin :'-(
Otherwise not bad at all.”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I’ve never heard the Drive-Thru referred to as the “McDrive” but I guess there is a first time for everything. I also appreciate their honesty here with almost throwing up to saying it wasn’t bad at all.
Grade: D+
Trent Thigpen
Pittsburgh, PA
“Whatever meat they use for a Chicken McCrispy is completely inedible garbage ?️ they remade my sandwich 3x each time some strange, sinewy cartilage meat that doesn't chew or pull like actual Chicken and I'm disgusted ? it was even in my mouth”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I can’t believe this person DARED to put food in their mouth. They are my hero. Also labelling Mcdonalds meat as meat is quite generous but you have to expect that when you are going to Mcdonalds. So as far as unhinged? Not really? Honest? Maybe. 3x multiplier? Yes.
Grade: C-
Ryan McBean
Crawfordsville, IN
“I know for a fact that there is a employee there that has bed bugs and she (bb) is the one that has them she gave them to me. So watch y'all's food might be getting more then u ordered for once”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Bed bugs legit terrify me but to make a claim like that is quite the proclamation. I may need to do some investigative journalism into this reviewer to get to the truth behind the review.
Grade: C+
HK 19
Riverside, IA
*Casey’s: “Had stuffs”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: What more can you ask for. When I go to a restaurant or am looking to get some food I’m definitely looking to eat some stuffs. So this review isn’t so much unhinged as it is informative!
Grade: D-
Eric James
Letterkenny, ON
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: There are multiple Letterkenny cities so I wasn’t sure which one Eric was actually from but I tried to make an educated guess as best I could. With that being said as you can see from the lack of reviews, there is absolutely nothing around in this area. Letterkenny, Ontario is a barren hellscape with nothing for miles and miles without even a Mcdonalds for salvation. I feel bad for Eric James and the people of Letterkenny.
Grade: F
Joey Battle
Tulsa, OK
“Holy hell what did I just experience the God awful place I just went to just killed everybit of a mcdonalds experience I had to almost run out of there. The place foe 1. Stinks like sweage mix with a boys bathroom grotesque. The fact it took 12min for a simple quarter lb meal and there was only one person in line but that God awful smell jeeze some cleaning supplies might help make a new store something God bless those workers I couldn't do it”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Now this is, while colorful, not really what I would call unhinged. But what made me choose this review above all others was that besides the review in the subtext the reviewer writes “I found parking wish I didnt” and because of this simple statement it adds an extra layer to the pain and context of the situation.
Grade: C
. Gougar
The Bronx, NY
“Manager has limited explanation as to why the phone that was used to order food needs to be present so that the order can appear on the order screen. Had to get out of the shower to walk to the McDonald myself”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I don’t even know where to begin with this one. So the person was trying to order Mcdonalds for delivery? Were they ordering through door dash? It doesn’t seem like it because they were apparently on the phone with the Manager. But they were on the phone with the manager in the shower? So many questions but at least the reviewer is squeaky clean!
Grade: A-
Billy Ennair
Jupiter, NY
“NEVER AGAIN! I ordered the wrap and was excited to eat it and once I bit into it, a putrid taste of death overcame my mouth. Once opening it, this is what I'm met with..rotten eggs. This McDonald's does not inspect their quality of food? NEVER EVER AGAIN! BUYERS BEWARE!!!”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: “a putrid taste of death” I love me some good descriptors and these reviewers continue to not let me down. Especially because rotten eggs do kind of have that “deadly” smell to them.
Grade: C+
Ryan Labotep
Bridgeport, CT
“Terrible, assistance manger try to attack me,the mother work in the back making food and came to attack me too, all started bcus I waited to be taking care for my kids order & she gave me a attitude. The manager there defended her let her go outside and wrestle me. She did not even get fire.. they let her & mother work like nothing happen”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Mcdonalds wrestling match sure sounds exciting. What we really need is a Chuck E Cheese Ball pit to put it all together and get a Chuck E Cheese X Mcdonalds battle royale going. That would get all sorts of attention. I have all sorts of great marketing ideas Mcdonalds if you are ever looking for someone to help you out.
Grade: B-
Chris Bourassa
Boston, MA
“We found rocks in the chicken nuggets that’s so disgusting”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I don’t know how to react to this one. It feels like a far-fetched thing to lie about but at the same time finding rocks in chicken nuggets seems….impossible? Whether it is true or not I’d say that is pretty unhinged.
Grade: B
Baron Reaves
Oklahoma City, OK
“Everything about this place sucks please go to any other McDonald's in OKC but this one. My whole family was poisoned by these people that rather run their mouth than make decent food. They need a while new staff and I'm sure the franchise owner is upside down”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: the franchise owner is upside down? Is this a reference I should know? Either way from poisoning to upside-down owners this person has definitely lost their marbles.
Grade: A-
Adam Dietzel
Norristown, PA
“They instantly hung up on me cause I am a kid and my mom wanted me to try to order for myself. DONT CALL THEM AS A KID”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Poor kid just trying to live an adults life in a kid’s world. It’s rough out there. But maybe one day things will get better. The sheer happiness this kid will feel when finally, FINALLY, they will get to order for themselves will be well worth the wait I’m sure.
Grade: C
Pete Moss
Slippery Rock, PA
“This is a disgrace to the Golden Arches. Ray Kroc would be rolling in his grave. I usually don't like to leave bad reviews but this is a constant for this McDonalds in Slippery Rock. I don't know who is running this franchise but they may want to come into their store and see how ridiculous it is being operated. Enjoy waiting in long drive through lines to spend around $10 to get this type of food”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Nah, I’ll pass
Grade: C
Wayne Miller
Little Rock, AR
“The slowest, dirtiest McDonalds I’ve ever been too. It was hot and smelly. Trash and flies everywhere. Nobody to take orders or get drinks. The food was horrible left worst taste in my mouth. It was cold and very greasy. Shame on you McDonald’s. I wouldn’t let me dog eat at this one”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: We are really getting into the nitty gritty with this one as they go as far as to say they won’t let their dog eat here. But on the unhinged radar it is a pretty luke-warm take that seems to be echoed by many throughout the country and not just at this location.
Grade: C-
Geo Roberts
Charolette, NC
“What's with the trap music playing in here? Brought my kids in today and all lyrics were referring to " shake that money maker ho " ! Come on manager get it together!. Can't rate the food. We left due to the atmosphere not appropriate for kids”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: This person must have a hard time eating anywhere if they can’t eat with those lyrics.
Grade: B+
Xavier Moreno
“We made a mobile order. It was 8 items total. We pull up and they give us a bag with 5 items. We attempt to tell them what was wrong but the kid running the food window just said "aight aight" but didn't actually listen. He takes our bag and gives us a new bag... With two items in it. Then we tell them it's wrong again. None of this is our fault we literally were missing over half our order. He takes that bag and brings back another bag with three totally different items. At this point he's STILL giving us major attitude. My husband asks for a refund and they take our debit card for like 15 minutes. So now we're worried they copied it out of spite. Don't order from here. They severely messed up our order four times in a row.”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Aight, aight let me give you a little secret. People don’t like being told they are wrong so if you are going to do what this reviewer did be as polite as possible and I feel like there is some exaggeration/hiding of the truth in here. My guess is those items were a bunch of sauces or napkins. It is important to note after analyzing the review the person never mentions what “items” are actually missing this leads me to believe they are not telling the full truth!
Grade: C-
James Orion
Indianapolis, IN
“THE MANAGER THAT WORKD ON SUNDAY AT 12:32 pm IS SOOOO RUDE LIKE YOU CANT OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND ASK ONE SIMPLE QUESTION?!! " Hi CAN I HELP U"!! WORK ON YOUR CUSTOMER SERVICE SKILLS!!?? ?️ ???”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Interesting use of emoji’s here we have a lot of trash and angry faces but we also have a bullseye and 100 emoji that would indicate it was good. Not sure what those are about and with that kind of mix it is hard to decipher a coherent message.
Grade: A-
Carlos Monfils
Houston, TX
“When the rude girl handed me the first of my 2 drinks at the drive through it had the tea dripping all down the sides when I asked her to please wipe it off she got mad and instead just shoved my second drink at me with some napkins. It was then that I saw there was green slim around the cups edges and the rim. When I asked her what it was she said with attitude, "I don't know!" The second cup with the napkins around it were very wet and it was then that I realized that the second cup was actually split down the side. I quickly had to throw it to the curb..luckily their curb, their sidewalk and probably their window just too bad the same nasty girl with attitude was missed but hopefully she atleast had to clean it up! Better them then the interior of my brand new SUV! If you don't like your job...find another one!”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Don’t be an asshole ?
Grade: C+
Dunkin Lazlo
Nashville, TN
“Musty ratchet employees, led by the dirtiest manager…. Chickfila would never allow people like them working there (but they have to go somewhere right) lol had to leave because I didn’t want to catch anything….in the food or a shell case. Be careful here!”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: A lot of talk about these employees but I need something more from this review. What made the employees “ratchet” how was the manager “dirty”. This person needs to take a book out of some of these other reviews to learn how to use some powerful descriptors to really bring home their point.
Grade: D+
Felix Waterman
Stamford, CT
“these lazy grasshoppers hate doing their job, please update the sign on the door which states the inside is open till 12 am. they will pick and choose who can come inside to order food about two hours before the inside is supposed to be closed and if not enjoy waiting in the line of cars going down east main. let’s hire people who actually can be useful to the community these multi billion dollar company chains are providing for instead of continuing to recruit the manager(s) lazy family members with disgusting attitudes”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: “Lazy grasshoppers”. Interesting analogy. Since I’m thinking about lazy grasshoppers I will tell a quick story. When I mow the lawn there are always hundreds of grasshoppers in the yard and I don’t have the time to stop for every single one so if you are a lazy grasshopper then you are getting sliced and diced. So I guess that is a good analogy because it describes the employees as lazy, clueless, and slow and if they are trying to make a point at how bad they are at the job it definitely hits home.
Grade: B-
Golden Foote
Bangkok, Thailand
“Not a real McDonald’s. Probably a franchise, the food tastes disgusting compared to other McDonald’s”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Before I talk about the review I want to mention that I have found that internationally, Mcdonalds tends to be rated higher than in the US. I wonder if that is because it is deemed “foreign/American” food that there is extra appeal or what but in almost every place outside of North America the ratings for Mcdonalds have been higher. With that being said this 1-star review describes this location as a franchise. I hate to break it to this reviewer but around 90% of Mcdonalds locations are franchises so this one isn’t anything special. In fact if it tastes so different maybe it isn’t a franchise.
Grade: C-
PasLewy Weaver
Fredericton, NB
“Terrible experience! My chicken big Mac looked like it had been hit by a bus, I got less nuggets than I paid for, and no sauce with them. If this site would let me rate 0 stars, I would. Not to mention, they are extremely slow, I've been served faster in a major city during a lunch or dinner rush rush I did late at night here”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Well I would prefer my chicken big Mac look like it had been hit by a bus than look like an actual chicken so there is that. Less nuggets may be a result of eating those nugs so fast you didn’t even notice you had them until it was too late. But if they were actually missing nuggets then this is a well warranted review and unacceptable behavior from Mcdonalds as that would ruin my entire night.
Grade: B-
Fieramosca Malatesta
Rome, Italy
“MC Donall’s ITALY - They Don’t have a refill soda. And the burgers ingredients is so poor.??
I recommend the BURGERMEISTER in Germany”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Alright looks like we have a BURGERMEISTER spy spreading deceit amongst the Mcdonalds ranks. They also had a picture that had them with some sort of BURGERMEISTER sauce they definitely went to Mcdonalds for the lone reason of trashing it in favor of their otherworldly BURGERMEISTER.
Grade: D-
Zenzeroni Xystarch II
Disappointment Island, New Zealand
*Disappointing Ice Cream: “I was drop shipped by a flying bus and had to fight my way there only to discover there was no store, then my girlfriend broke up with me. Worst date ever!”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: I am not biased whatsoever and alas Disappointment Island, unfortunately, has no Mcdonalds (what a disappointment) however we do have one lone ice cream place and it looks like this reviewer was hoping to be dropped at Tomato Town so that they could get down. But instead were dropped on the nothingness of Disappointment Island. Then their girlfriend broke up with them so they might want to rethink where they are dropping in the future. I hear Tilted Towers is a great place to go although I don’t think it exists anymore. Anyways, this is a pretty unhinged review talking about something completely unrelated to the actual establishment is big bucks in my book.
Grade: A-
Desmond Jones
Portageville, MO
“Probably should hire someone who knows more words than ha/spent almost 10 minutes at the drive up trying to get the order right and best answer I got was ha/finally drove away very frustrated”.
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: ha/not sure what is going on or what this person is describing but I think they just got PRANKED! ha/
Grade: B+
Unuway Jepthat
Nairobi, Kenya
*The Peach Restaurant: “Got food poisoning on Sunday July 16th 2022. Vomiting, diarrhea..the works. Thought I was going to die! All from eating masala chips and goat meat from here. Never again!”
Zenzeroni’s Thoughts: Not ideal.
Grade: D
So what should these Prospects and scouts and GM’s take from all this? Well, there is a great number of things that are important to think about and remember when looking at the information provided above. Firstly it is a great indication of how much trust you can put into your Prospects. If their birthplace has a higher graded Mcdonalds review then the less you can trust them as they have that “unhinged” blood inside them as well. They could snap at any moment so it is important to notice the signs of becoming unhinged:
1. Responding to answers saying “L” or “W”
2. Large use of emoji’s
3. Lot’s of all capitalized words
4. Not self aware
5. Karen-like behavior
There are many other ways to see whether your prospect is falling into the unhinged rabbit hole but it is important that if you see these actions taking place to give them help immediately. And for any prospect that is looking at their review and realizing they are at risk of becoming unhinged it is important to tell your GM immediately so that they can help you as soon as possible. The sooner you become aware of the symptoms, the sooner you can combat it.
Closing Thoughts
This analysis is the only analysis GM’s should need when picking a prospect for their DSFL roster as it is the most comprehensive of the personality the prospect will have. Take Antonio Brown for example. He was born in Miami, Florida which I gave a B+ for the unhinged factor. Now imagine if he is only a B+ what those Prospects with an A- or higher are going to turn out to be like. I am revolutionizing the way Prospects are graded and assessed as it is more than just the play on the field but the head inside the helmet that is important as well.
You may have noticed that I have an A- rating. Do not be alarmed I am currently seeking no help and don’t need anyone’s help. I am completely fine and am the only exception to the rules I have laid down. It is obvious from this entire article how perfectly fine I am and how “hinged” I am vs unhinged. There is no need to worry about me lashing out and quitting midway through a game like Antonio Brown because I can focus my emotions on the game at hand without losing sight of the end game. Just ignore my previous article about the Clown Car Four because I was completely fine when I was writing that article and had no problems or anger issues whatsoever.
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