27. Imagine your current position was not available to be picked when you created your player. What other position would you have picked, and why?
Marty Crane was born to play running back. That’s not debatable. He has the hands, chin, and speed for it. If you take that obvious role though, the only logical choice is Safety. Marty has incredibly high on-field awareness. He’s a film buff who studies the playbook the way Dewey Greenbeans studies well…vegetables. As a result, he knows where every player on both sides of the ball is supposed to be on every single play. He knows why the defensive coordinators call certain coverages and what they’re trying to accomplish. He understands where the holes are and the counterpunches modern offenses have for every man, zone, and hybrid D that can be thrown at them. This elite level of awareness and field vision would be a powerful weapon deployed in the secondary. Roaming center field and jumping plays before wide receivers even make their breaks would be his specialty, but he’d also excel at diagnosing the run and smashing the backs in the mouth before the lineman had a chance to climb to the next level to stop him. Don’t be surprised if Marty winds up at Safety before he hangs up his cleats. (194 words)
32. Your player has decided to start a podcast since it's what all the cool celebrities are doing these days. What would the name of your player's podcast be and what would they talk about/do on the podcast?
According to his agent, Marty Crane is already in process of signing a major deal with Ballantine Beer to host “Marty’s Malt Mates.” The premise of the podcast is simple, yet elegant. Each week Marty will invite two guests, one athlete and one actor/comedian/magician, to sample several beers and rate them. They’d also weigh in on what they thought the beers were and if they’d recommend them to their friends and social network. If the guests are able to successfully identify any of the beers they will win a year’s supply of Ballantine beer, a trip to Chicago to see a Butchers game on the sideline, and a signed mouth guard worn by Marty in a game. The guests will also have the chance to win an additional ten thousand dollar donation to the charity of their choice if they can chug a pint of Ballantine’s faster than Marty. They of course, never can, but Marty still makes the donations himself using his salary from the show. (167 words)
34. New players join our teams every season, so which of those new players made the biggest impact on the field for your team?
When the Dallas Birddogs started last season began it was clear this team had the potential to make a deep playoff run. The skill positions on offense were stacked. They had an elite quarterback in Octavion Speedings, a trio of slippery running backs in Reginald Arceneaux, Maple Dogwood, and Marty Crane, and a pair of dangerous wide receivers in La’Fluke Paris- Johnson and Lane Frost III. The offensive was going to hum, but when you add in the studs on the offensive line, Carter Goad, Not Edd, and Wario Saturday, they were definitely in the top tier in the league. With that said, believe it or not, the strength of this team was the D. They had STUDS along the line and backer core like Marret, Wake, Battle, Jontholomew, Dingleberry, Worldwide. The secondary was led by an elite corner in Redfox and they had plus starters in Runner, Retriever, and Monfils. What they needed was just one more piece in the backend and when the team signed Dewey Greenbeans, they filled that void. Dewey roamed centerfield providing way more value than a rookie FS should with 4 INTS, 1 sack, and two defensive touchdowns. His pick sixes came at the most opportune of times, including in a rematch against Portland that helped Dallas wiggle into the playoffs as the top seed in the South. Dallas was upset in the playoffs, but this fairy tale regular season the Birddogs had would not have been possible without the astounding play of their UNDRAFTED pro bowl FS. What a story. Don’t be shocked if Disney picks up the rights. (266 words)
31. Make up an award for your player (or even someone else) to win for something not on the football field.
Each year the Crane Cup is awarded to the player in the DSFL who successfully performed the most citizen’s arrests. This prestigious trophy was of course inspired by the efforts of Marty Crane who, despite being an elite talent on the field, refused to stop improving his community off of it. While many players donate money to charity or help out at food banks on Thanksgiving, which is obviously great for everyone, Marty rolled up his sleeves and literally fought back against a gang robbing an elderly ice cream truck driver. The Crane Cup takes a fresh look at how players can use their talents to aid their cities like Marty did. Regardless of your personal political views, we all can agree that reducing crime is a good thing. Finding a way to do so without raises taxes or forcing police officers to work too many hours is a great thing. Your average Joe can’t catch a sprinting bank robber, but Marty Crane certainly has the wheels (and technique) to take one down. Just as importantly, seeing athletes on the front page of the paper for tying up shoplifters and beating up drivers who were speeding near schools sends a strong message and prevents further crime from occurring. If you need help, turn on the Crane signal and don’t be surprised to see your favorite players swinging in from the rooftops. (231 words)
Marty Crane was born to play running back. That’s not debatable. He has the hands, chin, and speed for it. If you take that obvious role though, the only logical choice is Safety. Marty has incredibly high on-field awareness. He’s a film buff who studies the playbook the way Dewey Greenbeans studies well…vegetables. As a result, he knows where every player on both sides of the ball is supposed to be on every single play. He knows why the defensive coordinators call certain coverages and what they’re trying to accomplish. He understands where the holes are and the counterpunches modern offenses have for every man, zone, and hybrid D that can be thrown at them. This elite level of awareness and field vision would be a powerful weapon deployed in the secondary. Roaming center field and jumping plays before wide receivers even make their breaks would be his specialty, but he’d also excel at diagnosing the run and smashing the backs in the mouth before the lineman had a chance to climb to the next level to stop him. Don’t be surprised if Marty winds up at Safety before he hangs up his cleats. (194 words)
32. Your player has decided to start a podcast since it's what all the cool celebrities are doing these days. What would the name of your player's podcast be and what would they talk about/do on the podcast?
According to his agent, Marty Crane is already in process of signing a major deal with Ballantine Beer to host “Marty’s Malt Mates.” The premise of the podcast is simple, yet elegant. Each week Marty will invite two guests, one athlete and one actor/comedian/magician, to sample several beers and rate them. They’d also weigh in on what they thought the beers were and if they’d recommend them to their friends and social network. If the guests are able to successfully identify any of the beers they will win a year’s supply of Ballantine beer, a trip to Chicago to see a Butchers game on the sideline, and a signed mouth guard worn by Marty in a game. The guests will also have the chance to win an additional ten thousand dollar donation to the charity of their choice if they can chug a pint of Ballantine’s faster than Marty. They of course, never can, but Marty still makes the donations himself using his salary from the show. (167 words)
34. New players join our teams every season, so which of those new players made the biggest impact on the field for your team?
When the Dallas Birddogs started last season began it was clear this team had the potential to make a deep playoff run. The skill positions on offense were stacked. They had an elite quarterback in Octavion Speedings, a trio of slippery running backs in Reginald Arceneaux, Maple Dogwood, and Marty Crane, and a pair of dangerous wide receivers in La’Fluke Paris- Johnson and Lane Frost III. The offensive was going to hum, but when you add in the studs on the offensive line, Carter Goad, Not Edd, and Wario Saturday, they were definitely in the top tier in the league. With that said, believe it or not, the strength of this team was the D. They had STUDS along the line and backer core like Marret, Wake, Battle, Jontholomew, Dingleberry, Worldwide. The secondary was led by an elite corner in Redfox and they had plus starters in Runner, Retriever, and Monfils. What they needed was just one more piece in the backend and when the team signed Dewey Greenbeans, they filled that void. Dewey roamed centerfield providing way more value than a rookie FS should with 4 INTS, 1 sack, and two defensive touchdowns. His pick sixes came at the most opportune of times, including in a rematch against Portland that helped Dallas wiggle into the playoffs as the top seed in the South. Dallas was upset in the playoffs, but this fairy tale regular season the Birddogs had would not have been possible without the astounding play of their UNDRAFTED pro bowl FS. What a story. Don’t be shocked if Disney picks up the rights. (266 words)
31. Make up an award for your player (or even someone else) to win for something not on the football field.
Each year the Crane Cup is awarded to the player in the DSFL who successfully performed the most citizen’s arrests. This prestigious trophy was of course inspired by the efforts of Marty Crane who, despite being an elite talent on the field, refused to stop improving his community off of it. While many players donate money to charity or help out at food banks on Thanksgiving, which is obviously great for everyone, Marty rolled up his sleeves and literally fought back against a gang robbing an elderly ice cream truck driver. The Crane Cup takes a fresh look at how players can use their talents to aid their cities like Marty did. Regardless of your personal political views, we all can agree that reducing crime is a good thing. Finding a way to do so without raises taxes or forcing police officers to work too many hours is a great thing. Your average Joe can’t catch a sprinting bank robber, but Marty Crane certainly has the wheels (and technique) to take one down. Just as importantly, seeing athletes on the front page of the paper for tying up shoplifters and beating up drivers who were speeding near schools sends a strong message and prevents further crime from occurring. If you need help, turn on the Crane signal and don’t be surprised to see your favorite players swinging in from the rooftops. (231 words)