*The Daily Prophet 2: By Rita Skeeter

**shahdude**

This will be my 2x rookie post bonus.

The Daily Prophet 2:

Human Growth Potion (HGP): The Origin, the Scandal and the Tragedy of Tim Riggins

Potent Potion Potables

To understand this story, we must start from the beginning of the Hogwarts Football program, which was founded centuries ago by none other than Salazar Slytherin. Head coach Slytherin founded the program on principles that only “Pure Blood” players were allowed to play on the football team and that Gryffindor is lame. His disdain for “Half Bloods” led to a dark period within Hogwarts football and birthed generations of “Half Blood Haters”, as coined by this investigative reporter, that continued this legacy of hatred and unacceptance.

In fact, half blood players were not given access to play for the football team until current Head Coach Dumbledore walked the very same halls of Hogwarts castle. “It took until my 3rd year at Hogwarts for those archaic rules to change”, said Dumbledore as he swirled his brandy in complete disdain for anyone not in the Gryffindor House, “1000 points for Gryffindor, because fuck you Malfoy!” From there the program exploded and Hogwarts has become one of the most recognizable names in college football since. Sadly,
the darkness that once dominated Hogwarts still had its claws on the esteemed castle….

Stirring the Cauldron, a New Potion was Born

In the last year, Hogwarts has been all over the news, as former Defensive Coordinator Severus Snape was caught in an alleged doping scandal. While the NCAA Committee has not released all their findings, it is clear now that Coach Snape had willingly and authoritatively given Performance Enhancing Potions or PEP to the “pure blood” players on the Hogwarts team. Snape has followed in the hatred of “half bloods” and one must not forget his FUI (Flying Under the Influence) incident 10 years ago, where he was caught inebriated trying to fight an entire “half blood” family in their flying car.

Knowing all this, it came as no shock that Snape was at the center of this doping scandal but the biggest surprise was the discovery that Snape had created a new PEP called Human Growth Potion, or HGP as it is now known. The potion was derived from Acromantula Venom, Dragon’s blood and Hippogriff Pubes and was enhanced using Snape’s deep understanding of potion history. From there, Snape began testing it on Draco Malfoy, the former Hogwarts Linebacker, before administering it to other “pure blood” players on the team. Draco broke out this past season and had 300 tackles in 10 games, which caught the eye of the ever-vigilant, NCAA drug testing group. In between desperately trying to catch college athletes for smoking small amounts of Marijuana, the NCAA found that all 15 “pure blood” players on the Hogwarts Team were using the HGP. A scandal brought to light and a reputation destroyed, but the story didn't end there.

Desperation and Despair, Where Must a Tight End Wizard Go

While the NCAA has not completed its investigation, the story has grown, as a tragic potion mixup has nearly derailed the career of former Hogwarts Tight End Tim Riggins. In the months that followed the season, Tim Riggins shared numerous successes with his beautiful girlfriend Minka Kelly: he won the John Mackey award for being the best TE in college, declared for the DSFL draft and was even lucky enough to get drafted in the first round at 7th overall.

But this was never enough for the ambitious Riggins and a devaluation of the Tight End position at the next level stirred a dragon within him. Tim had been on the receiving end of many discouraging fan letters who questioned why a TE would ever get drafted in the first round. “The chart will consume”, @Chicken Lips “I am an ISFL GM and TE hater” @lemonoppy and “Does TE even have traits?” said @"Bamford13".

The negativity surrounding the position began to weigh on the impressionable Tight End and so he took action. In his desperation, Tim returned to Hogwarts, but not to confide in former Head Coach Albus Dumbledore, but to scavenge the crime scene that was Severus Snape’s potions closet. What happened next will define his career forever.

Shaped with Regret

According to the Auror Report, Tim was found unconscious in Snape’s former classroom by a few first year students who had left their cauldrons in the class. Tim was not reported at the scene due to being unrecognizable to the onlookers as his shape had changed. Reports are that in an attempt to recreate the Human Growth Potion, Riggins actually created a permanent polyjuice potion that changed his height and weight dramatically. He went from being 6’4 and 250 pounds to 5’10 and 195 pounds instantly and irreversibly.

This enormous change in his physical appearance was a shock to his family and friends, but also jeopardized his standing within the DSFL. How was the wizard supposed to play Tight End with this smaller stature? How would he be expected to chip block behemoths like Dunkler Sowerwine? The questions began to pile up but then Tim was lucky enough to discover a way out, Wide Receiver. Tim was faster and more agile than before and suddenly could actually catch a ball when it hit him in the hands.

With a re-freshened outlook on his football career, Tim began to tell his teammates and coaches about the transition. From there, Tim used his free position swap and brought the news to the league which suddenly decided that their disdain for the position no longer applied. “Of course. Can’t believe these TEs nowadays. Back in my day, we waited until the end of the season before switching off of TE” said @TMoney “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Tim Riggins 1 catch for 2 yards master class will never be forgotten” said @SensibleDictator and “nooooo rip TE Tim” said @jreed12. Tim appreciated the kind words, “It’s nice to see people actually loved me as a Tight End, but I am a Wide Receiver now and I am coming for @roquefort”

Tim left me with some final parting words and wisdom after the exhaustive interview, "Clear Eyes, Full Wands, Can't Lose".

Potions, Scandal, Tragedy and Rebirth like a Phoenix. All in a day's work for yours truly, Rita.