03-22-2024, 02:53 AM
(This post was last modified: 03-23-2024, 09:34 AM by wetwilleh. Edited 1 time in total.)
Hello everyone, this is Grizzly Notabear coming at you with the most accurate, objective review of the S47 DSFL Draft that you will ever see. If you love furious analysis, on the field comparisons, and pure, unsaturated raw data, then you've come to the right place. We're gonna break down every important pick in this draft, so buckle up for this is gonna be a long one. Let's get started!
Round 1
1.) Portland Pythons select Willeh Strong, LB
Going into the draft, many people had Willeh Strong pegged for the top overall pick. And what's not to like? Strong is a versatile linebacker that blends the perfect combination of speed, power, and technique to get to the ball carrier and take them down. He's more of a run stopper than a pass preventer at this point in his career, but young players aren't often great at every aspect of the game on day one, and Strong is more than capable of learning that part of the game. It would not surprise me to see Strong develop into one of the top linebackers in the ISFL at some point. He also has a strong meme game, as his freeway meme signature is pure gold.
So, what's the problem then? Well, the biggest problem for Portland: they already have Upceti Spaghetti. If you're picking first overall, you gotta fill your biggest hole with the best player you can. A second linebacker is purely a luxury thing, and while Strong is great, there were more pressing needs on this team. In particular, they had a huge hole at wide receiver. Sure, Jonathan Irons is fast and talented, and Tyler Higbee II is basically a glorified receiver playing tight end anyway, but do you really think Billy Van Goff would be able to manage with just two targets on the pecking tree? Defenses would eat them alive! Had they gone with an obvious talent such as Seer Ial here, well no defense would be able to stop all 3 of them at the same time. Van Goff would tear the league up and lead Portland to an undefeated season! Alas, we can only imagine what a world that might have been…
Grade: C-
2.) Tijuana Luchadores select Sam Coverdale, CB
Many people preach that defense wins championships, and that mindset is reflected again here as Tijuana selects the first cornerback in the draft here with Sam Coverdale. Coverdale is no slouch, capable of shutting down most receivers without breaking a sweat. He's got the reflexes of a giraffe, the length of an iguana, and the speed of a gazelle, making a strange chimera with abilities few have even seen, let alone possess. He's definitely got cornerstone player written all over him, and any team is instantly better by drafting him. Tijuana really knocked it out of the park!
…is what I would say if they didn't make a huge blunder. Similar to Portland before them, the Luchadores had a glaring need at wide receiver that could really only be filled by one man. I don't even need to open up Twitter or X or Threads or whatever social media platform is hip with the kids these days to know that Puddles O'Duck is simply seething at the missed opportunity to play with Seer Ial. Yes, André Benn is one of the savviest veterans in the DSFL, and Bob Kronkowski gives that vertical threat presence from the tight end spot, but this team is sorely lacking a 3rd target on the totem pole, and I fear their lack of foresight here will make their offense too one dimensional and easily foiled. You could argue that Tijuana really needed a cirnerback here, but I mean c'mon they already had a linebacker! You don't need to cover well if you just have your linebacker sack the quarterback in 2 seconds every time! It's simply math here people!
Grade: D+
3.) Bondi Beach Buccaneers select Seer Ial, WR
Finally, Bondi Beach snags what might be the biggest steal in DSFL history, grabbing Seer Ial with the 3rd overall pick. Ial is brimming with pure potential and combines lightning fast speed with some of the surest hands you've ever seen. Covering him is a nightmare, as you can't predict which way he'll go, and if you guess wrong there's no time to makeup for your mistake before he's gone. Ial is also an impeccable route runner, running the crispest routes you've ever seen. In fact, he's so good at route running that he will often adjust routes on the fly, throwing defenses in a frenzy not knowing what he'll do next. Sure, some of his quarterbacks are also thrown off by this style of route running, but that's a skill issue on their end.
When people reflect upon this draft, people will compare it to the 1984 NBA draft. The Pythons get their Hakeem Olajuwon, a generational talent and one of the best to play the game; the Luchadores get their Sam Bowie, a positional need that fits the team philosophy (though let's hope Coverdale avoids the injuries); and the Buccaneers get their Michael Jordan: the next GOAT. Ial instantly becomes a favorite target for the young Eggs, and Meo Stickyhands-McGee will be able to take his game to the next level just by spending one day on the field with Seer Ial. The chemistry between the three will appear instantaneously, and Bondi Beach automatically becomes the favorite to win the Ultimini.
Grade: A++++
There were many more picks selected after this, but let's be honest, there's such a steep drop in talent after Seer Ial that it's not even worth discussing further. The only other thing I'll note is that the Dallas Birddogs drafted like 80 people, and for that I give them a nod because it's difficult finding a job as a young person these days, so it's admirable for them to employ so many and empower them to reach their dreams.
Round 1
1.) Portland Pythons select Willeh Strong, LB
Going into the draft, many people had Willeh Strong pegged for the top overall pick. And what's not to like? Strong is a versatile linebacker that blends the perfect combination of speed, power, and technique to get to the ball carrier and take them down. He's more of a run stopper than a pass preventer at this point in his career, but young players aren't often great at every aspect of the game on day one, and Strong is more than capable of learning that part of the game. It would not surprise me to see Strong develop into one of the top linebackers in the ISFL at some point. He also has a strong meme game, as his freeway meme signature is pure gold.
So, what's the problem then? Well, the biggest problem for Portland: they already have Upceti Spaghetti. If you're picking first overall, you gotta fill your biggest hole with the best player you can. A second linebacker is purely a luxury thing, and while Strong is great, there were more pressing needs on this team. In particular, they had a huge hole at wide receiver. Sure, Jonathan Irons is fast and talented, and Tyler Higbee II is basically a glorified receiver playing tight end anyway, but do you really think Billy Van Goff would be able to manage with just two targets on the pecking tree? Defenses would eat them alive! Had they gone with an obvious talent such as Seer Ial here, well no defense would be able to stop all 3 of them at the same time. Van Goff would tear the league up and lead Portland to an undefeated season! Alas, we can only imagine what a world that might have been…
Grade: C-
2.) Tijuana Luchadores select Sam Coverdale, CB
Many people preach that defense wins championships, and that mindset is reflected again here as Tijuana selects the first cornerback in the draft here with Sam Coverdale. Coverdale is no slouch, capable of shutting down most receivers without breaking a sweat. He's got the reflexes of a giraffe, the length of an iguana, and the speed of a gazelle, making a strange chimera with abilities few have even seen, let alone possess. He's definitely got cornerstone player written all over him, and any team is instantly better by drafting him. Tijuana really knocked it out of the park!
…is what I would say if they didn't make a huge blunder. Similar to Portland before them, the Luchadores had a glaring need at wide receiver that could really only be filled by one man. I don't even need to open up Twitter or X or Threads or whatever social media platform is hip with the kids these days to know that Puddles O'Duck is simply seething at the missed opportunity to play with Seer Ial. Yes, André Benn is one of the savviest veterans in the DSFL, and Bob Kronkowski gives that vertical threat presence from the tight end spot, but this team is sorely lacking a 3rd target on the totem pole, and I fear their lack of foresight here will make their offense too one dimensional and easily foiled. You could argue that Tijuana really needed a cirnerback here, but I mean c'mon they already had a linebacker! You don't need to cover well if you just have your linebacker sack the quarterback in 2 seconds every time! It's simply math here people!
Grade: D+
3.) Bondi Beach Buccaneers select Seer Ial, WR
Finally, Bondi Beach snags what might be the biggest steal in DSFL history, grabbing Seer Ial with the 3rd overall pick. Ial is brimming with pure potential and combines lightning fast speed with some of the surest hands you've ever seen. Covering him is a nightmare, as you can't predict which way he'll go, and if you guess wrong there's no time to makeup for your mistake before he's gone. Ial is also an impeccable route runner, running the crispest routes you've ever seen. In fact, he's so good at route running that he will often adjust routes on the fly, throwing defenses in a frenzy not knowing what he'll do next. Sure, some of his quarterbacks are also thrown off by this style of route running, but that's a skill issue on their end.
When people reflect upon this draft, people will compare it to the 1984 NBA draft. The Pythons get their Hakeem Olajuwon, a generational talent and one of the best to play the game; the Luchadores get their Sam Bowie, a positional need that fits the team philosophy (though let's hope Coverdale avoids the injuries); and the Buccaneers get their Michael Jordan: the next GOAT. Ial instantly becomes a favorite target for the young Eggs, and Meo Stickyhands-McGee will be able to take his game to the next level just by spending one day on the field with Seer Ial. The chemistry between the three will appear instantaneously, and Bondi Beach automatically becomes the favorite to win the Ultimini.
Grade: A++++
There were many more picks selected after this, but let's be honest, there's such a steep drop in talent after Seer Ial that it's not even worth discussing further. The only other thing I'll note is that the Dallas Birddogs drafted like 80 people, and for that I give them a nod because it's difficult finding a job as a young person these days, so it's admirable for them to employ so many and empower them to reach their dreams.