*REDEMPTION ROAD Part VI

[jreed12]

Previously, on Redemption Road with jreed12…

Journalistic windfall! For his good deeds in the media sphere, the generous JKortesi decided to come forth and dish out the ultimate benefit to the league: a week of double media!

ISFL Draft Unveiled! As Berlin got on the clock, we proved why we are the MASTERS of draft strategy, orchestrating a gigabrained trade to acquire some of the best users in the class! The S50 Ultimus bid seems more optimistic by the day!

Zenzeroni in shambles! After the great media war of S46, Jreed’s longtime nemesis seemed to be planning a second attack—accusing Jreed of being a multi! In response to this baseless accusation, Jreed warned Zenzy to not make him push the "red button"...

Read about all of this and more in…

---

We are merely fewer than 24 hours from the most important day in DSFL history, AKA the S49 DRAFT DAY PRESENTATION. This is my first chance to prove that I have what it takes to be a GM in the DSFL, and I am more than excited to prove the haters wrong.



But first, I begin with a topic that is near and dear to my heart, but is incredibly grave.

You see, reader, one of my greatest insecurities in my life are my hands. Don’t get me wrong, my hands have accomplished some incredible things—serving as a conduit to transform incredibly talented investigative journalism into a tapestry of wordsmithing the likes of which the ISFL had never seen before I got here. However, after the controversial backstabbing, it appears that my DETRACTORS are jealous of the proclivity of my yaps—especially a particular AJ who tipped off my GMs Dewalt and Gadget about a terrible truth—


My hands are too small to even hold a Whopper Junior from BK. (that’s Hungry Jack’s in Australian @Thor)

‘Tis but a terrible truth that befalls me. I must eat the Whopper Junior with a fork and knife since I cannot pick it up. Sometimes I even struggle to grip onto the onion rings. However, AJ brought his DASTARDLY TRICKS to a new height this past week when he laid my most painful secret bare to the entirety of gen chat.

You see, it all started when I was sitting on the couch, and suddenly I hear AJ scream “IT CAME!!!” from the front door. What, you might ask, was all the commotion about? Out of the package, AJ pulled the most disgusting, abhorrent, hideous hat I have ever seen that could only be described as a crime against humanity:




The unadulterated stink emanating from this atrocious hat was enough to bring any mortal ISFL member to their knees. However, as a seasoned investigative journalist, having dealt with the likes of UptownCord and his nefarious gang of Otters for quite some time now, I knew exactly what had to be done to eliminate this threat from our world—I had to take this hat out to the woods, burn it, and bury it for good.

However, AJ must have not recognized my SELFLESS service to society as such, because when he found out what I had done, he pointed his phone at me and said “smile for the camera!”

Of course, I tried to cover my face from the paparazzi, but it was too little, too late—my hands were unable to block even a fraction of my face, and they quickly became the point of mockery in Gen Chat. I even received DMs asking me if this great travesty was true.




Elsewhere, as I tried to recover from the most horrific slander against my name, culinary connoisseur @Dev0 decided to RUIN my day by sending pictures of his delectable barbecued breakfast taco feast, as I was eating a MEASLY turkey and cheese rollup. Mark my words, as soon as I figure out where Canada is on a map, your culinary delights will be MINE for the taking!

But now that I’ve been satiated with a turkey rollup, of course, the two elephants in the room I must address include the DIABOLICAL Wizard and his recent Podcast, as well as a damning PRESS RELEASE from none other than my own GM, Gadget aka “Godget” aka “Xystarch’s Special Little Boy”, who created a FAKE claim to the Weekly Mirror!

First, the Wizard. I had the displeasure of encountering a podcast created by the Wiz himself, and while I do not consider podcasts to be the same degree of media as the craftsmanship and eloquence I put into my writing, I did announce that I would accept the invitation to the show to settle things mono e mono, and get my message of the TRUTH out to a wider audience! The ball is in your court, Wiz—I’m ready to schedule whenever you are. Let’s pod it up.


As for Gadget, I was SHOCKED to learn that my own GM would turn against me, as you likely have already seen by now. However, a guardian angel immediately emerged from the darkness in the form of @roquefort. The mouse crafted some of the most eloquent litigation I have ever laid my eyes on in his Cease and Desist Letter, which I’m sure by now my loyal following of readers has all read. You will not get away with this Gadget! REMEMBER THE CONTRACT!!!

On the subject of contracts, two most PREPOSTEROUS ones were brought to my attention recently. It appears that AJ will have the misfortune of signing another extension with the Stink County Otters after continuing his GM tenure, so I will have to endure more berating at the hands of those two nefarious GMs. While I thoroughly enjoyed the first stipulation clause on his contract, as I for one enjoy tampering with AJ rather frequently, I do take great offense to the second point:



You see, reader, whenever BER had lost to OCO over the past few seasons, I would receive a snarling DM absolutely berating my squad for the loss. This brought tears to my eyes and caused me to pull a Bamford and punch holes in the drywall on multiple occasions.

However—this contract stipulation will no longer be able to come to fruition, because the future S50 Ultimus champion Berlin Fire Salamanders will be DECIMATING the WEAK Orange County Otters in every single match over the next two years. Mark my words, our secondary will clamp down on inferior wideouts like the FAKE RIGGED rookie of the year, Chopper. Recount the ballots, I say, Chopper is a FRAUD!

Furthermore, @IceBear32 decided to get in on the action, writing his own contract, on his birthday of all days! Now, Icebear has thrown yet ANOTHER ownership wrinkle in the ring, declaring that he now is a MAJORITY owner of the Weekly Mirror!




It’s anyone’s guess who even owns the Weekly Mirror at this point, as my list of HATERS has now grown precipitously over the past week. But, mark my words, JUSTICE WILL PREVAIL, and the Weekly Mirror will be RETURNED to its rightful owner before you know it!

Or, I believe Hugh Eackman would sum up the combined intelligence of my opps by saying: “my oppz dum, lol, justiz wil preevale n weiklie mirrer will not beelonge too bumzz”.


As always, thank you for reading this edition of Redemption Road. And to all you new rooks entering the DSFL draft—may the odds be ever in your favor.

Until next time,

Jreed12
#SeeYouInS50