*ISFL Weekly Mirror, S50 Volume, Third Edition

[jreed12]

ISFL Weekly Mirror, Vol. 50, Edition 3

Disclaimer: The ISFL Weekly Mirror is committed to upholding the highest standards of journalism and leaving no burning question unanswered as we reflect the truth across every aspect of our great league. For any legal or process questions, please contact @roquefort Cotswold, Esq., Rattorney at Law.

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Foreseeable Fumble! Bettors Cry “Fowl” in Late Game Shakeup!

The fix is in! The integrity of the DSFL Casino and Sportsbook is being called into question after the betting line for rookie Minnesota quarterback Cyrus MacDougall, set at O/U 2.5 passing touchdowns, was SHOCKINGLY busted at the last minute, leaving many innocuous bettor’s parlays in shambles!

In the last minute of Minnesota’s Week 2 contest against the visiting Tijuana Luchadores, with a 7-point lead and possession against zero Minnesota timeouts, the Luchadores decided to inexplicably run the ball. In this end-game scenario, the conventional wisdom is undoubtedly to run a QB kneel. And, like clockwork, Tijuana coughed up the ball with a key fumble to hand MacDougall another chance to score.

At this point, MacDougall had thrown two touchdowns, and with the betting line at 2.5, the line seemed sure to go under. Conventional wisdom, and the pocketbooks of many bettors, had placed faith in the under, but this all went to shambles on the final play of regulation. As MacDougall tossed the game-tying touchdown to bring the olive branch for a Grey Ducks overtime bid, Discord chats lit ablaze calling for a THOROUGH investigation of this suspicious player prop.

At a stadium press conference after the game, the Minnesota QB MacDougall stated: “I think it was a fortunate time to be on the other side of a sim hoeing, as it were, especially with a sim blessed team like [Tijuana] getting hoed. We got the opportunity and I'm thrilled we were able to take advantage of it.”

The ISFL Weekly Mirror asks: has something run afoul in the DSFL Casino? Could MacDougall’s manager, Sconnie, be up to his usual devious quacks? Does the Grey Ducks organization have ANY sort of legitimacy? Or is this simply a game of pure unadulterated chance?

As always, trust in the ISFL Weekly Mirror to bring you the first and fastest news from around the league as we continue in our never-ending quest for the truth!

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Sim Switch Shocker! Could Roblox Be the League's Future?

Breaking controversy in the world of the Sim! The Weekly Mirror has received damning, yet unsubstantiated rumors of the ISFL’s plans to abandon the current Sim, Draft Day Pro Football 21, and make an unprecedented leap to the children’s brick building game Roblox!

Roblox Rumors! Experts Chime In!

We sat down with expert Sim-ologist Jackie Wilson @jadda123876, GM of the Portland Pythons and 2x Ultimini champion, to uncover some of the ramifications of switching platforms.

“Well a move away from Wolverine Studios is a good move for me,” said Wilson, who divulged her deep-seated grudge for the current engine. “Realistically, no bullshit, if you found a way to get Roblox characters to run on a field in a simulated fashion and also had the ability to stamp actual renders onto players' faces, that'd actually be fun”

And she believes all this and more is possible. The ISFL’s research and development team has been especially keen on tapping into the opportunity for greater visual customization, the chance to construct unique stadiums and Color Rush fields, and the aforementioned interactive player experiences that DDPF21 could never deliver.

“Many would lament it as lame just inherently because Roblox is perceived to be a kids game,” said Wilson. “Others would not take it seriously at all. And there's the very small niche of people, likely just you and I, who'd actually take it seriously…”

While the decision to fully switch to Roblox hasn’t been announced yet, a credible anonymous source has confirmed that beta testing is already underway after the Weekly Mirror obtained a $200 million Robux ledger with the mysterious memo: “Evolving the League”.

The Road Ahead! Reform Resistance!

However, many Dotball purists will put up stiff resistance. In an open forum about the possibility of exploring other options beyond the frontiers of the current engine, many notable league figures chimed in. “I love the dots,” said Minnesota GM Amkamkamk, Ph.D.

“Dots all day,” chimed in recent S50 second-overall-pick Bigred.

“Fuckin love the dots,” added Osaka GM Triceracop, though his credibility as a presumed member of the dangerous Space Dinosaur cult must be called into question.

One of the largest concerns with the current engine is the duality of “Sim Hoeing” vs. “Sim Blessing”, where certain teams and players seem to be inadvertently favored under the mysterious facade of the Sim’s artificial intelligence engine. Many pundits believe that a switch of engine would flush out these mysterious forces that impact the outcomes of the league.

“Personally I think the sim blessing would still go to Portland,” lamented Wilson. Though the Weekly Mirror believes this comment to be made in spite of the Python’s lukewarm start to the S50 season.

For updates on this developing story, turn to the Weekly Mirror, as we will continue to keep our loyal readers posted on all the latest Sim controversies!

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Brainrot Bonanza! Innocent Users Succumb to Addictive Treachery!

Innocent lives at stake! Shocking, yet unsubstantiated, sources reveal that many ISFL players are completely HOOKED on a DANGEROUS cocktail of overstimulating TikTok videos, specifically an endless stream of Subway Surfers gameplay, Family Guy clips, and the viral lunacy of Skibidi Toilet…known to many only by one gruesome moniker: BRAINROT. Join us tonight as the Weekly Mirror investigates—what is this brainrot madness, and can the cure be delivered in time???

For the Croney’s in the crowd, “brainrot” is defined as a hyperfixation on particular types of overstimulating internet content, which produces DANGEROUS consequences for the malleable young minds of our league. Due to the rise of TikTok and Instagram reels, the young rooks have more access than ever to this corrosive substance that destroys all that it touches.



Several GMs around the DSFL and ISFL have stated they repeatedly find players glued to their phones, watching endless loops of mind-numbing content in lieu of studying film or engaging in team-bonding activities with their teammates. When GM’s tried to administer a curative dose of “face-to-face conversation” or “social interaction”, many of the players convulsed in horror and rejected the treatment immediately.

As somebody who works with the rooks on a daily basis and is heavily involved with their mentorship, the Weekly Mirror pinged standup citizen @wetwilleh for his opinions on how to get to the bottom of the matter.


“I blame Eggy,” he said bluntly. “Mr. Skibidi.” It all came together for the investigators at the Weekly Mirror, as the culprit was coming from within Willeh’s own locker room with the Colorado Yeti, at the behest of one particular Eggy. Patient Zero.

We asked Willeh what would be the likely prognosis for seeing this brainrot disease eradicated. Willeh noted that Eggy’s banishment from the Rookie Server was a critical step to containing the outbreak. “But ISFL general chat are his new stomping grounds,” Willeh noted grimly.

As a purveyor of the notorious YouTube series “Skibidi Toilet”, and as an individual who has been caught on the record many times saying it is an unironically good series, @Assistant to the POR GM is one of many poor innocent souls who has fallen victim to the scourge of brainrot infection in Gen Chat.




The Weekly Mirror sat down with our former intern to pick his brain about what was so alluring about trying it out in the first place. We asked the pomeranian if a particular influence shaped his decision to try Skibidi Toilet for the first time, or if he came upon it on his own accord.

At first, Bamford merely responded: “Bruh”. This is one of the typical responses to stimuli that a brainrot user will respond with. However, after some further prodding, Bamford doubled down on his stance. “Skibidi toilet itslef [sic] isn't brainrot it's just wacky garrys mod stuff. It's just what the 6 year old's do with it that's brainrot. Brainrot is a major problem and will be the doom of societ [sic]” he stated. “I am not into skibidi toilet, I am familiar with the lore and don't think it's bad like others think it is.”

Perhaps some aspects wrapped up in the content cycle of brainrot were abused and misunderstood, Bamford mused. However, he did concur that the encroachment of brainrot is a DANGER to our youth and should be dealt with accordingly. When asked about who he thought was the most deliberate culprit of spreading the disease of brainrot throughout our league?

“Oh. Eggy.” Said Bamford almost immediately. “Easily.”

With all signs pointing to Eggy as the epicenter of the infection, the ISFL Weekly Mirror took upon itself a daring encounter with the self-proclaimed CEO of brainrot himself. “I will change my forum username to brain rot soon,” he stated, not that it hasn’t changed enough times already.

However, the rot of the Eggster was too powerful for even our most intrepid journalists to bear, as he unleashed a torrent of brain-rotted nonsense that withered away all of our cognitive abilities and rendered our journalistic skills useless. We warn you, readers, some might find the following content disturbing:


“Yo, fam! Brain rot’s got mad perks sneakin’ in! For real, it dishes out mega wins that peeps ain’t peepin’ yet. Screen time's lit for gamers, sippin’ all that footy juice—plays, highlights, fire drill hacks, and pro secrets! Game smarts on a whole new level! Doomscroll? Low-key connects 'em with the freshest sports vibes, slick training tricks, even mental boosts to keep ‘em woke on footy trends. Info overload? Players gonna flex that filter game, separating the sus from the real, flexin’ hard on the field when chaos hits. Stay hooked and vibe with coaches, scouts, and the crew! Social media’s the plug for mentorships, sponsorships, and gettin’ scouted. Sure, “brain rot” can throw shade or sleepy feels, but if players balance that screen time with IRL grind, they can ride the wave of the good stuff while dodgin’ the cringe!”

–Generated by Lt. Hudz

[Megsychan]

Imagine having internet brainrot. Couldn't be me.

In other news, "ook" says interviewed football player.

[LtHudz]

We skibidi gyat on that ohio rizz. Or something.

[.HoshinoIchika]

We skibidi gyat on that ohio rizz. Or something.

Don't worry guys I definitely pay him at least minimum wage

no need to check