I can say with total confidence that this is the most balanced football league I’ve ever seen. Granted, I’ve only been here for a season and a half at this point, but point still stands. No team has more than five wins or five losses through eight games. Any team can win any game, any week. No one is safe, anyone can win it all. This is friggin’ exciting. So, who’s responsible for all of this craziness?
Tijuana Luchadores (5-3)
WR Rod Tidwell (@SDCore)
The Luchadores are the consensus best team in the D-League. They score the most points and get the most yards. They allow the fewest points and give up the fewest yards. And one or two of those accolades can be blamed on Rod Tidwell. Remember a few games back when I said that Tidwell and Ahri Espeeyeeseetee were fighting for best receiver honors? Well, Ahri still has more scores and yards per catch, but Tidwell is getting all of the receptions and yards. Between him and Forrest Gump regularly going for 100+ rushing yards per game, it’s no wonder the Luchadores have the best offense in the D-League. In Week 7, Rod caught seven balls for a league-high 132 yards, including a 51 yard bomb that was stopped at the 1 yard line, robbing Rod of the score. And the following week, he got eight receptions for 108 yards. He’s not scoring that much, as most of the touchdowns are going to Forrest Gump, but Tidwell is still looking more and more each week like the best receiver in the D-League.
LB Johnny Slothface (@slothfacekilla)
I talk about Johnny Slothface a lot here. I think I’ve mentioned him in all of these posts so far this year, but somehow, I’ve neglected to mention his sacking ability in any kind of detail. He’s leading the D-League in sacks with eight (three more than his nearest competitor), and he added to that total with three sacks in his last two games. He also added three TFLs and 17 tackles in those two games. In fact, Tijuana as a whole is getting to the quarterback with alarming frequency. Their 27 team sacks are ten more than the second place Solar Bears, and guys like Michael Beckham, Jojo Burr-Kirven, Brian Mills IX, and of course Slothface are making life hell for opposing defenders.
Palm Beach Solar Bears (4-3-1)
RB Ludicolo Bigby (@TheWoZy)
The Solar Bears offense has been weird lately. Easton Cole had some pretty decent numbers, throwing for two scores in Week 7, but Ludicolo Bigby has been the centerpiece of the Solar Bear offense. He didn’t score in the last two games, but the offense as a whole has only put it in the endzone twice in those two games. He has stayed around five yards per carry though, with games of 20 carries for 112 yards and 17 carries for 84 yards in that time. The Solar Bears are going to be looking for someone to help re-establish their momentum, as they can make a run for the best record in the league. If anyone can get them righted, it’s Bigby.
LB Guy Nikko (@Duress)
Hey, it’s Nikko again. Don’t worry, this time he’s definitely earned this spot. Week 8 was a monster for him, where he landed 14 tackles, a TFL, a sack (shockingly, his first of the season), and a forced fumble (he’s also tied for the lead in forced fumbles). Couple that with a 13 tackle game the week prior and Nikko is still beasting on the league, second in the D-League in tackles. On a defense that desperately needs some help in the front seven, Nikko is doing his best to lead the charge for the Solar Bears.
Kansas City Coyotes (4-4)
RB Jay Quick (@Ramrod18)
Well, looks like I can’t talk shit about the Coyotes anymore. They’re winners of three of their last four, and are now in a three-way tie with the other two NFC teams. And while the tiebreakers have them outside of the playoffs right now, there’s still six games to play, and as we’ve said before, anything is possible. I was tempted to give the honor to GM Bot Smith John who’s been ripping off huge yards per carry numbers and scoring, but when someone has at least 125 rushing yards in both games, and has scored three times, that should be good enough to be mentioned. His workload was pretty large, but he used that to rack up a 33 carry, 125 yard, one TD game in Week 7 and a 28 carry, 144 yard, two TD game, that should at the very least be a Top Performance contender.
LB Lightsout Lewis (@flyeaglesfly29)
I really wanted to put someone else here. Blaster Blade Jr. is getting to the quarterback, William Tell is getting good at swatting, Jeremy Stovall had two picks in Week 7, but it was the man in the middle/front office that once again stole the show on defense for the Coyotes. In Week 7, he had 16 tackles, a sack, and a forced fumble, and the following week, he had 18 tackles and forced a fumble, which he recovered inside the Palm Beach red zone. He’s not just a tackle-monger, he’s hitting like a truck, and is knocking the ball free often. He is a scary, scary man, who’s terrifying everyone on the opposing defense, including the coaches.
Portland Pythons (4-4)
QB Franklin Armstrong (@moonlight)
It’s rare to see high quality quarterback play in the DSFL but we finally saw some from Franklin Armstrong these last couple of games. Week 7 against Tijuana will be a game we talk about for years to come. Armstrong went 16/23 for 158 yards, three scores and one pick, and helped engineer a 21 point comeback, capped off by a touchdown pass to Wolfie McDummy with four seconds to play. It was a hell of a performance, and it cemented his place as one of the up-and-coming quarterbacks in our league. Week 8 wasn’t as kind to him, but he was still productive: 19/32 for 205 yards and one score with no picks. He’s not outright dominating on the field right now, but he’s keeping the Pythons two-dimensional as we head into the second half of the season.
LB Lanzer Grievous (@Rising Equinox)
In Week 5, Pierce Van Buren broke the all-time record for most tackles in a game, with 20. It took five quarters to get there, but he did it. The record was his… for all of two weeks. Lanzer Grievous took the record and made mincemeat of it, hitting 22 tackles without going into an overtime period, and registered a sack just for funsies. After Portland’s Week 8 game where Grievous tacked on 15 tackles (what a scrub), Grievous is now comfortably in the lead for tackles in the D-League with 122. Through just eight games. He’s just 41 tackles away from the all-time DSFL record, which he could probably hit in two weeks at this rate. He’s on pace for more than 210 tackles, which I would say is unbeatable, but there’s two other players who might hit 200 as well. Either way, what a season for Grievous.
Norfolk Seawolves (4-4)
RB Dorfus Jimbo @ScorpXCracker
And this is what happens when your team gets too one-dimensional. Even if you have a generational talent at a certain position, you can’t focus too heavily on it. If you do, defenses will zone in on that player and not have to worry about anything else. Dorfus Jimbo still put up numbers that would make a fantasy football player jump for joy, but it’s out of sheer volume. Jimbo carried the ball 40 times in Week 7 for 179 yards and a score, and followed that up with 39 carries for 144 yards in Week 8 (the latter is under four yards per carry, which in the D-League, is pretty much unusable). In both instances, the passing game was practically nonexistent, especially in their shutout loss to Tijuana. Now Norfolk has lost three of their last four and are in dire need of something to change. Maybe they should start focusing on their maxed out wide receiver with the decently high TPE quarterback attached? I don’t know, just a thought.
LB Run Stuffer
In the last two games, the only significant defensive plays that Norfolk has been able to muster, are two sacks and a pick, and most of those were done by a bot, Run Stuffer. In Week 7, Stuffer recorded seven tackles, a sack, a deflection, and a red zone interception. He followed that up with a simple six tackle game, which I can’t really speak about very much. Now, Marques Acho did have a pair of 14 tackle games in that same span, but he did nothing else, so how exactly can I stretch that into a paragraph? I might as well give props to our robotic overlords, and call it a day.
San Antonio Marshals (2-5-1)
RB Max Vaz (@Skyandbray)
The Marshals are the only team in the D-League with a losing record, and even they scored a win over the reigning champions in Week 8. It’s chaos in the D-League. San Antonio has two backs that performed quite well in these last two games, Bast Foija (bot) and Max Vaz. So, let’s talk about Vaz. Vaz wasn’t amazing in their blowout loss to Kansas City, but no one really did, besides perhaps Timmy Hoss. But Vaz played well enough, 19 carries for 78 yards. Just over four yards per carry, just out of the danger zone. Next week, he upped his game to 87 yards and a score on just 17 carries. We’re now up to over five yards per carry, and that was good enough to help propel San An to a win against Portland. Even if they are the worst team in the league right now, thanks to this league’s considerable parity, they’re definitely not out of the playoff hunt yet.
S Franklin Cooper (@killerking)
Recovering fumbles is a difficult skill to develop. It relies on being in the right place, at the right time. You have to be perceptive enough to spot when the ball is out (especially if you’re causing it), nimble enough to disengage from your assignment, and fast enough to fall on the ball. It’s a mad dash for the rock that just looks like a big rugby scrum. What I’m trying to get across is that Franklin Cooper has managed to recover a fumble in back-to-back games, and that makes him either incredibly lucky or incredibly skilled. And he also forced the one he recovered in Week 8. And it was on the second offensive play of the game, which set the tone nicely for the Marshals. He didn’t get a ton of tackles, like a lot of the other defenders I’ve mentioned, but I don’t think the Marshals are complaining.
1929 words .
Tijuana Luchadores (5-3)
WR Rod Tidwell (@SDCore)
The Luchadores are the consensus best team in the D-League. They score the most points and get the most yards. They allow the fewest points and give up the fewest yards. And one or two of those accolades can be blamed on Rod Tidwell. Remember a few games back when I said that Tidwell and Ahri Espeeyeeseetee were fighting for best receiver honors? Well, Ahri still has more scores and yards per catch, but Tidwell is getting all of the receptions and yards. Between him and Forrest Gump regularly going for 100+ rushing yards per game, it’s no wonder the Luchadores have the best offense in the D-League. In Week 7, Rod caught seven balls for a league-high 132 yards, including a 51 yard bomb that was stopped at the 1 yard line, robbing Rod of the score. And the following week, he got eight receptions for 108 yards. He’s not scoring that much, as most of the touchdowns are going to Forrest Gump, but Tidwell is still looking more and more each week like the best receiver in the D-League.
LB Johnny Slothface (@slothfacekilla)
I talk about Johnny Slothface a lot here. I think I’ve mentioned him in all of these posts so far this year, but somehow, I’ve neglected to mention his sacking ability in any kind of detail. He’s leading the D-League in sacks with eight (three more than his nearest competitor), and he added to that total with three sacks in his last two games. He also added three TFLs and 17 tackles in those two games. In fact, Tijuana as a whole is getting to the quarterback with alarming frequency. Their 27 team sacks are ten more than the second place Solar Bears, and guys like Michael Beckham, Jojo Burr-Kirven, Brian Mills IX, and of course Slothface are making life hell for opposing defenders.
Palm Beach Solar Bears (4-3-1)
RB Ludicolo Bigby (@TheWoZy)
The Solar Bears offense has been weird lately. Easton Cole had some pretty decent numbers, throwing for two scores in Week 7, but Ludicolo Bigby has been the centerpiece of the Solar Bear offense. He didn’t score in the last two games, but the offense as a whole has only put it in the endzone twice in those two games. He has stayed around five yards per carry though, with games of 20 carries for 112 yards and 17 carries for 84 yards in that time. The Solar Bears are going to be looking for someone to help re-establish their momentum, as they can make a run for the best record in the league. If anyone can get them righted, it’s Bigby.
LB Guy Nikko (@Duress)
Hey, it’s Nikko again. Don’t worry, this time he’s definitely earned this spot. Week 8 was a monster for him, where he landed 14 tackles, a TFL, a sack (shockingly, his first of the season), and a forced fumble (he’s also tied for the lead in forced fumbles). Couple that with a 13 tackle game the week prior and Nikko is still beasting on the league, second in the D-League in tackles. On a defense that desperately needs some help in the front seven, Nikko is doing his best to lead the charge for the Solar Bears.
Kansas City Coyotes (4-4)
RB Jay Quick (@Ramrod18)
Well, looks like I can’t talk shit about the Coyotes anymore. They’re winners of three of their last four, and are now in a three-way tie with the other two NFC teams. And while the tiebreakers have them outside of the playoffs right now, there’s still six games to play, and as we’ve said before, anything is possible. I was tempted to give the honor to GM Bot Smith John who’s been ripping off huge yards per carry numbers and scoring, but when someone has at least 125 rushing yards in both games, and has scored three times, that should be good enough to be mentioned. His workload was pretty large, but he used that to rack up a 33 carry, 125 yard, one TD game in Week 7 and a 28 carry, 144 yard, two TD game, that should at the very least be a Top Performance contender.
LB Lightsout Lewis (@flyeaglesfly29)
I really wanted to put someone else here. Blaster Blade Jr. is getting to the quarterback, William Tell is getting good at swatting, Jeremy Stovall had two picks in Week 7, but it was the man in the middle/front office that once again stole the show on defense for the Coyotes. In Week 7, he had 16 tackles, a sack, and a forced fumble, and the following week, he had 18 tackles and forced a fumble, which he recovered inside the Palm Beach red zone. He’s not just a tackle-monger, he’s hitting like a truck, and is knocking the ball free often. He is a scary, scary man, who’s terrifying everyone on the opposing defense, including the coaches.
Portland Pythons (4-4)
QB Franklin Armstrong (@moonlight)
It’s rare to see high quality quarterback play in the DSFL but we finally saw some from Franklin Armstrong these last couple of games. Week 7 against Tijuana will be a game we talk about for years to come. Armstrong went 16/23 for 158 yards, three scores and one pick, and helped engineer a 21 point comeback, capped off by a touchdown pass to Wolfie McDummy with four seconds to play. It was a hell of a performance, and it cemented his place as one of the up-and-coming quarterbacks in our league. Week 8 wasn’t as kind to him, but he was still productive: 19/32 for 205 yards and one score with no picks. He’s not outright dominating on the field right now, but he’s keeping the Pythons two-dimensional as we head into the second half of the season.
LB Lanzer Grievous (@Rising Equinox)
In Week 5, Pierce Van Buren broke the all-time record for most tackles in a game, with 20. It took five quarters to get there, but he did it. The record was his… for all of two weeks. Lanzer Grievous took the record and made mincemeat of it, hitting 22 tackles without going into an overtime period, and registered a sack just for funsies. After Portland’s Week 8 game where Grievous tacked on 15 tackles (what a scrub), Grievous is now comfortably in the lead for tackles in the D-League with 122. Through just eight games. He’s just 41 tackles away from the all-time DSFL record, which he could probably hit in two weeks at this rate. He’s on pace for more than 210 tackles, which I would say is unbeatable, but there’s two other players who might hit 200 as well. Either way, what a season for Grievous.
Norfolk Seawolves (4-4)
RB Dorfus Jimbo @ScorpXCracker
And this is what happens when your team gets too one-dimensional. Even if you have a generational talent at a certain position, you can’t focus too heavily on it. If you do, defenses will zone in on that player and not have to worry about anything else. Dorfus Jimbo still put up numbers that would make a fantasy football player jump for joy, but it’s out of sheer volume. Jimbo carried the ball 40 times in Week 7 for 179 yards and a score, and followed that up with 39 carries for 144 yards in Week 8 (the latter is under four yards per carry, which in the D-League, is pretty much unusable). In both instances, the passing game was practically nonexistent, especially in their shutout loss to Tijuana. Now Norfolk has lost three of their last four and are in dire need of something to change. Maybe they should start focusing on their maxed out wide receiver with the decently high TPE quarterback attached? I don’t know, just a thought.
LB Run Stuffer
In the last two games, the only significant defensive plays that Norfolk has been able to muster, are two sacks and a pick, and most of those were done by a bot, Run Stuffer. In Week 7, Stuffer recorded seven tackles, a sack, a deflection, and a red zone interception. He followed that up with a simple six tackle game, which I can’t really speak about very much. Now, Marques Acho did have a pair of 14 tackle games in that same span, but he did nothing else, so how exactly can I stretch that into a paragraph? I might as well give props to our robotic overlords, and call it a day.
San Antonio Marshals (2-5-1)
RB Max Vaz (@Skyandbray)
The Marshals are the only team in the D-League with a losing record, and even they scored a win over the reigning champions in Week 8. It’s chaos in the D-League. San Antonio has two backs that performed quite well in these last two games, Bast Foija (bot) and Max Vaz. So, let’s talk about Vaz. Vaz wasn’t amazing in their blowout loss to Kansas City, but no one really did, besides perhaps Timmy Hoss. But Vaz played well enough, 19 carries for 78 yards. Just over four yards per carry, just out of the danger zone. Next week, he upped his game to 87 yards and a score on just 17 carries. We’re now up to over five yards per carry, and that was good enough to help propel San An to a win against Portland. Even if they are the worst team in the league right now, thanks to this league’s considerable parity, they’re definitely not out of the playoff hunt yet.
S Franklin Cooper (@killerking)
Recovering fumbles is a difficult skill to develop. It relies on being in the right place, at the right time. You have to be perceptive enough to spot when the ball is out (especially if you’re causing it), nimble enough to disengage from your assignment, and fast enough to fall on the ball. It’s a mad dash for the rock that just looks like a big rugby scrum. What I’m trying to get across is that Franklin Cooper has managed to recover a fumble in back-to-back games, and that makes him either incredibly lucky or incredibly skilled. And he also forced the one he recovered in Week 8. And it was on the second offensive play of the game, which set the tone nicely for the Marshals. He didn’t get a ton of tackles, like a lot of the other defenders I’ve mentioned, but I don’t think the Marshals are complaining.
1929 words .