Alright after Bjørn wrote his draft Bible it seems kinda useless to write another mock draft because it would be wrong and no where near as insightful. So what I'm going to do is a dumber down mock draft that can be read without lighting a fire and smoking a corncob pipe.
1. NOLA - BJØRN IRONSIDE - DT
Seriously what idiot doesn't draft Bjørn 1st overall. He's the best player in this draft. He'd be the best in last years draft. He'd be the best in any draft. Name one other player that's also a critically acclaimed author, YOU CAN'T. Bjørn Ironside fits every team need and will be waltzing down Bourbon Street next season.
2. PHILLY - MAURICE VIRTANEN - LB
The European Juggernaut is probably the most intimidating force in the defensive class, mostly because no one knows what hes saying. He does all of his training at 4am when the rest of us are asleep so you know his work ethic is there and will be a cornerstone of the this Philly Defense.
3. OCO - THUDD KASSEL - LB
Ok I lied, the human riot is the most intimidating player in this draft. Thudd is a missile that darts across the field looking for someone to hit. Thudd is known to fire up his defense with his speeches that mostly contain indistinguishable screaming and IT references. OCO will look to repeat with a leader at LB.
4. COLORADO - ZACH HALL - DE
The turncoat himself will be 4th, not because he deserves it but because he traded all of respect for it. The tight end turned defensive end will go fourth because Colorado doesn't care about respect just athleticism and Hall has that. Colorado would probably draft Aaron Hernandez if he could produce that's why this traitor is going 4th.
5. SAN JOSE - TYRONE BIGGUMS - WR
Finally an offensive player cracks the list and who better than the best wide receiver prospect in the draft. San Jose has more holes than a festival girl's jeans but a franchise WR will definitely be a step in the right direction. Biggums has the stats and is loved in the locker room. An obvious choice at number 5.
6. NOLA - PETE PARKER - S
NOLA has 2 picks in the first and after getting Bjørn they won the draft but to make that defense even better they take your friendly neighborhood safety Pete Parker. Their defensive front is already stack so getting secondary help will make their defense one of the best in the league. Parker has a great knack for returning kicks and could really help out on special teams as well.
7. YKW - MARCELLA TORIKI - RB
The Queen herself makes it into the 1st round going to the now lacking backfield in Yellowknife. Toriki has a lot of mileage on her legs but showed that she can be a workhorse in a backfield and the Wraiths won't be able to pass that up. If Toriki can buy new ACLs with her signing bonus then this will be the steal of the draft.
8. ARIZONA - LOUISIANA PURCHASE - CB
Arizona wants to help out their defense and what's better for coverage than 14 STATES! Purchase is the top corner in this draft and showed it with his playmaking ability and nose for the ball. Purchase was the king of pick 6s in the DSFL and will continue is ball hawking in the NSFL.
9. OCO - KORRIN ABERNATHY - CB
Orange County's 2nd pick in the first round could easily be a trade piece but if not then they'll go defense again with Korrin "Sanders" Abernathy. The second corner off the board and one who locked down the great receivers in the DSFL. Korrin is also known to work closely with coaches during game plan and that alone makes him a first rounder for his love and knowledge of the game.
10. AUSTIN - NET GAINES - LB
Net may be a Linebacker but he has been versatile enough to play safety and guard slot receivers like a corner. The 3rd member of the Kansas City defense to get drafted in the first round and a stud at that. Gaines has been able to be effective stopping the run and the pass and will be a key piece to Austin's success in the future.
1. NOLA - BJØRN IRONSIDE - DT
Seriously what idiot doesn't draft Bjørn 1st overall. He's the best player in this draft. He'd be the best in last years draft. He'd be the best in any draft. Name one other player that's also a critically acclaimed author, YOU CAN'T. Bjørn Ironside fits every team need and will be waltzing down Bourbon Street next season.
2. PHILLY - MAURICE VIRTANEN - LB
The European Juggernaut is probably the most intimidating force in the defensive class, mostly because no one knows what hes saying. He does all of his training at 4am when the rest of us are asleep so you know his work ethic is there and will be a cornerstone of the this Philly Defense.
3. OCO - THUDD KASSEL - LB
Ok I lied, the human riot is the most intimidating player in this draft. Thudd is a missile that darts across the field looking for someone to hit. Thudd is known to fire up his defense with his speeches that mostly contain indistinguishable screaming and IT references. OCO will look to repeat with a leader at LB.
4. COLORADO - ZACH HALL - DE
The turncoat himself will be 4th, not because he deserves it but because he traded all of respect for it. The tight end turned defensive end will go fourth because Colorado doesn't care about respect just athleticism and Hall has that. Colorado would probably draft Aaron Hernandez if he could produce that's why this traitor is going 4th.
5. SAN JOSE - TYRONE BIGGUMS - WR
Finally an offensive player cracks the list and who better than the best wide receiver prospect in the draft. San Jose has more holes than a festival girl's jeans but a franchise WR will definitely be a step in the right direction. Biggums has the stats and is loved in the locker room. An obvious choice at number 5.
6. NOLA - PETE PARKER - S
NOLA has 2 picks in the first and after getting Bjørn they won the draft but to make that defense even better they take your friendly neighborhood safety Pete Parker. Their defensive front is already stack so getting secondary help will make their defense one of the best in the league. Parker has a great knack for returning kicks and could really help out on special teams as well.
7. YKW - MARCELLA TORIKI - RB
The Queen herself makes it into the 1st round going to the now lacking backfield in Yellowknife. Toriki has a lot of mileage on her legs but showed that she can be a workhorse in a backfield and the Wraiths won't be able to pass that up. If Toriki can buy new ACLs with her signing bonus then this will be the steal of the draft.
8. ARIZONA - LOUISIANA PURCHASE - CB
Arizona wants to help out their defense and what's better for coverage than 14 STATES! Purchase is the top corner in this draft and showed it with his playmaking ability and nose for the ball. Purchase was the king of pick 6s in the DSFL and will continue is ball hawking in the NSFL.
9. OCO - KORRIN ABERNATHY - CB
Orange County's 2nd pick in the first round could easily be a trade piece but if not then they'll go defense again with Korrin "Sanders" Abernathy. The second corner off the board and one who locked down the great receivers in the DSFL. Korrin is also known to work closely with coaches during game plan and that alone makes him a first rounder for his love and knowledge of the game.
10. AUSTIN - NET GAINES - LB
Net may be a Linebacker but he has been versatile enough to play safety and guard slot receivers like a corner. The 3rd member of the Kansas City defense to get drafted in the first round and a stud at that. Gaines has been able to be effective stopping the run and the pass and will be a key piece to Austin's success in the future.