HeHateMe Picksix was born Cornwallace McGriffin III, a scrawny looking kid with hyper intelligent parents. He was always picked on as a kid due to his meek demeanor as well as his posh name and upbringing. He never raised a hand in defense of himself or others and just tried to slip by in all of life's early situations. Bullied in school by both his peers and his teachers, Cornwallace just took it in stride and let that feeling of despair and anger sit and fester deep within him.
On one fateful day as he was eating lunch consisting of quail eggs with milk and honey a wayward frisbee happened to interrupt young Cornwallace's thoughts as it crashed into his tray, spilling his milk and honey onto the floor. As Cornwallace filtered through the laughter and jeers to try to isolate the source whence the frisbee came from he was knocked down from behind by an older student as he went to collect the errant disc. Covered in a mixture of dirt that was sticking to his face from the honey, Cornwallace fought back tears and just waited like an animal hunting his prey. He had no idea what came over him but as the older kid had his back turned, Cornwallace ran full speed and charged towards him with the intent of bowling him over as he himself was just bowled over in an act of glorious revenge. As Cornwallace neared his target, a shining disc came into his view and at this moment, Cornwallace's overdeveloped brain (thanks to his parents) hatched a different sort of scheme and instead of hitting his target from behind, Cornwallace, instead jumped in front of the bully and snatched the frisbee out of the year before running full speed the other way in an attempt to get away as far as possible before destroying the plastic toy by smashing it against the pavement.
Cornwallace had gotten his first taste of revenge and the act of taking away something that belonged to someone else. He was giddy with excitement and laughed manically as bits of dirt and honey dripped from his face and into his mouth. He craved that feeling, he wanted more. He wanted to hurt people the way he had been hurt. He wanted to crush souls and feed off of their sweet sweet tears.
Cornwallace was now faced with a difficult task, he could either return to school where he would undoubtedly be beaten up by the older kid as well as receive a formal reprimand from his teachers for being late to class as well as showing up with a dirty uniform, or he could return home, shed his persona, and become something more. Something along the lines of someone who takes from others and doesn't care about their feelings... a thief of sorts... but also a crusher of dreams.. and souls... but mainly dreams. Cornwallace quickly returned to class to face the music, because he was still a meek little boy and this one instance of rebellion would not change him.. yet. Sure enough, he was beaten black and blue by the bully and his friends and had to spend the rest of the day in the nurse's office while the rest of his classmates learned about the elements. He watched the minutes of the clock go by, wondering what fate had in store for him. He wondered out loud if this was the life that was destined for him or if he was meant for something more, for greatest. Cornwallace decided that only he could take fate into his own hands and make something of himself he had tasted glory and he wanted more.. a lot more.
That night Cornwallace told his parents everything, from the bullying he endured to the incredible feeling of strength when he ripped that frisbee out of the air with immaculate hand eye co-ordination and ran away with it, depriving the other kids of their fun for a change. He also shared with his surprisingly understanding parents his desire to become a crusher of souls and dreams and wanted their help in completing his transformation. Afterall, these were 3 of the smartest people in the world, and they would science the crap out of this situation to make Cornwallace's dream a reality.
The very next day, Cornwallace dropped out of Snooty Prep Elementary School and accompanied his father to his lab. Within moments, young Cornwallace had needles and tubes running all over his body as well as several technicians to monitor his health as he began to start working out. Over the next several months Cornwallace's routine consisted of nothing more than a strict diet of reverse engineered protein and vitamins to ensure all of nature's added fillers were not filling young Cornwallace's body. He would work out day in and day out until gradually his frame had developed into a normal 10 year boy instead of a meek looking 7 year old boy. The experiment had been a success.
Having been homeschooled, during this transition period, Cornwallace was already reading at a tenth grade level and decided to focus on how he could achieve his goals of crushing dreams and souls. He at least looked the part now, but he still hadn't been doing much dream crushing, instead just following his own dreams. He decided to flip through the television for inspiration when he landed on an XFL game. They were playing some sort of game with an oddly shaped ball where it would be thrown and caught.... just like the frisbee... and immediately Cornwallace was intrigued and decided to study this new sensation.. football.
He poured through books and strategy guides, bought the latest copy of Madden and even devised his own playbooks trying to understand the psyche and the gamesmanship of football. He had finally found his method for crushing dreams legally and without fear of going to prison. He had to play football. However being a wise young man of ten now, he had enough foresight to know that with a name like Cornwallace he was always going to be picked on and there would be multiple kids that would gang up on him if they ever found out his true name. As luck would have it, Cornwallace remembered there was an unique player he watched in the XFL with the name He Hate Me stitched onto the back of his jersey. Cornwallace had finally adopted a new name for his alter-ego. Hehateme. It made perfect sense to, as people hated him anyway, but now, instead of running and being scared, he was embracing it. He was using the hatred people had for him to fuel him to make them hate him even more so that they would be too emotional to think rationally. When they got to their breaking point, Cornwallace knew he would have them at his mercy. Ripe souls for crushing and sweet sweet tears of despair when he would be the one to crush their football dreams. Cornwallace was no more... He was now Hehateme Mcgriffin III.
Finally the day had come for Hehateme to try out for football. He loved to catch and so he tried out for the position for WR. Having been lab trained for speed, agility, vertical and hands it made the perfect sense that a wide receiver position would be a great fit for him. His soon to be coach was elated that they had found a deep threat for their quarterback and a dynamic duo was born. However as the season went on and Hehateme started catching more and more TD passes he realized that he was only getting half of the adulation he craved and more and more people began to celebrate with the quarterback instead. This would not stand! How could he have lost sight of his ultimate goal and been part of this feel good story where he was making the QB's dreams come true? No, he would have to enact his plan and the first dream he would crush would be his former QB's.
That night, Hehateme realized that the same skills that make a wide receiver great, also make a cornerback great. The difference is... when a cornerback takes it into the endzone for points, he gets ALL the attention and ALL the love. But more importantly than that, he breaks the spirit of the opposing quarterback and his team because after-all defense aren't supposed to score points. And therein lay the path to Hehateme's salvation... he would switch teams and become a cornerback to snuff out the dreams and hopes of all quarterbacks of the future. He quickly contacted the coach of a rival team and a transfer request was drawn up and executed.
The big Peewee championship football game was about to start and it featured Hehateme's current team and his previous team as well. Not much is remembered about that game, but Hehateme does remember hearing the term Pick - 6 a lot as he recorded a record 7 interceptions in one game and returned all 7 for defensive touchdowns. At the end of the game, his former quarterback was in tears and looked utterly defeated and despondent. A smile crept over Hehateme's face as he reveled in his former teammates misery. It didn't matter his own teammates were celebrating a championship, he didn't care about that, he only cared that he ended one career that night. But somehow that term "Pick-6" stuck in his head, and then it finally hit him like a ton of bricks. Not only could he break the will of opposing offences, but he could also taunt them as he ran by the sideline with the word "Picksix" stitched on his back. But there was only one problem. League rules only allowed surnames on the back of the jersey, and his was McGriffin III. He promptly changed his legal name to Hehateme Picksix that night.
Entering high school Hehateme was a walk-on that made the varsity team easily. He learned how to trash talk more effectively and how to become a better troll both on and off the football field. He continued his brutal workout regimen and developed a growth spurt towards his senior year. His now 6'3'' 195lbs frame towered over his teammates and opposing wide receivers alike. There was no stopping his man among boys as his high school accolades began to pile up.
Hehateme shattered school records for interceptions, defensive touchdowns, pass deflections and unsportsmanlike penalties for taunting. His coaches did little to curb his behavior as he was producing on the field. Eventually Hehateme's shenanigans caught the eye of the head scout for the Ohio State Buckeyes. It seemed like Ohio State had a lock on the talented defensive back as he was widely regarded as a 5 star recruit during his senior year. However, it was not meant to be as during negotiations Ohio lowballed Hehateme with an offer of 0 dollars. The only thing they would give him was a scholarship. Hehateme didn't need a scholarship, he could have gone to any school in the world with his grades and intellect. Hehateme vowed that he would take the most unskilled college team and somehow find a way to turn them into a bowl contender to defeat Ohio State that year to cement the point that they should not have lowballed him during the negotiations. Being sheltered most of his life, he didn't realize that Ohio State couldn't pay him even if they wanted to, but that wasn't the point here, the point was that Ohio State tried to take advantage of his talents and Hehateme was having none of that. After researching the worst college football team in the country, he decided he would enroll in Greendale Community College for the following year.
The Greendale Human Beings were an atrocious 2-14 the previous year and Hehateme made the team easily. After demolishing their first 2 opponents by a combined score of 88-3 where the Greendale QB and RB had 0 touchdowns combined Hehateme was quickly made defensive captain of the team. Greendale also successfully lobbied the NCAA to become a D1 school for that one year due to the extraordinary circumstances surrounding their once in a lifetime defensive talent and they had the clout to back it up. The NCAA realizing the potential for marketing revenue by having such a great defensive player in their league readily agreed and it seemed like Ohio State and Greendale would come to a head before the end of the season.
Hehateme finished his one and only year of college eligibility with an absurd 41 INTs with 35 of them being returned for touchdowns. He also got his revenge on Ohio State by winning the one and only McChicken Bowl between the two teams. In that game alone he had 4 INTs returning all 4 for touchdowns. He was also flagged 11 times for unsportsmanlike conduct for taunting. As a final gesture he signed the game ball with the phrase "Remember, you wanted this" and flipped the ball to the head coach of Ohio State. With his collegiate career over, and his thirst for tears not yet sated, Hehateme decided to declare for the DSFL draft to truly test his talents against the best of the best.
Hehateme knew that in order to be drafted he had to have a leg up on his opponents. He studied the draft class and quickly singled out Jeffrey Lavert as his rival. Due to his silly sounding name mostly, but also because like himself, he was also a defensive back. The mind games had already begun as both rivals jockeyed for position along the draft boards. Jeffrey might have had more time to prepare, but Hehateme knows in his heart of hearts he wants this more than anyone and anyone who wants to claim his rightful spot would have to pry it from his cold dead hands. Hehateme began to train and prepare for the upcoming draft in the only way he knows how. Back at his parents super lab and by getting into the heads of his fellow draftees.
Hehateme quickly signed with Scott Boras as well after the latter heard about Hehateme's skills and qualifications and assured him that he would speak with the DSFL GM's to make sure Hehateme would achieve his dream of feasting on rookie QBs and Wrs and sending them packing to washout lane.
As the draft approaches, several GMs have spoken to Hehateme. Some love his confidence, but others are also concerned about his attitude. Hehateme does have a very large chip on his shoulder, but he also has the dedication and the intellect to go all the way to the hall of fame if given that opportunity. He has proven himself in every tier of organized football along the way and has overcome a mildly bad childhood to become who he is today. He remembers his promise to crush souls and dreams and he even made his newest rival a promise in 16 years.
"Jeffrey Lavert, you can carry my plaque to the hall of fame."
count : 2526
On one fateful day as he was eating lunch consisting of quail eggs with milk and honey a wayward frisbee happened to interrupt young Cornwallace's thoughts as it crashed into his tray, spilling his milk and honey onto the floor. As Cornwallace filtered through the laughter and jeers to try to isolate the source whence the frisbee came from he was knocked down from behind by an older student as he went to collect the errant disc. Covered in a mixture of dirt that was sticking to his face from the honey, Cornwallace fought back tears and just waited like an animal hunting his prey. He had no idea what came over him but as the older kid had his back turned, Cornwallace ran full speed and charged towards him with the intent of bowling him over as he himself was just bowled over in an act of glorious revenge. As Cornwallace neared his target, a shining disc came into his view and at this moment, Cornwallace's overdeveloped brain (thanks to his parents) hatched a different sort of scheme and instead of hitting his target from behind, Cornwallace, instead jumped in front of the bully and snatched the frisbee out of the year before running full speed the other way in an attempt to get away as far as possible before destroying the plastic toy by smashing it against the pavement.
Cornwallace had gotten his first taste of revenge and the act of taking away something that belonged to someone else. He was giddy with excitement and laughed manically as bits of dirt and honey dripped from his face and into his mouth. He craved that feeling, he wanted more. He wanted to hurt people the way he had been hurt. He wanted to crush souls and feed off of their sweet sweet tears.
Cornwallace was now faced with a difficult task, he could either return to school where he would undoubtedly be beaten up by the older kid as well as receive a formal reprimand from his teachers for being late to class as well as showing up with a dirty uniform, or he could return home, shed his persona, and become something more. Something along the lines of someone who takes from others and doesn't care about their feelings... a thief of sorts... but also a crusher of dreams.. and souls... but mainly dreams. Cornwallace quickly returned to class to face the music, because he was still a meek little boy and this one instance of rebellion would not change him.. yet. Sure enough, he was beaten black and blue by the bully and his friends and had to spend the rest of the day in the nurse's office while the rest of his classmates learned about the elements. He watched the minutes of the clock go by, wondering what fate had in store for him. He wondered out loud if this was the life that was destined for him or if he was meant for something more, for greatest. Cornwallace decided that only he could take fate into his own hands and make something of himself he had tasted glory and he wanted more.. a lot more.
That night Cornwallace told his parents everything, from the bullying he endured to the incredible feeling of strength when he ripped that frisbee out of the air with immaculate hand eye co-ordination and ran away with it, depriving the other kids of their fun for a change. He also shared with his surprisingly understanding parents his desire to become a crusher of souls and dreams and wanted their help in completing his transformation. Afterall, these were 3 of the smartest people in the world, and they would science the crap out of this situation to make Cornwallace's dream a reality.
The very next day, Cornwallace dropped out of Snooty Prep Elementary School and accompanied his father to his lab. Within moments, young Cornwallace had needles and tubes running all over his body as well as several technicians to monitor his health as he began to start working out. Over the next several months Cornwallace's routine consisted of nothing more than a strict diet of reverse engineered protein and vitamins to ensure all of nature's added fillers were not filling young Cornwallace's body. He would work out day in and day out until gradually his frame had developed into a normal 10 year boy instead of a meek looking 7 year old boy. The experiment had been a success.
Having been homeschooled, during this transition period, Cornwallace was already reading at a tenth grade level and decided to focus on how he could achieve his goals of crushing dreams and souls. He at least looked the part now, but he still hadn't been doing much dream crushing, instead just following his own dreams. He decided to flip through the television for inspiration when he landed on an XFL game. They were playing some sort of game with an oddly shaped ball where it would be thrown and caught.... just like the frisbee... and immediately Cornwallace was intrigued and decided to study this new sensation.. football.
He poured through books and strategy guides, bought the latest copy of Madden and even devised his own playbooks trying to understand the psyche and the gamesmanship of football. He had finally found his method for crushing dreams legally and without fear of going to prison. He had to play football. However being a wise young man of ten now, he had enough foresight to know that with a name like Cornwallace he was always going to be picked on and there would be multiple kids that would gang up on him if they ever found out his true name. As luck would have it, Cornwallace remembered there was an unique player he watched in the XFL with the name He Hate Me stitched onto the back of his jersey. Cornwallace had finally adopted a new name for his alter-ego. Hehateme. It made perfect sense to, as people hated him anyway, but now, instead of running and being scared, he was embracing it. He was using the hatred people had for him to fuel him to make them hate him even more so that they would be too emotional to think rationally. When they got to their breaking point, Cornwallace knew he would have them at his mercy. Ripe souls for crushing and sweet sweet tears of despair when he would be the one to crush their football dreams. Cornwallace was no more... He was now Hehateme Mcgriffin III.
Finally the day had come for Hehateme to try out for football. He loved to catch and so he tried out for the position for WR. Having been lab trained for speed, agility, vertical and hands it made the perfect sense that a wide receiver position would be a great fit for him. His soon to be coach was elated that they had found a deep threat for their quarterback and a dynamic duo was born. However as the season went on and Hehateme started catching more and more TD passes he realized that he was only getting half of the adulation he craved and more and more people began to celebrate with the quarterback instead. This would not stand! How could he have lost sight of his ultimate goal and been part of this feel good story where he was making the QB's dreams come true? No, he would have to enact his plan and the first dream he would crush would be his former QB's.
That night, Hehateme realized that the same skills that make a wide receiver great, also make a cornerback great. The difference is... when a cornerback takes it into the endzone for points, he gets ALL the attention and ALL the love. But more importantly than that, he breaks the spirit of the opposing quarterback and his team because after-all defense aren't supposed to score points. And therein lay the path to Hehateme's salvation... he would switch teams and become a cornerback to snuff out the dreams and hopes of all quarterbacks of the future. He quickly contacted the coach of a rival team and a transfer request was drawn up and executed.
The big Peewee championship football game was about to start and it featured Hehateme's current team and his previous team as well. Not much is remembered about that game, but Hehateme does remember hearing the term Pick - 6 a lot as he recorded a record 7 interceptions in one game and returned all 7 for defensive touchdowns. At the end of the game, his former quarterback was in tears and looked utterly defeated and despondent. A smile crept over Hehateme's face as he reveled in his former teammates misery. It didn't matter his own teammates were celebrating a championship, he didn't care about that, he only cared that he ended one career that night. But somehow that term "Pick-6" stuck in his head, and then it finally hit him like a ton of bricks. Not only could he break the will of opposing offences, but he could also taunt them as he ran by the sideline with the word "Picksix" stitched on his back. But there was only one problem. League rules only allowed surnames on the back of the jersey, and his was McGriffin III. He promptly changed his legal name to Hehateme Picksix that night.
Entering high school Hehateme was a walk-on that made the varsity team easily. He learned how to trash talk more effectively and how to become a better troll both on and off the football field. He continued his brutal workout regimen and developed a growth spurt towards his senior year. His now 6'3'' 195lbs frame towered over his teammates and opposing wide receivers alike. There was no stopping his man among boys as his high school accolades began to pile up.
Hehateme shattered school records for interceptions, defensive touchdowns, pass deflections and unsportsmanlike penalties for taunting. His coaches did little to curb his behavior as he was producing on the field. Eventually Hehateme's shenanigans caught the eye of the head scout for the Ohio State Buckeyes. It seemed like Ohio State had a lock on the talented defensive back as he was widely regarded as a 5 star recruit during his senior year. However, it was not meant to be as during negotiations Ohio lowballed Hehateme with an offer of 0 dollars. The only thing they would give him was a scholarship. Hehateme didn't need a scholarship, he could have gone to any school in the world with his grades and intellect. Hehateme vowed that he would take the most unskilled college team and somehow find a way to turn them into a bowl contender to defeat Ohio State that year to cement the point that they should not have lowballed him during the negotiations. Being sheltered most of his life, he didn't realize that Ohio State couldn't pay him even if they wanted to, but that wasn't the point here, the point was that Ohio State tried to take advantage of his talents and Hehateme was having none of that. After researching the worst college football team in the country, he decided he would enroll in Greendale Community College for the following year.
The Greendale Human Beings were an atrocious 2-14 the previous year and Hehateme made the team easily. After demolishing their first 2 opponents by a combined score of 88-3 where the Greendale QB and RB had 0 touchdowns combined Hehateme was quickly made defensive captain of the team. Greendale also successfully lobbied the NCAA to become a D1 school for that one year due to the extraordinary circumstances surrounding their once in a lifetime defensive talent and they had the clout to back it up. The NCAA realizing the potential for marketing revenue by having such a great defensive player in their league readily agreed and it seemed like Ohio State and Greendale would come to a head before the end of the season.
Hehateme finished his one and only year of college eligibility with an absurd 41 INTs with 35 of them being returned for touchdowns. He also got his revenge on Ohio State by winning the one and only McChicken Bowl between the two teams. In that game alone he had 4 INTs returning all 4 for touchdowns. He was also flagged 11 times for unsportsmanlike conduct for taunting. As a final gesture he signed the game ball with the phrase "Remember, you wanted this" and flipped the ball to the head coach of Ohio State. With his collegiate career over, and his thirst for tears not yet sated, Hehateme decided to declare for the DSFL draft to truly test his talents against the best of the best.
Hehateme knew that in order to be drafted he had to have a leg up on his opponents. He studied the draft class and quickly singled out Jeffrey Lavert as his rival. Due to his silly sounding name mostly, but also because like himself, he was also a defensive back. The mind games had already begun as both rivals jockeyed for position along the draft boards. Jeffrey might have had more time to prepare, but Hehateme knows in his heart of hearts he wants this more than anyone and anyone who wants to claim his rightful spot would have to pry it from his cold dead hands. Hehateme began to train and prepare for the upcoming draft in the only way he knows how. Back at his parents super lab and by getting into the heads of his fellow draftees.
Hehateme quickly signed with Scott Boras as well after the latter heard about Hehateme's skills and qualifications and assured him that he would speak with the DSFL GM's to make sure Hehateme would achieve his dream of feasting on rookie QBs and Wrs and sending them packing to washout lane.
As the draft approaches, several GMs have spoken to Hehateme. Some love his confidence, but others are also concerned about his attitude. Hehateme does have a very large chip on his shoulder, but he also has the dedication and the intellect to go all the way to the hall of fame if given that opportunity. He has proven himself in every tier of organized football along the way and has overcome a mildly bad childhood to become who he is today. He remembers his promise to crush souls and dreams and he even made his newest rival a promise in 16 years.
"Jeffrey Lavert, you can carry my plaque to the hall of fame."
count : 2526