[This is about who lost the off-season this season so it is 1.5x media. It is about 2600-ish words words long and ready to be graded. Do not take this seriously or you will have a bad time. Enjoy.]
Okay, this is a big one people. Buckle up.
Hello National Simulation Football League. I welcome you to a much needed reality check. I have been highly demotivated to make media in this league but after discussions in the discord I feel (And most seem to agree with me one hundred percent) that we need a good old fashion reality check.
This will take a little bit of a back story to get into it but trust me, it is worth knowing it.
So lately or I guess just before the Christmas period and Mariah Carey would not leave any of us alone, talks within this league of doing a small world cup or world championship tournament were high. I feel as though this would be great fun for everyone. Albeit it would be splitting up most of America and a rest of the world team (That or Hungary is one wide receiver in Lazzy and just trash bots but I'd take it.) it would still be a good fun little thing.
Simulation Hockey League are doing a good job of it and Grassroots Soccer League are not far off doing it either. So why not.
Well, currently we only have the Yellow Knife Wraiths as the only Canadian team (I think) and the Tijuana Luchadores as Mexican team. So to promote other people taking other nationalities other than American or at least lesser taken locations we should have a new foreign team.
This is why Laszlo Forty-Two, resident third person talking and all around scary mother fucker who will break you in half for no good reason, decided to create a 7th Development Simulation Football League team.
The Budapest Badgers.
Budapest mainly because of a few things:
1 - Lazzy is originally from there
2 - It is a quite nice place and good historical site
3 - Easy $$$ for dragging it to that place rather than somewhere expensive like London or Paris!
Badger is way more simple. It begins with the letter B as well. The honey badger also gives no fucks.
A lion attacking? "I do not give a fuck!"
A shark with a lazer beam stuck to its frickin' head? "I do not give a fuck!"
Another honey badger? "I STILL DO NOT GIVE A FUCK!"
Yes the badger would truly be a perfect fit. We could even copy Minnesota and add a colour. The Budapest Black Badgers.
However, when shown to the fire overlord Bex, she simply laughed and then stated no. The dream was dead.
RIP in pepperonis the Budapest Black Badgers.
But now we are here. You see for the terrible 1.5x media claim one of the criteria is:
"Who lost the offseason? Which team do you think failed miserably this offseason and things will NOT be looking up in the future?"
Do you not see?! This is the perfect opportunity for us and other loyal Budapest Badger fans to skip the Development Simulation Football League and become an expansion team in the National Simulation Football League! All we have to do is make head office realise all the teams are bad! So welcome to this jolly piece of media.
I will now shit talk every team:
The Balitmore Hawks - Okay so we are off to a bad start. I do not actually know much about you guys. Some would say that is strike one. However, I feel the Hawks deserve true analysis in destroying them. So I asked in discord and got this.
"Laszlo Forty-Two (C9 Van) Today at 5:00 PM
anyone wanna be quoted in this cause i dont know dick about them
The User Formally Known As Death Today at 5:00 PM
0 rings without me on their team"
Then Infinite just butted in outta nowhere and stated:
"bork bork Today at 5:01 PM
hawks are dum dum
boom"
Clearly as stated, the Hawks are "dum dum" and have failed to win any rings since whoever that is in discord was a part of them. Need I say anymore?! Probably.
The Chicago Butchers - Oof. I err...I do not wanna be too mean. Um...Your cosplay of the Chicago Cubs is respectable? This team needs Videl-San to stand any chance of being good and she is busy being a god in Pro Baseball Experience! Not that the General Manager was around for this draft but thanks for not drafting me <3
The Colorado Yeti - THIS. FUCKING. TEAM. More like the Colorado Smelly. Gotem. First off, has anyone actually legit seen a Yeti in our stadium? To truly kill this team all I need to do is point to the quarter back. Fun fact: Wanna know what is stopping Laszlo Forty-Two from winning Wide Receiver of the year awards? Excluding Total Points Earned, being highly flexible to whatever they need, poor build, lack of experience, drive and motivation, talent and skill? Wolfie. Mc. Dummy!
Worst player in history!
Not to mention the Yeti General Managers. The lube is off now. Awful people! Frick is nothing but nice and Bwestfield is nothing short of a bro. It is legit disgusting! You are supposed to be tampering, lying, cheating, stealing! What the flying fuck! You sicken me! Trade me! 5 stars on yelp as a person and borderline 2 stars for GM'ing
Not to mention this team is riddled with San Antonio Marshall players! Disgusting! Luckily we abandoned them for the superior Grey Duck academy.
The Philly Liberty - So this one is a more real/none sarcastic one and a fun little story I have. The first ever match I watched in this league was the final between the San Jose Sabrecats and the Philly Liberty. San Jose won. Now, I do not watch every stream but I legitimately have a 0-8 record watching the Philly Liberty team play on stream. It is actually insane.
Now, it is mainly a coincidence and they have just gotten unlucky 8 times in a row but I would rather believe I personally curse Philly whenever I watch them. I go for a vote of zero confidence with them purely due to this record!
The Yellow Knife Wraiths - Now many would argue this team is great. They have done very well in recent seasons and had a good hold of the division they are in for a while. Season predictions are placing them rightfully as one of the highest on average. But fuck facts.
I have a few things that proves why Budapest Badgers can beat them easily.
1 - The Budapest Badgers are undefeated as of writing this whilst Yellow Knife lost the last match they were in.
2 - Badgers are kinda like Otters but land based so considering how they can never beat them I am sure Badgers would be the other bogey team
The Arizona Outlaws - I'll be honest, I dunno who is on your team past your General Manager is CLEARLY SlothFacedKilla and this is not a fucking conspiracy theory I KNOW I am right!
Decided to ask the discord for help.
"Laszlo Forty-Two (C9 Van) Today at 5:20 PM
fuck i dont know anything about Arizona
guys help me bully Arizona pls
The User Formally Known As DeathToday at 5:20 PM
Cheaters lol
???? bork bork????Today at 5:20 PM
arizona asterisks ayy
1548 TPE Today at 5:21 PM
Arizona
More like ERizona"
So naturally this proves a couple of things:
1 - Slow day in the National Simulation Football League discord
2 - I have missed something to not get this
3 - The Arizona Outlaws are secretly the Hamilton Steelhawks of the Simulation Hockey League
The Austin Copperheads - You are literally called Austin. Tell me how in the fuck one bloke named Austin is supposed to ever compete against the whole team. He cannot block for himself whilst punting, nor can he throw the ball and then catch it can he? Literally one of the dumbest decisions the league ever made having just one guy try his best to win rather than have a whole team out there giving it everything they got.
The New Orleans Second Line - Conspiracy time. Isa, the master of media, and Bex, the master of puppets are both on the same team? Roughly at the same time 1.5x media taints the league? I think not! Wake up sheeple. This is Bubba Gump CEO and Founder's evil plot. Yes, Mr. Tom Hanks is forcing every other team to struggle with equipment so they can just sail by with easy cash!
This man has a history of abandoning his best friend wilson out at sea, poisoning the water hole and quoted to saying "“Mama always said, dying was a part of life." which is clearly a god damn death threat!
I am onto you guys.
The Orange County Otters - I hear you. I could literally just have said for the other teams "The Otters always just win and every other team just lets it happen." and I could agree with that. May be my best shot to get the Budapest Badgers into the league. However, look deeper into this rabbit hole.
Who are the Orange County Otters now? A fraud! A joke! A dying dynasty! Pathetic! Let me prove it to you. How many championships have they won in 2020? 0. How many play-off games have they won in 2020? 0. How many god damn matches have they won in the regular season this season?! 0!
Now sure, we've not started yet but those are just excuses. The proof is in the facts. The Otters and the Badgers have recorded the same amount of points this season AND the Badgers have yet to concede a single point. Fairly obvious who is superior now isn't it.
The San Jose Sabre Cats - Honestly, I kinda do wanna bully them. I am a Jacksonville Jaguars fan and they heavily remind me of them right now. That shit aint easy. Probably an indirect insult when I think about it so I hope you don't get a Jalen Ramsey.
Development Simulation Football League team time. Oh yeah, you fucks do not get off easy either.
The Myrtle Beach Buccaneers - I genuinely have not followed this league since leaving it really past whoever wins the play-offs but not many teams could pull off being named after a Harry Potter ghost from Chamber of Secrets and still have a nice logo. Good job?
The Kansas City Coyotes - The Kansas City Coyotes. Meanest thing I could say about you really. Perhaps stop letting the Pythons have a bye to the final?
The Portland Pythons - The Kansas City Coyotes. Try facing good teams for once past in the bloody finals! God!
The Norwich Sea Wolves - Scorp Sux lmao.
The Minnesota Grey Ducks - You're not San Antonio and finally the Luchadores have a respectable opponent to fight now rather than just doing another Portland Pythons vs Tijuana Luchadores meeting lol
The Tijuana Luchadores - Nothing. Just a beautiful team honestly. Have you guys lost weight? Nice, it really is showing. Man that is a lovely @Ben you have on your team. Gosh what a lovely place you made. Did you redecorate recently? No, I like it yeah.
So now you have heard it all. A decent amount of reasons for why the Budapest Badgers clearly should exist over all or at least one of them.
Incidentally, I went to the very top of the league to ask why this amazing team was getting treated so poorly!
"Van Today at 5:53 PM
Can I perhaps get a quote off you about the Budapest Badgers team and hopefully twist the words into propaganda?
Bex Today at 6:02 PM
The Budapest Badgers disrespect the sanctity of football more than any other team could possibly hope to. I believe this team will do nothing but bring dishonor on our league and dishonor on our entire sport."
As you can clearly all see! Bex is clearly pushing against the beloved Badgers! You can take away my x2 media bonus to this but you will never take my undying love for the Badgers Bex! Unless you decide to take it then fuck, I am out of options.
If we do not stop her now and make a stand, when will we?! This could be you guys next if you're not careful!
It is with a heavy heart that with everything said I simply have you people with Twitter tweet about this sad situation with the tag #SaveTheBadgers and maybe if no-one is too busy with whatever stupid drama comes next, that you bring up the Budapest Badgers in the drama. We deserve an oddly specific foreign/european team in the league and I will be damned if a bigger more deserving location gets it!
I decided to ask my own player what his thoughts on the crushing reality of the Budapest Black Blue Brown Burgundy and Beige Badgers were not allowed to join the league even though we have clearly proven how better fitting they would be in the league.
Laszlo Forty-Two: It is of Laszlo's humble opinion that league is scared little Orange Otter and multicoloured Badger would run league into oblivion. Laszlo would usually just walk up to Head Office and crush them like injured animal they are. Mr. Forty-Two would watch them run away like asthmatic ant with broken legs until he break them. But The Laz will not do that now. Not with Bex in charge of National Football Simulation League.
The Narrator: It almost sounds like you are scared or something.
Now onto the final little part of this media. A fun little seasonal predictions for season 20.
I personally think that the Budapest Badgers will go undefeated this season. With zero fixtures confirmed it will really be hard to see anyone realistically show up for a stadium that does not exist yet. Which in turn will put them up there with one of the better defending teams at the very least.
I believe every team in this league will either go 7-6 or 6-7 by the end of it. Except for Philly who will end up going 5-8 purely cause I was watching one of the games they should have won. My bad. I will say it is a Yellow Knife Wraiths vs Orange County Otter play-off final because without the Badgers history is doomed to repeat itself. Bold claim considering how clearly poor the Otters are now in 2020 purely by them not winning anything this week in terms of championships but crazier stuff has happened.
One thing I know for sure, Wolfie McDummy will let me down in fantasy football, thus crushing my personal dreams of Lazzy ever being a decent Wide Receiver. Thanks Infinite, god!
Well National Simulation Football League. It has been fun writing for you once again. I hope you stand with me and the Budapest Badgers and maybe one day the dream will come true for us all. Also, going to need a Budapest Badgers logo off one of you. Cheers lads.
(Just as a small note cause I feel I may need to add this lol: This is just a big shitpost if anything so do not take anything serious. Bex is also not against the Budapest Badgers idea so do not give Head Office bullshit over a joke organisation <3)
Okay, this is a big one people. Buckle up.
Hello National Simulation Football League. I welcome you to a much needed reality check. I have been highly demotivated to make media in this league but after discussions in the discord I feel (And most seem to agree with me one hundred percent) that we need a good old fashion reality check.
This will take a little bit of a back story to get into it but trust me, it is worth knowing it.
So lately or I guess just before the Christmas period and Mariah Carey would not leave any of us alone, talks within this league of doing a small world cup or world championship tournament were high. I feel as though this would be great fun for everyone. Albeit it would be splitting up most of America and a rest of the world team (That or Hungary is one wide receiver in Lazzy and just trash bots but I'd take it.) it would still be a good fun little thing.
Simulation Hockey League are doing a good job of it and Grassroots Soccer League are not far off doing it either. So why not.
Well, currently we only have the Yellow Knife Wraiths as the only Canadian team (I think) and the Tijuana Luchadores as Mexican team. So to promote other people taking other nationalities other than American or at least lesser taken locations we should have a new foreign team.
This is why Laszlo Forty-Two, resident third person talking and all around scary mother fucker who will break you in half for no good reason, decided to create a 7th Development Simulation Football League team.
The Budapest Badgers.
Budapest mainly because of a few things:
1 - Lazzy is originally from there
2 - It is a quite nice place and good historical site
3 - Easy $$$ for dragging it to that place rather than somewhere expensive like London or Paris!
Badger is way more simple. It begins with the letter B as well. The honey badger also gives no fucks.
A lion attacking? "I do not give a fuck!"
A shark with a lazer beam stuck to its frickin' head? "I do not give a fuck!"
Another honey badger? "I STILL DO NOT GIVE A FUCK!"
Yes the badger would truly be a perfect fit. We could even copy Minnesota and add a colour. The Budapest Black Badgers.
However, when shown to the fire overlord Bex, she simply laughed and then stated no. The dream was dead.
RIP in pepperonis the Budapest Black Badgers.
But now we are here. You see for the terrible 1.5x media claim one of the criteria is:
"Who lost the offseason? Which team do you think failed miserably this offseason and things will NOT be looking up in the future?"
Do you not see?! This is the perfect opportunity for us and other loyal Budapest Badger fans to skip the Development Simulation Football League and become an expansion team in the National Simulation Football League! All we have to do is make head office realise all the teams are bad! So welcome to this jolly piece of media.
I will now shit talk every team:
The Balitmore Hawks - Okay so we are off to a bad start. I do not actually know much about you guys. Some would say that is strike one. However, I feel the Hawks deserve true analysis in destroying them. So I asked in discord and got this.
"Laszlo Forty-Two (C9 Van) Today at 5:00 PM
anyone wanna be quoted in this cause i dont know dick about them
The User Formally Known As Death Today at 5:00 PM
0 rings without me on their team"
Then Infinite just butted in outta nowhere and stated:
"bork bork Today at 5:01 PM
hawks are dum dum
boom"
Clearly as stated, the Hawks are "dum dum" and have failed to win any rings since whoever that is in discord was a part of them. Need I say anymore?! Probably.
The Chicago Butchers - Oof. I err...I do not wanna be too mean. Um...Your cosplay of the Chicago Cubs is respectable? This team needs Videl-San to stand any chance of being good and she is busy being a god in Pro Baseball Experience! Not that the General Manager was around for this draft but thanks for not drafting me <3
The Colorado Yeti - THIS. FUCKING. TEAM. More like the Colorado Smelly. Gotem. First off, has anyone actually legit seen a Yeti in our stadium? To truly kill this team all I need to do is point to the quarter back. Fun fact: Wanna know what is stopping Laszlo Forty-Two from winning Wide Receiver of the year awards? Excluding Total Points Earned, being highly flexible to whatever they need, poor build, lack of experience, drive and motivation, talent and skill? Wolfie. Mc. Dummy!
Worst player in history!
Not to mention the Yeti General Managers. The lube is off now. Awful people! Frick is nothing but nice and Bwestfield is nothing short of a bro. It is legit disgusting! You are supposed to be tampering, lying, cheating, stealing! What the flying fuck! You sicken me! Trade me! 5 stars on yelp as a person and borderline 2 stars for GM'ing
Not to mention this team is riddled with San Antonio Marshall players! Disgusting! Luckily we abandoned them for the superior Grey Duck academy.
The Philly Liberty - So this one is a more real/none sarcastic one and a fun little story I have. The first ever match I watched in this league was the final between the San Jose Sabrecats and the Philly Liberty. San Jose won. Now, I do not watch every stream but I legitimately have a 0-8 record watching the Philly Liberty team play on stream. It is actually insane.
Now, it is mainly a coincidence and they have just gotten unlucky 8 times in a row but I would rather believe I personally curse Philly whenever I watch them. I go for a vote of zero confidence with them purely due to this record!
The Yellow Knife Wraiths - Now many would argue this team is great. They have done very well in recent seasons and had a good hold of the division they are in for a while. Season predictions are placing them rightfully as one of the highest on average. But fuck facts.
I have a few things that proves why Budapest Badgers can beat them easily.
1 - The Budapest Badgers are undefeated as of writing this whilst Yellow Knife lost the last match they were in.
2 - Badgers are kinda like Otters but land based so considering how they can never beat them I am sure Badgers would be the other bogey team
The Arizona Outlaws - I'll be honest, I dunno who is on your team past your General Manager is CLEARLY SlothFacedKilla and this is not a fucking conspiracy theory I KNOW I am right!
Decided to ask the discord for help.
"Laszlo Forty-Two (C9 Van) Today at 5:20 PM
fuck i dont know anything about Arizona
guys help me bully Arizona pls
The User Formally Known As DeathToday at 5:20 PM
Cheaters lol
???? bork bork????Today at 5:20 PM
arizona asterisks ayy
1548 TPE Today at 5:21 PM
Arizona
More like ERizona"
So naturally this proves a couple of things:
1 - Slow day in the National Simulation Football League discord
2 - I have missed something to not get this
3 - The Arizona Outlaws are secretly the Hamilton Steelhawks of the Simulation Hockey League
The Austin Copperheads - You are literally called Austin. Tell me how in the fuck one bloke named Austin is supposed to ever compete against the whole team. He cannot block for himself whilst punting, nor can he throw the ball and then catch it can he? Literally one of the dumbest decisions the league ever made having just one guy try his best to win rather than have a whole team out there giving it everything they got.
The New Orleans Second Line - Conspiracy time. Isa, the master of media, and Bex, the master of puppets are both on the same team? Roughly at the same time 1.5x media taints the league? I think not! Wake up sheeple. This is Bubba Gump CEO and Founder's evil plot. Yes, Mr. Tom Hanks is forcing every other team to struggle with equipment so they can just sail by with easy cash!
This man has a history of abandoning his best friend wilson out at sea, poisoning the water hole and quoted to saying "“Mama always said, dying was a part of life." which is clearly a god damn death threat!
I am onto you guys.
The Orange County Otters - I hear you. I could literally just have said for the other teams "The Otters always just win and every other team just lets it happen." and I could agree with that. May be my best shot to get the Budapest Badgers into the league. However, look deeper into this rabbit hole.
Who are the Orange County Otters now? A fraud! A joke! A dying dynasty! Pathetic! Let me prove it to you. How many championships have they won in 2020? 0. How many play-off games have they won in 2020? 0. How many god damn matches have they won in the regular season this season?! 0!
Now sure, we've not started yet but those are just excuses. The proof is in the facts. The Otters and the Badgers have recorded the same amount of points this season AND the Badgers have yet to concede a single point. Fairly obvious who is superior now isn't it.
The San Jose Sabre Cats - Honestly, I kinda do wanna bully them. I am a Jacksonville Jaguars fan and they heavily remind me of them right now. That shit aint easy. Probably an indirect insult when I think about it so I hope you don't get a Jalen Ramsey.
Development Simulation Football League team time. Oh yeah, you fucks do not get off easy either.
The Myrtle Beach Buccaneers - I genuinely have not followed this league since leaving it really past whoever wins the play-offs but not many teams could pull off being named after a Harry Potter ghost from Chamber of Secrets and still have a nice logo. Good job?
The Kansas City Coyotes - The Kansas City Coyotes. Meanest thing I could say about you really. Perhaps stop letting the Pythons have a bye to the final?
The Portland Pythons - The Kansas City Coyotes. Try facing good teams for once past in the bloody finals! God!
The Norwich Sea Wolves - Scorp Sux lmao.
The Minnesota Grey Ducks - You're not San Antonio and finally the Luchadores have a respectable opponent to fight now rather than just doing another Portland Pythons vs Tijuana Luchadores meeting lol
The Tijuana Luchadores - Nothing. Just a beautiful team honestly. Have you guys lost weight? Nice, it really is showing. Man that is a lovely @Ben you have on your team. Gosh what a lovely place you made. Did you redecorate recently? No, I like it yeah.
So now you have heard it all. A decent amount of reasons for why the Budapest Badgers clearly should exist over all or at least one of them.
Incidentally, I went to the very top of the league to ask why this amazing team was getting treated so poorly!
"Van Today at 5:53 PM
Can I perhaps get a quote off you about the Budapest Badgers team and hopefully twist the words into propaganda?
Bex Today at 6:02 PM
The Budapest Badgers disrespect the sanctity of football more than any other team could possibly hope to. I believe this team will do nothing but bring dishonor on our league and dishonor on our entire sport."
As you can clearly all see! Bex is clearly pushing against the beloved Badgers! You can take away my x2 media bonus to this but you will never take my undying love for the Badgers Bex! Unless you decide to take it then fuck, I am out of options.
If we do not stop her now and make a stand, when will we?! This could be you guys next if you're not careful!
It is with a heavy heart that with everything said I simply have you people with Twitter tweet about this sad situation with the tag #SaveTheBadgers and maybe if no-one is too busy with whatever stupid drama comes next, that you bring up the Budapest Badgers in the drama. We deserve an oddly specific foreign/european team in the league and I will be damned if a bigger more deserving location gets it!
I decided to ask my own player what his thoughts on the crushing reality of the Budapest Black Blue Brown Burgundy and Beige Badgers were not allowed to join the league even though we have clearly proven how better fitting they would be in the league.
Laszlo Forty-Two: It is of Laszlo's humble opinion that league is scared little Orange Otter and multicoloured Badger would run league into oblivion. Laszlo would usually just walk up to Head Office and crush them like injured animal they are. Mr. Forty-Two would watch them run away like asthmatic ant with broken legs until he break them. But The Laz will not do that now. Not with Bex in charge of National Football Simulation League.
The Narrator: It almost sounds like you are scared or something.
Now onto the final little part of this media. A fun little seasonal predictions for season 20.
I personally think that the Budapest Badgers will go undefeated this season. With zero fixtures confirmed it will really be hard to see anyone realistically show up for a stadium that does not exist yet. Which in turn will put them up there with one of the better defending teams at the very least.
I believe every team in this league will either go 7-6 or 6-7 by the end of it. Except for Philly who will end up going 5-8 purely cause I was watching one of the games they should have won. My bad. I will say it is a Yellow Knife Wraiths vs Orange County Otter play-off final because without the Badgers history is doomed to repeat itself. Bold claim considering how clearly poor the Otters are now in 2020 purely by them not winning anything this week in terms of championships but crazier stuff has happened.
One thing I know for sure, Wolfie McDummy will let me down in fantasy football, thus crushing my personal dreams of Lazzy ever being a decent Wide Receiver. Thanks Infinite, god!
Well National Simulation Football League. It has been fun writing for you once again. I hope you stand with me and the Budapest Badgers and maybe one day the dream will come true for us all. Also, going to need a Budapest Badgers logo off one of you. Cheers lads.
(Just as a small note cause I feel I may need to add this lol: This is just a big shitpost if anything so do not take anything serious. Bex is also not against the Budapest Badgers idea so do not give Head Office bullshit over a joke organisation <3)