(So what I have for you all today is my take on one of my favorite shows All or Nothing. Here’s a trailer for the uninitiated. This is something I’ve wanted to do since I joined the league. I’m still experimenting with the format and structure so if anyone has any suggestions, comments, compliments, or criticism please feel free to share.
P.S. The Narrator is Jon Hamm.)
Narrator: For the first time in national simulation football history a film crew will be embedded within the DSFL’s newest expansion team the London Royals for the entire season we will offer an exclusive look into the DSFL and the lives of it’s players and staff. The goal to find out what all or nothing really means.
The life of a DSFL team is one of constant rebuilding. At the end of every year NSFL teams swoop in and take most of the best players for themselves. The DSFL by necessity must embrace “a next man up” mentality. Draft Day for the DSFL and right now hundreds of eager prospects are waiting for their name to be called, they are waiting for their opportunity to be the next man up. One of those prospects is Sue Cash.Jr, a wide receiver from CSU.
Sue Cash.Jr: (Sue is in his family’s house in San Francisco surrounded by a small group of family and friends. They are watching the draft on TV. Sue looks nervous) I feel like I did the best I could do to stand out from the crowd. I guess I just gotta trust that my best was good enough and wait for that call.
Dallas Market Center. The location of this year’s Draft
Narrator: Sue isn’t the only one waiting for their name to be called. Two brothers Colby and Monty Jack are also waiting for their names to be called. They don’t wait long.
Commissioner Bex: With the first pick of the 2036 DSFL draft the Dallas Birddogs select Monterey Jack quarterback University of Louisiana at Lafayette. (The crowd erupts into cheers Monty Jack takes the stage smiling he shakes Bex’s hand and poses holding up a Birddogs uniform with his name on it and a #1 on the back.)
With the second pick of the 2036 DSFL draft the London Royals select Colby Jack quarterback Oregon University. (The crowd is no less enthusiastic as Colby takes the stage. A casual observer may suffer from a bad case of deja vu as the scene plays out very similarly to the previous one. The only difference is that Colby is holding a Royals uniform)
Narrator: While most teams are simply looking to fill holes in their teams lineup the Dallas Birdogs and London Royals are expansion teams. Instead of a few holes they are building whole teams. It is vital to these organizations that they hit on as many picks as possible. The task is a daunting one but luckily two of England’s top football minds are on it. The Duke of Modern and Sir Deadly Player already.
The London Royals War Room
The Duke of Modern: So for our first WR I’m thinking we take Michael Witheblock or maybe Kevin Koh.
Sir Deadly Player: Norfolk took Koh already. You want Witheblock and not Cash?
The Duke of Modern: (Looking through his Notes) Is Cash still available I thought Kansas was taking him?
Sir Deadly Player: I thought so too. They took Jeeta in the second round, but they haven’t grabbed him yet. He’s still up there if we want him.
The Duke of Modern: Yeah if he’s still there then let’s swoop him up. Make the call.
Sir Deadly Player: (Getting on the phone dials a number. It rings twice) Hello, am I speaking to Susan Cash?
Sue Cash.Jr: Yes sir.
Sir Deadly Player: Sue, my name is Deadly Player. I represent the London Royals expansion team. Would you be interested in joining our team?
Sue Cash.Jr: Yes sir. I’d like that a lot sir. I won’t let you guys down.
Sir Deadly Player: I’m Glad to hear that. Listen I’ll let you go so you can celebrate. Someone from our staff will contact you in a little bit and get your information. You have a good night.
Sue Cash: Yes sir. You too. (Speaking to his family) That was the GM of the London Royals he says he wants me on their team. (The room erupts into cheers Sue makes his way around the room as his family and friends hug and congratulate him. He makes it all the way to his younger sister before he starts crying tears of joy.)
KRFM 88.5 Radio Station
Reggie Shakesphere: (Reginald “Reggie” Shakesphere is a radio DJ/personality known for his hot takes. He covers sports among other things. He is new to the sport of American Football, but seems eagar.) Good Morning Everyone and welcome to another episode of Reginald Shakesphere in the morning! Ladies and gentlemen the draft was the other day and It’s finally official London has a DSFL team of it’s very own. No more waiting all year just to watch the Jacksonville Jaguars get blown out twice a year. We get seven home games in our brand new state of the art stadium. I wanna talk about the guys we picked up. Those first five guys. Colby Jack, Derrad De Ville, Cadillac Harris, Acura Skyline, and Sandro Ryeu. Those guys are gonna be expected to step up and be this team’s anchors on offense, defense, and special teams. That’s a lot of pressure for what are essentially rookies. I hope they're up to the task cause a lot of people are counting on them.
The London Royals Film Room
Duke of Modern: (It’s not long before the season begins. The Duke of Modern is giving his team an inspiring speech.) I want to tell you about two very different expansion teams that had two very different starts to their franchise. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers started their franchise in 1976 by going 0-26. They didn’t get their first win until the 13th game of their 2nd season. They didn’t have a winning season until their 4th year in the league. They were the laughing stock of the entire country.
The 2017 Las Vegas Knights had a start that was almost the exact opposite of the Bucs. Their regular season record that year was 51-24-7, good enough for a first round by. They made NHL and American sports history by making it all the way to the Stanley Cup Finals before falling to The Washington Capitals.
From this point on you guys are in control of your own destiny. Whether or not we go 0-14 or 14-0 that’s up to you now. Believe in yourself and believe in each other. Everyone in this room was chosen because we believe you have something to contribute to this team and this league. So just be yourselves, but don’t get complacent. Always strive to improve yourself. Alright guys that’s all from me let’s get out there and win a fuckin Ultimini!
P.S. The Narrator is Jon Hamm.)
Narrator: For the first time in national simulation football history a film crew will be embedded within the DSFL’s newest expansion team the London Royals for the entire season we will offer an exclusive look into the DSFL and the lives of it’s players and staff. The goal to find out what all or nothing really means.
The life of a DSFL team is one of constant rebuilding. At the end of every year NSFL teams swoop in and take most of the best players for themselves. The DSFL by necessity must embrace “a next man up” mentality. Draft Day for the DSFL and right now hundreds of eager prospects are waiting for their name to be called, they are waiting for their opportunity to be the next man up. One of those prospects is Sue Cash.Jr, a wide receiver from CSU.
Sue Cash.Jr: (Sue is in his family’s house in San Francisco surrounded by a small group of family and friends. They are watching the draft on TV. Sue looks nervous) I feel like I did the best I could do to stand out from the crowd. I guess I just gotta trust that my best was good enough and wait for that call.
Dallas Market Center. The location of this year’s Draft
Narrator: Sue isn’t the only one waiting for their name to be called. Two brothers Colby and Monty Jack are also waiting for their names to be called. They don’t wait long.
Commissioner Bex: With the first pick of the 2036 DSFL draft the Dallas Birddogs select Monterey Jack quarterback University of Louisiana at Lafayette. (The crowd erupts into cheers Monty Jack takes the stage smiling he shakes Bex’s hand and poses holding up a Birddogs uniform with his name on it and a #1 on the back.)
With the second pick of the 2036 DSFL draft the London Royals select Colby Jack quarterback Oregon University. (The crowd is no less enthusiastic as Colby takes the stage. A casual observer may suffer from a bad case of deja vu as the scene plays out very similarly to the previous one. The only difference is that Colby is holding a Royals uniform)
Narrator: While most teams are simply looking to fill holes in their teams lineup the Dallas Birdogs and London Royals are expansion teams. Instead of a few holes they are building whole teams. It is vital to these organizations that they hit on as many picks as possible. The task is a daunting one but luckily two of England’s top football minds are on it. The Duke of Modern and Sir Deadly Player already.
The London Royals War Room
The Duke of Modern: So for our first WR I’m thinking we take Michael Witheblock or maybe Kevin Koh.
Sir Deadly Player: Norfolk took Koh already. You want Witheblock and not Cash?
The Duke of Modern: (Looking through his Notes) Is Cash still available I thought Kansas was taking him?
Sir Deadly Player: I thought so too. They took Jeeta in the second round, but they haven’t grabbed him yet. He’s still up there if we want him.
The Duke of Modern: Yeah if he’s still there then let’s swoop him up. Make the call.
Sir Deadly Player: (Getting on the phone dials a number. It rings twice) Hello, am I speaking to Susan Cash?
Sue Cash.Jr: Yes sir.
Sir Deadly Player: Sue, my name is Deadly Player. I represent the London Royals expansion team. Would you be interested in joining our team?
Sue Cash.Jr: Yes sir. I’d like that a lot sir. I won’t let you guys down.
Sir Deadly Player: I’m Glad to hear that. Listen I’ll let you go so you can celebrate. Someone from our staff will contact you in a little bit and get your information. You have a good night.
Sue Cash: Yes sir. You too. (Speaking to his family) That was the GM of the London Royals he says he wants me on their team. (The room erupts into cheers Sue makes his way around the room as his family and friends hug and congratulate him. He makes it all the way to his younger sister before he starts crying tears of joy.)
KRFM 88.5 Radio Station
Reggie Shakesphere: (Reginald “Reggie” Shakesphere is a radio DJ/personality known for his hot takes. He covers sports among other things. He is new to the sport of American Football, but seems eagar.) Good Morning Everyone and welcome to another episode of Reginald Shakesphere in the morning! Ladies and gentlemen the draft was the other day and It’s finally official London has a DSFL team of it’s very own. No more waiting all year just to watch the Jacksonville Jaguars get blown out twice a year. We get seven home games in our brand new state of the art stadium. I wanna talk about the guys we picked up. Those first five guys. Colby Jack, Derrad De Ville, Cadillac Harris, Acura Skyline, and Sandro Ryeu. Those guys are gonna be expected to step up and be this team’s anchors on offense, defense, and special teams. That’s a lot of pressure for what are essentially rookies. I hope they're up to the task cause a lot of people are counting on them.
The London Royals Film Room
Duke of Modern: (It’s not long before the season begins. The Duke of Modern is giving his team an inspiring speech.) I want to tell you about two very different expansion teams that had two very different starts to their franchise. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers started their franchise in 1976 by going 0-26. They didn’t get their first win until the 13th game of their 2nd season. They didn’t have a winning season until their 4th year in the league. They were the laughing stock of the entire country.
The 2017 Las Vegas Knights had a start that was almost the exact opposite of the Bucs. Their regular season record that year was 51-24-7, good enough for a first round by. They made NHL and American sports history by making it all the way to the Stanley Cup Finals before falling to The Washington Capitals.
From this point on you guys are in control of your own destiny. Whether or not we go 0-14 or 14-0 that’s up to you now. Believe in yourself and believe in each other. Everyone in this room was chosen because we believe you have something to contribute to this team and this league. So just be yourselves, but don’t get complacent. Always strive to improve yourself. Alright guys that’s all from me let’s get out there and win a fuckin Ultimini!
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