[div align=\\\"center\\\"]Leslie County News[/div]
[div align=\\\"center\\\"]Tom Sofa Wins Election, Beats Incumbent by Handy Margin![/div]
To many of you it may come as a surprise that our local hometown hero who only graduated from our Leslie County High School just 3 years ago has already decided to ditch the National Simulation Football League to return home and run for the 90th Kentucky Representative District. In fact some of you know that this surely could never be the case! Why would someone with so much potential come back just to run for State Representative? Well the answer is simple, all of you buffoons just elected a man who has nothing to do with the record breaking Quarterback, instead you elected a man simply because he had the same name! Now some of you must think this is absurd, but let me show you some of the quotes I collected this election cycle...
Random Man I found on Main Street: "Well of course I'm voting for Sofa! The man can lead a football team so why can't he be my representative? I would trust that man with my wife and my life!"
Random Woman I found in Sue's Cafe: "Tom is such a cutie, I remember when he was 5 and I was his baby sitter! He always was running around causing a ruckus. I think he would make a fine politician as I know he has this community's needs at heart especially after what happened to his father. I think it's a shame the whole football thing didn't work out for him, but this is a good alternative!"
Informed Man I asked outside of the polling place: "Of course I didn't vote for Tom. That guy is an asshole! Everyone thinks it's the football player but he isn't! He's the guy that buys all the mom and pop shops and fires the original owners! He is a scumbag and I will not stand for him as my representative! I can not stress this enough, please do not vote for this man!"
So as you can see, about every 2/3 people have been fooled by this ruse, and that lines up almost directly with the polling results as Mr. Tom Sofa won with 60% of the total votes. Now you might wonder why these people were so easily tricked into believing this, that a DSFL Super Scrub would come back to run for state representative, and the answer is simple: he simply hasn't seen much playing time. After missing much of the early season due to COVID-36 and various other illnesses, Sofa has really been a non-factor for the Myrtle Beach Buccaneers. Currently the extent of his abilities it to catch a snap and hold it for the kicker. Now, you may wonder why Sofa had been relegated to such a role and you would be right to do so. This man has been phenomenal every stop in his career so far so why is he not seeing the playing field? Many have speculated that just like his freshman year of college that he was not getting the respect he deserves, that he doesn't have the respect of the coaching staff, and he assures me this is not the case, that instead it is his own choice. But why? Why does he choose to sit? Sofa revealed to me the secret behind his low activity and it may shock you.
Since he is one of the few athletes to contract and recover from the new coronavirus, he had since been donating his blood to help the recovery process for people who are currently suffering. Since his blood has anti-bodies and white blood cells who have experienced the coronavirus, giving even a small transfusion to someone in critical condition (and a appropriate blood type) helps their recovery tremendously. It is said his transfusions have helped save the lives of over 100 people! This tremendous act of selflessness is the reason why he has taken a step away from the game. The blood donations have left him in a weakened state and subsequently made him a liability on the field. This will all change next week as he has told me that he has been training for one thing, the DSFL playoffs. He told me in a private interview that if there was anytime to be ready that it was now.
"Yeah, I knew coming in to the season that I would never be the number one option. I thought that I may had to be forced to position switch by an uncivilized team but I landed in the right spot for me. Then I had the unfortunate occurrence of catching the COVID-36 virus and it delayed my playing time even more. Once recovering I caught the London Fever and by the time I recovered they had told me that the platelets and white blood cells of those who recovered helped those in critical condition so I did what anyone would do and donated blood. It took a lot of my energy away, so I was unable to perform at the level I'm accustomed to. Be ready to see me in the playoffs though, I'll be reinvigorated and a new man entirely!"
We were also able to ask him to recap on his career thus far, and what lies ahead in the future.
"Yeah it might not have started the way I thought it would, but I am not unhappy with how it went. I love my guys in MB and I can't wait to play for them full strength next season. I'm looking forward to the NSFL draft right now though. I think there are some good teams out there taking a serious look at me and I'm excited to be a person that can be considered a QB of the future for some of these teams. I have a few teams in mind who I would like to draft me, but I'm not going to reveal my official list until closer to the draft."
When then were able to ask about how he felt now about being declared Mr. Irrelevant in his DSFL draft class.
"Yeah I'm betting a lot of teams feel foolish for skipping on me now. The joke is on them though as I'll be the one winning the Ultimini while they social distance themselves and watch it home alone on their 32" TV screens. There is no love lost for those teams, and they know who they are, that missed up on the opportunity of a life time. I just hope it doesn't happen again in the NSFL!"
That was the conclusion of that interview. Now many of you may wonder what's in store for him now as he prepares for the NSFL draft. We've gone ahead and ranked potential landing destinations for him as he prepares for the big leagues. Following is the list and what kind of fit they provide!
DISCLAIMER: This is merely a list of fit. Ranking high on this list does not mean Sofa desires to go to that team and ranking low does not mean he does not wish to go there. These are simply how he fits on each team in its current state. These are the opinions of us at Leslie County News and are independent of Sofa's feelings.
Tier N/A: These teams are the destinations we believe have no interest in Sofa and do not plan to use a pick on him. We would all be not just surprised if a team on this list picks Sofa, but checking if hell has frozen over.
Arizona Outlaws
This team already has their QB of the now and future. Jay Cue will be a great serviceable option for many seasons in the foreseeable future and the only way Sofa makes the team is by position swap, which he is very against. This is not a knock on the team though as they have a very bright future, but unfortunately for Sofa, he will not be a part of it.
Yellowknife Wraiths
This team by divine doctrine of the universe already has a QB of the future with Cheddar Jack. Colby Jack? I don't know some sort of Jack cheese is the future of this team, and again unfortunately for Sofa, there is absolutely no future on this team as long as he plays QB.
San Jose Sabercats
This team also has a QB by divine right, the lesser of the Jack twins duo Monterey Jack. This is beginning to be a common theme for Sofa, no where so far seems to have a future well suited for Sofa, or even one that may consider him "part of his plans." The sabercats are definitely uninterested in our boy Sofa.
New Orleans Second Line
This team is yet another team that gets a QB by divine right threat of hold out just because. It is no secret to anyone that Ben Slothlisberger will be the QB of the future for the Sloths. This come sort of controversial that a player without divine right would be given such a guarantee to go to a team of NOLA's caliber, but yet here we stand. At the very least they will have to spend a 1st round pick on him which will be sort of a hard blow since he is not the highest TPE QB as of this moment. He's not even the highest non-GM QB in this class, but we will see what happens with him. The saddest part is this team was a perfect candidate for the perfect fit section down below, but perhaps they were never truly the perfect fit for Sofa.
Philadelphia Liberty
This team is another in a very similar position to Arizona as they have a QB who is actually 1 regression year younger than Jay Cue in Brock Phoenix. The future is bright for him in the city of brotherly love (lol the fans there would literally eat you) and this would have been a good place for Sofa to grow if it weren't for the fact that the Philadelphia was already the pot for Phoenix's roots.
Baltimore Crows Hawks
To round us out in the count us out list we have the Baltimore Hawks. This may seem a surprise to some as they are losing Pro Bowler Corvo Havran to expansion, but they have already secured a QB of the future. Chika Fujiwara will slot right in next season and will not need a replacement for a very long time. They might take a chance on Sofa with a later pick solely as a way to encourage Fujiwara to not slip on this training lest he wants to be replaced. Think of Sofa as the dog nipping on his heels as it were.
Now you may start to think that things look bleak as this is easily half the league who has no business drafting Tom Sofa, but we rather think of it this way: half the league is in a race to see who wins Tom Sofa first. These next teams listed are teams that we can totally see him being drafted to and we rank them based on how well we like the fit.
Tier 1: These are the best destinations, the destinations that we here at Leslie County News deem the best fit for Sofa as he makes the leap to NSFL fame. These places have an already solid core, a future need for QB and good young studs to help him grow.
Orange County Otters
You may be a little surprised to see the Otters here in tier one as they easily have the best QB in the league with Franklin Armstrong. What we would like to rebut is that his QB is at the peak of his career and that next season he is due to regress. Orange county coming in to swoop Tom with a 7th rounder would settle quite nicely with their future plans and quite frankly the future plans of Tom. He would be able to grow quite nicely in the DSFL minor league system and take over seamlessly from Armstrong with almost no degradation in play. There is a reason OCO is known as the best and this pick right here will just be further justification as to why they are the greatest team of all time. They could belong in tier 2, but honestly we feel like this is a great for both parties.
Tier 2: This tier is reserved for teams that picking Sofa would be a long commitment for both the team and the player. This team has a QB who is near his peak and won't need one in the immediate future, but may take a chance on Sofa as a QB of the future.
Austin Copperheads
This team has a now and near future QB in Easton Cole, but no future future talent. As the only expansion team to win a Ultimus we know the management here is stable and knows what it is doing. The biggest drawback here is the amount of time Sofa will accrue in the DSFL with almost a max term as a send down. The team could also still draft with intentions of trade as mentioned for other teams with such a young QB currently on the roster which would not be a bad idea to maximize on Sofa's value. Look for them to potentially use a round 7 or 8 pick here on Sofa
Colorado Yeti
This team is in a similar QB situation as Austin with Wolfie McDummy at the helm. With the same regression class as Cole, McDummy likely won't need replacement for many seasons down the road leaving a long journey for Sofa in the DSFL. Again a team for draft and trade considerations if they do not feel the long slog is worth it, but with a draft class this large having a QB hit the same time as the rest of the team would be great news for the Yeti. Look for them to potentially reach as high as the 6th round. Now some of you out there are probably thinking "But why the Yeti? They have George O'Donnell." While this is true it is also a fact that a QB will be needed immediately next season for the Sarasota Sailfish, and it's likely the Sailfish target O'Donnell early on in their existence. This would leave a hole open at back-up QB and QB of the future. Let's face it, O'Donnell is too old to be the QB of the future for the Yeti anyways.
Tier Expansion: Yes, we have a tier dedicated to just the expansion teams. As we don't know the results of the expansion draft we have no idea about the outlook of these team's future, however we will still mention them anyway.
Myrtle Beach Buccaneers Sarasota Sailfish
This team features one of the 2 GMs that even bothered to look at Sofa in the DSFL draft so an emotional connection is there. With players like Dax Frost and Rayne Gordon to be early targets in his career Sofa would have an easier transition here than at some other places. The problem is we have no idea how the rest of the team will look, if they get another QB in the expansion draft or really anything else about the roster. What we do know is that if Sofa is forced to become a starter in the NSFL without ever starting in the DSFL that it would be a very bumpy ride to start his career.
Honolulu Hahalua
This expansion team is blessed by not only having a guaranteed QB, but a guaranteed good QB. This does not hurt Sofa's chances with the team however as Havran is in regression. Instead this stands to help Sofa as it gives him time to develop as a player and come in to the NSFL experienced and ready to face the challenges the league will impose upon him. Honolulu would honestly probably rank tier 1 if they had a roster to comment on.
And there we have it folks! A comprehensive list of every NSFL and Sofa's fit with them! We are all excited to see how Sofa adjusts to his life in the NSFL and what team he goes to! Also as a final reminder, an educated voter is an important voter!
P.S. This happened in real life. A politician won election solely because he shared a name with the football player and people were too dumb to realize he was a different person. He's a scumbag irl too (according to my family in the area). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tim_Couch_(politician)
[div align=\\\"center\\\"]Tom Sofa Wins Election, Beats Incumbent by Handy Margin![/div]
To many of you it may come as a surprise that our local hometown hero who only graduated from our Leslie County High School just 3 years ago has already decided to ditch the National Simulation Football League to return home and run for the 90th Kentucky Representative District. In fact some of you know that this surely could never be the case! Why would someone with so much potential come back just to run for State Representative? Well the answer is simple, all of you buffoons just elected a man who has nothing to do with the record breaking Quarterback, instead you elected a man simply because he had the same name! Now some of you must think this is absurd, but let me show you some of the quotes I collected this election cycle...
Random Man I found on Main Street: "Well of course I'm voting for Sofa! The man can lead a football team so why can't he be my representative? I would trust that man with my wife and my life!"
Random Woman I found in Sue's Cafe: "Tom is such a cutie, I remember when he was 5 and I was his baby sitter! He always was running around causing a ruckus. I think he would make a fine politician as I know he has this community's needs at heart especially after what happened to his father. I think it's a shame the whole football thing didn't work out for him, but this is a good alternative!"
Informed Man I asked outside of the polling place: "Of course I didn't vote for Tom. That guy is an asshole! Everyone thinks it's the football player but he isn't! He's the guy that buys all the mom and pop shops and fires the original owners! He is a scumbag and I will not stand for him as my representative! I can not stress this enough, please do not vote for this man!"
So as you can see, about every 2/3 people have been fooled by this ruse, and that lines up almost directly with the polling results as Mr. Tom Sofa won with 60% of the total votes. Now you might wonder why these people were so easily tricked into believing this, that a DSFL Super Scrub would come back to run for state representative, and the answer is simple: he simply hasn't seen much playing time. After missing much of the early season due to COVID-36 and various other illnesses, Sofa has really been a non-factor for the Myrtle Beach Buccaneers. Currently the extent of his abilities it to catch a snap and hold it for the kicker. Now, you may wonder why Sofa had been relegated to such a role and you would be right to do so. This man has been phenomenal every stop in his career so far so why is he not seeing the playing field? Many have speculated that just like his freshman year of college that he was not getting the respect he deserves, that he doesn't have the respect of the coaching staff, and he assures me this is not the case, that instead it is his own choice. But why? Why does he choose to sit? Sofa revealed to me the secret behind his low activity and it may shock you.
Since he is one of the few athletes to contract and recover from the new coronavirus, he had since been donating his blood to help the recovery process for people who are currently suffering. Since his blood has anti-bodies and white blood cells who have experienced the coronavirus, giving even a small transfusion to someone in critical condition (and a appropriate blood type) helps their recovery tremendously. It is said his transfusions have helped save the lives of over 100 people! This tremendous act of selflessness is the reason why he has taken a step away from the game. The blood donations have left him in a weakened state and subsequently made him a liability on the field. This will all change next week as he has told me that he has been training for one thing, the DSFL playoffs. He told me in a private interview that if there was anytime to be ready that it was now.
"Yeah, I knew coming in to the season that I would never be the number one option. I thought that I may had to be forced to position switch by an uncivilized team but I landed in the right spot for me. Then I had the unfortunate occurrence of catching the COVID-36 virus and it delayed my playing time even more. Once recovering I caught the London Fever and by the time I recovered they had told me that the platelets and white blood cells of those who recovered helped those in critical condition so I did what anyone would do and donated blood. It took a lot of my energy away, so I was unable to perform at the level I'm accustomed to. Be ready to see me in the playoffs though, I'll be reinvigorated and a new man entirely!"
We were also able to ask him to recap on his career thus far, and what lies ahead in the future.
"Yeah it might not have started the way I thought it would, but I am not unhappy with how it went. I love my guys in MB and I can't wait to play for them full strength next season. I'm looking forward to the NSFL draft right now though. I think there are some good teams out there taking a serious look at me and I'm excited to be a person that can be considered a QB of the future for some of these teams. I have a few teams in mind who I would like to draft me, but I'm not going to reveal my official list until closer to the draft."
When then were able to ask about how he felt now about being declared Mr. Irrelevant in his DSFL draft class.
"Yeah I'm betting a lot of teams feel foolish for skipping on me now. The joke is on them though as I'll be the one winning the Ultimini while they social distance themselves and watch it home alone on their 32" TV screens. There is no love lost for those teams, and they know who they are, that missed up on the opportunity of a life time. I just hope it doesn't happen again in the NSFL!"
That was the conclusion of that interview. Now many of you may wonder what's in store for him now as he prepares for the NSFL draft. We've gone ahead and ranked potential landing destinations for him as he prepares for the big leagues. Following is the list and what kind of fit they provide!
DISCLAIMER: This is merely a list of fit. Ranking high on this list does not mean Sofa desires to go to that team and ranking low does not mean he does not wish to go there. These are simply how he fits on each team in its current state. These are the opinions of us at Leslie County News and are independent of Sofa's feelings.
Tier N/A: These teams are the destinations we believe have no interest in Sofa and do not plan to use a pick on him. We would all be not just surprised if a team on this list picks Sofa, but checking if hell has frozen over.
Arizona Outlaws
This team already has their QB of the now and future. Jay Cue will be a great serviceable option for many seasons in the foreseeable future and the only way Sofa makes the team is by position swap, which he is very against. This is not a knock on the team though as they have a very bright future, but unfortunately for Sofa, he will not be a part of it.
Yellowknife Wraiths
This team by divine doctrine of the universe already has a QB of the future with Cheddar Jack. Colby Jack? I don't know some sort of Jack cheese is the future of this team, and again unfortunately for Sofa, there is absolutely no future on this team as long as he plays QB.
San Jose Sabercats
This team also has a QB by divine right, the lesser of the Jack twins duo Monterey Jack. This is beginning to be a common theme for Sofa, no where so far seems to have a future well suited for Sofa, or even one that may consider him "part of his plans." The sabercats are definitely uninterested in our boy Sofa.
New Orleans Second Line
This team is yet another team that gets a QB by divine right threat of hold out just because. It is no secret to anyone that Ben Slothlisberger will be the QB of the future for the Sloths. This come sort of controversial that a player without divine right would be given such a guarantee to go to a team of NOLA's caliber, but yet here we stand. At the very least they will have to spend a 1st round pick on him which will be sort of a hard blow since he is not the highest TPE QB as of this moment. He's not even the highest non-GM QB in this class, but we will see what happens with him. The saddest part is this team was a perfect candidate for the perfect fit section down below, but perhaps they were never truly the perfect fit for Sofa.
Philadelphia Liberty
This team is another in a very similar position to Arizona as they have a QB who is actually 1 regression year younger than Jay Cue in Brock Phoenix. The future is bright for him in the city of brotherly love (lol the fans there would literally eat you) and this would have been a good place for Sofa to grow if it weren't for the fact that the Philadelphia was already the pot for Phoenix's roots.
Baltimore Crows Hawks
To round us out in the count us out list we have the Baltimore Hawks. This may seem a surprise to some as they are losing Pro Bowler Corvo Havran to expansion, but they have already secured a QB of the future. Chika Fujiwara will slot right in next season and will not need a replacement for a very long time. They might take a chance on Sofa with a later pick solely as a way to encourage Fujiwara to not slip on this training lest he wants to be replaced. Think of Sofa as the dog nipping on his heels as it were.
Now you may start to think that things look bleak as this is easily half the league who has no business drafting Tom Sofa, but we rather think of it this way: half the league is in a race to see who wins Tom Sofa first. These next teams listed are teams that we can totally see him being drafted to and we rank them based on how well we like the fit.
Tier 1: These are the best destinations, the destinations that we here at Leslie County News deem the best fit for Sofa as he makes the leap to NSFL fame. These places have an already solid core, a future need for QB and good young studs to help him grow.
Orange County Otters
You may be a little surprised to see the Otters here in tier one as they easily have the best QB in the league with Franklin Armstrong. What we would like to rebut is that his QB is at the peak of his career and that next season he is due to regress. Orange county coming in to swoop Tom with a 7th rounder would settle quite nicely with their future plans and quite frankly the future plans of Tom. He would be able to grow quite nicely in the DSFL minor league system and take over seamlessly from Armstrong with almost no degradation in play. There is a reason OCO is known as the best and this pick right here will just be further justification as to why they are the greatest team of all time. They could belong in tier 2, but honestly we feel like this is a great for both parties.
Tier 2: This tier is reserved for teams that picking Sofa would be a long commitment for both the team and the player. This team has a QB who is near his peak and won't need one in the immediate future, but may take a chance on Sofa as a QB of the future.
Austin Copperheads
This team has a now and near future QB in Easton Cole, but no future future talent. As the only expansion team to win a Ultimus we know the management here is stable and knows what it is doing. The biggest drawback here is the amount of time Sofa will accrue in the DSFL with almost a max term as a send down. The team could also still draft with intentions of trade as mentioned for other teams with such a young QB currently on the roster which would not be a bad idea to maximize on Sofa's value. Look for them to potentially use a round 7 or 8 pick here on Sofa
Colorado Yeti
This team is in a similar QB situation as Austin with Wolfie McDummy at the helm. With the same regression class as Cole, McDummy likely won't need replacement for many seasons down the road leaving a long journey for Sofa in the DSFL. Again a team for draft and trade considerations if they do not feel the long slog is worth it, but with a draft class this large having a QB hit the same time as the rest of the team would be great news for the Yeti. Look for them to potentially reach as high as the 6th round. Now some of you out there are probably thinking "But why the Yeti? They have George O'Donnell." While this is true it is also a fact that a QB will be needed immediately next season for the Sarasota Sailfish, and it's likely the Sailfish target O'Donnell early on in their existence. This would leave a hole open at back-up QB and QB of the future. Let's face it, O'Donnell is too old to be the QB of the future for the Yeti anyways.
Tier Expansion: Yes, we have a tier dedicated to just the expansion teams. As we don't know the results of the expansion draft we have no idea about the outlook of these team's future, however we will still mention them anyway.
Myrtle Beach Buccaneers Sarasota Sailfish
This team features one of the 2 GMs that even bothered to look at Sofa in the DSFL draft so an emotional connection is there. With players like Dax Frost and Rayne Gordon to be early targets in his career Sofa would have an easier transition here than at some other places. The problem is we have no idea how the rest of the team will look, if they get another QB in the expansion draft or really anything else about the roster. What we do know is that if Sofa is forced to become a starter in the NSFL without ever starting in the DSFL that it would be a very bumpy ride to start his career.
Honolulu Hahalua
This expansion team is blessed by not only having a guaranteed QB, but a guaranteed good QB. This does not hurt Sofa's chances with the team however as Havran is in regression. Instead this stands to help Sofa as it gives him time to develop as a player and come in to the NSFL experienced and ready to face the challenges the league will impose upon him. Honolulu would honestly probably rank tier 1 if they had a roster to comment on.
And there we have it folks! A comprehensive list of every NSFL and Sofa's fit with them! We are all excited to see how Sofa adjusts to his life in the NSFL and what team he goes to! Also as a final reminder, an educated voter is an important voter!
P.S. This happened in real life. A politician won election solely because he shared a name with the football player and people were too dumb to realize he was a different person. He's a scumbag irl too (according to my family in the area). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tim_Couch_(politician)
Unconfident, Aug 8 2022, 04:16 AM Wrote:You’re going to be IA this time week lil bro