There are so many different opinions regarding the advantages and disadvantages of having either a large or a small schlong. Some say having a giant schlong is the only way to live life, and as a man of many inches, I would have to say it certainly does have it's advantages. However, I'd like to argue that having a small schlong also brings about its advantages on the football field. I believe that depending on your position, your schlong can have a considerable and absolutely impactful difference between winning or losing football games.
QB: Depends
For quarterbacks, the best schlong size really depends on your playstyle. For example, quarterbacks such as Tijuana's Ben Slothlisberger and Jim Waters, absolutely benefit from their massive schlongs, as it adds a bit of extra weight to make being sacked just that little bit more difficult. However, for a mobile QB having a small schlong could be a huge advantage.
A QB such as Myrtle Beach's Tom Sofa would absolutely benefit from his incredulously small schlong. Unfortunately, Sofa is unable to reap the rewards of his genetic gifts due to being incredibly slow and fat. If Sofa were to not be a fat fuck, he might be able to utilise the lower weight allowed by his small schlong to become a far superior rusher, being more nimble and agile as a result. There would also be a lot less to grip on to, making it harder get a secure hold on a quarterback with a small schlong.
RB: Depends
For running backs, you could make the same case as for quarterbacks. We can take Tijuana running back Richard Gilbert, and former Tijuana running back and current Chicago running back Julio Tirtawidjaja, as examples. They are both known to have unbelievably large schlong, rivalling even the schlongs of Tijuana's quarterback combo. For a power back such as Richard Gilbert, he absolutely benefits from having a giant schlong, as it provides extra weight and force with every truck, making it even easier to run through the defense.
Unfortunately, for an all-purpose back like Julio Tirtawidjaja, having a gigantic schlong isn't the greatest thing as it doesn't really provide a huge advantage, but it doesn't have a disadvantage either. It doesn't hurt for him to have that extra weight behind his runs, which could help when he's trying to power through a defense, but at times when he's trying to burn past the defense, having such a huge schlong could end up costing him and actually slowing him down.
For a quicker and more agile running back, having a small schlong would be great. For example, the Tijuana running back, named Running Back, would absolutely benefit from a small schlong, as he is absolutely faster than he is powerful. Unfortunately, he loses out on this benefit due to having a large schlong. That is unfortunate indeed.
WR: 3-4 inches
For wide receivers, it is absolutely better to have a small schlong. A recommended schlong size for optimal receiving capabilities is a size of around 3-4 inches. This is extremely unfortunate for Tijuana wide receivers Friedrich Vequain, Jackson Kingston, and Doug Howlett. The trio combine as the DSFL's best receiving corp, but are unfortunately said to average sizes from 7-8 inches. Vequain has personally gone out to admit that his schlong is an eight incher, a fact he regrets to have to admit. For any receiver, having a schlong of small size is preferable, as it would make you more agile allowing you to run far more efficient and effective routes, and it would make you faster which can never be a bad thing. It is unfortunate that the Tijuana trio, aptly named the 'Three Amigos', have such large schlongs, because who knows what might happen if they all had tiny schlongs.
However, for those blessed enough to have tiny schlongs, results are astounding. Two such examples are wide receivers Mike Lee of the Dallas Birddogs, and Nick Kaepercolin of the London Royals. They are both known to have extremely small schlongs, and they certainly take advantage of it. The two are currently WR2 and WR3 respectively. Surprisngly, Friedrich Vequain and his gigantic schlong sit at the WR1 position, but he is just an outlier, and his success is rumoured to have been caused by strange yo-yo rituals. Mike Lee must have a schlong that is even smaller than that of Nick Kaepercolin, as he boasts a league-high 16.1 yards per catch average, which can only be credited to his very small schlong.
TE: 6-8 inches
As a tight end, it would definitely be preferable to own a larger schlong. The added weight would undoubtedly help with pass blocking and run blocking, but it would also benefit tight ends in the passing games as well. A tight end such as Earl Sauce of the Colorado Yeti, is one such individual who benefits from his enormous schlong. He sits at 21 pancakes and 0 sacks allowed, which is all thanks to his schlong.
A small schlong is simply not acceptable for any tight end hoping to have success on any level, whether it be in the DSFL or the NSFL. Though it could help in the receiving game, it would make it far too easy to be pushed around in the blocking game, and if you can't block well as a tight end, you won't be on the field long enough to even consider catching a pass.
A size of between six to eight inches is the preferable range, however, anything above that certainly helps.
OL: 7-9 inches
For offensive linemen, it is the same situation as for tight ends, except there is absolutely no benefit for having a small schlong. A huge schlong dominates the blocking game like nothing else. Offensive linemen such as Calvin Golloday can testify first-hand, as he is rumoured to boast a team-high 9 incher. This is absolutely the reason that Golladay was drafted as the third offensive lineman off the board in the S22 NSFL draft, but it is widely believed across the media that he should not have fallen so far and should have been the first lineman off the board.
A small schlong has no place in the in-betweens of an offensive lineman, and a man of less than at least 7 inches is almost guaranteed to fail in either the NSFL or DSFL.
That's all the research I have for now, but I hope that this information may have helped you and what your schlong means for your football career. For all you defensive players, do not fret, after some more research and study I will come back to report on optimal schlong sizes for each defensive position as well as for special teamers.
You're welcome.
QB: Depends
For quarterbacks, the best schlong size really depends on your playstyle. For example, quarterbacks such as Tijuana's Ben Slothlisberger and Jim Waters, absolutely benefit from their massive schlongs, as it adds a bit of extra weight to make being sacked just that little bit more difficult. However, for a mobile QB having a small schlong could be a huge advantage.
A QB such as Myrtle Beach's Tom Sofa would absolutely benefit from his incredulously small schlong. Unfortunately, Sofa is unable to reap the rewards of his genetic gifts due to being incredibly slow and fat. If Sofa were to not be a fat fuck, he might be able to utilise the lower weight allowed by his small schlong to become a far superior rusher, being more nimble and agile as a result. There would also be a lot less to grip on to, making it harder get a secure hold on a quarterback with a small schlong.
RB: Depends
For running backs, you could make the same case as for quarterbacks. We can take Tijuana running back Richard Gilbert, and former Tijuana running back and current Chicago running back Julio Tirtawidjaja, as examples. They are both known to have unbelievably large schlong, rivalling even the schlongs of Tijuana's quarterback combo. For a power back such as Richard Gilbert, he absolutely benefits from having a giant schlong, as it provides extra weight and force with every truck, making it even easier to run through the defense.
Unfortunately, for an all-purpose back like Julio Tirtawidjaja, having a gigantic schlong isn't the greatest thing as it doesn't really provide a huge advantage, but it doesn't have a disadvantage either. It doesn't hurt for him to have that extra weight behind his runs, which could help when he's trying to power through a defense, but at times when he's trying to burn past the defense, having such a huge schlong could end up costing him and actually slowing him down.
For a quicker and more agile running back, having a small schlong would be great. For example, the Tijuana running back, named Running Back, would absolutely benefit from a small schlong, as he is absolutely faster than he is powerful. Unfortunately, he loses out on this benefit due to having a large schlong. That is unfortunate indeed.
WR: 3-4 inches
For wide receivers, it is absolutely better to have a small schlong. A recommended schlong size for optimal receiving capabilities is a size of around 3-4 inches. This is extremely unfortunate for Tijuana wide receivers Friedrich Vequain, Jackson Kingston, and Doug Howlett. The trio combine as the DSFL's best receiving corp, but are unfortunately said to average sizes from 7-8 inches. Vequain has personally gone out to admit that his schlong is an eight incher, a fact he regrets to have to admit. For any receiver, having a schlong of small size is preferable, as it would make you more agile allowing you to run far more efficient and effective routes, and it would make you faster which can never be a bad thing. It is unfortunate that the Tijuana trio, aptly named the 'Three Amigos', have such large schlongs, because who knows what might happen if they all had tiny schlongs.
However, for those blessed enough to have tiny schlongs, results are astounding. Two such examples are wide receivers Mike Lee of the Dallas Birddogs, and Nick Kaepercolin of the London Royals. They are both known to have extremely small schlongs, and they certainly take advantage of it. The two are currently WR2 and WR3 respectively. Surprisngly, Friedrich Vequain and his gigantic schlong sit at the WR1 position, but he is just an outlier, and his success is rumoured to have been caused by strange yo-yo rituals. Mike Lee must have a schlong that is even smaller than that of Nick Kaepercolin, as he boasts a league-high 16.1 yards per catch average, which can only be credited to his very small schlong.
TE: 6-8 inches
As a tight end, it would definitely be preferable to own a larger schlong. The added weight would undoubtedly help with pass blocking and run blocking, but it would also benefit tight ends in the passing games as well. A tight end such as Earl Sauce of the Colorado Yeti, is one such individual who benefits from his enormous schlong. He sits at 21 pancakes and 0 sacks allowed, which is all thanks to his schlong.
A small schlong is simply not acceptable for any tight end hoping to have success on any level, whether it be in the DSFL or the NSFL. Though it could help in the receiving game, it would make it far too easy to be pushed around in the blocking game, and if you can't block well as a tight end, you won't be on the field long enough to even consider catching a pass.
A size of between six to eight inches is the preferable range, however, anything above that certainly helps.
OL: 7-9 inches
For offensive linemen, it is the same situation as for tight ends, except there is absolutely no benefit for having a small schlong. A huge schlong dominates the blocking game like nothing else. Offensive linemen such as Calvin Golloday can testify first-hand, as he is rumoured to boast a team-high 9 incher. This is absolutely the reason that Golladay was drafted as the third offensive lineman off the board in the S22 NSFL draft, but it is widely believed across the media that he should not have fallen so far and should have been the first lineman off the board.
A small schlong has no place in the in-betweens of an offensive lineman, and a man of less than at least 7 inches is almost guaranteed to fail in either the NSFL or DSFL.
That's all the research I have for now, but I hope that this information may have helped you and what your schlong means for your football career. For all you defensive players, do not fret, after some more research and study I will come back to report on optimal schlong sizes for each defensive position as well as for special teamers.
You're welcome.