[div align=\\\"center\\\"]All characters herein are strictly the creation of the author and do not necessarily reflect the attitudes or views of those represented. Flash photography is prohibited. Please set your cell phones to silent and enjoy the show.
Philly: The Musical
Starring
Wesley Eriksen
Matt Cross
Brandon Booker
Suleiman Ramza
Nacho Varga
Randy Vuxta
Brock Phoenix
Richard D'attoria
Flash Panda
INT. THE BOYS' APARTMENT
A large window on the back wall shows the sun beginning to rise, washing the room in a dawn glow. WESLEY ERIKSEN enters from stage right, still in his pajamas. He stretches to signify his day is just begining.
(We begin the opening song, "Good Morning Philly". What begins as a slow ballad builds into an exciting hectic number, reflecting the bustle and life of Philadelphia)
WES
I'VE SEEN THE WHOLE WORLD
FROM THE WINDOWS OF BUSES
TRAINS, PLANES, AND CARS
BUT I STILL TRUST IT'S
ONLY ONE PLACE
I WANT TO WAKE UP AND BE
I THROW OPEN MY WINDOW
"GOOD MORNING PHILLY!"
(The music begins to pick up tempo. MATT CROSS enters from stage left, yawning and stretching)
WES
Good morning, Matt!
MATT
Good morning, Wes!
IN UNISON
Good morning, Philly!
MATT
I'VE SEEN THE WHOLE WORLD
BUT IT DOESN'T RING A BELL
LIKE PHILLY DOES, REALLY
IT'S SO MAGICAL
WES
IT'S THE HOME OF BEN FRANKLIN
MATT
AND THE CONTINENTAL CONGRESS
WES
IT WAS EVEN THE CAPITAL
TIL JEFFERSON FUCKED IT
MATT
CITY OF LIBERTY
WES
AND FREEDOM FOR ALL
MATT
IT'S OUR HOME THAT WE LOVE
AND WHERE WE PLAY FOOTBALL
(WES and MATT disappear off-stage and reappear wearing their football uniforms. There's a drumline style breakdown as the two leads perform a complicated tap dance routine)
WES
PHILLY YOU TUG AT MY HEART STRINGS
THERE ISN'T ENOUGH I COULD SAY
MATT
WE DO IT ALL FOR THE PEOPLE AND FANS
WES
I JUST WISH THEY'D STOP CALLING ME GAY
ON TWITTER LIKE EVERY DAY
MATT
IN PHILLY ASSAULT IS ANOTHER KIND OF LOVE
WES
I DON'T THINK WE'RE SELLING IT MATT
MATT
IF THEY DON'T LIKE IT THEY CAN GO TO HELL
PHILLY TIL I DIE AND THAT'S THAT
IN UNISON
PHILLY TIL I DIE AND THAT'S THAT
THERE'S ONLY ONE PLACE
I WANT TO BE
THAT'S MY LOVELY HOME OF PHILLY!
MAN OFF-STAGE
Will you shut the fuck up I'm trying to sleep!
(Our leads laugh and shake their heads as the song ends. Matt begins making breakfast as Wesley reads the newspaper in a comically old-fashioned way.)
WES
Say Matt, there's a new exhibit opening at the art museum today. Maybe we could go check it out after practice?
MATT
Why that sounds like a wonderful idea, what's the subject?
WES
Philadelphia Football history!
MATT
My god! But we love football!
WES
I know!
MATT
We simply must check it out, perhaps some of our teammates would like to come along as well?
WES
That's a brilliant idea Matt! I simply can't wait to go!
(Stage lights go down as the set is reorganized. When they come back down we see a locker room where WES, MATT, BRANDON BOOKER, and RICHARD D'ATTORIA are getting dressed.
INT. LOCKER ROOM
WES
Whew, some practice that was, am I right?
BRANDON
You're telling me! It feels like my sweat is sweating!
(everyone laughs)
RICHARD
You think that was tough, wait til you get to my age! The practice is almost harder than the games for me now!
MATT
Really? You never seem to complain or struggle! What's your secret?
RICHARD
Well...
("Football Is Just A Young Man's Game" begins, a quickfire piece with a rapid breakbeat drum pattern)
RICHARD
WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE
I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT SHADE
I'D PARADE MYSELF ALL OVER THE PLACE
AND I'D SAY
I'M A SAFETY YES, THE BEST
NO I CANNOT BE REPLACED
AND NOW THESE YOUNGINS GETTIN IN MY FACE
I SET A PACE THAT'S SO FAST
YOU KNOW THAT, I SHOW THAT
IN EVERY GAME THAT I PLAY
NO COLLAPSE, NO MISSED SNAPS
I KEEP MY EYES ON THE FUTURE
NO OLD ME, I TOLD ME
THAT IF I COULDN'T PLAY A FOURTEENTH
TAKE MY ASS TO PALM BEACH
NOW THESE
DAYS MY KNEES ACHE WHEN IM DONE WITH A SPRINT
THE BODYS WEAK BUT I STILL GOT A SPIRIT
THAT'S THE THING,
ANY DAY YOU THINK YOU MIGHT UP AND QUIT
I THINK OF AN ULTIMUS IN MY FINGER TIPS
AND THEN I'M
SO YOUNG AGAIN
ALL
SO YOUNG AGAIN
RICHARD
FOOTBALL'S JUST A YOUNG MAN'S GAME
LET ME TELL YOU I PLAY TO WIN
ALL
YEAH WE PLAY TO WIN
RICHARD
I DON'T SPENT MY DAYS, POINTING FINGERS AT GRAVES
A YOUNG MAN WOULD SAY I'D DIE TO WIN
BUT NOW I'M OLDER I JUST TRY TO WIN
ALL
WE ALL TRY TO WIN
RICHARD
FOOTBALL IS JUST A YOUNG MAN'S GAME
(The song ends and RICHARD takes a seat to catch his breath)
MATT
Wow I never thought of it like that!
WES
You didn't exactly tell us what your secret is though.
RICHARD
You don't understand? You just gotta ignore it and keep giving 110%. And if you ever think you can't do that, do it anyway. It's about your spirit not your body.
BRANDON
Wow, I never thought about it that way! You're really wise beyond your years Rich.
RICHARD
Heh, I better be! Because I'm getting too old for this shit!
(everyone laughs)
WES
Say gang, Matt and I were going to check out this new football exhibit at the art museum. Would you folks like to come along?
BRANDON
Would we ever! Say I bet Suleiman would like to come too!
MATT
I thought he was still in Norfolk?
WES
Shut the fuck up!
(the scene just kind of ends here)
INT. PHILADELPHIA MUSEUM OF ART
(The walls are covered in abstract pieces of art, depictions of football players and stadiums seen through the lens of the artist. MATT, WES, BRANDON, and SULLY.)
SULLY
Thanks for inviting me out guys. My night would've been a real dog's dinner if I had stayed home!
MATT
You shouldn't eat dog food Sully.
SULLY
No, it's an expression.
WES
I've never heard that one before! Oh Matt, look at this statue over here! It looks just like you!
(WES and MATT hurry off-stage right. SULLY attempts to follow but BRANDON grabs his arm. SULLY turns back dramatically.)
BRANDON
I had my suspicions about you, but dog's dinner? Come on mate, drop the act.
SULLY
I don't know what you're on about
BRANDON
You're secretly British aren't you!?
(Sully looks around sheepishly, then agrily at BRANDON. He starts speaking with a heavy english accent.)
SULLY
Oi, so the cat's out of the bag then. I was worried the lads wouldn't accept me, so I pretended I was from Louisiana because they have weird accents.
BRANDON
My god, of course. I'm glad I found you mate, cause I have a confession... I'm Bri'ish too, bruv.
SULLY
Oi!
BRANDON
Indeed.
SULLY
Bloody hell, I feel like I've been hiding so long. I thought they'd find me out when I called a biscuit a biscuit, but I was able to convince everyone else it was a Louisiana thing.
BRANDON
I do the same thing.
SULLY
Heh, look at us. A couple of undercover footballers in the colonies. You reckon coach would toss his toys out the pram if he found out?
BRANDON
It's hard to say. I feel like I've been living a lie so long. I don't even know who I am anymore.
SULLY
Hey. Brandon. You're you. Don't you ever worry about that.
(SULLY begins singing "The Sun Never Sets")
SULLY
ALL OF ME CALLS IT THE COLONIES
BUT FOLLOW ME BRANDON
WE HAVE TO REPROGRAM, ABANDON
OUR RAISING, JUST RAZE IT
THE MILITARY, PRAISE IT
IF WE WANT TO STAY IN WITH THE AMERICANS
BRANDON
OH SULLY IM SORRY MY HEARTS WITH THE QUEEN
YANKS PUT THE CUNT IN COUNTRY
CONTRARY TO ME
YOU SEEM COMFY JUST TRYING
JUST LYING TO BE
A PART OF THE GROUP
SULLY
IM TRYING TO BE ACCEPTED
BRANDON
IS THAT YOUR DIRECTIVE?
SULLY
I'M JUST BEING PROTECTIVE
DO YOU GET IT?
BRANDON
I GET IT I GUESS THAT I JUST REGRET
DONNING THIS PERSONA
CAUSE THE SUN NEVER SETS
UNISON
OH THE SUN NEVER SETS
ON THE ISLES OF HOME
OR THE COLONIES, ALL OF THESE
PLACES WE'VE OWNED
WE PAY ODE TO THE QUEEN
AND WE NEVER FORGET
THAT WE RUN THIS SHIT
CAUSE THE SUN NEVER SET
SULLY
Dammit Brandon you're right! We should be proud of who we are!
BRANDON
I guess that's kind of what I said!
(MATT re-enters from stage right)
MATT
Come on and catch up guys!
(SULLY and BRANDON look at each other, and then MATT)
SULLY
Mate, we've got something to tell you.
(End scene)
EXT. PHILADELPHIA MUSEUM OF ART
(WES, MATT, BRANDON, and SULLY sit eating hot dogs or Philly cheese steaks or whatever)
WES
Wow, British huh? Where'd you even learn to play football
BRANDON
The Jaguars played in London when I was a kid, and from that day on I've dedicated myself to being a professional football player.
SULLY
Yeah, me too.
MATT
I'm so proud of you two for coming out as British. That takes a lot of courage.
SULLY
There will probably be repercussions, but we're willing to face them. Together.
WES
We'll all face them together, because we're a team.
MATT
Yeah!
(Our boys hug it out. It looks kind of weird because it's four dudes all hugging each other at the same time, but emotionally it totally lands. End Scene)
INT. LOCKER ROOM
(NACHO VARGA and RANDY VUXTA are suiting up for a game. It's not clear when this happens. Perhaps the two exist in a place beyond comprehension, a place where it's always game day.)
VARGA
Heh, someone on Twitter said "Vux sucks" today. Never heard that one before
VUXTA
Psh, sure very funny. You're just jealous that I'm Brock's favorite receiver.
VARGA
Maybe you think so, but I know better.
VUXTA
Yeah sure, okay
(The lights go down until the stage is dark, save two spotlights on VUXTA and VARGA, stood on opposite sides of the stage. "Brock, My Rock" begins.)
VUXTA
BROCK TALKS TO ME
ABOUT THE ROUTES I RUN
SOMETIMES WE JUST THROW IT FOR FUN
ME AND MY QB, NOTHING MORE TO SEE
WHEN WE'RE ON THE FIELD, WE'RE LIKE ONE
LIKE ONE
VARGA
BROCK PLAYS THE GAME WITH ME
NEARLY EVERYDAY
THERE'S NOTHING ELSE TO SAY
BETWEEN US
GUESS VUX NEVER SEES US
HE'S WASTING AWAY
WASTING HIS TIME HAVING FUN, 'ING FUN
UNISON
BROCK, MY ROCK PLEASE DON'T TEAR US APART
PUT THE BALL IN MY HANDS AND I'LL RUN, I'LL RUN
BROCK, MY ROCK TELL VUXTA/VARGA THAT HE'S WRONG
PUT THE BALL IN MY HANDS AND I'LL RUN, I'LL RUN
HELL YEAH MY BROCK, GO AND GIVE ME A CHANCE
TIL WE'RE IN THE END ZONE WE'RE NOT DONE, NOT DONE
VARGA
Whatever man, you don't know how it is. I'll see you in the tunnel. Nerd.
(VARGA exits stage left. VUXTA spikes his helmet in frustration. BROCK PHOENIX enters from stage right with a concerned look on his face.)
BROCK
Vux, what's wrong? I heard singing and then a crash.
VUXTA
It's that damn Nacho! He thinks that he's your favorite, but dammit he doesn't know what you mean to me!
BROCK
Vux...
VUXTA
You've gotta give me a chance, man. Trust me.
BROCK
Vux, Nacho is a great receiver too, I can't just focus on you all game.
VUXTA
Just give me a chance
("Go Deep (I Can Take It)" begins playing, a slow beautiful ballad)
VUXTA
I KNOW
I'M NOT YOUR ONLY WIDE OUT
BUT EVER SINCE WE TRIED OUT MY HEART HAS ALWAYS CRIED OUT FOR YOU
AND THE THINGS THAT YOU DO
HOW YOU CHUCK IT, FUCK IT, I NEED IT FROM YOU
GO DEEP
SLING IT ON OVER
DON'T CREEP
YOUR EYES TOWARDS VARGA HE'S COVERED
I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED,
A CATCH I GUESS IT'S LEFT TO ME
SO GO DEEP
I'LL SHOW YOU I CAN TAKE IT
BROCK
I NEED
A LITTLE SPACE TO BREATHE
WHEN YOU'RE DEEP
I HAVE NO PROTECTION
I NEED SOME PASS BLOCKING
SOMETIMES I NEED YOU RIGHT BESIDE ME
DON'T GO DEEP
VUXTA
IF YOU UNDERSTOOD
BROCK, WHAT I ONLY KNEW
BROCK, WHAT THEY'VE DONE TO YOU
I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE SCARED
IT'S PLAIN TO SEE
BLOCKING AIN'T THE BEST FOR ME
I CAN'T OFFER PROTECTION
IF YOU WON'T GO DEEP
BROCK
I CAN'T TAKE IT!
VUXTA
YOU NEED TO! I SEE THROUGH YOUR FEAR!
BROCK
FUCK IT, VUXTA, LOOK IT SUCKS,
BUT I NEED YOU HERE
VUXTA
DON'T CLIP MY WINGS
I KNOW WHAT YOU'VE SEEN
I KNOW YOU KNOW I'LL TAKE IT
SO BROCK, JUST TELL ME TO GO DEEP
BROCK
Oh Vux, I can see how much this means to you. Alright, I'll throw it as far as I can for you. But what will Varga think?
VUXTA
Don't worry about what Varga thinks. Just worry about us.
(The two share a powerful gaze as the lights go down. End Scene)
EXT. PHILADELPHIA PRACTICE FACILITY
(The practice facility seems to a have a bamboo garden. FLASH PANDA stands in the center of the stage. It's a man wearing a panda costume. He's shoveling bamboo into his mouth at a rapid rate. WESLEY enters stage right)
WESLEY
Geez Panda! You always just seem to be eating bamboo!
FLASH
*questioning growl noise?*
WESLEY
Heh, if you spent half as much time practicing as you do eating, you could be WR1!
(WESLEY exits stage right. FLASH looks at the bamboo in his hand, then stares out into the audience. He begins singing "Bamboozled"
FLASH
THEY THINK I'M A MASCOT
OR JOKE OR A GAG
LIKE IT'S JUST THE BAMBOO
WHY MY STATS ARE SO BAD
BUT I'VE GOT A SECRET I'VE HAD FOR SO LONG
THAT I CAN'T TELL MY TEAMMATES SO I'LL PUT IT IN SONG
I'M JUST A GUY. IN A PANDA SUIT THAT'S WHY
I PLAY LIKE I'M A SMALL FRY
I CAN BARELY BREATHE IN THIS SHIT
CAN'T BELIEVE THE WHOLE LEAGUE BELIEVES IN THIS SHIT
I SHOWED UP TO PRACTICE LIKE THIS AS A BIT
BUT THE WHOLE TEAM WENT WITH IT SO I GOT STUCK IN
I THOUGHT IF I SAID I WAS CATFISH
THAT THEY'D ALL REALIZE THEY GOT CATFISH'D
BUT THESE CHUCKLEFUCKS
MUST HAVE BRAINS MADE OF ROCKS
CAUSE THEY GOT ME THIS BAMBOO
AND NOW I FEEL STUCK
OH I'M JUST A GUY. IN A PANDA SUIT THAT'S WHY
I PLAY LIKE I'M A SMALL FRY
I CAN BARELY BREATHE IN THIS SHIT
CAN'T BELIEVE THE WHOLE LEAGUE BELIEVES IN THIS SHIT
I SHOWED UP-
(WESLEY enters stage right again)
WES
Hey Flash, practice is about to start, get over here already!
(FLASH looks at the crowd and shrugs)
FLASH
*affirmative panda noises*
WES
Haha, oh you silly football playing bear! You always know exactly what to say!
(FLASH exits stage right. The curtain closes. End of Act I)
(2,529 words)[/div]
Philly: The Musical
Starring
Wesley Eriksen
Matt Cross
Brandon Booker
Suleiman Ramza
Nacho Varga
Randy Vuxta
Brock Phoenix
Richard D'attoria
Flash Panda
INT. THE BOYS' APARTMENT
A large window on the back wall shows the sun beginning to rise, washing the room in a dawn glow. WESLEY ERIKSEN enters from stage right, still in his pajamas. He stretches to signify his day is just begining.
(We begin the opening song, "Good Morning Philly". What begins as a slow ballad builds into an exciting hectic number, reflecting the bustle and life of Philadelphia)
WES
I'VE SEEN THE WHOLE WORLD
FROM THE WINDOWS OF BUSES
TRAINS, PLANES, AND CARS
BUT I STILL TRUST IT'S
ONLY ONE PLACE
I WANT TO WAKE UP AND BE
I THROW OPEN MY WINDOW
"GOOD MORNING PHILLY!"
(The music begins to pick up tempo. MATT CROSS enters from stage left, yawning and stretching)
WES
Good morning, Matt!
MATT
Good morning, Wes!
IN UNISON
Good morning, Philly!
MATT
I'VE SEEN THE WHOLE WORLD
BUT IT DOESN'T RING A BELL
LIKE PHILLY DOES, REALLY
IT'S SO MAGICAL
WES
IT'S THE HOME OF BEN FRANKLIN
MATT
AND THE CONTINENTAL CONGRESS
WES
IT WAS EVEN THE CAPITAL
TIL JEFFERSON FUCKED IT
MATT
CITY OF LIBERTY
WES
AND FREEDOM FOR ALL
MATT
IT'S OUR HOME THAT WE LOVE
AND WHERE WE PLAY FOOTBALL
(WES and MATT disappear off-stage and reappear wearing their football uniforms. There's a drumline style breakdown as the two leads perform a complicated tap dance routine)
WES
PHILLY YOU TUG AT MY HEART STRINGS
THERE ISN'T ENOUGH I COULD SAY
MATT
WE DO IT ALL FOR THE PEOPLE AND FANS
WES
I JUST WISH THEY'D STOP CALLING ME GAY
ON TWITTER LIKE EVERY DAY
MATT
IN PHILLY ASSAULT IS ANOTHER KIND OF LOVE
WES
I DON'T THINK WE'RE SELLING IT MATT
MATT
IF THEY DON'T LIKE IT THEY CAN GO TO HELL
PHILLY TIL I DIE AND THAT'S THAT
IN UNISON
PHILLY TIL I DIE AND THAT'S THAT
THERE'S ONLY ONE PLACE
I WANT TO BE
THAT'S MY LOVELY HOME OF PHILLY!
MAN OFF-STAGE
Will you shut the fuck up I'm trying to sleep!
(Our leads laugh and shake their heads as the song ends. Matt begins making breakfast as Wesley reads the newspaper in a comically old-fashioned way.)
WES
Say Matt, there's a new exhibit opening at the art museum today. Maybe we could go check it out after practice?
MATT
Why that sounds like a wonderful idea, what's the subject?
WES
Philadelphia Football history!
MATT
My god! But we love football!
WES
I know!
MATT
We simply must check it out, perhaps some of our teammates would like to come along as well?
WES
That's a brilliant idea Matt! I simply can't wait to go!
(Stage lights go down as the set is reorganized. When they come back down we see a locker room where WES, MATT, BRANDON BOOKER, and RICHARD D'ATTORIA are getting dressed.
INT. LOCKER ROOM
WES
Whew, some practice that was, am I right?
BRANDON
You're telling me! It feels like my sweat is sweating!
(everyone laughs)
RICHARD
You think that was tough, wait til you get to my age! The practice is almost harder than the games for me now!
MATT
Really? You never seem to complain or struggle! What's your secret?
RICHARD
Well...
("Football Is Just A Young Man's Game" begins, a quickfire piece with a rapid breakbeat drum pattern)
RICHARD
WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE
I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT SHADE
I'D PARADE MYSELF ALL OVER THE PLACE
AND I'D SAY
I'M A SAFETY YES, THE BEST
NO I CANNOT BE REPLACED
AND NOW THESE YOUNGINS GETTIN IN MY FACE
I SET A PACE THAT'S SO FAST
YOU KNOW THAT, I SHOW THAT
IN EVERY GAME THAT I PLAY
NO COLLAPSE, NO MISSED SNAPS
I KEEP MY EYES ON THE FUTURE
NO OLD ME, I TOLD ME
THAT IF I COULDN'T PLAY A FOURTEENTH
TAKE MY ASS TO PALM BEACH
NOW THESE
DAYS MY KNEES ACHE WHEN IM DONE WITH A SPRINT
THE BODYS WEAK BUT I STILL GOT A SPIRIT
THAT'S THE THING,
ANY DAY YOU THINK YOU MIGHT UP AND QUIT
I THINK OF AN ULTIMUS IN MY FINGER TIPS
AND THEN I'M
SO YOUNG AGAIN
ALL
SO YOUNG AGAIN
RICHARD
FOOTBALL'S JUST A YOUNG MAN'S GAME
LET ME TELL YOU I PLAY TO WIN
ALL
YEAH WE PLAY TO WIN
RICHARD
I DON'T SPENT MY DAYS, POINTING FINGERS AT GRAVES
A YOUNG MAN WOULD SAY I'D DIE TO WIN
BUT NOW I'M OLDER I JUST TRY TO WIN
ALL
WE ALL TRY TO WIN
RICHARD
FOOTBALL IS JUST A YOUNG MAN'S GAME
(The song ends and RICHARD takes a seat to catch his breath)
MATT
Wow I never thought of it like that!
WES
You didn't exactly tell us what your secret is though.
RICHARD
You don't understand? You just gotta ignore it and keep giving 110%. And if you ever think you can't do that, do it anyway. It's about your spirit not your body.
BRANDON
Wow, I never thought about it that way! You're really wise beyond your years Rich.
RICHARD
Heh, I better be! Because I'm getting too old for this shit!
(everyone laughs)
WES
Say gang, Matt and I were going to check out this new football exhibit at the art museum. Would you folks like to come along?
BRANDON
Would we ever! Say I bet Suleiman would like to come too!
MATT
I thought he was still in Norfolk?
WES
Shut the fuck up!
(the scene just kind of ends here)
INT. PHILADELPHIA MUSEUM OF ART
(The walls are covered in abstract pieces of art, depictions of football players and stadiums seen through the lens of the artist. MATT, WES, BRANDON, and SULLY.)
SULLY
Thanks for inviting me out guys. My night would've been a real dog's dinner if I had stayed home!
MATT
You shouldn't eat dog food Sully.
SULLY
No, it's an expression.
WES
I've never heard that one before! Oh Matt, look at this statue over here! It looks just like you!
(WES and MATT hurry off-stage right. SULLY attempts to follow but BRANDON grabs his arm. SULLY turns back dramatically.)
BRANDON
I had my suspicions about you, but dog's dinner? Come on mate, drop the act.
SULLY
I don't know what you're on about
BRANDON
You're secretly British aren't you!?
(Sully looks around sheepishly, then agrily at BRANDON. He starts speaking with a heavy english accent.)
SULLY
Oi, so the cat's out of the bag then. I was worried the lads wouldn't accept me, so I pretended I was from Louisiana because they have weird accents.
BRANDON
My god, of course. I'm glad I found you mate, cause I have a confession... I'm Bri'ish too, bruv.
SULLY
Oi!
BRANDON
Indeed.
SULLY
Bloody hell, I feel like I've been hiding so long. I thought they'd find me out when I called a biscuit a biscuit, but I was able to convince everyone else it was a Louisiana thing.
BRANDON
I do the same thing.
SULLY
Heh, look at us. A couple of undercover footballers in the colonies. You reckon coach would toss his toys out the pram if he found out?
BRANDON
It's hard to say. I feel like I've been living a lie so long. I don't even know who I am anymore.
SULLY
Hey. Brandon. You're you. Don't you ever worry about that.
(SULLY begins singing "The Sun Never Sets")
SULLY
ALL OF ME CALLS IT THE COLONIES
BUT FOLLOW ME BRANDON
WE HAVE TO REPROGRAM, ABANDON
OUR RAISING, JUST RAZE IT
THE MILITARY, PRAISE IT
IF WE WANT TO STAY IN WITH THE AMERICANS
BRANDON
OH SULLY IM SORRY MY HEARTS WITH THE QUEEN
YANKS PUT THE CUNT IN COUNTRY
CONTRARY TO ME
YOU SEEM COMFY JUST TRYING
JUST LYING TO BE
A PART OF THE GROUP
SULLY
IM TRYING TO BE ACCEPTED
BRANDON
IS THAT YOUR DIRECTIVE?
SULLY
I'M JUST BEING PROTECTIVE
DO YOU GET IT?
BRANDON
I GET IT I GUESS THAT I JUST REGRET
DONNING THIS PERSONA
CAUSE THE SUN NEVER SETS
UNISON
OH THE SUN NEVER SETS
ON THE ISLES OF HOME
OR THE COLONIES, ALL OF THESE
PLACES WE'VE OWNED
WE PAY ODE TO THE QUEEN
AND WE NEVER FORGET
THAT WE RUN THIS SHIT
CAUSE THE SUN NEVER SET
SULLY
Dammit Brandon you're right! We should be proud of who we are!
BRANDON
I guess that's kind of what I said!
(MATT re-enters from stage right)
MATT
Come on and catch up guys!
(SULLY and BRANDON look at each other, and then MATT)
SULLY
Mate, we've got something to tell you.
(End scene)
EXT. PHILADELPHIA MUSEUM OF ART
(WES, MATT, BRANDON, and SULLY sit eating hot dogs or Philly cheese steaks or whatever)
WES
Wow, British huh? Where'd you even learn to play football
BRANDON
The Jaguars played in London when I was a kid, and from that day on I've dedicated myself to being a professional football player.
SULLY
Yeah, me too.
MATT
I'm so proud of you two for coming out as British. That takes a lot of courage.
SULLY
There will probably be repercussions, but we're willing to face them. Together.
WES
We'll all face them together, because we're a team.
MATT
Yeah!
(Our boys hug it out. It looks kind of weird because it's four dudes all hugging each other at the same time, but emotionally it totally lands. End Scene)
INT. LOCKER ROOM
(NACHO VARGA and RANDY VUXTA are suiting up for a game. It's not clear when this happens. Perhaps the two exist in a place beyond comprehension, a place where it's always game day.)
VARGA
Heh, someone on Twitter said "Vux sucks" today. Never heard that one before
VUXTA
Psh, sure very funny. You're just jealous that I'm Brock's favorite receiver.
VARGA
Maybe you think so, but I know better.
VUXTA
Yeah sure, okay
(The lights go down until the stage is dark, save two spotlights on VUXTA and VARGA, stood on opposite sides of the stage. "Brock, My Rock" begins.)
VUXTA
BROCK TALKS TO ME
ABOUT THE ROUTES I RUN
SOMETIMES WE JUST THROW IT FOR FUN
ME AND MY QB, NOTHING MORE TO SEE
WHEN WE'RE ON THE FIELD, WE'RE LIKE ONE
LIKE ONE
VARGA
BROCK PLAYS THE GAME WITH ME
NEARLY EVERYDAY
THERE'S NOTHING ELSE TO SAY
BETWEEN US
GUESS VUX NEVER SEES US
HE'S WASTING AWAY
WASTING HIS TIME HAVING FUN, 'ING FUN
UNISON
BROCK, MY ROCK PLEASE DON'T TEAR US APART
PUT THE BALL IN MY HANDS AND I'LL RUN, I'LL RUN
BROCK, MY ROCK TELL VUXTA/VARGA THAT HE'S WRONG
PUT THE BALL IN MY HANDS AND I'LL RUN, I'LL RUN
HELL YEAH MY BROCK, GO AND GIVE ME A CHANCE
TIL WE'RE IN THE END ZONE WE'RE NOT DONE, NOT DONE
VARGA
Whatever man, you don't know how it is. I'll see you in the tunnel. Nerd.
(VARGA exits stage left. VUXTA spikes his helmet in frustration. BROCK PHOENIX enters from stage right with a concerned look on his face.)
BROCK
Vux, what's wrong? I heard singing and then a crash.
VUXTA
It's that damn Nacho! He thinks that he's your favorite, but dammit he doesn't know what you mean to me!
BROCK
Vux...
VUXTA
You've gotta give me a chance, man. Trust me.
BROCK
Vux, Nacho is a great receiver too, I can't just focus on you all game.
VUXTA
Just give me a chance
("Go Deep (I Can Take It)" begins playing, a slow beautiful ballad)
VUXTA
I KNOW
I'M NOT YOUR ONLY WIDE OUT
BUT EVER SINCE WE TRIED OUT MY HEART HAS ALWAYS CRIED OUT FOR YOU
AND THE THINGS THAT YOU DO
HOW YOU CHUCK IT, FUCK IT, I NEED IT FROM YOU
GO DEEP
SLING IT ON OVER
DON'T CREEP
YOUR EYES TOWARDS VARGA HE'S COVERED
I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED,
A CATCH I GUESS IT'S LEFT TO ME
SO GO DEEP
I'LL SHOW YOU I CAN TAKE IT
BROCK
I NEED
A LITTLE SPACE TO BREATHE
WHEN YOU'RE DEEP
I HAVE NO PROTECTION
I NEED SOME PASS BLOCKING
SOMETIMES I NEED YOU RIGHT BESIDE ME
DON'T GO DEEP
VUXTA
IF YOU UNDERSTOOD
BROCK, WHAT I ONLY KNEW
BROCK, WHAT THEY'VE DONE TO YOU
I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE SCARED
IT'S PLAIN TO SEE
BLOCKING AIN'T THE BEST FOR ME
I CAN'T OFFER PROTECTION
IF YOU WON'T GO DEEP
BROCK
I CAN'T TAKE IT!
VUXTA
YOU NEED TO! I SEE THROUGH YOUR FEAR!
BROCK
FUCK IT, VUXTA, LOOK IT SUCKS,
BUT I NEED YOU HERE
VUXTA
DON'T CLIP MY WINGS
I KNOW WHAT YOU'VE SEEN
I KNOW YOU KNOW I'LL TAKE IT
SO BROCK, JUST TELL ME TO GO DEEP
BROCK
Oh Vux, I can see how much this means to you. Alright, I'll throw it as far as I can for you. But what will Varga think?
VUXTA
Don't worry about what Varga thinks. Just worry about us.
(The two share a powerful gaze as the lights go down. End Scene)
EXT. PHILADELPHIA PRACTICE FACILITY
(The practice facility seems to a have a bamboo garden. FLASH PANDA stands in the center of the stage. It's a man wearing a panda costume. He's shoveling bamboo into his mouth at a rapid rate. WESLEY enters stage right)
WESLEY
Geez Panda! You always just seem to be eating bamboo!
FLASH
*questioning growl noise?*
WESLEY
Heh, if you spent half as much time practicing as you do eating, you could be WR1!
(WESLEY exits stage right. FLASH looks at the bamboo in his hand, then stares out into the audience. He begins singing "Bamboozled"
FLASH
THEY THINK I'M A MASCOT
OR JOKE OR A GAG
LIKE IT'S JUST THE BAMBOO
WHY MY STATS ARE SO BAD
BUT I'VE GOT A SECRET I'VE HAD FOR SO LONG
THAT I CAN'T TELL MY TEAMMATES SO I'LL PUT IT IN SONG
I'M JUST A GUY. IN A PANDA SUIT THAT'S WHY
I PLAY LIKE I'M A SMALL FRY
I CAN BARELY BREATHE IN THIS SHIT
CAN'T BELIEVE THE WHOLE LEAGUE BELIEVES IN THIS SHIT
I SHOWED UP TO PRACTICE LIKE THIS AS A BIT
BUT THE WHOLE TEAM WENT WITH IT SO I GOT STUCK IN
I THOUGHT IF I SAID I WAS CATFISH
THAT THEY'D ALL REALIZE THEY GOT CATFISH'D
BUT THESE CHUCKLEFUCKS
MUST HAVE BRAINS MADE OF ROCKS
CAUSE THEY GOT ME THIS BAMBOO
AND NOW I FEEL STUCK
OH I'M JUST A GUY. IN A PANDA SUIT THAT'S WHY
I PLAY LIKE I'M A SMALL FRY
I CAN BARELY BREATHE IN THIS SHIT
CAN'T BELIEVE THE WHOLE LEAGUE BELIEVES IN THIS SHIT
I SHOWED UP-
(WESLEY enters stage right again)
WES
Hey Flash, practice is about to start, get over here already!
(FLASH looks at the crowd and shrugs)
FLASH
*affirmative panda noises*
WES
Haha, oh you silly football playing bear! You always know exactly what to say!
(FLASH exits stage right. The curtain closes. End of Act I)
(2,529 words)[/div]
![[Image: Untitled_drawing4.png?ex=65189885&is=651...a7e4ddfd2&]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/906612704905666593/1157434655218352178/Untitled_drawing4.png?ex=65189885&is=65174705&hm=723bcd75bd49d3fa16b31bd7ebf7e536fca998ba339a37ec7590f00a7e4ddfd2&)
![[Image: 62699_s.gif]](https://signavatar.com/62699_s.gif)
![[Image: 018p.png]](https://i.postimg.cc/WbJGDCCK/018p.png)
Jurisprudence Jones, OL ![[Image: cYhSwFY.png]](https://i.imgur.com/cYhSwFY.png)
![[Image: OwmniMan.jpg]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/771511180102860810/884607055569227806/OwmniMan.jpg)
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