Sheed Thebaw’s agent Mitchell Thomasson is fairly new to the DSFL experience, therefore what better way to scout out the teams than do their stadium tour, and check out their facilities during last season’s games to help prepare for the upcoming season. Hopefully these reviews will help rookies understand what to expect before they are drafted.
He is here to tell you what stadiums are hot, and which ones are not. In alphabetical order:
Team: Dallas Birddogs
Stadium: Eagle Stadium
Capacity: 18,000
Pitch Type: Hybrid with underfloor cooling. Dallas be hot.
Positives: For it being one of the larger stadiums in the DSFL, the place keeps improving. The atmosphere is electric and the away fans always seem to have good things to say like “We are beating Dallas so hard it’s making this stadium tolerable!”
Not so positives: I think I saw an actual birddog under one of the seats.
Food: Don’t buy food. Person next to me vomited and it took 20 minutes for the cleaner to arrive.
Team: Kansas City Coyotes
Stadium: Shawnee Mission District Stadium
Capacity: 6,150
Pitch Type: Real grass infused with cooking oil.
Positives: Superb - accessible for all - very good amenities at reasonable prices given other stadiums charges. During the tailgate I saw a man dive right through the side of an RV.
Not so positives: During a stadium tour here, we were shown the history of the Coyotes on video. After watching that 2 minute video, we were directed to the club shop.
Food: The hot buffet was cold. Had to put up with cold hot dogs and warm beer.
Team: London Royals
Stadium: The Matchroom Stadium
Capacity: 9,271
Pitch Type: Biscuit crumbs.
Positives: Has an on site dentist, and their half-time show consisted of a woman on a high wire being lowered into the stadium holding an umbrella, singing “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious”. 10/10.
Not so positives: My son now has plantar fasciitis from watching the entire game on his tiptoes.
Food: Tiny portions, and for some reason a turkey carcass left on show.
Team: Minnesota Grey Ducks
Stadium: James Griffin Stadium
Capacity: 4,367
Pitch Type: Ice.
Positives: Turbocharged T-shirt cannons. Saw a woman in row F lose 4 of her front teeth. Entertainment value at an all time high in Minnesota.
Not so positives: I used my lighter to try and find some trophies in here. All I found was a Fast Boija Testimonial Programme and an old pair of Devon Baxtors socks.
Food: I had the salmon, and it looked and tasted how I imagine cat food would.
Team: Myrtle Beach Buccaneers
Stadium: Doug Shaw Memorial Stadium
Capacity: 6,500
Pitch Type: Fully synthetic. Often referred to as “Carpet Burn Memorial Stadium”.
Positives: You can see the big wheel from the stadium.
Not so positives: One inch of urine on the floor is not good when you need to take the kids for a whizz.
Food: The vegetarian wraps contained ham.
Team: Norfolk Seawolves
Stadium: Powhatan Sports Center
Capacity: 2,800
Pitch Type: Mainly broken glass.
Positives: Half-time show is a dog agility circuit, except all the dogs have shark fins on their back and the agility course is entirely underwater. I believe PETA is investigating further.
Not so positives: More atmosphere in a fish tank.
Food: Asked for a hot dog and coke, got two shrimp and three fries. 4/10.
Team: Portland Pythons
Stadium: Hare Field
Capacity: 5,000
Pitch Type: Hybrid, but smells strangely of marijuana.
Positives: Seen a guy in those fake leg jumpy around springy attachments doing backflips and juggling. He dropped one of the bowling pins, slipped on it and backflipped into the away teams water cooler. I believe the lawsuit is ongoing.
Not so positives: A football ground that doesn't serve beer. Small concourse with nothing to do.
Food: The first time in my life I got a cheeseburger without cheese.
Team: Tijuana Luchadores
Stadium: Estadio Chevron
Capacity: 17,000
Pitch type: Real grass and that baseball sand stuff.
Positives: Mascot legitimately wrestles members of the audience at half-time. My great aunt Vicky got picked once. May she rest in peace.
Not so positives: The stadium also gets used for baseball, so you are seated quite far away from the action and at times it is difficult to see the game. I guess this could be seen as a positive?
Food: The chicken buffalo pies are to die for. They have two types of meat in them and several bones.
Hopefully this insight into the DSFL stadiums has been a complete waste of your time to read, but maybe given you a laugh or two. I certainly did not enjoy the experience travelling from place to place with my kid, who will no doubt be scarred for life after what he has had to witness.
Don’t @ me.
He is here to tell you what stadiums are hot, and which ones are not. In alphabetical order:
Team: Dallas Birddogs
Stadium: Eagle Stadium
Capacity: 18,000
Pitch Type: Hybrid with underfloor cooling. Dallas be hot.
Positives: For it being one of the larger stadiums in the DSFL, the place keeps improving. The atmosphere is electric and the away fans always seem to have good things to say like “We are beating Dallas so hard it’s making this stadium tolerable!”
Not so positives: I think I saw an actual birddog under one of the seats.
Food: Don’t buy food. Person next to me vomited and it took 20 minutes for the cleaner to arrive.
Team: Kansas City Coyotes
Stadium: Shawnee Mission District Stadium
Capacity: 6,150
Pitch Type: Real grass infused with cooking oil.
Positives: Superb - accessible for all - very good amenities at reasonable prices given other stadiums charges. During the tailgate I saw a man dive right through the side of an RV.
Not so positives: During a stadium tour here, we were shown the history of the Coyotes on video. After watching that 2 minute video, we were directed to the club shop.
Food: The hot buffet was cold. Had to put up with cold hot dogs and warm beer.
Team: London Royals
Stadium: The Matchroom Stadium
Capacity: 9,271
Pitch Type: Biscuit crumbs.
Positives: Has an on site dentist, and their half-time show consisted of a woman on a high wire being lowered into the stadium holding an umbrella, singing “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious”. 10/10.
Not so positives: My son now has plantar fasciitis from watching the entire game on his tiptoes.
Food: Tiny portions, and for some reason a turkey carcass left on show.
Team: Minnesota Grey Ducks
Stadium: James Griffin Stadium
Capacity: 4,367
Pitch Type: Ice.
Positives: Turbocharged T-shirt cannons. Saw a woman in row F lose 4 of her front teeth. Entertainment value at an all time high in Minnesota.
Not so positives: I used my lighter to try and find some trophies in here. All I found was a Fast Boija Testimonial Programme and an old pair of Devon Baxtors socks.
Food: I had the salmon, and it looked and tasted how I imagine cat food would.
Team: Myrtle Beach Buccaneers
Stadium: Doug Shaw Memorial Stadium
Capacity: 6,500
Pitch Type: Fully synthetic. Often referred to as “Carpet Burn Memorial Stadium”.
Positives: You can see the big wheel from the stadium.
Not so positives: One inch of urine on the floor is not good when you need to take the kids for a whizz.
Food: The vegetarian wraps contained ham.
Team: Norfolk Seawolves
Stadium: Powhatan Sports Center
Capacity: 2,800
Pitch Type: Mainly broken glass.
Positives: Half-time show is a dog agility circuit, except all the dogs have shark fins on their back and the agility course is entirely underwater. I believe PETA is investigating further.
Not so positives: More atmosphere in a fish tank.
Food: Asked for a hot dog and coke, got two shrimp and three fries. 4/10.
Team: Portland Pythons
Stadium: Hare Field
Capacity: 5,000
Pitch Type: Hybrid, but smells strangely of marijuana.
Positives: Seen a guy in those fake leg jumpy around springy attachments doing backflips and juggling. He dropped one of the bowling pins, slipped on it and backflipped into the away teams water cooler. I believe the lawsuit is ongoing.
Not so positives: A football ground that doesn't serve beer. Small concourse with nothing to do.
Food: The first time in my life I got a cheeseburger without cheese.
Team: Tijuana Luchadores
Stadium: Estadio Chevron
Capacity: 17,000
Pitch type: Real grass and that baseball sand stuff.
Positives: Mascot legitimately wrestles members of the audience at half-time. My great aunt Vicky got picked once. May she rest in peace.
Not so positives: The stadium also gets used for baseball, so you are seated quite far away from the action and at times it is difficult to see the game. I guess this could be seen as a positive?
Food: The chicken buffalo pies are to die for. They have two types of meat in them and several bones.
Hopefully this insight into the DSFL stadiums has been a complete waste of your time to read, but maybe given you a laugh or two. I certainly did not enjoy the experience travelling from place to place with my kid, who will no doubt be scarred for life after what he has had to witness.
Don’t @ me.
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