Alright dudes so we got ourselves some expansion GMs locked down, we got teams formulatifying their protecteration lists and we got a draft coming up pretty fast. Damn this season has been moving quick. So with that in mind let's go ahead and get some shit you need to know about Hank Winchester out of the way. Cause here's the deal, I really am not that interested in your scouting shit. I've been scouted enough times that the whole process is pretty tedious to me. I get tired of answering the same damn questions 12 fucking times.
If you just sent me a scouting questionnaire and I responded with a link to this media: Don't take it personally, dude. It's not your fault your shit is boring. Also if you are trying to be one of those fancy super personalized GMs and "Have a conversation" with me in order to get your scouting done, again don't take it personally. I really don't care too much for your foreplay, let's skip straight to the fucking so we can both get out of here, we got shit to do.
Now let's go ahead and cover the bases on all the most commonly asked questions on these scouting messages.
How do you feel about playing for {insert team here}?
I don't really care who I play for. Please dear god don't be the team that tags me in discord for every goddamn point task and claim that is posted. Seriously that is torture, I can read. Please don't be woefully incompetent at your job, I'll probably leave if you are. 99% of the time this shouldn't be an issue unless you truly are a trash tier GM. You aren't one of those are you? Respect my career goals. I am a linebacker and I have a very specific position I want to play (MLB) and I refuse to be sent down at all, including next season. If you can't make that happen my whole career, I'm not the LB for you and you are not the team for me. If you really want to get into the weeds on this subject you can DM me and we can discuss it.
Will you position change?
No.
What is your expected activity level on a scale of 1-69?
Same as all my past players.
Contracts?
I have a good amount of money so idc.
Why should we pick you over {other great recreate}?
IDK why is this my problem? You figure it out, I'm not here to sell you anything. God forbid you don't like me and I get picked by a team who won more games last season? Seriously I've been asked this question before and it's just weird.
Do you want to be in our war room?
Ehhh idk. I've been in war rooms for like....S1-S12 and then S14-S23 and during that time appeared in juuuust shy of half the Ultimus games. So don't get me wrong I'm either pretty good at it or just pretty damn lucky. Probably the latter. But I really don't have the drive to be as involved as I once was. I can probably help to sell your team to Free Agents, I've been pretty successful at landing big fish in the past.
How active will you be in our locker room?
It depends on your locker room. If you don't talk about things that interest me I can't imagine I'll say much. If you have people who like to talk about food and beer and outdoors and exercise and hobbies and DnD and other shit I like sure. I can help guide people on their builds for their players, I know most of the stuff pretty well, but it's not like I have some super secret knowledge, most of the info is pretty well known by now.
We have {insert controversial person} on our team, are you okay with that?
I don't really know any controversial people so it's probably fine? If they're really fucking annoying I'm pretty good at tuning them out. But I'm also pretty known for calling people out on their bullshit as well so if I see someone being a dick, I will make it known right there in front of the whole team that they are being a dick. If they can't handle that (often the biggest internet dicks are very sensitive to being called on their shit) then who knows what might happen.
We're an expansion team, are you okay with being on an expansion team?
Yeah that sounds like fun, bonus points if you're bwestfield's team.
If you just sent me a scouting questionnaire and I responded with a link to this media: Don't take it personally, dude. It's not your fault your shit is boring. Also if you are trying to be one of those fancy super personalized GMs and "Have a conversation" with me in order to get your scouting done, again don't take it personally. I really don't care too much for your foreplay, let's skip straight to the fucking so we can both get out of here, we got shit to do.
Now let's go ahead and cover the bases on all the most commonly asked questions on these scouting messages.
How do you feel about playing for {insert team here}?
I don't really care who I play for. Please dear god don't be the team that tags me in discord for every goddamn point task and claim that is posted. Seriously that is torture, I can read. Please don't be woefully incompetent at your job, I'll probably leave if you are. 99% of the time this shouldn't be an issue unless you truly are a trash tier GM. You aren't one of those are you? Respect my career goals. I am a linebacker and I have a very specific position I want to play (MLB) and I refuse to be sent down at all, including next season. If you can't make that happen my whole career, I'm not the LB for you and you are not the team for me. If you really want to get into the weeds on this subject you can DM me and we can discuss it.
Will you position change?
No.
What is your expected activity level on a scale of 1-69?
Same as all my past players.
Contracts?
I have a good amount of money so idc.
Why should we pick you over {other great recreate}?
IDK why is this my problem? You figure it out, I'm not here to sell you anything. God forbid you don't like me and I get picked by a team who won more games last season? Seriously I've been asked this question before and it's just weird.
Do you want to be in our war room?
Ehhh idk. I've been in war rooms for like....S1-S12 and then S14-S23 and during that time appeared in juuuust shy of half the Ultimus games. So don't get me wrong I'm either pretty good at it or just pretty damn lucky. Probably the latter. But I really don't have the drive to be as involved as I once was. I can probably help to sell your team to Free Agents, I've been pretty successful at landing big fish in the past.
How active will you be in our locker room?
It depends on your locker room. If you don't talk about things that interest me I can't imagine I'll say much. If you have people who like to talk about food and beer and outdoors and exercise and hobbies and DnD and other shit I like sure. I can help guide people on their builds for their players, I know most of the stuff pretty well, but it's not like I have some super secret knowledge, most of the info is pretty well known by now.
We have {insert controversial person} on our team, are you okay with that?
I don't really know any controversial people so it's probably fine? If they're really fucking annoying I'm pretty good at tuning them out. But I'm also pretty known for calling people out on their bullshit as well so if I see someone being a dick, I will make it known right there in front of the whole team that they are being a dick. If they can't handle that (often the biggest internet dicks are very sensitive to being called on their shit) then who knows what might happen.
We're an expansion team, are you okay with being on an expansion team?
Yeah that sounds like fun, bonus points if you're bwestfield's team.
Hank Winchester (S25 - Current) - Scrub
Angus Winchester (S1-S12) - 4x Ultimus Champ - #2 Career Sacks - Hall of Fame
Cooter Bigsby (S14-S23) - S23 Ultimus Champ - #4 Career Yards - #4 Career TDs - 2x MVP - Hall of Fame