Alright guys and gals, with the great reception of the DSFL Bracket Battle, I figured it would only be right to do the same for the ISFL. But this time there are almost double the number of teams including the two expansion teams. So, I am going to go over how seeding works now. I will be going by record again but this time, the teams with the best record in their conference gets a first round bye. With that out of the way, let us move on to the teams
Representing the NFSC we have the Yeti, Sailfish, Butchers, Wraiths, Hawks, Liberty, and the brand-new expansion team, the Fire Salamanders. These teams are a formidable bunch save for the Liberty; whose team mascot is a bell. We will figure that out later, now onto the ASFC. The teams competing in the AFSC are the Saber Cats, Otters, Outlaws, Second Line, Hahalua, Copperheads, and the new team the Gorillas. A total of 14 teams enter, only one team will end up winning the Slaughtermus!!
NFSC
Yeti: Yetis are mythological creatures that are usually spotted in snowy, mountainous terrain. I have decided to say that Sasquatch is the closest resemblance to the Yetis mascot. So, what do we know about Sasquatch? Well I'm no late-night Discovery Channel Sasquatch expert, but I know that Sasquatch is a huge, lumbering half man who haunts your grandpa Steve's woods. Yeah, I know he said he saw Sasquatch, but can you really trust your grandpa Steve? Moreover, the one thing we know about Sasquatch is that we have only seen blurry pictures of it, so that only means one thing. Sasquatch is only rendered in 240p quality. This little fact should help the Yeti because it will be very hard to see their champion.
Sailfish: The Sailfish are going to be hard for me to pit a fighter against. They feel a little like the Grey Ducks Mascot in that they don't really have a place in this tournament because they are so weak. But I thought of a connection that only I could have thought of. The only pop culture reference I could find for a sailfish was in the hit SNES video game called Donkey Kong Country. So, I have chosen to use Enguarde, the swordfish from the water levels to be the champion of the Sarasota Sailfish.
Butchers: The Chicago Butchers are next up in this stupid tournament. Have you ever been a child playing on your older brother's computer somewhere around 1996-1998? Well if you have, then you probably played the original Diablo. I was that kid playing on my older brother's computer and decided to play this fun game I saw my brother playing. I was having a great time... until I went down to level 2. On level 2 of the original Diablo, you can release a demon named the Butcher. To this day the Butcher scares me, I sometimes replay Diablo and will intentionally skip the Butcher because I hate him so damn much. But the Butcher has a big meat cleaver and I hate him.
Wraiths: The Wraiths are a hard team to write about. How do you kill something that is really already dead? Well I guess we could call in the Ghostbusters, or we could do something interesting. I searched up wraith on google, and the first thing that popped up for me was the definition, but we are not going to make the Wraiths be a dictionary. No, but the second thing I saw was the 2020 model of the Rolls-Royce Wraith, very alliterative. So, I have made the ruling that the team champion for the Wraiths be an autonomous car. It can be a haunted car that a ghost drives if that makes you feel better.
Hawks: The Hawks are pretty easy to write about. It's just a hawk. So, I chose the North American ferruginous hawk. This is the largest hawk on the planet. I'm sorry Hawks fans, there's not much to do here.
Liberty: The Liberty's mascot is a bell. What am I supposed to do with a bell?? I am going to have to have an imaginary fight between a bell and some other creature. We all know what is going to happen, but the show must go on. This bell radiates freedom and entitlement.
Fire Salamanders: The Fire Salamanders are an awesome team name, however; the team mascot sucks. How can a tiny little lizard compete in a competition against the likes of Sasquatch and the Liberty Bell? Then, I struck genius. I have recently been playing games, and one game came to mind when thinking about fire salamanders. Dark Souls 2. In Dark Souls 2 there are giant fire breathing lizards that can shoot big fireballs (heh) out of their mouths. So yeah, there is your champion Fire Salamanders. If you want to see what they look like, look it up yourself, stop being lazy.
AFSC
Saber Cats: Starting off the AFSC, we have the Saber Cats. A saber cat is an extinct predator that stalked to jungles of South America. These large cats dominated their prey using their large tusk like fangs. Not much to say about these cool cats, but whoever will be facing these guys will be saying me-yow. I hate myself for typing that.
Otters: I love otters, they are probably my favorite animal in the entire world. So, it pains me to say that the Otters are really outmatched so far. I chose to use a giant river otter because they are not cute. They have jet black, soulless beady eyes that can pierce your very soul.
Outlaws: In the town of Agua Fria, there lived a bandit named Texas Red. Many men had tried to take him, but that many men were dead. He was vicious and killer and only a youth of 24 and the notches on his pistol numbered one and nineteen more (one and nineteen moooorrrreee). This champion is to be feared because of the weapon that he carries, a six-round revolver. Any member of this competition should fear him, unless you're a stranger with the big iron on your hip.
Second Line: This team is almost unfair. They have a whole mob of people who can dance, sing, and murder their way through the competition. I don't have a whole lot to say other than for other teams to be prepared for the dancing horde.
Hahalua: I am kind of sensing a trend in the AFSC. These teams are pretty boring. Most of them are generic animals. A hahalua is just a sting ray pretty much. Wait. A sting ray killed Steve Irwin. I hate Hahalua now and they should be ashamed to have this animal as their mascot. I hope they lose this fictional contest so we can preserve the memory of Steve Irwin.
Copperheads: *sigh* another animal. It's a snake, you've seen a snake, I've seen a snake. Let's move on to the funny.
Silverbacks: What do you think of when you see the name Silverbacks? Do you envision a strong and powerful animal capable of ripping limbs and killing any who endangers their family? I'll tell you what I think of when I see Silverbacks. Have you ever seen the 1960's cartoon Magilla Gorilla? That's what I think of. A silly comical gorilla who can't seem to stop getting out of trouble. If you are part of the Silverbacks and do not like my decision, oh well, don't draft me then and suck it up. This is my world you're in so go away.
Alright, it is now time to test the strength of these mighty champions. We are going to do this a little bit different than we did it last time. We are going to do wild card first and progress through the various rounds from there. First up we have the Silverbacks versus the Otters.
AFSC Wild Card
Round 1: So, we have Magilla Gorilla up against the hell beast that is the giant river otter. Now I was forced to watch Magilla Gorilla growing up because it was one of my dad’s favorite cartoons, his favorite was speed racer if you were wondering. Every morning he would turn on Boomerang which is the channel where they play old cartoons and would have to sit through lecture after lecture about how they don’t make cartoons how they used to. And I now know why they do not make them that way anymore. Most of them were racist or had some elements of prejudice. So out of spite for my dad, Magilla Gorilla flees at the sight of this demonic looking creature just like he would have done in the show.
Next up we have the Copperheads against the Outlaws
Round 2: Well this may have actually been a match up in real life. The feared venomous copperhead versus the notorious outlaw. Well I feel like the outlaw is capable of handling a simple snake, so he goes up, steps on the snake neck and blows it’s head off with a shot from his revolver. But the outlaw needs to be careful, he only has five shots left.
Next up for the final wild card fight in the AFSC is the Hahalua versus the Second Line
Round 3: Now earlier I professed my hatred to the Hahalua mascot, so I decided to do some research and found out something interesting. Manta rays do not have barbs that sting their prey. So, the second line sees this floundering animal and they do only what someone from New Orleans would do. They chopped it up and added it to their jambalaya.
So, advancing to the next round we have the Saber Cats, Outlaws, Second Line, and Otters.
NFSC Wild Card
Round 1: Alright everyone first up we have the brand-new Fire Salamanders up against the powerful Sailfish. I feel like every water-based animal has the same weakness where they can’t really leave their habitat to compete. So, the fire salamander just rears up and spits molten lava into the water and kills the sailfish.
Next up is the Liberty versus the Butchers, this should be thrilling.
Round 2: Now we all know that the Liberty’s mascot is just a bell. It’s an inanimate object. The Butcher walks up to the bell and smacks it with his cleaver and a clear ringing comes forth from the bell. The Butcher has won this contest, but something has changed within him. He now has the American Spirit within him. Yay?
Next up is the Hawks Versus the Wraiths.
Round 3: Now I am in a position of some expertise here. I own a car and have actually hit some form of predatory bird before. I drive a Hyundai Elantra, this is a Rolls-Royce Wraith. I think we all knows who wins this bout.
So, advancing to the next round we have the Yeti, Wraiths, Butchers, and Fire Salamanders
AFSC Divisional
Well now we are going to move onto the divisional rounds first up is the AFSC.
Round 1: First up is a whole saber tooth tiger, against a horde of dancing people. Have you ever been to a zoo? Well I have and have seen a tiger in real life. This kind of tiger is literally twice the size of the ones we have now. Do you think a group of unarmed people stands a chance against this monster? If you think yes, then you are smooth brained, and I no longer wish to associate with you.
Next up is the Outlaws versus the Otters.
Round 2: I have already established that I hate the giant river otter, and so does this outlaw. He has never seen any kind of beast this ungodly looking. So, he fires two rounds from his pistol to dispatch the beast to purge it from this world. He only has 3 shots left.
Moving onto the finals in the AFSC are the Outlaws and the Saber Cats.
NFSC Divisional
If your team has not made it this far, I apologize. Maybe you should have been on a better team.
But moving onto the AFSC Divisional
Round 1: First up we have the Fire Salamanders up against the Butchers. This is going to be a close fight. The closest we have ever had. If anyone has ever played either of these games that these monsters come from, you will know they aren’t going to go down easily. In the end I decided that the Butcher would win. The Butcher is a hard hitter who always stun locks you if you don’t hit him fast enough. So, I think the strength and speed of the Butcher out strips the fire salamander.
Up next is the Yeti versus the Wraiths.
Round 2: Now we mentioned in the beginning that the Yeti’s mascot would be Sasquatch. So, we know that Sasquatch is almost indiscernible to the human eye so I feel like he would get the edge in any normal fight. But Sasquatch is fighting an autonomous or maybe haunted car. Have you ever tried to fight a car? Well if you have, you’re probably not in the right mind to read this article. I think Sasquatch maybe has a chance against the car, but I don’t think in the end Sasquatch can cut it. He get’s squished under the very expensive Rolls-Royce.
Moving onto the finals we have the Wraiths versus the Butchers.
Conference Finals
We have almost made it to the end of this ridiculous contest, only three games remain the two conference finals and then the final Slaughtermus!
AFSC Conference Finals: We have the Outlaws versus the Saber Cats. Now the Outlaw can kill any man or small beast, but this is a giant saber-toothed tiger. I do not know whether or not a bullet could kill one of these things. So, I looked up whether on not a .357 magnum could kill a bear. A bear can be killed by one with a well-placed shot, so I decided to roll 3 d20s. I rolled a 4, 13, and 9. I ruled that these shots were not good enough to take the tiger down. The Outlaw had finally met his match, but it was not the Ranger with the big iron on his hip, but the tiger with the saber-teeth.
NFSC Conference Finals: The Wraiths have been plowing through the competition thus far, and I don’t think that is going to stop now. But through out the competition, the Wraiths have been damaged by the creatures they have ran over. I have hit a deer going 50 MPH, my car was wrecked. I think the Rolls-Royce is slightly more durable than my tiny little Elantra, but not by much. So, the Wraith again runs down it’s competition. But after going through a big Sasquatch, a big demon Butcher, and a hawk, it is going to be on its last legs going into the Slaughtermus finals.
Slaughtermus: Now that I am looking at the stupid name I gave to finals, it looks like some demented Christmas tradition rather than a battle between champions. Well never mind that. We have the moment we have all been waiting for, The Saber Cats versus the Wraiths. The Wraiths have been winning their matches, but at great cost to their own structural integrity. The car is in bad shape, it’s making really bad squeaking noises and they’re also out of washer fluid so that alert keeps popping up and it won’t go away until you fill it up. I hate that warning so much. The Saber Tooth tiger, while being smaller, slowly but surely dismantles the car and banishes the ghost to Hell.
Well that was fun. The champion again matches the outcome of the finals in the ISFL. If you are upset about the decisions I made in this competition, I suggest looking in the mirror and ask yourself why you are getting mad at a fictional battle. Well that’s all I have for right now. If you have any questions please don’t ask them, I probably won’t answer them.
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Representing the NFSC we have the Yeti, Sailfish, Butchers, Wraiths, Hawks, Liberty, and the brand-new expansion team, the Fire Salamanders. These teams are a formidable bunch save for the Liberty; whose team mascot is a bell. We will figure that out later, now onto the ASFC. The teams competing in the AFSC are the Saber Cats, Otters, Outlaws, Second Line, Hahalua, Copperheads, and the new team the Gorillas. A total of 14 teams enter, only one team will end up winning the Slaughtermus!!
NFSC
Yeti: Yetis are mythological creatures that are usually spotted in snowy, mountainous terrain. I have decided to say that Sasquatch is the closest resemblance to the Yetis mascot. So, what do we know about Sasquatch? Well I'm no late-night Discovery Channel Sasquatch expert, but I know that Sasquatch is a huge, lumbering half man who haunts your grandpa Steve's woods. Yeah, I know he said he saw Sasquatch, but can you really trust your grandpa Steve? Moreover, the one thing we know about Sasquatch is that we have only seen blurry pictures of it, so that only means one thing. Sasquatch is only rendered in 240p quality. This little fact should help the Yeti because it will be very hard to see their champion.
Sailfish: The Sailfish are going to be hard for me to pit a fighter against. They feel a little like the Grey Ducks Mascot in that they don't really have a place in this tournament because they are so weak. But I thought of a connection that only I could have thought of. The only pop culture reference I could find for a sailfish was in the hit SNES video game called Donkey Kong Country. So, I have chosen to use Enguarde, the swordfish from the water levels to be the champion of the Sarasota Sailfish.
Butchers: The Chicago Butchers are next up in this stupid tournament. Have you ever been a child playing on your older brother's computer somewhere around 1996-1998? Well if you have, then you probably played the original Diablo. I was that kid playing on my older brother's computer and decided to play this fun game I saw my brother playing. I was having a great time... until I went down to level 2. On level 2 of the original Diablo, you can release a demon named the Butcher. To this day the Butcher scares me, I sometimes replay Diablo and will intentionally skip the Butcher because I hate him so damn much. But the Butcher has a big meat cleaver and I hate him.
Wraiths: The Wraiths are a hard team to write about. How do you kill something that is really already dead? Well I guess we could call in the Ghostbusters, or we could do something interesting. I searched up wraith on google, and the first thing that popped up for me was the definition, but we are not going to make the Wraiths be a dictionary. No, but the second thing I saw was the 2020 model of the Rolls-Royce Wraith, very alliterative. So, I have made the ruling that the team champion for the Wraiths be an autonomous car. It can be a haunted car that a ghost drives if that makes you feel better.
Hawks: The Hawks are pretty easy to write about. It's just a hawk. So, I chose the North American ferruginous hawk. This is the largest hawk on the planet. I'm sorry Hawks fans, there's not much to do here.
Liberty: The Liberty's mascot is a bell. What am I supposed to do with a bell?? I am going to have to have an imaginary fight between a bell and some other creature. We all know what is going to happen, but the show must go on. This bell radiates freedom and entitlement.
Fire Salamanders: The Fire Salamanders are an awesome team name, however; the team mascot sucks. How can a tiny little lizard compete in a competition against the likes of Sasquatch and the Liberty Bell? Then, I struck genius. I have recently been playing games, and one game came to mind when thinking about fire salamanders. Dark Souls 2. In Dark Souls 2 there are giant fire breathing lizards that can shoot big fireballs (heh) out of their mouths. So yeah, there is your champion Fire Salamanders. If you want to see what they look like, look it up yourself, stop being lazy.
AFSC
Saber Cats: Starting off the AFSC, we have the Saber Cats. A saber cat is an extinct predator that stalked to jungles of South America. These large cats dominated their prey using their large tusk like fangs. Not much to say about these cool cats, but whoever will be facing these guys will be saying me-yow. I hate myself for typing that.
Otters: I love otters, they are probably my favorite animal in the entire world. So, it pains me to say that the Otters are really outmatched so far. I chose to use a giant river otter because they are not cute. They have jet black, soulless beady eyes that can pierce your very soul.
Outlaws: In the town of Agua Fria, there lived a bandit named Texas Red. Many men had tried to take him, but that many men were dead. He was vicious and killer and only a youth of 24 and the notches on his pistol numbered one and nineteen more (one and nineteen moooorrrreee). This champion is to be feared because of the weapon that he carries, a six-round revolver. Any member of this competition should fear him, unless you're a stranger with the big iron on your hip.
Second Line: This team is almost unfair. They have a whole mob of people who can dance, sing, and murder their way through the competition. I don't have a whole lot to say other than for other teams to be prepared for the dancing horde.
Hahalua: I am kind of sensing a trend in the AFSC. These teams are pretty boring. Most of them are generic animals. A hahalua is just a sting ray pretty much. Wait. A sting ray killed Steve Irwin. I hate Hahalua now and they should be ashamed to have this animal as their mascot. I hope they lose this fictional contest so we can preserve the memory of Steve Irwin.
Copperheads: *sigh* another animal. It's a snake, you've seen a snake, I've seen a snake. Let's move on to the funny.
Silverbacks: What do you think of when you see the name Silverbacks? Do you envision a strong and powerful animal capable of ripping limbs and killing any who endangers their family? I'll tell you what I think of when I see Silverbacks. Have you ever seen the 1960's cartoon Magilla Gorilla? That's what I think of. A silly comical gorilla who can't seem to stop getting out of trouble. If you are part of the Silverbacks and do not like my decision, oh well, don't draft me then and suck it up. This is my world you're in so go away.
Alright, it is now time to test the strength of these mighty champions. We are going to do this a little bit different than we did it last time. We are going to do wild card first and progress through the various rounds from there. First up we have the Silverbacks versus the Otters.
AFSC Wild Card
Round 1: So, we have Magilla Gorilla up against the hell beast that is the giant river otter. Now I was forced to watch Magilla Gorilla growing up because it was one of my dad’s favorite cartoons, his favorite was speed racer if you were wondering. Every morning he would turn on Boomerang which is the channel where they play old cartoons and would have to sit through lecture after lecture about how they don’t make cartoons how they used to. And I now know why they do not make them that way anymore. Most of them were racist or had some elements of prejudice. So out of spite for my dad, Magilla Gorilla flees at the sight of this demonic looking creature just like he would have done in the show.
Next up we have the Copperheads against the Outlaws
Round 2: Well this may have actually been a match up in real life. The feared venomous copperhead versus the notorious outlaw. Well I feel like the outlaw is capable of handling a simple snake, so he goes up, steps on the snake neck and blows it’s head off with a shot from his revolver. But the outlaw needs to be careful, he only has five shots left.
Next up for the final wild card fight in the AFSC is the Hahalua versus the Second Line
Round 3: Now earlier I professed my hatred to the Hahalua mascot, so I decided to do some research and found out something interesting. Manta rays do not have barbs that sting their prey. So, the second line sees this floundering animal and they do only what someone from New Orleans would do. They chopped it up and added it to their jambalaya.
So, advancing to the next round we have the Saber Cats, Outlaws, Second Line, and Otters.
NFSC Wild Card
Round 1: Alright everyone first up we have the brand-new Fire Salamanders up against the powerful Sailfish. I feel like every water-based animal has the same weakness where they can’t really leave their habitat to compete. So, the fire salamander just rears up and spits molten lava into the water and kills the sailfish.
Next up is the Liberty versus the Butchers, this should be thrilling.
Round 2: Now we all know that the Liberty’s mascot is just a bell. It’s an inanimate object. The Butcher walks up to the bell and smacks it with his cleaver and a clear ringing comes forth from the bell. The Butcher has won this contest, but something has changed within him. He now has the American Spirit within him. Yay?
Next up is the Hawks Versus the Wraiths.
Round 3: Now I am in a position of some expertise here. I own a car and have actually hit some form of predatory bird before. I drive a Hyundai Elantra, this is a Rolls-Royce Wraith. I think we all knows who wins this bout.
So, advancing to the next round we have the Yeti, Wraiths, Butchers, and Fire Salamanders
AFSC Divisional
Well now we are going to move onto the divisional rounds first up is the AFSC.
Round 1: First up is a whole saber tooth tiger, against a horde of dancing people. Have you ever been to a zoo? Well I have and have seen a tiger in real life. This kind of tiger is literally twice the size of the ones we have now. Do you think a group of unarmed people stands a chance against this monster? If you think yes, then you are smooth brained, and I no longer wish to associate with you.
Next up is the Outlaws versus the Otters.
Round 2: I have already established that I hate the giant river otter, and so does this outlaw. He has never seen any kind of beast this ungodly looking. So, he fires two rounds from his pistol to dispatch the beast to purge it from this world. He only has 3 shots left.
Moving onto the finals in the AFSC are the Outlaws and the Saber Cats.
NFSC Divisional
If your team has not made it this far, I apologize. Maybe you should have been on a better team.
But moving onto the AFSC Divisional
Round 1: First up we have the Fire Salamanders up against the Butchers. This is going to be a close fight. The closest we have ever had. If anyone has ever played either of these games that these monsters come from, you will know they aren’t going to go down easily. In the end I decided that the Butcher would win. The Butcher is a hard hitter who always stun locks you if you don’t hit him fast enough. So, I think the strength and speed of the Butcher out strips the fire salamander.
Up next is the Yeti versus the Wraiths.
Round 2: Now we mentioned in the beginning that the Yeti’s mascot would be Sasquatch. So, we know that Sasquatch is almost indiscernible to the human eye so I feel like he would get the edge in any normal fight. But Sasquatch is fighting an autonomous or maybe haunted car. Have you ever tried to fight a car? Well if you have, you’re probably not in the right mind to read this article. I think Sasquatch maybe has a chance against the car, but I don’t think in the end Sasquatch can cut it. He get’s squished under the very expensive Rolls-Royce.
Moving onto the finals we have the Wraiths versus the Butchers.
Conference Finals
We have almost made it to the end of this ridiculous contest, only three games remain the two conference finals and then the final Slaughtermus!
AFSC Conference Finals: We have the Outlaws versus the Saber Cats. Now the Outlaw can kill any man or small beast, but this is a giant saber-toothed tiger. I do not know whether or not a bullet could kill one of these things. So, I looked up whether on not a .357 magnum could kill a bear. A bear can be killed by one with a well-placed shot, so I decided to roll 3 d20s. I rolled a 4, 13, and 9. I ruled that these shots were not good enough to take the tiger down. The Outlaw had finally met his match, but it was not the Ranger with the big iron on his hip, but the tiger with the saber-teeth.
NFSC Conference Finals: The Wraiths have been plowing through the competition thus far, and I don’t think that is going to stop now. But through out the competition, the Wraiths have been damaged by the creatures they have ran over. I have hit a deer going 50 MPH, my car was wrecked. I think the Rolls-Royce is slightly more durable than my tiny little Elantra, but not by much. So, the Wraith again runs down it’s competition. But after going through a big Sasquatch, a big demon Butcher, and a hawk, it is going to be on its last legs going into the Slaughtermus finals.
Slaughtermus: Now that I am looking at the stupid name I gave to finals, it looks like some demented Christmas tradition rather than a battle between champions. Well never mind that. We have the moment we have all been waiting for, The Saber Cats versus the Wraiths. The Wraiths have been winning their matches, but at great cost to their own structural integrity. The car is in bad shape, it’s making really bad squeaking noises and they’re also out of washer fluid so that alert keeps popping up and it won’t go away until you fill it up. I hate that warning so much. The Saber Tooth tiger, while being smaller, slowly but surely dismantles the car and banishes the ghost to Hell.
Well that was fun. The champion again matches the outcome of the finals in the ISFL. If you are upset about the decisions I made in this competition, I suggest looking in the mirror and ask yourself why you are getting mad at a fictional battle. Well that’s all I have for right now. If you have any questions please don’t ask them, I probably won’t answer them.
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