In this article I’m going to be reviewing the Portland pythons four preseason games and going over the highs (and lows) that this years preseason brought them
Game 1 : Portland Pythons 28 – 13 London Royals
This game saw a promising start to the preseason for the snakes with a healthy win over one of their divisional rivals, the London Royals. Despite having 53 less total yards than their opponents the pythons made better use of these yards to come up with this win.
The scoring was opened just short of 10 minutes into the first quarter when bot kicker Launchpad Buttowski nailed a 46 yard field goal for the Pythons. The quarter finished 5-3 In Portland’s favour after defensive end Etrigan Slayer tackled royals quarterback Charlamagne Cortez for a safety.
The Royals took the lead for the first time in the game halfway through the second quarter thanks to a 6 yard rushing touchdown from Royals running back Terry Yaki, converted by Something McDerpants to give them a five point advantage. Buttowski , however, had other plans for the scoreboard and knocked down back to back field goals, from 46 and 38 yards respectively to pull Portland back ahead. A 23 yard field goal by Royals kicker McDerpants was enough to give the Royals a 2 point lead going into halftime, but this was to be their last score of the game.
The third quarter went nearly 12 minutes without a score until Buttowski scored yet another field goal, this time from 43 yards out, to put the Pythons up a point. This was the only score of the quarter. The Pythons scored their first touchdown of the game at the start of the fourth when running back Darren Pama punched in a TD from the 1 yard line to extend the Python lead to 8. The game was capped off nicely for Portland when star qb and 5th overall pick in this years draft LeBron James III threw a 13 yard TD to fellow rookie receiver Rocky Jackman, opening both of their accounts for the year.
Notable Players
Etrigan Slayer
It was a great day at the office for an experienced defensive end, coming away with 4 tackles, one for a loss, as well as 2 sacks, a fumble recovery and a tackle for a safety
Mario Messi
The 37th overall pick in the draft, rookie receiver Messi caught 6 passes for 85 yards, averaging 14.2 YPC with a longest catch of 23 yards.
Launchpad Buttowski
Despite being a bot, this kickers contribution to this game will not go unnoticed as he scored 4 of his 4 field goal attempts and both of his attempted XPs. He finished with half of his teams total points on the day.
Game 2 : Kansas City Coyotes 38 – Portland Pythons 21
Another game against divisional rivals, this second preseason matchup against the Kansas City Royals, was a good, high scoring game, great for the viewer at home. Unfortunately for the Pythons fans out there, they were on the losing end of this scoreline. Despite stellar play from the offense, the Python Defense had little answer for both Kansas Citys quarterback, who scored a QBR of 114.4 and the 2 pronged rushing attack which combined for 217 yards on the ground.
In the first quarter, running back Darren Pama opened the scoring for the Pythons with a 2 yard rushing touchdown, which was then converted by Buttowski. Late in the first quarter, however, Coyotes back Sergio Kitchens caught an 18 yard pass from quarterback Matt Peterson but the XP hit both uprights before coming back down and the scoreboard stayed at 7-6 in the Pythons favour at the end of the first quarter. Just 2 and a half minutes into the second quarter Lebron James III connected with Mario Messi for a 5 yard touchdown, converted again by Buttowski. A 19 yard field goal by KC kicker Matty McMVP made it 14-9 to the Pythons at halftime.
A 10 yard touchdown pass by Matt Peterson made it 16-14 to the Coyotes and 2 minutes later running back King Tutankhamun broke away for a monster 64 yard rushing TD to open the score up to a 9 point gap.
Into the fourth quarter and the Coyotes were on fire, they simply could not stop scoring. A minute and a half in, Tutankhamun ran in his second TD on the ground from 2 yards out to make it 29-14 to the Coyotes, and then the XP was converted putting them 16 points clear of Portland. Kansas City running back Sergio Kitchens then notched his second TD of the day from the 1 yard line to make the score 37-14. With a minute left, LeBron James III threw a mere consolation touchdown to wide reciever Johnathan Smith to make the final score on the day 37-21. It just wasn’t to be for the Pythons in this preseason game.
Notable Players
LeBron James III
This 5th overall pick in the draft looks already to be silencing his doubters wrong after a solid performance in this game. With a 69% completion percentage he threw for 268 yards and 2 touchdowns, also throwing for 1 unfortunate interception.
Mario Messi
For the second time in the preseason, this mans name appears on my list for notable players. Referred to some as the steal of the draft, going in the 37th spot, this man caught 10 passes for 102 yards and a touchdown, averaging 10.2 YPC, with a longest catch of 17 yards.
Ty Tyson
Despite the relatively poor showing from the Portland defense in this game I decided to pick this rookie linebacker, who went 49th in this years draft, as he’s already looking very well adjusted to the league. Against Kansas City he recorded 5 tackles, 1 for a loss as well as a sack.
Game 3 : Norfolk Seawolves 0 - 17 Portland Pythons
The only preseason game Portland played against a team outside of their division, they managed to record a great shutout win, despite having 50 offensive yards less than their opponent and despite only completing one of their 14 3rd downs, thanks in great part to an anomaly of a play. Seawolves running back Mr Forty-Two must also be given credit for his stellar showing despite not recording a touchdown, he rushed 32 times for 123 yards.
9 minutes into the first quarter something magical happened. Defensive tackle for the Portland Pythons Chuck Roth caught a punt deep inside his own half and took it 88 yards up the field, avoiding all opposition players attempting to tackle him, all the way into the endzone. Imagine that, a man who weighs 340 lb, who probably does not run very fast, catching the ball in Dan Connolly-esque fashion, except even more gracious than that because Dan Connolly didn’t make it to the endzone. Amazing. This incredible score was then done some justice by Launchpad Buttowski drilling the PAT to make it 7-0. 3 minutes later and Buttowski was kicking yet again, this time from 37 yards, and in his usual fashion he put it straight between the posts. Darren Pama than increased the lead to 17 points with 8 minutes to go in the second half, not in the same fashion as the first touchdown, but with a respectable 6 yard rush into the endzone. After this the game fell flat and neither team managed to register a score for the remaining 2 and a half quarters, resulting in a Pythons shutout victory.
Notable Players
Rocky Jackman
This rookie showed up with probably the best offensive performance in this game, catching 5 passes thrown his way for a combined 93 yards, averaging 18.6 YPC with a longest catch of 24 yards.
Ty Tyson
Once again, this rookie linebacker pops up on my list for another stellar defensive performance, this time even better than the last. Tyson got 9 Tackles durig the game and came up with 3 sacks on the qb, as well as recording 1 PD. Among many others, he is another rookie looking to be a promising young talent on the Pythons roster.
Chuck Roth
I simply had to include this man after his beautiful return touchdown propelled the Pythons to this win, despite all his other returns averaging 1.6 yards each. Aswell as this Roth put up solid numbers on the defensive side of the ball, getting 4 Tackles, 3 for a loss and a sack.
Game 4 : Minnesota Grey Ducks 23 - 3 Portland Pythons
This was a disappointing end to the preseason for the Portland Pythons, in their fourth and final preseason game against another divisional rival, the Minnesota Grey Ducks. It was a poor showing from the snakes on both sides of the ball, as they only managed to register 192 yards of total offense and allowed the Grey Ducks to run riot with the ball, getting 362 total offensive yards while their two man rushing attack of Jameson Vermillion and Mike Rotchburns combined for 226 yards. In this battle of rookie qbs, 1st overall pick Ryan Negs going head to head with 5th overall pick LeBron James III, with the Grey Ducks star coming out on top, even though neither rookie put up particularly eye popping numbers.
Halfway through the first quarter, Pythons kicker Launchpad Buttowski managed to notch the teams only points for the day with a field goal from 23 yards which meant Portland held the lead going into the second quarter. However, back to back field goals from rookie Minnesota kicker Gluteus Maximus one from 42 yards out and one great strike from 55 yards ensured that Minnesota held a 6-3 lead at halftime, a lead which they did not give up for the rest fo the game.
With 2 minutes left in the third quarter, rookie back for Minnesota Mike Rotchburns punched a TD in from 3 yards out to make Minnesota lead 16-3. 4 minutes into the fourth and final quarter of the preseason, Gluteus Maximus hit another field goal, from 31 yards this time around, to take the lead further away from the Portland Pythons. With just under 6 minutes left in preseason, Ryan Negs connected with receiver Jaja Ding Dong for a 6 yard passing touchdown to get Minnesota’s final score of the day, and have the game finish up in a tough 23-3 loss against Portland.
In my opinion no Portland player performed well enough to warrant a notable players section from this game, so I would just like to take the opportunity to use this empty space to wish everyone good luck going into this DSFL season, especially first time rookies like myself and especially those on the Portland Pythons roster.
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Game 1 : Portland Pythons 28 – 13 London Royals
This game saw a promising start to the preseason for the snakes with a healthy win over one of their divisional rivals, the London Royals. Despite having 53 less total yards than their opponents the pythons made better use of these yards to come up with this win.
The scoring was opened just short of 10 minutes into the first quarter when bot kicker Launchpad Buttowski nailed a 46 yard field goal for the Pythons. The quarter finished 5-3 In Portland’s favour after defensive end Etrigan Slayer tackled royals quarterback Charlamagne Cortez for a safety.
The Royals took the lead for the first time in the game halfway through the second quarter thanks to a 6 yard rushing touchdown from Royals running back Terry Yaki, converted by Something McDerpants to give them a five point advantage. Buttowski , however, had other plans for the scoreboard and knocked down back to back field goals, from 46 and 38 yards respectively to pull Portland back ahead. A 23 yard field goal by Royals kicker McDerpants was enough to give the Royals a 2 point lead going into halftime, but this was to be their last score of the game.
The third quarter went nearly 12 minutes without a score until Buttowski scored yet another field goal, this time from 43 yards out, to put the Pythons up a point. This was the only score of the quarter. The Pythons scored their first touchdown of the game at the start of the fourth when running back Darren Pama punched in a TD from the 1 yard line to extend the Python lead to 8. The game was capped off nicely for Portland when star qb and 5th overall pick in this years draft LeBron James III threw a 13 yard TD to fellow rookie receiver Rocky Jackman, opening both of their accounts for the year.
Notable Players
Etrigan Slayer
It was a great day at the office for an experienced defensive end, coming away with 4 tackles, one for a loss, as well as 2 sacks, a fumble recovery and a tackle for a safety
Mario Messi
The 37th overall pick in the draft, rookie receiver Messi caught 6 passes for 85 yards, averaging 14.2 YPC with a longest catch of 23 yards.
Launchpad Buttowski
Despite being a bot, this kickers contribution to this game will not go unnoticed as he scored 4 of his 4 field goal attempts and both of his attempted XPs. He finished with half of his teams total points on the day.
Game 2 : Kansas City Coyotes 38 – Portland Pythons 21
Another game against divisional rivals, this second preseason matchup against the Kansas City Royals, was a good, high scoring game, great for the viewer at home. Unfortunately for the Pythons fans out there, they were on the losing end of this scoreline. Despite stellar play from the offense, the Python Defense had little answer for both Kansas Citys quarterback, who scored a QBR of 114.4 and the 2 pronged rushing attack which combined for 217 yards on the ground.
In the first quarter, running back Darren Pama opened the scoring for the Pythons with a 2 yard rushing touchdown, which was then converted by Buttowski. Late in the first quarter, however, Coyotes back Sergio Kitchens caught an 18 yard pass from quarterback Matt Peterson but the XP hit both uprights before coming back down and the scoreboard stayed at 7-6 in the Pythons favour at the end of the first quarter. Just 2 and a half minutes into the second quarter Lebron James III connected with Mario Messi for a 5 yard touchdown, converted again by Buttowski. A 19 yard field goal by KC kicker Matty McMVP made it 14-9 to the Pythons at halftime.
A 10 yard touchdown pass by Matt Peterson made it 16-14 to the Coyotes and 2 minutes later running back King Tutankhamun broke away for a monster 64 yard rushing TD to open the score up to a 9 point gap.
Into the fourth quarter and the Coyotes were on fire, they simply could not stop scoring. A minute and a half in, Tutankhamun ran in his second TD on the ground from 2 yards out to make it 29-14 to the Coyotes, and then the XP was converted putting them 16 points clear of Portland. Kansas City running back Sergio Kitchens then notched his second TD of the day from the 1 yard line to make the score 37-14. With a minute left, LeBron James III threw a mere consolation touchdown to wide reciever Johnathan Smith to make the final score on the day 37-21. It just wasn’t to be for the Pythons in this preseason game.
Notable Players
LeBron James III
This 5th overall pick in the draft looks already to be silencing his doubters wrong after a solid performance in this game. With a 69% completion percentage he threw for 268 yards and 2 touchdowns, also throwing for 1 unfortunate interception.
Mario Messi
For the second time in the preseason, this mans name appears on my list for notable players. Referred to some as the steal of the draft, going in the 37th spot, this man caught 10 passes for 102 yards and a touchdown, averaging 10.2 YPC, with a longest catch of 17 yards.
Ty Tyson
Despite the relatively poor showing from the Portland defense in this game I decided to pick this rookie linebacker, who went 49th in this years draft, as he’s already looking very well adjusted to the league. Against Kansas City he recorded 5 tackles, 1 for a loss as well as a sack.
Game 3 : Norfolk Seawolves 0 - 17 Portland Pythons
The only preseason game Portland played against a team outside of their division, they managed to record a great shutout win, despite having 50 offensive yards less than their opponent and despite only completing one of their 14 3rd downs, thanks in great part to an anomaly of a play. Seawolves running back Mr Forty-Two must also be given credit for his stellar showing despite not recording a touchdown, he rushed 32 times for 123 yards.
9 minutes into the first quarter something magical happened. Defensive tackle for the Portland Pythons Chuck Roth caught a punt deep inside his own half and took it 88 yards up the field, avoiding all opposition players attempting to tackle him, all the way into the endzone. Imagine that, a man who weighs 340 lb, who probably does not run very fast, catching the ball in Dan Connolly-esque fashion, except even more gracious than that because Dan Connolly didn’t make it to the endzone. Amazing. This incredible score was then done some justice by Launchpad Buttowski drilling the PAT to make it 7-0. 3 minutes later and Buttowski was kicking yet again, this time from 37 yards, and in his usual fashion he put it straight between the posts. Darren Pama than increased the lead to 17 points with 8 minutes to go in the second half, not in the same fashion as the first touchdown, but with a respectable 6 yard rush into the endzone. After this the game fell flat and neither team managed to register a score for the remaining 2 and a half quarters, resulting in a Pythons shutout victory.
Notable Players
Rocky Jackman
This rookie showed up with probably the best offensive performance in this game, catching 5 passes thrown his way for a combined 93 yards, averaging 18.6 YPC with a longest catch of 24 yards.
Ty Tyson
Once again, this rookie linebacker pops up on my list for another stellar defensive performance, this time even better than the last. Tyson got 9 Tackles durig the game and came up with 3 sacks on the qb, as well as recording 1 PD. Among many others, he is another rookie looking to be a promising young talent on the Pythons roster.
Chuck Roth
I simply had to include this man after his beautiful return touchdown propelled the Pythons to this win, despite all his other returns averaging 1.6 yards each. Aswell as this Roth put up solid numbers on the defensive side of the ball, getting 4 Tackles, 3 for a loss and a sack.
Game 4 : Minnesota Grey Ducks 23 - 3 Portland Pythons
This was a disappointing end to the preseason for the Portland Pythons, in their fourth and final preseason game against another divisional rival, the Minnesota Grey Ducks. It was a poor showing from the snakes on both sides of the ball, as they only managed to register 192 yards of total offense and allowed the Grey Ducks to run riot with the ball, getting 362 total offensive yards while their two man rushing attack of Jameson Vermillion and Mike Rotchburns combined for 226 yards. In this battle of rookie qbs, 1st overall pick Ryan Negs going head to head with 5th overall pick LeBron James III, with the Grey Ducks star coming out on top, even though neither rookie put up particularly eye popping numbers.
Halfway through the first quarter, Pythons kicker Launchpad Buttowski managed to notch the teams only points for the day with a field goal from 23 yards which meant Portland held the lead going into the second quarter. However, back to back field goals from rookie Minnesota kicker Gluteus Maximus one from 42 yards out and one great strike from 55 yards ensured that Minnesota held a 6-3 lead at halftime, a lead which they did not give up for the rest fo the game.
With 2 minutes left in the third quarter, rookie back for Minnesota Mike Rotchburns punched a TD in from 3 yards out to make Minnesota lead 16-3. 4 minutes into the fourth and final quarter of the preseason, Gluteus Maximus hit another field goal, from 31 yards this time around, to take the lead further away from the Portland Pythons. With just under 6 minutes left in preseason, Ryan Negs connected with receiver Jaja Ding Dong for a 6 yard passing touchdown to get Minnesota’s final score of the day, and have the game finish up in a tough 23-3 loss against Portland.
In my opinion no Portland player performed well enough to warrant a notable players section from this game, so I would just like to take the opportunity to use this empty space to wish everyone good luck going into this DSFL season, especially first time rookies like myself and especially those on the Portland Pythons roster.
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