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David Rector is the newest and most well known user of the worlds most popular beard oil. As he has the greatest beard in all of the international simulation football league it is only fitting that he is sponsored by the beard oil that he uses every day to make his beard look incredible. He recorded not only ads that will play on tv but also in many places on the internet during an ad break, but also don't be surprised to hear David's voice pop in on your favorite podcast during an ad break. In addition to the money he is making a part of his deal is that for every pass deflection, interception, and touchdown that David gets the company will donate a specific amount of money towards a charity of David's choosing. There is an even bigger incentive for David and the charity if he records any of those things in the playoffs. Don't be surprised to see David and his beard in a cardboard cut out stand in the beard oil section of your local store. The beard oil company has even decided to make a new New Orleans Second Line themed scent that will feature David's face on the bottle. Soon everyone with a beard will be using this beard oil.
[OPTION]Height: 6'1"
[OPTION]Weight: 195 lbs.
[OPTION]Birthplace: Raleigh, NC
[OPTION]Number: 22
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[OPTION]Career Stats
[OPTION]G || Tck || TFL || FF/FR || Sck || Int || PD || TD
[OPTION]141 || 597 || 1 || 5/1 || 6 || 30 || 163 || 3
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[OPTION]Playoff Stats
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[OPTION]Awards
[OPTION]S26 Defensive Player of the Year, S26 CB of the Year,
[OPTION]S23 Defensive Breakout Player, S23 Defensive Performance
[OPTION]Pro Bowls: S22, S26
[OPTION]===========================================
Tyron Shields may have started his DSFL career off slowly, but he picked up a lot of speed when he was called up to the ISFL. Unfortunately, that didn’t exactly carry over in a monetary aspect. He didn’t get the *worst* contract, even though he was selected so late, but he definitely felt that he was worth more than he was making. He didn’t receive any big sponsorship offers while he was in the DSFL. In his first season in the ISFL, even after becoming a Pro Bowler and Defensive Rookie of the Year nominee, he *still* didn’t receive anything more than trivial sponsorship offers. His salvation finally came at the end of his sophomore ISFL season. He may not have been having the best year, but he finally landed his dream sponsorship. Jagex, the makers of his favorite game, “Runescape”, decided to sponsor him. He was absolutely elated. One thing that may confuse people about the sponsorship deal was the terms of the deal, and that’s because no actual cash was exchanged. The sponsorship just meant that Tyron Shields was given a lifetime membership, and one billion gp. This may not look like much to most people, but this was a godsend to Tyron. It was a dream come true to somebody that had been playing Runescape for over half of their life. Any company could have pulled the trigger - Walmart, Amazon, Coke, Wheaties - but only one company really caught Tyron’s eye, and that was Jagex. It was at the moment that he signed his contract and received those precious gold coins, that he realized he had really, truly, made it in life.
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Drake was never one for the public eye.
But he was one for Taco Bell. After Matthew Judon's viral endorsement of the fake mexican fast food chain on sunday night football, Drake very quickly followed suit. After receiving his second award for safety of the year in the DSFL, he stepped up to the mic, and uttered the now famous phrase "The only thing safer than me, is the safety provided by Taco Bell's 24 hour service!" The clip quickly went viral and Drake was quickly snapped up by Taco Bell in a record deal. The benefits involved a new Mountain Dew flavor named after the safety, and an official "Drake Taco Bell order" including a beefy five layor burrito, nachos and cheese, and the Drake Mountain Dew. Drake is required to officially dine on Taco Bell once a week before any Yeti primetime games, and wear a bandana bearing the logo around his neck on the playing field. His celebration also must include a "T.B" symbol flash after every Drake play is made. Drake gets free meals for him and up to 2 friends after every win and an official Taco Bell is to be built in both the Yeti training grounds and stadium.
When Raphael Delacour received the call from Heinz, he was ten shades of confused. Heinz are based in Europe, selling products that he didn't really think had a massive appeal in the US... Delacour is neither European -- despite his francophone name -- nor based there; though he did realise that it was possible the company representative had confused Norfolk, Virginia with the Norfolk in England.
Turned out, Heinz actually own a lot of products that sell fairly well in the US that don't carry the Heinz name. The deal was actually huge. "I'm flattered," Raphael explained. But he just had to ask. "But uh, why me?" The representative went on to explain the concept. It was absolutely insane, and Raphael loved it. Their old "57 varieties" slogan wasn't really true anymore. It was closer to ten times that number. The rep suggested that Heinz were working on a new line of products which would increase their total number on offer to around 600, but that they wanted to make sure there was one for every receiving yard Raphael managed in his rookie DSFL season as a sort of localised promotion slash trial run. The suspected Norfolk "confusion" was also deliberate. The ad was to run in the UK as well. "I don't understand," Raphael admitted. Before it was explained that he would be part of a global campaign involving celebrities and athletes from various backgrounds and nations, with tenuous or oddball connections being made between each segment. His would follow directly after Delia Smith -- "a well known chef who owns a soccer team based in Norfolk," the rep explained -- was attempting to sign a promising young football player to support the offense of her team. "Ahhh so the soccer/football thing..." Raphael nodded in understanding. "Say, do you imagine you could get your sister involved?" The representative asked. "She plays football too, does she not? It would certainly add to the confusion." I impersonate a programmer for a living
Father of the League Wiki • Friendly Neighbourhood Angry Black Guy™ • NOT British
Originator of the Sim League Cinematic Universe (SLCU)
Super capitalists are parasites. Fite me.
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My name is Jeeeeroy Lenkins and I am a cornerback in the International Simulation Football League currently playing for the Minessota Greyducks, but you already knew that. What you did not know is I am an avid crayola eater and I am absolutley thrilled to be reaming up with Crayola to announce an exciting new product that is going to launch this fall. Are you not tired of having to watch over your kid whilst they are colouring in? Having to tell them off for chewing on their crayons and then trying to explain to your delinquent kid how crayons are for drawing and not eating? Would you not rather be drinking a nice cold tennents (shout out to my boy Buster) and playing video games? Well all your prayers have been answered, we here at Crayola are launching our new edible crayons. We have 6 new exciting flavours with more to follow. We have cola (black), broccoli (green) strawberry (red), beetroot (purple), chocolate (brown) and blue Gatorade (blue), tasty. The future is now. "Unmistakenly Crayola" *disclaimer - Crayola edibles may not taste like the flavour stated. Crayola edibles may give your little satan spawn the shits. Crayola edibles will make your kids shit multicolored like a unicorns. |
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