I want to learn a little more about league history, and what better way to do that than by clicking a random season in the index
Week 1: Orange County Otters @ San Jose Sabercats
The Orange County Otters opened up their season with a bold dub against the San Jose SaberCats, winning the game 28-19. Orange County’s quarterback Gus T. T. Showbiz had one of the absolute strangest stat lines I’ve ever seen, throwing only 19 completions on 43 attempts for a fairly abysmal 44% completion rate, yet he also threw for 391 yards. Showbiz showed the world what kind of business he was in by averaging a whopping 20.6 yards per completion. Showbiz also added two touchdowns and an interception to the day's tally. Kicker Alex Dasistwirklichseinnachname, who is still OCO's kicker despite the fact that this article is about something that happened 10 seasons ago, was a perfect 2 for 2 on field goals, with one successful kick coming from the 32 yards out and the other coming from 48 yards away. He missed an extra point in garbage time, but rumor has it the refs were paid. The offensive player of the game was Orange County's wide receiver Vinny Valentine who recorded 6 receptions for an outstanding 161 yards and a touchdown. The defensive player of the game meanwhile was Orange County's defensive tackle Thorian Skarsgard with 7 tackles, 2 sacks, and a safety to help seal the game and end a key drive for San Jose. Excellent way for Orange County to start off their season!
Week 2: Philadelphia Liberty @ Orange County Otters
Once again your favorite boomer kicker was perfect on the day; Alex Dasistwirklichseinnachname was 1 for 1 on field goals and 3 for 3 on extra points. Now that the important stuff is out of the way: this was an incredible game with a lot of effort expunged by both teams. Philadelphia nearly came back to win the game, and likely would have if not for a defensive shutout by the Orange County defense for almost all of the second half. The offensive player of the game was someone who should be in the hall of fame and anyone who disagrees is a smelly no good bad opinion haver: Adriana Falconi. My dear birddog teammate Enigmatic went 29 for 41 on passes (70% completion rate for those counting along at home) with 389 yards, 2 touchdowns, and an interception written into the history books by the fake news media people's agenda. The defensive player of the game was Shannon Hobbs, Orange County's free safety, who had 11 tackles and a fumble recovery. Gus T. T. Showbiz had another great showing, going 23 for 37 with 279 yards, 2 touchdowns, and 0 picks. Also of note: Philly had two receivers break 100 yards: von Matt and Nacho Varga. OCO won this one 24-21.
Week 3: Austin Copperheads @ Orange County Otters
Absolute dominance. This game is just brutal to watch, and I didn't even watch it. I'm just reading numbers from a page like a dystopian bean counting robot. Counting these beans hurt more than usual though, because Oregano County laid an absolute smackdown upon the Texas Copperskulls, winning the game 52-10. Austin's quarterback Easton Cole, who announced his retirement earlier this season, was a rookie all the way back in season 16, and in this game, he went 22 for 39 with 262 yards, 1 touchdown, and 3 unfortunate picks. He's also (at least partially) the reason this media is getting a 2x bonus though, so every one of those picks can be very easily forgiven and forgotten. Austin's runningback Dick Wizardry had a fairly solid game, reaching 124 yards on 27 carries but failing to score in the game. The offensive player of the game (or poggers, as the kids say) was once again Gus T. T. Showbiz, who threw 15 completions on 28 attempts for 237 yards, 5 touchdowns (yeah boi you read that right FIVE tuddies), and 1 interception. The defensive player of the game was rookie linebacker Lanzer Grievous who had 10 tackles and 4 sacks; this man had better stats in this game than I had in my rookie season. Alex D was perfect again, nailing 7 of 7 extra points and crushing his only field goal attempt, a 44 yard beauty in the first quarter. The score one more time, just in case you missed it: 52-10 waterpups
Week 4: Orange County Otters @ Arizona Outlaws
Orange County lost this game (27-12, if you really must know) and therefore it has less importance to me. Let's talk about the positives - the offensive player of the game was a player who doesn't even play on the offense, you know him, you love him, our perfect geriatric man, Alex Dasistwirklichseinnachname. Dasistwirklichseinnachname was 4 for 4 on field goals, scoring the only points Orange County would see in the entire game. The defensive player of the game meanwhile was Lanzer Grievous again, who recorded 15 tackles and a sack.
Week 5: Orange County Otters @ New Orleans Second Line
Back in the win column where they belong! The Orange County Otters went into New Orleans' home town and promptly slapped the doot doot out of their marching band. Gus T.T. Showbiz posts another absolutely ridiculous statline, throwing 27 completions off of 43 attempts for 391 yards, SIX!!!! touchdowns, and 3 interceptions. Needless to say, he was the offensiveplayer of the game; Showbiz is having absolutely Favresque games in this season and I am here for it. The Defensive Poggerino was rookie linebacker Johnny Slothface of the Second Line, who boasted 10 sackles and 2 sacks in the loss. Believe it or not, the game was tied 28-28 withe 11:40 to go in the third quarter before Orange County scored 20 unanswered points to put the game away. Alex D nailed 6 extra points, but unfortunately missed one. For every extra point he misses this season, I will take a letter off of his name. He is now Alex Dasistwirklichseinnachnam.
Week 6: Orange County @ Otters Austin Copperheads
Another win against the Texas Snakes! The offensive player of the game was twice again Gus T. T. Showbiz, throwing 22 for 35, 280 yards, 4 touchdowns, and 0 interceptions. The defensive player of the game was Otter linebacker David Ginsberg (legend has it he's Ruth Bader's cousin), who had 7 tackles, a sack, and an interception. Dasistwirklichseinnachnam was 4 for 4 on extra points, keeping all of the letters in his name in tact this time, and nailing two field goals, both from a respectable 47 yards out. OCO wins 34-19.
Week 7: Arizona Outlaws @ Orange County Otters
This game went a lot better than the last time these two teams met, with Orange County's defense pitching a no-hitter. Or something. Moral of the story, Arizona didn't score any points. Not a one. Gus T. T. Showbiz was third again the offensive player of the game, throwing 28 completions off of 46 attempts for 387 yards and a touchdown with 0 interceptions. The defensive player of the game was Orange County's cornerback Jonathon Rice who spells his name funny. He had 7 tackles, 1 interception, and a second O in a name that has no business having a second O. Tough news for Otters kicker Dasistwirklichseinnachnam who went 4 for 4 in field goals in this game, but 1 for 2 on extra points, bringing his character count down to 24. Better luck next game, Dasistwirklichseinnachna. Water dogs wins 25-0.
Week 8: Yellowknife Wraiths @ Orange County Otters
Another loss, another short blurb. Yellowknife won 36-31. Dasistwirklichseinnachna kept all of his letters in tact. Gus T. T. Showbiz once again played like Pat Mahomes, throwing 35 completions on 52 attempts for 406 yards, 3 touchdowns, and 0 interceptions. Showbiz definitely won MVP in season 16, right? It'd be a real shame if not. He was offensive player of the game, bringing his total this season up to what, 4? 5? A lot more than I have. Defensive player of the game was Ruth Bader's cousin once again, David Ginsberg, with 6 tackles, 1 sack, 1 interception, and 1 fumble recovery. Alas, two turnovers weren't enough for OCO to pull this game out.
Week 9: San Jose Sabercats @ Orange County Otters
Otters win 35-29! Shots all around! Can you guess who the offensive player of the game was? Did you guess Gus T. T. Showbiz? Because he's done it again. Showbiz was 23 for 33 with 433 yards, 4 touchdowns, and an interception. Once again, he was the most pog of all the offensive players in the game. The defensive player of the game was Thorian Skarsgard again, registering 8 tackles and a sack. Alex D was 5 for 5 in extra points, so he keeps all of his letters once again!
Week 10: Orange County Otters @ Colorado Yeti
Otters take another dub, this time 38-13 in the den of the Yeti. Is there even a point in me listing the offensive player of the game anymore? At this point, you should probably just assume the best offensive player in the game was Gus T. T. Showbiz. In this game, Showbiz went 30 for 51 with 373 yards, 2 touchdowns, and an interception. The Defensive player of the game was OCO's free safety, who wanted to make sure you hadn't forgotten about them, Shannon Hobbs. Shannon registered 8 tackles and 2 sacks. Alex D was a perfect 5 for 5 on extra points and 1 for 1 on field goals.
Week 11: New Orleans Second Line @ Orange County Otters
God damn. Brutal stuff coming out of Orange County, or I guess more specifically, brutal stuff coming out of the Second Line defense. And their offense. And their special teams. New Orleans got trounced in this game 57-9. The Offensive Player of the Game (this is his new name by the way, Showbiz is no more) threw for 473 yards off of 30 completions (47 attempts), adding 4 more touchdowns to his season and one interception. The defensive player of the game was Orange County's free safety. No, not that one. Mason Brown had 5 tackles and 2 interceptions. Alex Dasistwirklichseinnachna was 6 for 6 on extra points and 5 for 5 on field goals, making me question if I should give him a letter back. Nah.
I wanted to write more, but it's 11:58 so I should probably post this so I can reap that sweet sweet x2 media bonus. Go otters. I hope you enjoyed my rambling.
Week 1: Orange County Otters @ San Jose Sabercats
The Orange County Otters opened up their season with a bold dub against the San Jose SaberCats, winning the game 28-19. Orange County’s quarterback Gus T. T. Showbiz had one of the absolute strangest stat lines I’ve ever seen, throwing only 19 completions on 43 attempts for a fairly abysmal 44% completion rate, yet he also threw for 391 yards. Showbiz showed the world what kind of business he was in by averaging a whopping 20.6 yards per completion. Showbiz also added two touchdowns and an interception to the day's tally. Kicker Alex Dasistwirklichseinnachname, who is still OCO's kicker despite the fact that this article is about something that happened 10 seasons ago, was a perfect 2 for 2 on field goals, with one successful kick coming from the 32 yards out and the other coming from 48 yards away. He missed an extra point in garbage time, but rumor has it the refs were paid. The offensive player of the game was Orange County's wide receiver Vinny Valentine who recorded 6 receptions for an outstanding 161 yards and a touchdown. The defensive player of the game meanwhile was Orange County's defensive tackle Thorian Skarsgard with 7 tackles, 2 sacks, and a safety to help seal the game and end a key drive for San Jose. Excellent way for Orange County to start off their season!
Week 2: Philadelphia Liberty @ Orange County Otters
Once again your favorite boomer kicker was perfect on the day; Alex Dasistwirklichseinnachname was 1 for 1 on field goals and 3 for 3 on extra points. Now that the important stuff is out of the way: this was an incredible game with a lot of effort expunged by both teams. Philadelphia nearly came back to win the game, and likely would have if not for a defensive shutout by the Orange County defense for almost all of the second half. The offensive player of the game was someone who should be in the hall of fame and anyone who disagrees is a smelly no good bad opinion haver: Adriana Falconi. My dear birddog teammate Enigmatic went 29 for 41 on passes (70% completion rate for those counting along at home) with 389 yards, 2 touchdowns, and an interception written into the history books by the fake news media people's agenda. The defensive player of the game was Shannon Hobbs, Orange County's free safety, who had 11 tackles and a fumble recovery. Gus T. T. Showbiz had another great showing, going 23 for 37 with 279 yards, 2 touchdowns, and 0 picks. Also of note: Philly had two receivers break 100 yards: von Matt and Nacho Varga. OCO won this one 24-21.
Week 3: Austin Copperheads @ Orange County Otters
Absolute dominance. This game is just brutal to watch, and I didn't even watch it. I'm just reading numbers from a page like a dystopian bean counting robot. Counting these beans hurt more than usual though, because Oregano County laid an absolute smackdown upon the Texas Copperskulls, winning the game 52-10. Austin's quarterback Easton Cole, who announced his retirement earlier this season, was a rookie all the way back in season 16, and in this game, he went 22 for 39 with 262 yards, 1 touchdown, and 3 unfortunate picks. He's also (at least partially) the reason this media is getting a 2x bonus though, so every one of those picks can be very easily forgiven and forgotten. Austin's runningback Dick Wizardry had a fairly solid game, reaching 124 yards on 27 carries but failing to score in the game. The offensive player of the game (or poggers, as the kids say) was once again Gus T. T. Showbiz, who threw 15 completions on 28 attempts for 237 yards, 5 touchdowns (yeah boi you read that right FIVE tuddies), and 1 interception. The defensive player of the game was rookie linebacker Lanzer Grievous who had 10 tackles and 4 sacks; this man had better stats in this game than I had in my rookie season. Alex D was perfect again, nailing 7 of 7 extra points and crushing his only field goal attempt, a 44 yard beauty in the first quarter. The score one more time, just in case you missed it: 52-10 waterpups
Week 4: Orange County Otters @ Arizona Outlaws
Orange County lost this game (27-12, if you really must know) and therefore it has less importance to me. Let's talk about the positives - the offensive player of the game was a player who doesn't even play on the offense, you know him, you love him, our perfect geriatric man, Alex Dasistwirklichseinnachname. Dasistwirklichseinnachname was 4 for 4 on field goals, scoring the only points Orange County would see in the entire game. The defensive player of the game meanwhile was Lanzer Grievous again, who recorded 15 tackles and a sack.
Week 5: Orange County Otters @ New Orleans Second Line
Back in the win column where they belong! The Orange County Otters went into New Orleans' home town and promptly slapped the doot doot out of their marching band. Gus T.T. Showbiz posts another absolutely ridiculous statline, throwing 27 completions off of 43 attempts for 391 yards, SIX!!!! touchdowns, and 3 interceptions. Needless to say, he was the offensiveplayer of the game; Showbiz is having absolutely Favresque games in this season and I am here for it. The Defensive Poggerino was rookie linebacker Johnny Slothface of the Second Line, who boasted 10 sackles and 2 sacks in the loss. Believe it or not, the game was tied 28-28 withe 11:40 to go in the third quarter before Orange County scored 20 unanswered points to put the game away. Alex D nailed 6 extra points, but unfortunately missed one. For every extra point he misses this season, I will take a letter off of his name. He is now Alex Dasistwirklichseinnachnam.
Week 6: Orange County @ Otters Austin Copperheads
Another win against the Texas Snakes! The offensive player of the game was twice again Gus T. T. Showbiz, throwing 22 for 35, 280 yards, 4 touchdowns, and 0 interceptions. The defensive player of the game was Otter linebacker David Ginsberg (legend has it he's Ruth Bader's cousin), who had 7 tackles, a sack, and an interception. Dasistwirklichseinnachnam was 4 for 4 on extra points, keeping all of the letters in his name in tact this time, and nailing two field goals, both from a respectable 47 yards out. OCO wins 34-19.
Week 7: Arizona Outlaws @ Orange County Otters
This game went a lot better than the last time these two teams met, with Orange County's defense pitching a no-hitter. Or something. Moral of the story, Arizona didn't score any points. Not a one. Gus T. T. Showbiz was third again the offensive player of the game, throwing 28 completions off of 46 attempts for 387 yards and a touchdown with 0 interceptions. The defensive player of the game was Orange County's cornerback Jonathon Rice who spells his name funny. He had 7 tackles, 1 interception, and a second O in a name that has no business having a second O. Tough news for Otters kicker Dasistwirklichseinnachnam who went 4 for 4 in field goals in this game, but 1 for 2 on extra points, bringing his character count down to 24. Better luck next game, Dasistwirklichseinnachna. Water dogs wins 25-0.
Week 8: Yellowknife Wraiths @ Orange County Otters
Another loss, another short blurb. Yellowknife won 36-31. Dasistwirklichseinnachna kept all of his letters in tact. Gus T. T. Showbiz once again played like Pat Mahomes, throwing 35 completions on 52 attempts for 406 yards, 3 touchdowns, and 0 interceptions. Showbiz definitely won MVP in season 16, right? It'd be a real shame if not. He was offensive player of the game, bringing his total this season up to what, 4? 5? A lot more than I have. Defensive player of the game was Ruth Bader's cousin once again, David Ginsberg, with 6 tackles, 1 sack, 1 interception, and 1 fumble recovery. Alas, two turnovers weren't enough for OCO to pull this game out.
Week 9: San Jose Sabercats @ Orange County Otters
Otters win 35-29! Shots all around! Can you guess who the offensive player of the game was? Did you guess Gus T. T. Showbiz? Because he's done it again. Showbiz was 23 for 33 with 433 yards, 4 touchdowns, and an interception. Once again, he was the most pog of all the offensive players in the game. The defensive player of the game was Thorian Skarsgard again, registering 8 tackles and a sack. Alex D was 5 for 5 in extra points, so he keeps all of his letters once again!
Week 10: Orange County Otters @ Colorado Yeti
Otters take another dub, this time 38-13 in the den of the Yeti. Is there even a point in me listing the offensive player of the game anymore? At this point, you should probably just assume the best offensive player in the game was Gus T. T. Showbiz. In this game, Showbiz went 30 for 51 with 373 yards, 2 touchdowns, and an interception. The Defensive player of the game was OCO's free safety, who wanted to make sure you hadn't forgotten about them, Shannon Hobbs. Shannon registered 8 tackles and 2 sacks. Alex D was a perfect 5 for 5 on extra points and 1 for 1 on field goals.
Week 11: New Orleans Second Line @ Orange County Otters
God damn. Brutal stuff coming out of Orange County, or I guess more specifically, brutal stuff coming out of the Second Line defense. And their offense. And their special teams. New Orleans got trounced in this game 57-9. The Offensive Player of the Game (this is his new name by the way, Showbiz is no more) threw for 473 yards off of 30 completions (47 attempts), adding 4 more touchdowns to his season and one interception. The defensive player of the game was Orange County's free safety. No, not that one. Mason Brown had 5 tackles and 2 interceptions. Alex Dasistwirklichseinnachna was 6 for 6 on extra points and 5 for 5 on field goals, making me question if I should give him a letter back. Nah.
I wanted to write more, but it's 11:58 so I should probably post this so I can reap that sweet sweet x2 media bonus. Go otters. I hope you enjoyed my rambling.