Hello dear reader, me again. I've been contemplating writing this for over a month now. I'm still not sure if I'm entirely ready to do this but I don't know if it would ever come out if I didn't just sit the hell down and write it. As of February 16th 2021 I have been apart of the NSFL/ISFL for a full year. In that single year I managed to burn an awful lot of bridges. When I first got here I was incredibly optimistic and excited, even if I understood almost nothing about the league. Of course some of you older league members know how the story goes from there. I had, as some might call it a monumentally shitty day. Though that's not where that story begins. The truth is that 2020 was not a good year for me, in more ways than one. I had a lot of uncertainty in my life at the time, and Covid certainly didn't help.
Overtime the league became more of a distraction for me. Somewhere I could go and pretend things weren't collapsing around me. Of course ignoring your problems can only last for so long. Inevitably my ignorance caught up with me. Because of the state I was in mentally, I wasn't thinking, I was just an emotional wreck that just couldn't take anymore and I did the dumbest thing I could do. I decided to opt for a mutually assured destruction strategy. If I was having a shitty day everyone around me should too. I'll be the first to admit, it wasn't a winning strategy.
I bring this all up again because now, a year later I'm doing an awful lot better. I'm starting to think of the good things again. I've begun to enjoy the ISFL more and more everyday, especially now that I feel like I have something to do as part of Baltimore's war room. I'm looking forward to another year here, I have a lot of things I'd like to still experience first. However, the first thing I need to do is at least attempt to build back what I burned. If that's even remotely possible I'm not sure. I hope it is, truly I do. I suppose in a way I'm writing this to say I'm sorry for how I acted, I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot. I want to do better, and to be more than just the guy who wants to be a GM. I still do by the way. I'd be happy to spend another year here, and maybe I'll actually amount to something this time around. I know it won't be easy by any means but I'm willing to try again.
With all that being said, greetings dear reader, I'm Thiath.
Overtime the league became more of a distraction for me. Somewhere I could go and pretend things weren't collapsing around me. Of course ignoring your problems can only last for so long. Inevitably my ignorance caught up with me. Because of the state I was in mentally, I wasn't thinking, I was just an emotional wreck that just couldn't take anymore and I did the dumbest thing I could do. I decided to opt for a mutually assured destruction strategy. If I was having a shitty day everyone around me should too. I'll be the first to admit, it wasn't a winning strategy.
I bring this all up again because now, a year later I'm doing an awful lot better. I'm starting to think of the good things again. I've begun to enjoy the ISFL more and more everyday, especially now that I feel like I have something to do as part of Baltimore's war room. I'm looking forward to another year here, I have a lot of things I'd like to still experience first. However, the first thing I need to do is at least attempt to build back what I burned. If that's even remotely possible I'm not sure. I hope it is, truly I do. I suppose in a way I'm writing this to say I'm sorry for how I acted, I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot. I want to do better, and to be more than just the guy who wants to be a GM. I still do by the way. I'd be happy to spend another year here, and maybe I'll actually amount to something this time around. I know it won't be easy by any means but I'm willing to try again.
With all that being said, greetings dear reader, I'm Thiath.