Everyone is getting in on the action of the S28 draft media event. I, too, will jump on this draft opinion train. In order to mix things up, I will grade the draft pick based on the contracts they sign. Let’s take a look!
Some quick notes:
Round 1 Pick 1: Baltimore Hawks selects Luke Quick, WR - BigRed1580
Baltimore shocked absolutely no one with the first pick of the draft. What makes this selection interesting to me are the clauses in Quick’s contract. The NTC in combination with a player option demonstrate his loyalty to the current management. Also, it's always fun to see his rivalry with teammate Busch Goose. He included a clause that Goose’s locker has to be on the other side of the locker room. I guess all that honking can be annoying. Grade: B+
Round 1 Pick 2: Baltimore Hawks select Busch Goose, RB - Infinitempg
The second pick that literally everyone called (except for Gragg in his final mock smh). Goose’s contract is loaded with interesting details. Apparently everyone is asking him to take on a role with more responsibility via switching to QB or becoming a GM. So much so that he included terms that force the Hawks to release him if he is seriously asked to. Goose also has a NTC through his first season, guaranteeing that he’ll be around for at least one season. After that he’s free to play the field as he is allowed to be tampered. Geese are evidently very particular creatures as seen by the following clauses: he requires a field of bluegrass for his private use, he’s allowed to bully “STEM nerds”, and requires Quick to bring a bag of bread crumbs to every practice. Alright, I see why Quick doesn’t want to be near him in the locker room. Grade: A
Round 1 Pick 3: Orange County Otters select Anton Bruckner, CB - Gragg9
This is a great pick because Gragg ruined his own mock by getting selected here. Even with all his spreadsheets and spy network he couldn’t get this prediction right. His contract is pretty standard with the exception of a clause of the locker room: he requires the surprised pikachu emoji to be renamed :shrub:. Grade: A+
Round 1 Pick 4: Philadelphia Liberty select Xavier Walls, DE - xtitanxmvpx
Walls is a great pick here that is sure to contribute to the Liberty’s success both on and off the field. It's a sure bet that he will stay engaged creating league media as he has a bonus written into his contract for 250k for every collaborative media piece that he makes with a teammate. Up to $1 million per season. Not bad, kid! Grade: B
Round 1 Pick 5: Arizona Outlaws select Glenn Smart, DE - Pib
With this pick, the Outlaws guarantee that Smart will be on their team for at least one season. He can choose to test out the free market in s29 and s30 if either Whiz or Crunk leave Az as GMs. I’ve heard whispers that Pib wanted to end up in Arizona because he likes the GMs. So this clause makes sense. Negotiating a contract like this is a smart move to ensure the flexibility he desires. Grade: B-
Round 1 Pick 6: New York Silverbacks select Mongo, DE - MachineEarnedRuns
After being picked by New York, Mongo has signed a pretty standard contract. Though he does have a mutual option clause for s30. Grade: C
Round 1 Pick 7: San Jose Sabercats select Juno Hu, CB - j00
The Sabercats made a great selection here by picking up Hu. Unfortunately at the time of writing this article they have not published any contracts. So they get a bad grade. My apologies to Hu for the bad rating. Grade: F
**See addendum at the bottem of the article**
Round 1 Pick 8: Yellowknife Wraiths select Andrew Warthol, DE - Skorch
The Wraiths shocked many by picking Warthol so early. It is well deserved as Skorch is a great user. They followed up this surprising turn of events with a not so shocking contract: a standard rookie signing. Although it does contain a MO each year. Grade: C+
Round 1 Pick 9: Berlin Fire Salamanders select Troy Abed, QB - Noanic
The decision to take a QB here is an interesting one as the draft class was loaded with quality players at this position. The terms of the contract, not so interesting. Abed and the Fire Salamanders agreed to a contract that maintains flexibility for both parties, including MO clauses for seasons 29 and 30. Grade: C
Round 1 Pick 10: Chicago Butchers select Dexter Hall, LB - FirstFray
Chicago surprised literally only one person by passing up Tim Soulja in favor of Dexter Hall. More noteworthy is the length of the contract as it is only for two seasons. Hall will be staying with Chicago for sure as he included a NTC and neither party opted for a MO or PO. Grade: B-
Round 1 Pick 11: Colorado Yeti select Manhattan Project, RB - modern_duke
Manhattan Project enters the ISFL with a bang by being drafted in the first round. His name is more exciting than his contract though. It has standard terms with the addition of a NTC, giving us certainty that the Yeti will be playing with atomic bombs in Colorado for the next several seasons. That’s actually a scary thought. Grade C+
Round 1 Pick 12: Honolulu Hahalua select Prof. Godfrey Gravity, DT - user z0rem
Honolulu secured a beast with their first round pick by selecting Gravity. They had to appease him by agreeing to offer him bodies used for smashing on a weekly basis. Wait, what did I just write? **Checks notes** Yup, that’s written in the contract. The Hahalua must have some sinister connections to be able to pull this off. Time to change my vacation plans. I’m not going anywhere near Hawaii. Grade: B+
Round 1 Pick 13: New Orleans Second Line select Cade Williams, OL - dude_man
NOLA followed up a great pick with a letdown of a contract. Just a basic rookie contract. Nothing interesting here. Grade: C
Round 1 Pick 14: Baltimore Hawks select Chunt the Badger, WR - UltimateYeehaw
After drafting a nonstandard player, Baltimore and Chunt agreed to a surprisingly standard contract. 3 years with a NTC throughout. No trade clauses seem to be a trend in Baltimore. I guess after seeing the team gutted through trades last season, players want to ensure stability. Grade: C+
Round 2 Pick 1: Philadelphia Liberty select Romulus Roman, S - Amulos
As the first of the Roman twins taken, Romulus is one of the few rookies to negotiate a higher than base salary. His $1.5 mil pay will surely help him buy equipment. Or Dotts cards. Or gamble it away. Hey it's your money, spend it how you wish! The question is, will Remus sign an identical contract? Read on to find out. Grade B-
Round 2 Pick 2: Austin Copperheads select Bayley Cowabunga, WR - JKortesi81
By picking Cowabunga in the second round, Austin secured what appeared to be a very lively negotiation session. In exchange for a NTC, Cowabunga agreed to write an apology letter for “being snippy” during scouting and publicly apologize for microwaving salads. He probably likes pineapple on his pizza too. Cowabunga was also able to secure a cool signature from Kyamprac as terms for signing. Grade: A-
Round 2 Pick 3: Orange County Otters select Bender Rodriguez, TE - Shrub02
The moment we’ve all been waiting for! My totally unbiased opinion leads me to believe that this is the best pick of the draft. Actually, no. That’s an objective fact. Fight me about it in the comments if you disagree. But let's get on to the contract. Now I know I’ve given low grades to standard contracts. So it may surprise you to find out that Rodriguez, too, has signed a standard rookie contract (your boos mean nothing to me, I’ve seen what makes you cheer). What is interesting about this contract signing is what came up during the negotiations. So I have an announcement to make: the Otters and Bender have come to a mutual decision based on what’s best for the team and Bender as a player. Bender will be changing positions from TE to LB effective whenever I get around to creating a great build. I know, seeing the best TE in the class change positions is a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one could have predicted. So obviously this draft pick gets a great rating: Grade A++
Round 2 Pick 4: Sarasota Sailfish select Stumpy Jones, OL - user FootballIsCool
Not much to say about this pick. I mean it's a great selection and Stumpy will be a great addition. But the contract is pretty mundane. 3 years and a NTC. Oh, and a MO. Some spice there I guess. Grade C+
Round 2 Pick 5: Berlin Fire Salamanders select Dexter Zaylren, QB - Laser
Based on the terms of the contract that was negotiated, Berlin got a value pick right here. One of the clauses states that Zaylren must remain a top 10 TPE earner of class 28 or the NTC will become void. That’s motivation for you. If successful, Berlin will have acquired a top 10 earner at the 19th overall pick. In addition, Zaylren has acquired the right to join in with GMs if trade conversations come up and has the ability to leave the war room in order to write mock drafts. Jeez, Zaylren must have a great agent. Grade: A-
Round 2 Pick 6: New Orleans Second Line select Remus Roman, RB - Vaelynn
The answer is no. Romulus and Remus did not sign an identical contract. Sigh, that’s ok. Maybe he will include some interesting clauses. Let me check. Nope. Remus signed your standard rookie contract. That’s disappointing. Grade: C-
Round 2 Pick 7: Baltimore Hawks select Makoa Mahi'ai, TE - King Jellyfish
Baltimore acquired a player that meets a team need with this pick by selecting Mahi’ai and also secured an easy contract negotiation. He signed a basic deal for 3 years with a MO for season 30. What’s notable here is that this is the only contract signed with Baltimore on this list that does not have a NTC. Grade: C
Round 2 Pick 8: Yellowknife Wraiths select Erik Gaare, RB - Maupassant
Another standard contract produced by the Wraiths. That seems to be their standard operating procedure. Grade: C
Round 2 Pick 9: Orange County Otters select Sam the Onion Man, WR - Duili005
After having the draft gods determine his destiny, Sam the Onion Man decided to take back control through his contract. If trade talks happen, he is required to be notified and agree to it. He also secured a PO for the third season of his contract. I think we know who wears the pants in this relationship. Grade: B
Round 2 Pick 10: Chicago Butchers select Tim Soulja, S - Painted
Personally, I am super grateful that the Butchers actually drafted Soulja. I made a draft day sig for him and did not want to have to redo it. I know that was risky but I’m all about that quick release. Anyways, Soulja has negotiated one of the more interesting contracts. It is a short one, only two seasons in length. Apparently he has beef with Yellowknife as he included a NTC solely for them. Shade thrown. Soulja also secured some locker room rights, including a role and emoji of his choosing and the ability to express any feelings about Taylor Swift. Hey, you’ll get no arguments from me. Grade: A-
Round 2 Pick 11: Colorado Yeti select Cole Maxwell, S - Alcott
The Yeti secure a player that is sure to be motivated by the contract they negotiated. As long as Maxwell earns more than 100 TPE in a season, he has first right of refusal of the remaining salary cap, up to $1 million. Boy better keep training! Grade: B-
Round 2 Pick 12: Honolulu Hahalua select Raeni Clarke, QB - Bex
With this pick and signing, the Hahalua secured a promising QB at a standard price. She did manage to negotiate a clause that gives her a custom discord role and role color. She’ll be feeling special in Honolulu’s locker room for sure. Grade: B-
Round 2 Pick 13: New Orleans Second Line select Ishe... Reallyinvisible, QB - JPach
NOLA picked ReallyInvisible with their second pick and appeared to sign a standard rookie contract. The changes to it are almost as imperceptible as ReallyInvisible is. He signed for $1,000,005 per year. I appreciate the subtlety of that change. Grade B
Round 2 Pick 14: Sarasota Sailfish select Kelvin Harris, S - Astrophy058
The Sailfish selected Harris as the last pick of the second round. Nothing interesting will happen in these negotiations, right? Wrong! With a $2 million a year salary, Harris was able to negotiate a higher salary than any player drafted before him. Can I get the number to your agent please? Grade: B+
Honorable mentions:
Round 3 Pick 4: Philadelphia Liberty select Lonnie Jackson, RB - Exilate
Although he was not selected in the first two rounds, Jackson’s contract is worth mentioning. He was able to secure clauses that will force users Hordle and xtitanxmvpx to change their discord display pic to Tijuana’s logo for a week if the Luchadores beats the Pythons. They will also have to change their nicknames in the locker room to “Tijuana > Portland”. If Tijuana loses, Exilate and Punter715 will have to change their display pics to Portland’s logo and nicknames to “Portland > Tijuana”. This is great. I love the rivalry. Grade: B
Round 3 Pick 9: Berlin Fire Salamanders select Jacob Raske, QB - CLG Rampage
Raske’s contract is also worth talking about. He negotiated additional clauses that included a Sommelier role and a “Rampage’s Lounge” channel in Belin’s locker room. For the uninitiated a sommelier is someone knowledgeable in the art of wine. Fancy! I’m looking forward to seeing how I am drinking wine wrong. Grade: B+
So that's it. I hope I didn't offend anyone with my grades. They were literally based on how entertaining I found your contracts. If I did offend you, maybe try a little hard to amuse me with your contracts next time. Shrub out.
Addendum:
Round 1 Pick 7: San Jose Sabercats select Juno Hu, CB - j00
So the Sabercats finally added their rookie contracts. Not wanting to leave anyone out, I’ve decided to add it in at the end. Hu was able to secure a $2 million a year salary, tying him with Kelvin Harris for the highest paid rookies on this list. Interestingly enough, they are both DBs. I guess teams are trying to figure out ways to counteract the deadly passing attack many offenses possess. He also added in a couple somewhat sketchy clauses. Per the contract, the Sabercats will provide Hu with Tijuana brand “smelling salts'' due to a “medical condition.” Hmm ok, that could be legit if it wasn’t paired with San Jose claiming legal responsibility if anything happens and Hu avoiding any involvement of the shipping process. He also secured a private room on flights to away games. No one but two flight attendants of his choosing can enter. I think Hu may have picked up some questionable habits during his tenure in Tijuana. Grade: A. No actually for being late it's an A-
2622 words or something
Some quick notes:
- When I say standard contract, I’m referring to a 3 year deal with a $1 million salary.
- NTC = no trade clause
- PO = player option
- MO = mutual option
Round 1 Pick 1: Baltimore Hawks selects Luke Quick, WR - BigRed1580
Baltimore shocked absolutely no one with the first pick of the draft. What makes this selection interesting to me are the clauses in Quick’s contract. The NTC in combination with a player option demonstrate his loyalty to the current management. Also, it's always fun to see his rivalry with teammate Busch Goose. He included a clause that Goose’s locker has to be on the other side of the locker room. I guess all that honking can be annoying. Grade: B+
Round 1 Pick 2: Baltimore Hawks select Busch Goose, RB - Infinitempg
The second pick that literally everyone called (except for Gragg in his final mock smh). Goose’s contract is loaded with interesting details. Apparently everyone is asking him to take on a role with more responsibility via switching to QB or becoming a GM. So much so that he included terms that force the Hawks to release him if he is seriously asked to. Goose also has a NTC through his first season, guaranteeing that he’ll be around for at least one season. After that he’s free to play the field as he is allowed to be tampered. Geese are evidently very particular creatures as seen by the following clauses: he requires a field of bluegrass for his private use, he’s allowed to bully “STEM nerds”, and requires Quick to bring a bag of bread crumbs to every practice. Alright, I see why Quick doesn’t want to be near him in the locker room. Grade: A
Round 1 Pick 3: Orange County Otters select Anton Bruckner, CB - Gragg9
This is a great pick because Gragg ruined his own mock by getting selected here. Even with all his spreadsheets and spy network he couldn’t get this prediction right. His contract is pretty standard with the exception of a clause of the locker room: he requires the surprised pikachu emoji to be renamed :shrub:. Grade: A+
Walls is a great pick here that is sure to contribute to the Liberty’s success both on and off the field. It's a sure bet that he will stay engaged creating league media as he has a bonus written into his contract for 250k for every collaborative media piece that he makes with a teammate. Up to $1 million per season. Not bad, kid! Grade: B
Round 1 Pick 5: Arizona Outlaws select Glenn Smart, DE - Pib
With this pick, the Outlaws guarantee that Smart will be on their team for at least one season. He can choose to test out the free market in s29 and s30 if either Whiz or Crunk leave Az as GMs. I’ve heard whispers that Pib wanted to end up in Arizona because he likes the GMs. So this clause makes sense. Negotiating a contract like this is a smart move to ensure the flexibility he desires. Grade: B-
Round 1 Pick 6: New York Silverbacks select Mongo, DE - MachineEarnedRuns
After being picked by New York, Mongo has signed a pretty standard contract. Though he does have a mutual option clause for s30. Grade: C
Round 1 Pick 7: San Jose Sabercats select Juno Hu, CB - j00
The Sabercats made a great selection here by picking up Hu. Unfortunately at the time of writing this article they have not published any contracts. So they get a bad grade. My apologies to Hu for the bad rating. Grade: F
**See addendum at the bottem of the article**
Round 1 Pick 8: Yellowknife Wraiths select Andrew Warthol, DE - Skorch
The Wraiths shocked many by picking Warthol so early. It is well deserved as Skorch is a great user. They followed up this surprising turn of events with a not so shocking contract: a standard rookie signing. Although it does contain a MO each year. Grade: C+
Round 1 Pick 9: Berlin Fire Salamanders select Troy Abed, QB - Noanic
The decision to take a QB here is an interesting one as the draft class was loaded with quality players at this position. The terms of the contract, not so interesting. Abed and the Fire Salamanders agreed to a contract that maintains flexibility for both parties, including MO clauses for seasons 29 and 30. Grade: C
Round 1 Pick 10: Chicago Butchers select Dexter Hall, LB - FirstFray
Chicago surprised literally only one person by passing up Tim Soulja in favor of Dexter Hall. More noteworthy is the length of the contract as it is only for two seasons. Hall will be staying with Chicago for sure as he included a NTC and neither party opted for a MO or PO. Grade: B-
Round 1 Pick 11: Colorado Yeti select Manhattan Project, RB - modern_duke
Manhattan Project enters the ISFL with a bang by being drafted in the first round. His name is more exciting than his contract though. It has standard terms with the addition of a NTC, giving us certainty that the Yeti will be playing with atomic bombs in Colorado for the next several seasons. That’s actually a scary thought. Grade C+
Round 1 Pick 12: Honolulu Hahalua select Prof. Godfrey Gravity, DT - user z0rem
Honolulu secured a beast with their first round pick by selecting Gravity. They had to appease him by agreeing to offer him bodies used for smashing on a weekly basis. Wait, what did I just write? **Checks notes** Yup, that’s written in the contract. The Hahalua must have some sinister connections to be able to pull this off. Time to change my vacation plans. I’m not going anywhere near Hawaii. Grade: B+
Round 1 Pick 13: New Orleans Second Line select Cade Williams, OL - dude_man
NOLA followed up a great pick with a letdown of a contract. Just a basic rookie contract. Nothing interesting here. Grade: C
Round 1 Pick 14: Baltimore Hawks select Chunt the Badger, WR - UltimateYeehaw
After drafting a nonstandard player, Baltimore and Chunt agreed to a surprisingly standard contract. 3 years with a NTC throughout. No trade clauses seem to be a trend in Baltimore. I guess after seeing the team gutted through trades last season, players want to ensure stability. Grade: C+
Round 2 Pick 1: Philadelphia Liberty select Romulus Roman, S - Amulos
As the first of the Roman twins taken, Romulus is one of the few rookies to negotiate a higher than base salary. His $1.5 mil pay will surely help him buy equipment. Or Dotts cards. Or gamble it away. Hey it's your money, spend it how you wish! The question is, will Remus sign an identical contract? Read on to find out. Grade B-
Round 2 Pick 2: Austin Copperheads select Bayley Cowabunga, WR - JKortesi81
By picking Cowabunga in the second round, Austin secured what appeared to be a very lively negotiation session. In exchange for a NTC, Cowabunga agreed to write an apology letter for “being snippy” during scouting and publicly apologize for microwaving salads. He probably likes pineapple on his pizza too. Cowabunga was also able to secure a cool signature from Kyamprac as terms for signing. Grade: A-
Round 2 Pick 3: Orange County Otters select Bender Rodriguez, TE - Shrub02
The moment we’ve all been waiting for! My totally unbiased opinion leads me to believe that this is the best pick of the draft. Actually, no. That’s an objective fact. Fight me about it in the comments if you disagree. But let's get on to the contract. Now I know I’ve given low grades to standard contracts. So it may surprise you to find out that Rodriguez, too, has signed a standard rookie contract (your boos mean nothing to me, I’ve seen what makes you cheer). What is interesting about this contract signing is what came up during the negotiations. So I have an announcement to make: the Otters and Bender have come to a mutual decision based on what’s best for the team and Bender as a player. Bender will be changing positions from TE to LB effective whenever I get around to creating a great build. I know, seeing the best TE in the class change positions is a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one could have predicted. So obviously this draft pick gets a great rating: Grade A++
Round 2 Pick 4: Sarasota Sailfish select Stumpy Jones, OL - user FootballIsCool
Not much to say about this pick. I mean it's a great selection and Stumpy will be a great addition. But the contract is pretty mundane. 3 years and a NTC. Oh, and a MO. Some spice there I guess. Grade C+
Round 2 Pick 5: Berlin Fire Salamanders select Dexter Zaylren, QB - Laser
Based on the terms of the contract that was negotiated, Berlin got a value pick right here. One of the clauses states that Zaylren must remain a top 10 TPE earner of class 28 or the NTC will become void. That’s motivation for you. If successful, Berlin will have acquired a top 10 earner at the 19th overall pick. In addition, Zaylren has acquired the right to join in with GMs if trade conversations come up and has the ability to leave the war room in order to write mock drafts. Jeez, Zaylren must have a great agent. Grade: A-
Round 2 Pick 6: New Orleans Second Line select Remus Roman, RB - Vaelynn
The answer is no. Romulus and Remus did not sign an identical contract. Sigh, that’s ok. Maybe he will include some interesting clauses. Let me check. Nope. Remus signed your standard rookie contract. That’s disappointing. Grade: C-
Round 2 Pick 7: Baltimore Hawks select Makoa Mahi'ai, TE - King Jellyfish
Baltimore acquired a player that meets a team need with this pick by selecting Mahi’ai and also secured an easy contract negotiation. He signed a basic deal for 3 years with a MO for season 30. What’s notable here is that this is the only contract signed with Baltimore on this list that does not have a NTC. Grade: C
Round 2 Pick 8: Yellowknife Wraiths select Erik Gaare, RB - Maupassant
Another standard contract produced by the Wraiths. That seems to be their standard operating procedure. Grade: C
Round 2 Pick 9: Orange County Otters select Sam the Onion Man, WR - Duili005
After having the draft gods determine his destiny, Sam the Onion Man decided to take back control through his contract. If trade talks happen, he is required to be notified and agree to it. He also secured a PO for the third season of his contract. I think we know who wears the pants in this relationship. Grade: B
Round 2 Pick 10: Chicago Butchers select Tim Soulja, S - Painted
Personally, I am super grateful that the Butchers actually drafted Soulja. I made a draft day sig for him and did not want to have to redo it. I know that was risky but I’m all about that quick release. Anyways, Soulja has negotiated one of the more interesting contracts. It is a short one, only two seasons in length. Apparently he has beef with Yellowknife as he included a NTC solely for them. Shade thrown. Soulja also secured some locker room rights, including a role and emoji of his choosing and the ability to express any feelings about Taylor Swift. Hey, you’ll get no arguments from me. Grade: A-
Round 2 Pick 11: Colorado Yeti select Cole Maxwell, S - Alcott
The Yeti secure a player that is sure to be motivated by the contract they negotiated. As long as Maxwell earns more than 100 TPE in a season, he has first right of refusal of the remaining salary cap, up to $1 million. Boy better keep training! Grade: B-
Round 2 Pick 12: Honolulu Hahalua select Raeni Clarke, QB - Bex
With this pick and signing, the Hahalua secured a promising QB at a standard price. She did manage to negotiate a clause that gives her a custom discord role and role color. She’ll be feeling special in Honolulu’s locker room for sure. Grade: B-
Round 2 Pick 13: New Orleans Second Line select Ishe... Reallyinvisible, QB - JPach
NOLA picked ReallyInvisible with their second pick and appeared to sign a standard rookie contract. The changes to it are almost as imperceptible as ReallyInvisible is. He signed for $1,000,005 per year. I appreciate the subtlety of that change. Grade B
Round 2 Pick 14: Sarasota Sailfish select Kelvin Harris, S - Astrophy058
The Sailfish selected Harris as the last pick of the second round. Nothing interesting will happen in these negotiations, right? Wrong! With a $2 million a year salary, Harris was able to negotiate a higher salary than any player drafted before him. Can I get the number to your agent please? Grade: B+
Honorable mentions:
Round 3 Pick 4: Philadelphia Liberty select Lonnie Jackson, RB - Exilate
Although he was not selected in the first two rounds, Jackson’s contract is worth mentioning. He was able to secure clauses that will force users Hordle and xtitanxmvpx to change their discord display pic to Tijuana’s logo for a week if the Luchadores beats the Pythons. They will also have to change their nicknames in the locker room to “Tijuana > Portland”. If Tijuana loses, Exilate and Punter715 will have to change their display pics to Portland’s logo and nicknames to “Portland > Tijuana”. This is great. I love the rivalry. Grade: B
Round 3 Pick 9: Berlin Fire Salamanders select Jacob Raske, QB - CLG Rampage
Raske’s contract is also worth talking about. He negotiated additional clauses that included a Sommelier role and a “Rampage’s Lounge” channel in Belin’s locker room. For the uninitiated a sommelier is someone knowledgeable in the art of wine. Fancy! I’m looking forward to seeing how I am drinking wine wrong. Grade: B+
So that's it. I hope I didn't offend anyone with my grades. They were literally based on how entertaining I found your contracts. If I did offend you, maybe try a little hard to amuse me with your contracts next time. Shrub out.
Addendum:
Round 1 Pick 7: San Jose Sabercats select Juno Hu, CB - j00
So the Sabercats finally added their rookie contracts. Not wanting to leave anyone out, I’ve decided to add it in at the end. Hu was able to secure a $2 million a year salary, tying him with Kelvin Harris for the highest paid rookies on this list. Interestingly enough, they are both DBs. I guess teams are trying to figure out ways to counteract the deadly passing attack many offenses possess. He also added in a couple somewhat sketchy clauses. Per the contract, the Sabercats will provide Hu with Tijuana brand “smelling salts'' due to a “medical condition.” Hmm ok, that could be legit if it wasn’t paired with San Jose claiming legal responsibility if anything happens and Hu avoiding any involvement of the shipping process. He also secured a private room on flights to away games. No one but two flight attendants of his choosing can enter. I think Hu may have picked up some questionable habits during his tenure in Tijuana. Grade: A. No actually for being late it's an A-
2622 words or something
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