Who is the better Mock Drafter? A Post-Draft Analysis of three top Rankers
User # of Correct Picks
Vaelynn 28
xTitanxMVPx 6
Amulos 4.5
Taking a look at the table above, it’s clear who the greatest ranker of all time – it is I, Vaelynn. You may be wondering – how did I miss his draft analysis? How could he have possibly predicted all of these trades? Well the reality is that THE ESTABLISHMENT made me take it down… Yes, you heard that right. They felt I had too strong of predictive powers so they made me remove my list immediately following my posting of it. Trust me though, it most definitely existed. Would I lie to you?
Round 1 Analysis –
Round 1 – Pick 1
Luke Quick (WR)
This might have been the easiest pick of them all – all the rankers got this one correct, and for good reason. It was obvious. With Luke Quick you are getting one of the best users in the league altogether, and a fantastic player of need for the team. He was a strong addition to the team and should help Baltimore in the subsequent years of rebuild, hopefully becoming a staple for the franchise to build off of.
Round 1 – Pick 2
Busch Goose (RB)
Another great choice that was clear to our expert ranking list. Everyone got this one correct as well, and I have a feeling there may have been some collaboration between players and the Baltimore leadership, as the renders they created even had Busch chasing Luke Quick. Again, another great user, but he doesn’t quite highlight how great of a Mock Drafter I am so I’ll have to move on.
Round 1 – Pick 3
Anton Bruckner (CB)
A pick out of left field for anyone that doesn’t know as much about drafting as me. Both Amulos and xTitanxMVPx (henceforth referred to as Titan, because I don’t want to type his name all of the time) were wildly off on their picks. At least Titan was in the ballpark, recognizing Orange County’s need on the defensive side of the ball. Bruckner adds some force to their defense, and the user looks to add to a pretty weird locker room they have going on. No judgement (except for the fact this is the only ISFL team not to reach out to me).
Round 1 – Pick 4
Xavier Walls (DE)
Pretty conceded of Titan to pick himself here to be honest. He’s lucky they fell for his stupid charm and big dumb personality, or he would truly be a laughingstock for rating himself so highly. I’m calling it now, big ol’ BUST. Philly really messed up by picking this user. Read this quote from former GM of the Pythons, who reportedly left the organization because of how terrible Titan is as a person and a player: “Titan is really – some – piece – of – work – I – hate – him – and – I – hope – no one – picks – him – ever.” I had to compile that quote over the course of the season. He definitely said each of those words sometime this season, just maybe not in this order. I knew what he meant though, I can read between the lines.
All that being said, I knew this would happen so I’m perfect in my picks so far.
Round 1 – Pick 5
Glenn Smart (DE)
This is where Titan really pulls away from the pack though… Sorta. He knew Glenn Smart was the next off of the board, but didn’t predict the trade up from Arizona to snag him. Something I most definitely knew, which is why he was awarded one half point for this. Amulos went with Mongo… Like an IDIOT. How could he not know Mongo would be the 6th pick of Season 28.
Round 1 – Pick 6
Mongo (DE)
As I knew would happen, Mongo was picked here. Titan snagged this one (lucky), but it was pretty obvious considering the name Mongo has created for himself both in the locker room and on the field. This was a needed position for the team, building on one of their biggest areas of weakness over Season 27, and hopefully he can contribute to the team soon enough.
Round 1 – Pick 7
Juno Hu (CB)
Both Titan and Amulos assumed that because the Sabercats have a terrible offensive line, they would look to draft an Offensive Lineman. Typical from amateur Mock Drafters to think like that. I, being the superior mock drafter, knew they would target CB because who doesn’t need another one? Also J00 is a really cool dude, and the Sabercats really like that out of their players.
Round 1 – Pick 8
Andrew Warthol (DE)
Another DE goes off the board here with Warthol. Amulos knew that the Yellowknife Wraiths would be losing some Defensive Linemen in the next few seasons, so he elected to go for DT Professor Godfrey Gravity. Admittedly I almost did the same, feeling the allure of such a sexy pick like Professor Gravity. Who doesn’t want a 380+ pound, Doctorate wielding man in the early first round?
I knew Yellowknife would get past the sexiness of that pick and go for something the really needed, a Defensive End.
Round 1 – Pick 9
Troy Abed (QB)
Again, this is the trade I predicted earlier. Considering most Mock Drafters did not consider the possibility of drafts, I will try not to hold it too much against them that they were so very, very wrong about this. Berlin selects Troy Abed here, and from what I understand it has to do with his German heritage, at least according to the stream I watched. Seems a little fishy to me. Not many people wanted to draft me because I live under a bridge in Gary, Indiana. You would think they would like the scrappiness of a user who had to fight a dog for a half-eaten bologna sandwich out of a dumpster yesterday. I guess the priorities of some of these GMs comes into question if you really think about it.
Round 1 – Pick 10
Dexter Hall (LB)
Dexter Hall makes sense for Chicago here. FirstFray is a fantastic user that has been in more locker rooms consistently than I have fingers on my hand, and I have 13 fingers (birth defect). He’s so great I think Chicago had to spend more on his contract than I had to spend on some used bathwater sometime last year. This also fills a major need for Chicago, so no surprises at all for one of our Drafters.
Good pick. I knew it though.
Round 1 – Pick 11
Manhattan Project
I like Amulos’ thinking on this pick here - they needed a running back, so why not pick the most obvious, most handsome, and most athletic running back of them all in Remus Roman? No one (but me) was able to predict they would purposefully select the second best running back when they had the option available. The reality is Colorado needed a running back, but they didn’t want a really good one… I think it’s because they have a prima-donna quarterback that really doesn’t want to get shown up by some rookie running back.
Props to Colorado for sticking by your franchise player, but I vehemently disagree with your assessment.
Round 1 – Pick 12
Prof. Godfrey Gravity (DT)
Here is where the Professor ended up landing. A fantastic pick for Honolulu – he’s big, smart, and has a super chill dude as his sure. A ton of people had him mocked pretty highly, so it was a safe bet to get him in the first, but I was the only one to predict exactly where he would go. Titan was close, but not as close as me. 12 for 12 baby!
Round 1 – Pick 13
Cade Williams (OL)
Cade is a fantastic choice for New Orleans here. Titan was so close to getting this right, understood he would be taken in this range, but ultimately fell just short of getting this pick right. Dude_man is a saint and I will say nothing wrong about my new teammate. He should have gone second overall (to me) because he is such a dope dude. Really glad he fell to NOLA because he will be a staple there for a long time. Amulos picked himself. Like an IDIOT. I of course knew that Cade would land here, where real talent is recognized for what it is.
Round 1 – Pick 14
Chunt the Badger (WR)
Chunt, with arguably the best name on the board for the first two rounds, lands with Sarasota.. Wait no Baltimore. That’s right, because it was another trade I most definitely predicted. Chunt had a fantastic year in the DSFL and proved himself to be a great locker room presence. On top of that, he was one of the highest earners in his position across the league. Pretty impressive.
Round 1 – Pick 15
Romulus Roman (SS)
Yes, you read that right. Philadelphia made the gravest of mistakes TWO ROUNDS IN A ROW. They selected my monkey brained, shitty brother instead of me here. You’re probably thinking to yourself, “how could they make such a big mistake?” Well don’t worry, my parents also fell for his stupid personality. Just because he “has a wife,” and “has a job,” and “doesn’t live in their basement like a troll,” and “didn’t drop out of high school to pursue a career as a professional gamer.” Well mom and dad, look at me now! I’m a second round draft pick in an online simulation football league (spoilers)!
Suck on it. Called it though.
Round 2 – Pick 16
Bayley Cowabunga (WR)
Titan actually called this one to my surprise. Not sure how. I guess a broken clock can be right twice a day. I also called it though. I heard some good things about Bayley throughout the Mock process, it was pretty clear to the most observant that there was some mutual drafting flirtation going on between user and team. Really strong pick here, happy for Austin, but they most definitely should have drafted me at this point.
Round 2 – Pick 17
Bender Rodriguez (TE)
This was a bit of a surprise to me to be honest – I had someone else going here, but just a few minutes before the draft took place I got some insider info that indicated Bender would land here. Don’t know much about the user but I’m really glad Orange County feels they got their guy. In retrospect it’s obvious to someone like me why OC would want Bender.
Round 2 – Pick 18
Stumpy Jones (OL)
I’m going to be honest, I’m a little biased about this pick. I love Stumpy as a user and a player. Sure, he’s a little rigid on his feet, but he’s an actual tree. Can’t drive through him, you gotta go around. Not sure how he got as many pancakes in the DSFL considering he has no arms, but ce la vie. Hopefully Stumpy is going to be serving up more of those flapjacks for the Sailfish in Season 28.
Round 2 – Pick 19
Dexter Zaylren (QB)
One may ask: Vaelynn, how could you possibly predict that Berlin would use 3 of their first 4 picks on Quarterbacks? The reality is only people with incredibly smooth brains like mine and the Berlin General Managers could predict such a massive change to the strategy in this new sim. I knew really early on that we’d be looking at a season filled with quarterbacks at every position. When everyone can throw… you have to be scared of everybody **taps forehead**. I hear Troy Abed will be the actual QB, Dexter will be the RB QB, and Jacob Raske is going to be the TE QB (his render is thicc so it makes sense conceptually).
Needless to say you can expect Berlin in the Ultimus come Season 29.
Round 2 – Pick 20
Remus Roman (RB, SS, TE, Jack of All Trades, Model, Sim Footballer Extraordinaire)
Now here it is, the pick we have all been waiting for. I have the biggest, smoothest brain that only Mithrandir could possibly understand. I am the most handsome, most skilled, most dedicated user, and literally no one else would ever tell you any differently. I am absolutely perfect in every way and without a doubt the biggest homerun of them all. Yes, they are going to have to drop everyone on their current roster to deal with the contract that I’ve been promised, but I’ve assured them that as long as I have one Offensive Lineman (looking at you Cade), I’ll carry them to the Ultimus with my big, meaty legs, ripped abs, and chiseled muscular body.
Biggest steal of the draft, gg no re. Also I called it.
Round 2 – Pick 21
Makoa Mahi’ai (TE)
Pretty lackluster pick here, especially after such an amazing pick by New Orleans. Makoa is a good pick and obviously I knew that he would go here, even after the trade. Not only did both Amulos and Titan failed to predict that Mahi’ai would be picked up here, they failed to even come close to understanding what they would need after 4 picks out of the first 21… Like I did. Really goes to show the difference between amateur Sim League Mock Drafters, and true Sim League Mock Draft professionals.
Round 2 – Pick 22
Erik Gaare (RB)
Yellowknife really gets screwed here. They were so close to drafting the best player of all time (undisputed) in Remus Roman. Word is the fan base is devastated and that most have now become fans of New Orleans. Terrible feeling it must be to be Erik Gaare, sure he’s a great dude and a great running back, but he’ll never be Remus Roman, and that’s really something to feel bad about. As for the picks – at this point neither Amulos or Titan are coming close to getting these right, so I will spend the end of each of my analyses making fun of them for their pathetic failures.
Each of you should be ashamed.
Round 2 – Pick 23
Sam the Onion Man (WR)
I actually give a little credit to Amulos on this one – he actually predicted that Sam the Onion Man would be picked up by Orange County, he just failed to predict exactly when that would happen. I gave him a half of a point for this, mostly out of pity. Sam is a really good dude though, really appreciated him as a user this year, and word around the league is that he was highly regarded by a number of teams. Orange County picked really solid here, happy for them and their fanbase for it.
Round 2 – Pick 24
Tim Soulja (S)
I’ll admit, I really don’t know Tim or the user all that well. That being said, I knew Chicago needed a safety so I threw a dart at a list of Safety names and it landed on Tim. Most understand this as the absolutely L33T Sim League Mock Drafter Strategy. A lot of people would be upset that I’ve just told you this, but it is an incredibly difficult strategy that I do not expect many people to be able to grasp and use as well as me.
My skills as a Mock Drafter are unparalleled and I think that Amulos and Titan should feel bad about themselves.
Round 2 – Pick 25
Cole Maxwell (S)
Cole is a solid earner and falls to the end of the second round, a solid pickup for the Yeti here. Secondary was a big need for a number of teams, so it’s not surprising to anyone that they have been focused so heavily in the second round of the Season 28 ISFL draft. Amulos and Titan are really floundering now, struggling to stay afloat in the sea that is my massive ego. No one predicted this but me. I am all knowing.
Round 2 – Pick 26
Raeni Clark (QB)
I am going to be really honest, logically Raeni is like the only person I would have had ahead of me in the draft prior to my in depth analysis. It appears that no one is afraid of her unending wrath. One can only assume that she is not aware of her draft status, otherwise I am sure there would be several more posts on the “Punishments” area of the forum than there are as I am writing.
All jokes aside, Raeni is a great pick up for Honolulu, and one that I definitely called, and my friends who are failures did not.
Round 2 – Pick 27
Ishe…ReallyInvisible (QB)
One would have thought that a literal invisible man would be drafted much higher than this, but in my all-knowing wisdom, I attended his pro day earlier in March. I realized quickly that IsHe…ReallyInvisible is only actually invisible when he is completely naked. I understand that his DSFL team tried some tricky plays regarding this, but quickly found out that it is in fact a penalty (actually it’s illegal and the player was charged with a misdemeanor). This was recognized as a “character flaw” by most teams, hence his drop in draft stock. If Amulos and Titan put any effort at all into their work they would have realized that he would most definitely end up in New Orleans.
I pity each of you, you are not worthy of my time.
Round 2 – Pick 28
Kelvin Harris (S)
I have elected to stop here. I realized that Amulos and Titan are not my equals in any way, and therefore it was useless to demonstrate just how badly they did on their mock drafts any more. Sarasota picks up Kelvin Harris here, a solid Safety that fills a need for the team. They also continue the onslaught of Secondary players getting drafted in the second round. Sarasota looks to continue building on their winning ways in Season 28 / 29 with this pick, and I hope they make it back to the Ultimus so we in New Orleans can crush them this time around.
In conclusion – I am the best, Amulos and Titan are the worst.
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User # of Correct Picks
Vaelynn 28
xTitanxMVPx 6
Amulos 4.5
Taking a look at the table above, it’s clear who the greatest ranker of all time – it is I, Vaelynn. You may be wondering – how did I miss his draft analysis? How could he have possibly predicted all of these trades? Well the reality is that THE ESTABLISHMENT made me take it down… Yes, you heard that right. They felt I had too strong of predictive powers so they made me remove my list immediately following my posting of it. Trust me though, it most definitely existed. Would I lie to you?
Round 1 Analysis –
Round 1 – Pick 1
Luke Quick (WR)
This might have been the easiest pick of them all – all the rankers got this one correct, and for good reason. It was obvious. With Luke Quick you are getting one of the best users in the league altogether, and a fantastic player of need for the team. He was a strong addition to the team and should help Baltimore in the subsequent years of rebuild, hopefully becoming a staple for the franchise to build off of.
Round 1 – Pick 2
Busch Goose (RB)
Another great choice that was clear to our expert ranking list. Everyone got this one correct as well, and I have a feeling there may have been some collaboration between players and the Baltimore leadership, as the renders they created even had Busch chasing Luke Quick. Again, another great user, but he doesn’t quite highlight how great of a Mock Drafter I am so I’ll have to move on.
Round 1 – Pick 3
Anton Bruckner (CB)
A pick out of left field for anyone that doesn’t know as much about drafting as me. Both Amulos and xTitanxMVPx (henceforth referred to as Titan, because I don’t want to type his name all of the time) were wildly off on their picks. At least Titan was in the ballpark, recognizing Orange County’s need on the defensive side of the ball. Bruckner adds some force to their defense, and the user looks to add to a pretty weird locker room they have going on. No judgement (except for the fact this is the only ISFL team not to reach out to me).
Round 1 – Pick 4
Xavier Walls (DE)
Pretty conceded of Titan to pick himself here to be honest. He’s lucky they fell for his stupid charm and big dumb personality, or he would truly be a laughingstock for rating himself so highly. I’m calling it now, big ol’ BUST. Philly really messed up by picking this user. Read this quote from former GM of the Pythons, who reportedly left the organization because of how terrible Titan is as a person and a player: “Titan is really – some – piece – of – work – I – hate – him – and – I – hope – no one – picks – him – ever.” I had to compile that quote over the course of the season. He definitely said each of those words sometime this season, just maybe not in this order. I knew what he meant though, I can read between the lines.
All that being said, I knew this would happen so I’m perfect in my picks so far.
Round 1 – Pick 5
Glenn Smart (DE)
This is where Titan really pulls away from the pack though… Sorta. He knew Glenn Smart was the next off of the board, but didn’t predict the trade up from Arizona to snag him. Something I most definitely knew, which is why he was awarded one half point for this. Amulos went with Mongo… Like an IDIOT. How could he not know Mongo would be the 6th pick of Season 28.
Round 1 – Pick 6
Mongo (DE)
As I knew would happen, Mongo was picked here. Titan snagged this one (lucky), but it was pretty obvious considering the name Mongo has created for himself both in the locker room and on the field. This was a needed position for the team, building on one of their biggest areas of weakness over Season 27, and hopefully he can contribute to the team soon enough.
Round 1 – Pick 7
Juno Hu (CB)
Both Titan and Amulos assumed that because the Sabercats have a terrible offensive line, they would look to draft an Offensive Lineman. Typical from amateur Mock Drafters to think like that. I, being the superior mock drafter, knew they would target CB because who doesn’t need another one? Also J00 is a really cool dude, and the Sabercats really like that out of their players.
Round 1 – Pick 8
Andrew Warthol (DE)
Another DE goes off the board here with Warthol. Amulos knew that the Yellowknife Wraiths would be losing some Defensive Linemen in the next few seasons, so he elected to go for DT Professor Godfrey Gravity. Admittedly I almost did the same, feeling the allure of such a sexy pick like Professor Gravity. Who doesn’t want a 380+ pound, Doctorate wielding man in the early first round?
I knew Yellowknife would get past the sexiness of that pick and go for something the really needed, a Defensive End.
Round 1 – Pick 9
Troy Abed (QB)
Again, this is the trade I predicted earlier. Considering most Mock Drafters did not consider the possibility of drafts, I will try not to hold it too much against them that they were so very, very wrong about this. Berlin selects Troy Abed here, and from what I understand it has to do with his German heritage, at least according to the stream I watched. Seems a little fishy to me. Not many people wanted to draft me because I live under a bridge in Gary, Indiana. You would think they would like the scrappiness of a user who had to fight a dog for a half-eaten bologna sandwich out of a dumpster yesterday. I guess the priorities of some of these GMs comes into question if you really think about it.
Round 1 – Pick 10
Dexter Hall (LB)
Dexter Hall makes sense for Chicago here. FirstFray is a fantastic user that has been in more locker rooms consistently than I have fingers on my hand, and I have 13 fingers (birth defect). He’s so great I think Chicago had to spend more on his contract than I had to spend on some used bathwater sometime last year. This also fills a major need for Chicago, so no surprises at all for one of our Drafters.
Good pick. I knew it though.
Round 1 – Pick 11
Manhattan Project
I like Amulos’ thinking on this pick here - they needed a running back, so why not pick the most obvious, most handsome, and most athletic running back of them all in Remus Roman? No one (but me) was able to predict they would purposefully select the second best running back when they had the option available. The reality is Colorado needed a running back, but they didn’t want a really good one… I think it’s because they have a prima-donna quarterback that really doesn’t want to get shown up by some rookie running back.
Props to Colorado for sticking by your franchise player, but I vehemently disagree with your assessment.
Round 1 – Pick 12
Prof. Godfrey Gravity (DT)
Here is where the Professor ended up landing. A fantastic pick for Honolulu – he’s big, smart, and has a super chill dude as his sure. A ton of people had him mocked pretty highly, so it was a safe bet to get him in the first, but I was the only one to predict exactly where he would go. Titan was close, but not as close as me. 12 for 12 baby!
Round 1 – Pick 13
Cade Williams (OL)
Cade is a fantastic choice for New Orleans here. Titan was so close to getting this right, understood he would be taken in this range, but ultimately fell just short of getting this pick right. Dude_man is a saint and I will say nothing wrong about my new teammate. He should have gone second overall (to me) because he is such a dope dude. Really glad he fell to NOLA because he will be a staple there for a long time. Amulos picked himself. Like an IDIOT. I of course knew that Cade would land here, where real talent is recognized for what it is.
Round 1 – Pick 14
Chunt the Badger (WR)
Chunt, with arguably the best name on the board for the first two rounds, lands with Sarasota.. Wait no Baltimore. That’s right, because it was another trade I most definitely predicted. Chunt had a fantastic year in the DSFL and proved himself to be a great locker room presence. On top of that, he was one of the highest earners in his position across the league. Pretty impressive.
Round 1 – Pick 15
Romulus Roman (SS)
Yes, you read that right. Philadelphia made the gravest of mistakes TWO ROUNDS IN A ROW. They selected my monkey brained, shitty brother instead of me here. You’re probably thinking to yourself, “how could they make such a big mistake?” Well don’t worry, my parents also fell for his stupid personality. Just because he “has a wife,” and “has a job,” and “doesn’t live in their basement like a troll,” and “didn’t drop out of high school to pursue a career as a professional gamer.” Well mom and dad, look at me now! I’m a second round draft pick in an online simulation football league (spoilers)!
Suck on it. Called it though.
Round 2 – Pick 16
Bayley Cowabunga (WR)
Titan actually called this one to my surprise. Not sure how. I guess a broken clock can be right twice a day. I also called it though. I heard some good things about Bayley throughout the Mock process, it was pretty clear to the most observant that there was some mutual drafting flirtation going on between user and team. Really strong pick here, happy for Austin, but they most definitely should have drafted me at this point.
Round 2 – Pick 17
Bender Rodriguez (TE)
This was a bit of a surprise to me to be honest – I had someone else going here, but just a few minutes before the draft took place I got some insider info that indicated Bender would land here. Don’t know much about the user but I’m really glad Orange County feels they got their guy. In retrospect it’s obvious to someone like me why OC would want Bender.
Round 2 – Pick 18
Stumpy Jones (OL)
I’m going to be honest, I’m a little biased about this pick. I love Stumpy as a user and a player. Sure, he’s a little rigid on his feet, but he’s an actual tree. Can’t drive through him, you gotta go around. Not sure how he got as many pancakes in the DSFL considering he has no arms, but ce la vie. Hopefully Stumpy is going to be serving up more of those flapjacks for the Sailfish in Season 28.
Round 2 – Pick 19
Dexter Zaylren (QB)
One may ask: Vaelynn, how could you possibly predict that Berlin would use 3 of their first 4 picks on Quarterbacks? The reality is only people with incredibly smooth brains like mine and the Berlin General Managers could predict such a massive change to the strategy in this new sim. I knew really early on that we’d be looking at a season filled with quarterbacks at every position. When everyone can throw… you have to be scared of everybody **taps forehead**. I hear Troy Abed will be the actual QB, Dexter will be the RB QB, and Jacob Raske is going to be the TE QB (his render is thicc so it makes sense conceptually).
Needless to say you can expect Berlin in the Ultimus come Season 29.
Round 2 – Pick 20
Remus Roman (RB, SS, TE, Jack of All Trades, Model, Sim Footballer Extraordinaire)
Now here it is, the pick we have all been waiting for. I have the biggest, smoothest brain that only Mithrandir could possibly understand. I am the most handsome, most skilled, most dedicated user, and literally no one else would ever tell you any differently. I am absolutely perfect in every way and without a doubt the biggest homerun of them all. Yes, they are going to have to drop everyone on their current roster to deal with the contract that I’ve been promised, but I’ve assured them that as long as I have one Offensive Lineman (looking at you Cade), I’ll carry them to the Ultimus with my big, meaty legs, ripped abs, and chiseled muscular body.
Biggest steal of the draft, gg no re. Also I called it.
Round 2 – Pick 21
Makoa Mahi’ai (TE)
Pretty lackluster pick here, especially after such an amazing pick by New Orleans. Makoa is a good pick and obviously I knew that he would go here, even after the trade. Not only did both Amulos and Titan failed to predict that Mahi’ai would be picked up here, they failed to even come close to understanding what they would need after 4 picks out of the first 21… Like I did. Really goes to show the difference between amateur Sim League Mock Drafters, and true Sim League Mock Draft professionals.
Round 2 – Pick 22
Erik Gaare (RB)
Yellowknife really gets screwed here. They were so close to drafting the best player of all time (undisputed) in Remus Roman. Word is the fan base is devastated and that most have now become fans of New Orleans. Terrible feeling it must be to be Erik Gaare, sure he’s a great dude and a great running back, but he’ll never be Remus Roman, and that’s really something to feel bad about. As for the picks – at this point neither Amulos or Titan are coming close to getting these right, so I will spend the end of each of my analyses making fun of them for their pathetic failures.
Each of you should be ashamed.
Round 2 – Pick 23
Sam the Onion Man (WR)
I actually give a little credit to Amulos on this one – he actually predicted that Sam the Onion Man would be picked up by Orange County, he just failed to predict exactly when that would happen. I gave him a half of a point for this, mostly out of pity. Sam is a really good dude though, really appreciated him as a user this year, and word around the league is that he was highly regarded by a number of teams. Orange County picked really solid here, happy for them and their fanbase for it.
Round 2 – Pick 24
Tim Soulja (S)
I’ll admit, I really don’t know Tim or the user all that well. That being said, I knew Chicago needed a safety so I threw a dart at a list of Safety names and it landed on Tim. Most understand this as the absolutely L33T Sim League Mock Drafter Strategy. A lot of people would be upset that I’ve just told you this, but it is an incredibly difficult strategy that I do not expect many people to be able to grasp and use as well as me.
My skills as a Mock Drafter are unparalleled and I think that Amulos and Titan should feel bad about themselves.
Round 2 – Pick 25
Cole Maxwell (S)
Cole is a solid earner and falls to the end of the second round, a solid pickup for the Yeti here. Secondary was a big need for a number of teams, so it’s not surprising to anyone that they have been focused so heavily in the second round of the Season 28 ISFL draft. Amulos and Titan are really floundering now, struggling to stay afloat in the sea that is my massive ego. No one predicted this but me. I am all knowing.
Round 2 – Pick 26
Raeni Clark (QB)
I am going to be really honest, logically Raeni is like the only person I would have had ahead of me in the draft prior to my in depth analysis. It appears that no one is afraid of her unending wrath. One can only assume that she is not aware of her draft status, otherwise I am sure there would be several more posts on the “Punishments” area of the forum than there are as I am writing.
All jokes aside, Raeni is a great pick up for Honolulu, and one that I definitely called, and my friends who are failures did not.
Round 2 – Pick 27
Ishe…ReallyInvisible (QB)
One would have thought that a literal invisible man would be drafted much higher than this, but in my all-knowing wisdom, I attended his pro day earlier in March. I realized quickly that IsHe…ReallyInvisible is only actually invisible when he is completely naked. I understand that his DSFL team tried some tricky plays regarding this, but quickly found out that it is in fact a penalty (actually it’s illegal and the player was charged with a misdemeanor). This was recognized as a “character flaw” by most teams, hence his drop in draft stock. If Amulos and Titan put any effort at all into their work they would have realized that he would most definitely end up in New Orleans.
I pity each of you, you are not worthy of my time.
Round 2 – Pick 28
Kelvin Harris (S)
I have elected to stop here. I realized that Amulos and Titan are not my equals in any way, and therefore it was useless to demonstrate just how badly they did on their mock drafts any more. Sarasota picks up Kelvin Harris here, a solid Safety that fills a need for the team. They also continue the onslaught of Secondary players getting drafted in the second round. Sarasota looks to continue building on their winning ways in Season 28 / 29 with this pick, and I hope they make it back to the Ultimus so we in New Orleans can crush them this time around.
In conclusion – I am the best, Amulos and Titan are the worst.
3044 words