READY FOR GRADING
Hello! After declaring late for the S28 DSFL season Teddy Murphy was claimed off waivers by the Portland Pythons less than an hour after league approval. Rumor has it that Murphy found out he was cleared to play when Pythons management called to congratulate him on joining the team. Similarly we didn't tell Teddy he was due for a press conference today, but we have him here now so ask anything you want of the fresh meat newest member of the Portland Pythons.
@zeagle1
What made you decide to jump ship over to the ISFL?
I wasn't able to snag an offseason job in the SHL this time around so naturally the only reasonable solution was to sign up for a months-long commitment so that I don't get too bored during my free time over the next 2ish weeks. It is a flawless plan that makes perfect sense if you don't think about it.
On a scale from 1-10 with 10 being the highest, how lucky do you feel that you ended up on Portland?
Look here bub, I'd been on the site less than an hour before @Faelax sent me a LR invite on Discord. I hadn't even had time to figure out how many teams there are in the league let alone look anything up about them. That being said I am a big fan of the Portland branding, I've been known to occasionally say "sneky snek" in casual conversation. On top of that it's also nice to see some familiar faces in the LR from the SHL and people I know from there that I haven't really had an opportunity to get to know so overall Portland seems like a good place for me to end up and sneky snek my way to stardom in the ISFL.
What are your goals for your player?
For Murphy I am not entirely sure on the specifics just yet. I created him as a coverage linebacker so if I can end up owning the middle of the field like Luke Kuechly did for the Carolina Panthers, then that's as good as it gets. Realistically though I joined after the draft and just missed the predictions deadline so my expectations are fairly tempered for the start of my career. Starting this far behind on TPE right now my sole objective is to not embarrass any of my new sneky friends as a rookie and next season hopefully have a real impact on the field.
How are you liking everything so far? Anything better than the SHL? Worse?
I'm enjoying the league so far for sure. Overall I'd just say that the ISFL is different. Each league is ahead of the other in some ways, but in others it feels like they're in the dark ages. I love the idea of a wiki page as a historical project to bring life and build the lore of the ISFL and some of the tools y'all have put together to track player stats really look awesome. The other side of the coin though is the banking and update assistant are rough. Banking through forum posts and a g-sheet feels so archaic compared to the system over in the SHL, and if I didn't already know how to create hyperlinks and format updates the updaters here would be looking at some pretty heinous updates from Mr. Murphy. But honestly going back to looking at the SHL season index is going to be a sad day for me once the season starts back up.
How skilled are you at underperforming in the playoffs?
Not very skilled at all thank you very much! I've been doing Kelowna's tactics since S55.. or 56 can't remember and the team has had a few down seasons with players getting called up and trades made to accumulate draft assets, but even through all that come playoffs we have always been competitive and even stole a series from Anaheim in our worst season since I joined the SHL. It's super unfortunate that your Quebec City Citadelles won the playoff series so handily after we won the regular season matchups 4-1-1, but that ain't on me. I had a family ski trip last week and our other FHM person in the LR had school get crazy so we sought outside help for our tactics that series and y'all caught some good breaks to go with absolutely stellar goaltending to win the series.
@CementHands
What is the jump like going from a male underwear model to a professional football player?
I wish it were easy, really I do. After my modeling career was derailed from all the uproar caused by men feeling wholly inadequate seeing my bulge things got dark. I lost all of my money on a misplaced period betting on my Towson Tigers to actually win a football game for once in their lives and resorted to using my body to get a place to sleep each night. There are just only so many times a man can sleep with Shakira before taking a good long look in the mirror and realizing that I can't keep sleeping with her and all the other women around the world just so I have a roof over my head. And they'd never let me sleep through the night either, I'd barely get 2 hours at a time before they'd get handsy and I would need to swallow my pride to whore myself out. When I had that epiphany I initially struggled to find work where I could also show my sculpted physique and tree trunk thighs to the world. Apparently people don't want to eat their frozen yogurt off of these washboard abs. I finally ended up choosing a career in football and honestly I'm mad at myself that it took this long. Sure I've received several written notices and will probably be suspended for exposing my midriff during a game, but the pants are wonderfully tight. The people get to see every fiber of muscle in my ass during games, sometimes I shift my footing and give it a little shake for anyone watching to keep everyone's attention on the field. Overall football has really saved me from a dark place in my life and I am so grateful to the best team sport on the planet.
@Naosu
Who is more aggressive, Park or Murphy?
Park.
Will you max earn here, disregarding starting your player at a bad time?
Ideally, my only hesitation is around the seasonal funding for the ISFL. All of the tasks I can and will get done, but I feel like my new boss is going to need someone he trusts holding down the fort in the SHL while he vacations in Honolulu and claims to be "studying" for "finals" and doing "projects" so my responsibilities there may make it difficult for me to earn the $20m+ I'll need to max earn here. Especially considering that my agent has yet to get me a contract with Portland. I trust the guy, but I'm a little antsy over how long the negotiation process is taking. If you're watching this Murphy you'd better quite fucking around and get me a contract!
Are you aware of HO's blatant disregard to the #FireFrolf movement and how he still holds his position?
I am unaware of this controversy, but if you're asking a brand new player to the league about it I'm sure I will find out soon enough. I hope there's lots of juicy details, or at least funny ones like someone trading a 3rd round pick 800 times cause they're drafting drunk. Which is certainly better than driving drunk, but not by much folks. Don't do anything potentially alliterative when drinking folks. That includes things such as dancing, drooling, dealing cards, dealing drugs, deciding, or developing a dependency on Dippin Dots' delectable dairy-based delicacies.