Alright, so here me out. We’re gonna start out with some hard nose football. Because if you get three yards a run, with four downs you’re gonna get a first down every time. I’m gonna run those high schoolers into the ground. You know what? I’m not even gonna bother using the runningback. We have five O-linemen. Who even needs that many? Just use four and have the other one run as fast as they can up the middle, taking down whoever they run into. If we absolutely destroy the other time with smashmouth on a level the world has never seen, then we will win. on defense, all out blitzes every single down. first and ten? all out blitz. second and 1? all out blitz. You ever play madden and do a punt block during like first down? that’s exactly what i’m doing. In fact, i’m gonna try to trick them. I’m literally gonna have every single defensive player be a DT, but imma put them all in their own end zone, no matter where the other team’s offense is. The offense could be at their own one yard line and i’d have the DTs in the end zone. But then, once the ball is snapped, every DT all at once just rushes downfield. They’re not even aiming at the QB, they’re just running. You ever seen how in the lion king the bison or whatever are stampeding and kill mufasa? Well that’s gonna be what this would be like, except instead of bison it’s DT’s and instead of lions it’s opposing players. Imagine being the runningback, running upfield and watching 12 300 pound DTs running at you at full speed. You’d be literally destroyed.
You have been contacted by your old high school, who have just had their head coach resign. They have asked you to come back and coach a game for their football team, while they look for a new coach. What ends up happening during the game? How are you able to inspire the players? Do you end up taking a permanent job at the school?
Obviously, I help them out for sure. This team is what got me into Purdue, and I poured my heart and soul into the game for them and would be willing to do it again. I think I would definitely be able to help them out, my experience in the DSFL has given me a ton to work with and I had the opportunity to work with a lot of great coaches throughout my time in High school, college and the pro level that I could lean on. I think the first thing I'd do is check what areas the team excels at so that we can lean on it more heavily come game time. In high school, I am guessing that will be the run game. Running QB, alongside a good RB and running a lot of gadget plays to take advantage of poor communication. I think being able to bring in the plethora of plays I've witnessed and been a part of could really revamp the offense for sure. As far as taking on a permanent role, I doubt I would be able to until after my pro career is done. There just isn't enough time during the season to carver that out. BUT... after making the hall of fame in the ISFL, I think it would be pretty neat to do so as a coach too...
Ah, it’s good to be back at William Chrisman High School in Independence, Missouri. I’m Jed Podolak and I was asked back to coach a game following the resignation of the former head coach. Seems like he was frustrated that the team wasn’t doing better and felt that the team had given up on each other – or really he felt they had given up on him as a coach.
But these are high schoolers. I doubted they had given up at all. What I did notice when I got to the practice just prior to the game was they weren’t having a lot of fun. Now I play football to win, but I really want others to love the game I love. You’ve got to play for the love of the game itself above all else first and foremost.
So, I called the offensive and defensive captains over and asked a few things about how the coach ran the team. Seems he ruled with an iron fist and in a very conventional way. He ignored any requests to open the game up with more balls in the air on offense and blitzing on defense. He was killing their love of the game.
So, win, lose or draw I made a decision right then and there. We developed a couple of new pass plays including a gimmicky flea flicker and added a risky blitz or two and drilled those hard. Then we set up a scrimmage where the QB and defensive captain, our middle linebacker, called all the plays. It was still fairly rough, but the kids were having fun and it did look better and better as the practice came to a close.
The night of the game, I called the team together minutes before the game and told them I knew they were going to win that night and that they were going to win their way. Like in the practice, the captains were going to call the game. Not me. I was going to chat with them all through the game with coaching on how it was going, but when they went into the huddle it was going to be their call. The captains’ eyes lit up at the thought and the team let out a huge whooop!
The game went well. We played more competitively than ever. Turned out we could have lost but made a great last stand as our opponents were making their last drive as seconds ran out. The difference was the new blitz call that the LB made on a hunch. In the end, the game ended in a tie, but the kids shook hands and ran off the field as if they had just won the super bowl. Their confidence and love of the game was back!
Will I stay on? Maybe. I do retire at the end of this season.
Doy Fieri was something of a local celebrity during his days at Roosevelt High School in Minneapolis, MN. It was partly due to the fact that he was a star football player, but it was also because he constantly brought food from his parents' restaurant - Slatt's Soul Food. Numerous times a month, Doy (formerly Vance Slattery) would bring in tubs of food from the restaurant - fried chicken, mac and cheese, grits, hush puppies - and just set up shop in the cafeteria during lunch, slinging out food for all the kids.
To that end, when Doy got the call that his high school needed a coach for a game, he thought to himself, "what better way to motivate kids with food?" Before the game, Doy brought in a whole mess of soul food - specifically chicken fried steak, green bean casserole, and mashed potatoes - into the locker room and told his players to dig in. And dig in they did. That team devoured every last bit of food that Fieri brought them. "Damn, these kids are going to have so much energy after this," Doy thought to himself.
Unfortunately, Doy did not think through his motivation tactic. Within minutes of kickoff, he had numerous players leaving the field complaining of cramps and nausea, with a number of players actually throwing up right there on the field. The happenings forced Roosevelt to have to forfeit the game while still in the first quarter, due to the fact that they didn't have enough healthy players to field a team.
Roosevelt High apologized to fans and parents, and assured them that Doy Fieri will not be asked to be a coach for the team ever again.
Being one of the most well tenured members of the league can mean that practice schedules can start feeling tedious. At this point in his career, Nakamura knows how to play the game and adapt to defenses, so a lot of the work he needs to do week to week is maintaining physical shape and watching opponent's tape. So when the opportunity came to come back to his alma mater, Bellevue High School, for a couple of days a week during the season, Nakamura saw the chance to take on a new challenge in the sport of football. After their head coach and offensive coordinator both left midseason to take on roles at the college level, BHS needed a great offensive mind to help the school stay in title contention down the stretch. Luckily for Nakamura, BHS had just the tools he needed to build an elite offense: a lightning quick running back and a mean offensive line. Adding in a dual threat QB into the mix was lethal for Bellevue, as they ran all around and over opposing defenses. They dominated control of the ball by rushing 40-50 times a game, setting the pace and keeping their defense fresh and ready to lock opponents down. No one quite knows why Coach Nakamura refused to let BHS backup RB Gunther Bjornthorson see any touches but hey, they won games still.
Unfortunately my own career as a professional takes priority, but I decided to take this chance and coach up my old high school's current football team, and I didn't hold back!
The school is just as good at football as it was when I was there (okay, maybe not *as* good as when I was playing). They knew that they were good though, so I had to step in and humble them in their last practice before the game. I covered every receiver in drills and then played receiver to show the defensive backs everything they lacked. They might've all resented me after practice, but once the Friday night lights kicked on, they locked in and shut down the opposing team. My team made the other team look like middle schoolers the way they were toying with them. Trucking players, pancaking them, swatting balls left and right, and coming down with one-handed catches in the end zone was enough to make their home crowd so excited that they almost couldn't wait until the end of the game to storm the field. No, seriously. Two seniors in the crowd actually stormed the field with 40 seconds left in the 4th quarter and had to be escorted out of the stadium...
Anyways...
With a decisive 38-0 victory, I coached my old high school to its 10th win of the season after generating 5 interceptions on the defensive end and 0 turnovers on the offensive end! The boys made me proud, and I know they'll continue the legacy I left behind and leave behind their own for the players after them to continue.
Bender was asked to coach his old high school's football team after the head coach was mugged by a mysterious robot. The head coach had enough of Tijuana's crime so he packed up and left town, leaving the team midway through the season. Bender had always wanted to be a role model for kids and would never miss an opportunity to yell at teenagers. So he took the job. When he showed up, the team was in bad shape. They hadn't won a game yet even though they were a well disciplined, clean cut team. Bender knew that he had to change the team culture. He took an old school approach, making every player (even the kicker) push the sled while he followed behind whipping them. He encouraged the players to booze it up after practice and benched the kids who would not participate. Friday came around and their first game was against the best team in the conference. Bender knew that the team needed a little extra help so he replaced the gatorade with beer. He walked around the sideline swearing at the players and smoking a cigar. He received a penalty when he told the ref to "Bite my glorious golden ass!" The team, filled with drunken strength, was able to pulled off the victory. He celebrated with them by handing out "cigars" that he personally rolled himself and smoking with them on the field. Bender was promptly fired.
During the weekend between week ten and week eleven of the international simulation football league Berlin Fire Salamanders Cornerback Jeeeeroy Lenkins was contacted about by his old high school's Principal Teacher (we shall refer to said teacher as Mr X for this piece). Mr X informed Lenkins that the school football teams Head Coach had stepped down from his role with immediate effect and they had nobody to take charge of the game. To make matters worst the school would need to forfeit the game and it was against their local rivals Holyrood Royal Catholics High School. If you have read one of my earlier pieces you will be aware that there is a statue of Lenkins outside of his school and being the staunch potestant that he is there was no chance he was going to gift Holyrood 3 points.
Lenkins got on his flight first thing Saturday morning and had arranged to meet the team at the local playing fields to go over a couple of things for the game Sunday morning and finalise the tactics for the upcoming game. Lenkins is in regular contact with the schools sports department so he is aware of who the key players are and what to expect from certain individuals. Lenkins got the team fired up and you would never have guessed he was acting as the teams interim coach. They brushed Holyrood aside comfortably winning 7-0, the post game celebrations were capped off in style with the teams usual rendition of Sweet Caroline (by Neil Diamond) blasting in the changing room.