05-04-2021, 10:27 AM
(This post was last modified: 05-05-2021, 11:07 AM by terriblehippo.)
"At last, a chance to talk about my favorite thing: myself. Plus, my agent says this will do wonders for my draft stock, so it's a double win for me.
"Alright, I'm ready for my questions now! Ask away!"
Top destinations for the DSFL draft? Anywhere you don't want to go? --slothfacekilla (via Discord)
"As much as I wanted to get away from Bikini Bottom -- and believe me, I wanted to get away from Bikini Bottom very much -- I still hear the ocean calling my name. So I'd just love to get to play somewhere close to the ocean. Norfolk has been great for me in that regard so far, but I certainly wouldn't mind getting to spend some time with Bondi Beach. But I'll play for whoever wants my talents the most."
How's work treating you? --slothfacekilla (via Discord)
"You mean the Krusty Krab? I left that dump the day I declared for the league. Football is my job now, and it's been okay so far. Would've liked to have had better stats and more wins this season, but I'm sure both of those things will change once I get drafted."
If you were only allowed to eat one dessert for the rest of your life what would you choose? --slothfacekilla (via Discord)
"My homemade souffle, of course! I had a...less than pleasant experience the last time I made one, but that was because of my moronic neighbors. Now that they're fathoms away from me, I'll be able to enjoy my cooking in peace."
What's your favorite food? --dude_man (via Discord)
"It's hard to find in Bikini Bottom, and even harder to find here, but I just love Canned Bread. I briefly lived in a gated community called Tentacle Acres, and the health depot there had shelves full of it. Since I moved out of Tentacle Acres I haven't had the opportunity to eat it as much as I would like, but once I'm a rich and famous football player I'm sure I'll get to have as much Canned Bread as I want."
Where do you think you will go in the DSFL? --dude_man (via Discord)
"Well not to brag too much, but I've already been scouted quite heavily by several DSFL teams. But I think I'll go to whoever has the number one pick; I believe that at the moment, that's Norfolk. So, between the excellent relationship I already have with the Seawolves brass and my prodigious talent, I'm confident that I'll be the first player selected in the draft. And if they don't take me? Well, I'll just have to let my play in Season 29 do the talking."
Marvel or DC? --dude_man (via Discord)
"I cannot decide. I mean, I am quite the marvel, aren't I? But on the other tentacle, I am certainly a distinguised cephalopod as well. So my answer is both."
Star Wars or Star Trek? --Arvot (via Discord)
"I am a star, thank you for the compliment! I certainly do not like wars: I'm a lover, not a fighter. But I also don't like treks or hikes or 'nature walks' or anything of that sort. I'd much rather be at home relaxing in a nice bubble bath. So, as much as I appreciate your kind words, I have to say neither."
Have you read any good books lately? --Arvot (via Discord)
"I am quite the voracious reader, so of course I have a stack of good books in my 'just read' pile. My personal favorites are Art of the Clarinet and Clarinet Road, but that's just because I'm so devoted to my craft. I'm also subscribed to quite a few magazines, quarterlies, and periodicals: 'Interpretive Dance Quarterly,' 'Fancy Living Digest,' 'Modern Crochet,' and 'Frown Digest,' just to name a few. I am quite the renaissance squid, if I do say so myself."
What was the last film you watched? --Arvot (via Discord)
"Ugh, I don't watch movies. That's for regular people who need their entertainment spoon-fed to them. I much prefer to read, like I already talked about, and on the rare occasion when I don't want to read anything, I'll turn on the radio; depending on my mood, I listen to either classic music or talk shows. But I certainly don't watch movies."
Have you thought about trying to adapt your other limbs to use to make catching easier, or do you think they provide too much value to your speed? --Tesla
"What an excellent, me-centric question! Catching is already extremely easy for me, because of both my natural skill and the dozens of suckers that cover my hands and arms, so I've never worried about my ability to catch the football. My four legs give me a huge advantage over the air-breathers I play against, so I don't think I'll change up my technique anytime soon. Maybe I'll re-evaluate after a few seasons, but I don't see my speed or my catching to be an issue at all."
If a prospect named Humanward Armsandlegs came out, would they be your best friend or worst rival (possibly second worst after Squilliam Fancyson III given your history there)? --Tesla
"Squilliam is absolutely my worst rival, and this Armsandlegs person would have to be pr-etty bad to replace him. But I also don't think that this person would be my best friend either. I try not to keep too many friends, as they tend to get in the way of my fame and success. I could see myself being co-workers with them, or even in the same art class at community college, but 'best friend' is a bit of a stretch. Plus, what kind of ridiculous name is 'Humanward Armsandlegs'?"
What is the favorite play name you have heard in all of your time interacting with football? Example: Spider 2 Y Banana --Tesla
"I'm a big fan of the Lonesome Polecatfish. Not only is it a fantastic name for a football play, it's one that I have loads of fun with. It really gives the receivers -- i.e., me -- plenty of space to work with, and it takes so much pressure off of the quarterback that even Bikini Bottom University's average [i]at best[i] quarterbacks could get me the ball with no problem. It's certainly a play I'm going to encourage my future DSFL and ISFL teams to run with some frequency."
What is your preferred method of celebrating a win? Bonus points: what is your preferred method of taking the sting out of a loss? --Tesla
"I've had plenty of opportunities to refine my post-win celebration; my teams at BBU won quite often, thanks to yours truly. After a win, I like to go home, light a few candles, and take a long bubble bath while listening to clarinet music. After the bath, I eat a few bon-bons and do some light reading, then get into bed at a reasonable time so I get plenty of beauty sleep. To take the sting out of a loss, I like to make sure my teammates and coaches all know exactly what they did wrong and where they need to do better. Football is a team sport, so I pride myself on my ability to point out everyone else's mistakes so that they can not make those mistakes anymore. Oh, and I paint some self-portraits to make myself feel better too."
Does the football helmet double as a water helmet? --WildfireMicro
"Naturally! A squirrel from my hometown invented it just for me -- apparently I'm the very first ocean dweller to play football on land. It's one-of-a-kind, just like me."
Is Spongebob your biggest fan? --WildfireMicro
"That barnacle brain? If he isn't, I'm sure he thinks that he is. But I haven't spoken with Spongebob since I left Bikini Bottom. The biggest thing that football has given me was the chance to move out of my small hometown and escape my childish neighbors. Spongebob and the rest of those bottom feeders could never truly appreciate me."
What do you think you bring to a team? --WildfireMicro
"In short: everything. My talent, skill, and ability on the football field are all unparalleled, so I can come in right away and immediately help teams win games. But I'm also more cultured than the average football player, so I appeal to a wide range of people. I can talk about many different subjects at length, so I can bring in fans from all walks of life. And I'm incredibly unique: I mean, how many other players in the league are from the ocean floor? That's marketable, and every team wants a player that they can market. I'm an all-around kind of player, and teams love that about me."
How's the flute game treating you? --goodfortunecoffee
"Next question."
Oops I mean clarinet. --goodfortunecoffee
"I SAID next question."
Do any of the DSFL teams branding interest you? --goodfortunecoffee
"Like I've mentioned, I would feel right at home continuing to play in Norfolk, and I know I'd enjoy playing in Bondi Beach as well. I'm intrigued by the idea of a 'birddog'; it sounds like a truly fascinating creature, even though I haven't had the best interactions with birds. I also like London's branding. I certainly think of myself as football royalty, so getting to play for the Royals seems like a match made in heaven."
How committed are you to sticking with WR? --goodfortunecoffee
"Well, I think it's the position I'm most naturally suited for. Wide receivers need to be fast and good at catching the football, and I excel in both areas. If I had to play another position, I suppose I could, but I'd want to play a position where I could still show off my skills. To me, that means quarterback or running back; I could certainly do well as a tight end, but all of that blocking just isn't my thing."
"Alright, I'm ready for my questions now! Ask away!"
Top destinations for the DSFL draft? Anywhere you don't want to go? --slothfacekilla (via Discord)
"As much as I wanted to get away from Bikini Bottom -- and believe me, I wanted to get away from Bikini Bottom very much -- I still hear the ocean calling my name. So I'd just love to get to play somewhere close to the ocean. Norfolk has been great for me in that regard so far, but I certainly wouldn't mind getting to spend some time with Bondi Beach. But I'll play for whoever wants my talents the most."
How's work treating you? --slothfacekilla (via Discord)
"You mean the Krusty Krab? I left that dump the day I declared for the league. Football is my job now, and it's been okay so far. Would've liked to have had better stats and more wins this season, but I'm sure both of those things will change once I get drafted."
If you were only allowed to eat one dessert for the rest of your life what would you choose? --slothfacekilla (via Discord)
"My homemade souffle, of course! I had a...less than pleasant experience the last time I made one, but that was because of my moronic neighbors. Now that they're fathoms away from me, I'll be able to enjoy my cooking in peace."
What's your favorite food? --dude_man (via Discord)
"It's hard to find in Bikini Bottom, and even harder to find here, but I just love Canned Bread. I briefly lived in a gated community called Tentacle Acres, and the health depot there had shelves full of it. Since I moved out of Tentacle Acres I haven't had the opportunity to eat it as much as I would like, but once I'm a rich and famous football player I'm sure I'll get to have as much Canned Bread as I want."
Where do you think you will go in the DSFL? --dude_man (via Discord)
"Well not to brag too much, but I've already been scouted quite heavily by several DSFL teams. But I think I'll go to whoever has the number one pick; I believe that at the moment, that's Norfolk. So, between the excellent relationship I already have with the Seawolves brass and my prodigious talent, I'm confident that I'll be the first player selected in the draft. And if they don't take me? Well, I'll just have to let my play in Season 29 do the talking."
Marvel or DC? --dude_man (via Discord)
"I cannot decide. I mean, I am quite the marvel, aren't I? But on the other tentacle, I am certainly a distinguised cephalopod as well. So my answer is both."
Star Wars or Star Trek? --Arvot (via Discord)
"I am a star, thank you for the compliment! I certainly do not like wars: I'm a lover, not a fighter. But I also don't like treks or hikes or 'nature walks' or anything of that sort. I'd much rather be at home relaxing in a nice bubble bath. So, as much as I appreciate your kind words, I have to say neither."
Have you read any good books lately? --Arvot (via Discord)
"I am quite the voracious reader, so of course I have a stack of good books in my 'just read' pile. My personal favorites are Art of the Clarinet and Clarinet Road, but that's just because I'm so devoted to my craft. I'm also subscribed to quite a few magazines, quarterlies, and periodicals: 'Interpretive Dance Quarterly,' 'Fancy Living Digest,' 'Modern Crochet,' and 'Frown Digest,' just to name a few. I am quite the renaissance squid, if I do say so myself."
What was the last film you watched? --Arvot (via Discord)
"Ugh, I don't watch movies. That's for regular people who need their entertainment spoon-fed to them. I much prefer to read, like I already talked about, and on the rare occasion when I don't want to read anything, I'll turn on the radio; depending on my mood, I listen to either classic music or talk shows. But I certainly don't watch movies."
Have you thought about trying to adapt your other limbs to use to make catching easier, or do you think they provide too much value to your speed? --Tesla
"What an excellent, me-centric question! Catching is already extremely easy for me, because of both my natural skill and the dozens of suckers that cover my hands and arms, so I've never worried about my ability to catch the football. My four legs give me a huge advantage over the air-breathers I play against, so I don't think I'll change up my technique anytime soon. Maybe I'll re-evaluate after a few seasons, but I don't see my speed or my catching to be an issue at all."
If a prospect named Humanward Armsandlegs came out, would they be your best friend or worst rival (possibly second worst after Squilliam Fancyson III given your history there)? --Tesla
"Squilliam is absolutely my worst rival, and this Armsandlegs person would have to be pr-etty bad to replace him. But I also don't think that this person would be my best friend either. I try not to keep too many friends, as they tend to get in the way of my fame and success. I could see myself being co-workers with them, or even in the same art class at community college, but 'best friend' is a bit of a stretch. Plus, what kind of ridiculous name is 'Humanward Armsandlegs'?"
What is the favorite play name you have heard in all of your time interacting with football? Example: Spider 2 Y Banana --Tesla
"I'm a big fan of the Lonesome Polecatfish. Not only is it a fantastic name for a football play, it's one that I have loads of fun with. It really gives the receivers -- i.e., me -- plenty of space to work with, and it takes so much pressure off of the quarterback that even Bikini Bottom University's average [i]at best[i] quarterbacks could get me the ball with no problem. It's certainly a play I'm going to encourage my future DSFL and ISFL teams to run with some frequency."
What is your preferred method of celebrating a win? Bonus points: what is your preferred method of taking the sting out of a loss? --Tesla
"I've had plenty of opportunities to refine my post-win celebration; my teams at BBU won quite often, thanks to yours truly. After a win, I like to go home, light a few candles, and take a long bubble bath while listening to clarinet music. After the bath, I eat a few bon-bons and do some light reading, then get into bed at a reasonable time so I get plenty of beauty sleep. To take the sting out of a loss, I like to make sure my teammates and coaches all know exactly what they did wrong and where they need to do better. Football is a team sport, so I pride myself on my ability to point out everyone else's mistakes so that they can not make those mistakes anymore. Oh, and I paint some self-portraits to make myself feel better too."
Does the football helmet double as a water helmet? --WildfireMicro
"Naturally! A squirrel from my hometown invented it just for me -- apparently I'm the very first ocean dweller to play football on land. It's one-of-a-kind, just like me."
Is Spongebob your biggest fan? --WildfireMicro
"That barnacle brain? If he isn't, I'm sure he thinks that he is. But I haven't spoken with Spongebob since I left Bikini Bottom. The biggest thing that football has given me was the chance to move out of my small hometown and escape my childish neighbors. Spongebob and the rest of those bottom feeders could never truly appreciate me."
What do you think you bring to a team? --WildfireMicro
"In short: everything. My talent, skill, and ability on the football field are all unparalleled, so I can come in right away and immediately help teams win games. But I'm also more cultured than the average football player, so I appeal to a wide range of people. I can talk about many different subjects at length, so I can bring in fans from all walks of life. And I'm incredibly unique: I mean, how many other players in the league are from the ocean floor? That's marketable, and every team wants a player that they can market. I'm an all-around kind of player, and teams love that about me."
How's the flute game treating you? --goodfortunecoffee
"Next question."
Oops I mean clarinet. --goodfortunecoffee
"I SAID next question."
Do any of the DSFL teams branding interest you? --goodfortunecoffee
"Like I've mentioned, I would feel right at home continuing to play in Norfolk, and I know I'd enjoy playing in Bondi Beach as well. I'm intrigued by the idea of a 'birddog'; it sounds like a truly fascinating creature, even though I haven't had the best interactions with birds. I also like London's branding. I certainly think of myself as football royalty, so getting to play for the Royals seems like a match made in heaven."
How committed are you to sticking with WR? --goodfortunecoffee
"Well, I think it's the position I'm most naturally suited for. Wide receivers need to be fast and good at catching the football, and I excel in both areas. If I had to play another position, I suppose I could, but I'd want to play a position where I could still show off my skills. To me, that means quarterback or running back; I could certainly do well as a tight end, but all of that blocking just isn't my thing."
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