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Pay me, I'm poor
If anyone knows my brother Zak, Tugg Speedman, and I they know we are massive Cleveland Browns fans and season ticket holders. Zak even has a Browns tattoo but not one of those tacky ones I swear. Over the course of my couple of seasons in the league I have seen how teams have performed for 5 or so seasons and have some sort of idea of their future outlook. I thought it would be cool, more so funny, to lineup these teams with a Browns era and then point out some athletes on those Browns teams. As a Browns fan who is 30, most of my life has been bad football every Sunday. However, this gave me an opportunity to watch good football on Thursday's, late Sunday's, and even Monday's. Hell I've had the opportunity to watch the playoffs for 20 something years without a dog in the fight so it's been good I'd say. What to do and not to do. Plus, it makes the draft the most important, or sad depending on your perspective, day on the NFL calendar. I will say that I watched draft day and the movie wasn't that bad but it did highlight the anxiety I feel every April.
Also, please update your team wikipedia pages if they haven't been. It makes grabbing historical data that much easier for those of us without the game. Only two teams had records up through this past season which saved me time from going through each index.
Before I get into the team comparisons let us look at the best teams over the last 5 seasons. There are 2 teams that have 52 wins over this time period and 2 teams with 51. Both Arizona and Sarasota have been the best 2 teams winning 52 games, or just over 10 games on average each of the last 5 seasons. They both are the only teams to make the playoffs every season as well. Coming in at 51 wins is Yellowknife and Colorado. The rest is as follows:
1. Arizona - 52
2. Sarasota - 52
3. Yellowknife - 51
4. Colorado - 51
5. Orange County - 41
6. Chicago - 41
7. Berlin - 41
8. New York - 40
9. New Orleans - 39
10. San Jose - 36
11. Honolulu - 34
12. Austin - 33
13. Philadelphia - 28
14. Baltimore - 19
Team Comps
1. Arizona - (52-28) 1965-1969 Browns (49-20-1)
The Outlaws have been one of, if not the most consistent team over the last 5 seasons. They haven't missed the playoffs over this time period but all are 0-5 in their 5 playoff games. Talk about brutal. Despite the lack of playoff success they have been very competitive and maybe will get over the hump. After winning a championship in 1964 the Browns won at least 9 games, 1965 - 1969, over the next 5 seasons but failed to make it back to the championship. One of the main players during the era was Paul Warfield. As the Browns say, maybe next year is the year!
Paul Warfield - Taro Raimon
2. Sarasota - (52-28) 1964-1968 Browns (49-20-1)
Like Arizona, Sarasota has been a model of consistency. 5 playoff appearances and 1 Ultimus. The Sailfish are always able to stay afloat in the brutal National Conference and despite changing up management this offseason I think it's easy to see them back atop the division next season. Almost the same era as Arizona but if you include the 1964 championship it makes the 5 year window look different. I think we all know who Jim Brown is but that's the difference right now between those Outlaw teams and Sarasota.
Jim Brown - Chizuru Ichinose
3. Yellowknife - (51-29) 1954-1958 Browns (41-17-2)
Ahhhhhhh. My Yellowknife Wraiths. What can I say about them. They are the only team to win more than 1 championship during this time period. They have only made the playoffs 2 times over the 5 years, but in 2 of those 3 seasons they missed they have 10 wins. That's the reality of playing in this conference. They are also the only team with a perfect playoff record (5-0). So I guess when they make it they go all of the way. The only way I could find Browns with any competitive window where they won 2 championships was to go back to the 1950's. Old I know. With 2 championships in that time frame it's the best I can do. It should be easier once we get past the good teams lol. Otto Graham the man. A staple of those early Paul Brown teams. I like this comp given that Colby Jack is up there for one of the best to ever do it at the quarterback position.
Otto Graham - Colby Jack
4. Colorado - (51-28) 1985-1989 Browns (49-29-1)
The Yeti are an interesting team. Years of competitiveness but also a lack of any real big wins. They have never won less than 8 games and have won 12 and 13 games as well. They are very good but have failed to make it over that hump. This just screams 1985-1989 Browns to me. A ton of talent and good teams but they could never get over that hump. But hey, you got Bernie so that's something. That man is a national treasure.
Bernie Kosar - Mattathias Caliban
5. Orange County - (41-39) 1972-1976 Browns (33-35-2)
After years of being competitive, the Otters have entered a retool/rebuild era. With their only playoff appearance during this span coming 5 seasons ago. On a good note is that they never really did a full strip of talent. There only "bad" year they still went 6-10 which is respectable. They also have won more games each year after that 6 win season, so is it back to their old winning ways? Only time will tell. Greg Pruitt was a workhorse back in the 70's so who is to say that Mr. Goat Tank isn't the same after the position switch.
Greg Pruitt - Goat Tank
6. Chicago - (41-39) 1989-1993 Browns (32-47-1)
The Butchers have had some great years mixed with some mediocre years as of recently. In a conference that is this brutal it makes sense. Maybe they are starting to turn it around after two losing seasons, but gone are the seasons of competing near the top. While they never did win an Ultimus over the last 5 years they did have a couple seasons with 10 and 12 wins. The late 80's and early 90's, otherwise known as the Belichick years, were marred with ups and downs. Hopefully for them it is more ups than downs. In a long line of excellent Browns running backs, maybe Madison Hayes can be their version of Kevin Mack. At least I hope so for my fantasy teams sake.
Kevin Mack - Madison Hayes
7. Berlin - (41-39) 1976-1980 Browns (43-33)
With back to back expansion teams on this list we can see that the future is now old man. But for real, Berlin has been dominant the last 2 years. I would expect them to be back amongst the best teams in the league and looking for some good playoff luck. After claiming the first seed two years in a row it led them to a one game exit 2 years ago and this year they got beat handily by the other expansion team. Maybe this team will have better luck than the teams of the 80's did in Cleveland. With Brian Sipe under center the Browns were very competitive. Maybe Nick Kaepercolin is that guy.
Brian Sipe - Nick Kaepercolin
8. New York - (40-40) 1960-1964 Browns (43-21-4)
Hey another expansion team. New York was in a similar situation to Berlin in that they were competitive but weren't able to get to the championship. Well that's a thing of the past as the Silverbacks win the Ultimus just 5 seasons into their existence. It's all downhill from here! Just kidding, but it will be interesting to see if they built to outlast the other ASFC opponents. It's hard to throw them into a timeframe with the Browns since they haven't done all that much winning but let's use the 1960-1964 Browns since that ended with a championship. I can't use Jim Brown or Paul Warfield since they were already used, and since I can't forget about my brother Tugg let's go with Gary Collins. Fun fact, Gary Collins was one of their leading wide receivers AND their punter. LET TUGG PUNT!!
Gary Collins - Tugg Speedman
9. New Orleans - (39-41) 1991-1995 Browns (36-44)
The Second Line are hard to pin down. While they have 3 winning seasons and an Ultimus berth, they have barely been above .500 and even have a 5 year span of a losing record. So lots of good and equally lots of bad. Well what is worse than having your team taken overnight and moved to New Orleans. What if the Second Line marched right over to Houston. Bleh. I will say, they are very consistent. Almost Jeff Fisher esque. People may not know this but Vinny Testaverde was a Cleveland Brown. The perfect Belichick quarterback. Slothlisberger fits this mold and looks to have a career of similar length, maybe with more playoff wins though.
Vinny Testeerde - Ben Slothlisberger
10. San Jose - (36-43) 2002-2006 Browns (28-52)
The Sabercats are the only team to win back to back championships in recent memory, but only 1 of those wins count in this analysis. After winning they have been on the slow decline as they look to get back to their winning ways. With all of the winning taking place in the past and the future being uncertain, for this article anyways, we are going to compare San Jose to the 2002-2006 Browns. After expansion the Browns managed to get to the playoffs in their 4th year but back to the old Browns they say. Sorry I couldn't find a championship window that I could cover. I already gave all of those away, but hey, Jamar Lackson is kind of like William Green in that playoff year. Or maybe I'm just thinking about how good he was on NFL Blitz.
William Green - Jamar Lackson
11. Honolulu - (34-45) 2007-2011 Browns (28-54)
Similar to other ASFC teams, Honolulu has had up years mixed with downers. After winning 11 games in S27 they were ousted in the first playoff game and that is their only playoff appearance over this time frame. Everyone remember that year those Peyton Hillis years? Maybe not, but you definitely remember that Madden Cover. Despite a 10-6 record in 2007 the Browns were the Browns and continued to lose and draft poorly. Last season was a season to forget but at least Honolulu can look forward to the draft as they look to build on some great players they have. Get Cobra Kai on the next Madden Cover, or I guess just give us another season of Cobra Kai on Netflix.
Peyton Hillis - Cobra Kai
12. Austin - (33-46) 1981-1985 Browns (31-42)
Alternating losing seasons with good seasons, that must beam that the Copperheads are due for a bounce back campaign next year. A lot of these ASFC teams are similar where the NSFC teams seem to be more cyclical in their windows. The early 80's Browns teams were pretty inconsistent before Marty Schottenheimer came in. People say he is the best Browns coach ever. He has a Hall of Fame last name that's for sure, and I did love those Chargers' teams he coached. Austin is hoping to get back into he playoffs this year and if history has told us anything, "Your saying there's a chance". Ozzie Newsome lead these Browns teams of the early 80's in receiving and played his whole career here as well. Videl has been a staple of the Austin offense and a perennial Pro Bowler or whatever we call it.
Ozzie Newsome - Videl San
13. Philadelphia - (28-52) 2011-2015 Browns (23-57)
Back to the NSFC we go to take a look at a team that hasn't done much winning in the past but that's because they have done mostly a good amount of building. No playoff berths to their name and have won between 4 and 7 games every season, the Liberty are hoping to break .500 this season. Will it happen? Maybe. It reminds me of the 2011-2015 Browns. Shurmur, Chud, and Pettine. Yes those are head coaches, and no, none of them last for more than 2 years. Philadelphia will be drafting high again this year but are hoping that these picks will pan out so that they can start making some noise. They built from the line out as Alexander Franklin was one of the best offensive lineman this year. Had to get my Joe Thomas comp in as well as some O-Lineman love.
Alexander Franklin - Joe Thomas
14. Baltimore - (19-61) 2015-2019 Browns (17-62)
Last but not least are the Baltimore Hawks. I'm not going to lie, this is where the inspiration for this article came from. The 0-16 seasons. It immediately came to my mind as they inched closer to a winless seasons and I secretly was praying for it to happen. But, as most moneyball, front office, Bill Beane types will tell you it's better to sell the farm for a rebuild and stock assets than to be mediocre. Or at least I think that's what the Sasha Brown years were like. Baltimore was under new management and decided to move everything to clean house and build from the bottom up. It sucks but at the same time they are making massive strides. Is Frick a Hue Jackson? Is he a Freddie Kitchens? Or is he a Kevin Stefanski? We don't know and won't for a few more years. So let's just enjoy it. I love you Frick.
Browns Front Office - Frick
Now that you have all learned a little bit about the Browns and how they compare to real ISFL competition, you are more than welcome into the Dawg Pound whenever you like.