09-03-2021, 10:56 AM
(This post was last modified: 09-04-2021, 05:26 PM by allbetsonjames. Edited 2 times in total.)
Ok Folks it's that time of year again! Where the media cash flows like wine and I start to churn out half-baked and half-researched articles like the whore that I am. In what is becoming my favorite way to earn money, below I've presented a write-up of the unofficial top 5 finishes of the regular season, season 30.
As always, there were some great contenders and some tough cuts for the list. Week 2 Berlin v Sarasota was great. Chicago in Week 6 with an 83 yard TD pass for the win. Week 8 Colorado v Austin in OT. The Otters in Week 11 with a late score to tie and a score to win in OT. Ultimately, none of those made the list...though as I finished writing I realized maybe the cuts and rankings needed to be revisited. Oh well! Too late! My fingers are falling off so what's done is done.
Without further Ado I present to you, jzajenius36's:
The Season 30 top 5 finishes (regular season)
#5
Week 10
Baltimore Hawks at Berlin Fire Salamanders
Wildstar, you make my heart sing
Coming into this game, the Hawks had proven to be a real surprise squad. At 4-5, they had already exceeded expectations for the season. But they were no doubt big underdogs heading across the pond to face the 7-2 Berlin Fire Salamanders – who themselves ripped off 6 straight wins to start the year and whose two losses were by a combined 8 points.
Well the game started off with an angry Berlin team going right to work, trying to avenge its 1 point loss to New York the week before. After Baltimore kicker Galarraga missed a 45 yard field goal on its opening drive, Berlin dropped 17 straight points, including a 65 yard TD run by Danny King Jr. However, with just 2:40 left in the half, Berlin QB Nick Kaepercolin rolled left from his own end zone and tried to hook up with rookie wide out Troy Abed on a deep jump ball. But the ball is underthrown! Hawks linebacker AJ Lucas is able to catch up to Abed and out-muscles him for the ball! Abed goes crashing to the ground, but Lucas keeps his feet. Lucas turns upfield, gets a couple blocks, and is able to weave his way into the endzone for a pick 6! An absolutely phenomenal play by the Hawks stud linebacker, who cuts the lead to ten. The play carries momentum into the 2nd half, as the only score goes to Baltimore via a touchdown run by Busch Goose that cuts the lead to 3. The fourth quarter continues the trend. Both defenses, now fully locked in, stalemate both offenses for 13 straight minutes, until Berlin kicker Danny King Sr. 31 yard field goal. Berlin now leads, 20-14.
The Hawks offense, having been capable of mustering only 7 points in 58 minutes, gets one more crack at it, down 6. Rookie Gimmy Jaroppolo Jr proceeds to find his mojo, starting from his 27 and quickly moving into Berlin territory in less than a minute while spreading the ball around. Jaroppolo dinks and dunks and spikes his way to the Berlin 20 with 56 seconds to go. But after another spike its now 4th and 4. Jaroppolo hangs in the pocket and hits his tight end Makoa Mahi’ai for a ten yard first down! Spike. Another D. King jumps on the stat sheet, as Dante King grabs a ball for 7 more yards but is stopped short of the end zone by safety Derek Wildstar. Jaroppolo spikes. Third and goal from the 2 with 16 seconds. Jaroppolo drops back in the pocket looking for the win, but insteading of dropping into coverage, Derek Wildstar is sent off the right tackle on a blitz! He gets to Jaroppolo, wraps him up by the waist, and drops him for a loss of ten! The Fire Salamanders faithful goes nuts! Berlin players are dapping up Wildstar! But the rookie QB has his head on his shoulders. He gets up quick and gets his team back to the line of scrimmage immediately. Berlin defenders scramble to get back onsides with the coordinator frantically getting a coverage call in. Jaroppolo miraculously gets the snap off with 1 second left. He turns and fires left to his receiver Preston Parker, who makes the grab with off coverage, but he his hit and dropped immediately at the 3 by Swantavius Jones. Finally the clock runs out! A heroic attempt by Jaroppolo comes up just short as the Berlin secondary bends, but refuses to break. A massive sigh of relief is audible from the crowd and the celebration starts in earnest.
#4
Week 12
Colorado Yeti at Berlin Fire Salamanders
The King is DED
Well look who it is. Berlin is back on the list and looking for more late-game heroics. Its week 11 win was followed by a 5 point loss to Austin. Still, Berlin is 8-3 and sitting pretty. We mentioned how Berlin ripped off 6 straight wins to start the season and came down to earth a bit; meanwhile Colorado was on the other end of that spectrum. Colorado swept 4 preseason games and then proceeded to go 1-4. They then proceeded to win 5 of its next 6. A rollercoaster season thru 11 games., but now sitting at above .500 at 6-5.
The first quarter saw a defense battle off the bat, with the only score coming on a Richard Gilbert 1 yard towchdown run to put the Yeti on top. Of more note in the quarter, the Fire Salamanders punter/kicker, Danny King trots out for 3 punts. More on that later. The second and third quarters saw a back and forth battle, with Berlin putting up 15 points to the Yeti’s 6. 15-13 Berlin going into the fourth quarter. 3 more punts by Danny King put his total at 6. Add on a 23 and a 39 yard field goal to make his total kicks 8 for the day – not including all the kickoffs. Bear with me please!
The fourth quarter continues to see uninspiring play from both offenses. Colorado picks up 3 points early in the quarter to take the lead, 16-15. This is followed up with a long, but ultimately stalled drive from Berlin and another punt for King. Now time is starting to tick with only 5:22 remaining. The Berlin defense does its job again, forcing a 3-and-out, and setting up Nick Kaepercolin and his offense with a first down at its own 25 with 4:10 remaining. Something finally starts to click offensively as two first downs later, Berlin has 2:00 just shy of midfield; however, a false start and three plays later find Berlin with a 4th and 11 and 1:30 left. Danny King Jr. is called out for a 56 yarder. The kick is short and wide – never had a chance. Colorado takes over at its own 46, with 1:30 left. Berlin with only 2 timeouts left. Things are looking good.
Colorado lines up in a heavy set. But wait, it’s a play action. The Yeti are looking to throw? Mattathias Caliban sidesteps in the pocket, can’t find anyone, and then scrambles right. Now he looks left. His captain Raphael Delacour has two steps on his defender. Caliban loads up and fires a ball long and high, across his body, down the opposite sideline. But the distance proves too much! The flight path and air under it allows the cover safety, Swantavius Jones, to come over and make a play on the ball. Jones and Delacour collide in mid air! The Berlin sideline is screaming for a penalty! But no flags are out! Both players go crashing to the ground after what looked to be helmet-to-helmet contact. Delacour stays down for a few moments collecting himself. Jones, who fell forward 5 yards, pops up immediately with the ball high in his hand. Interception! Jones is mobbed on the sidelines. An inexplicable call and play execution from the Yeti who seemed to only need to run the clock out!
Berlin still has work to do, down to 2 timeouts at its own 29, with 1:17 left. 4 plays and 19 yards later, Berlin uses its final timeout. Third and 1 from its own 48, with 41 seconds. Kaepercolin hits his tight end, Clark Boyd, for 4 yards and a first down. Ball spiked. Kaepercolin, now in rythym, looks downfield on the next play and finds wide out Tychondrius Hood on a terrific throw into space for 23 yards! First down at the Yeti 23! The offense runs to the line of scrimmage where Kaepercolin waits for the clock to tick down, takes the snap, and spikes the ball. 1 second left. Hood and his QB come off the field to butt and helmet snaps from teammates. There is no celebration yet, but it appears the improbable has happened after Berlin missed a 56 yard field goal just a minute and a half ago, seemingly having lost the game.
Danny King Jr trots out with the special teams. King, having made two short field goals and missed a 56 yarder, is looking for precious redemption. This will be a 40 yarder. The snap is down, the kick is up, its got the leg! It starts left! Fading in…fading in….NO! Wide left! King missed it! Yeti players come sprinting onto the field to celebrate! A look of Bewilderment on Nick Kaepercolin’s face. Two chances for a game winning field goal are missed. Immediate finger pointing begins as commentators and reports after the game asking if King will still be on the roster tomorrow. Questioning why King had to bear the load of all kicks and punts that day. The final tally for punts and kicks for King stood at 10. Was his leg tired? Whatever the case was, the loss was a part of Berlin losing 5 of its last 6 games and contributing to it losing the Division by two games. Sometimes that’s just how the game goes, but it may lead to some shake ups for Berlin next year. For Colorado, a great win, but the suspect play calling is what it is. The Yeti went on to lose 3 of its next 4 games itself.
#3
Week 2
Austin Copperheads at Chicago Butchers
[2- point conversion failed]
Week 2. What a time to be alive. The birds are chirping, the sun is out, and both teams are 1-0 coming into this game. The world is their oyster! And yet, it’s still the beginning of the season, and there are still growing pains to be experienced. This includes Butchers linebacker Alejandro Chainbreaker, who was so amped up he was called for offsides on the first play from scrimmage after the kickoff. This would prove to be the theme of the first quarter for both teams. In fact, Austin appeared to be so offended by this initial penalty to start the game that they went all out trying to one-up it. Austin committed 4 1st-quarter penalties, including two on back-to-back plays. Austin also punted twice. And yet, heading into quarter 2, we are tied at 3.
Both offenses finally got the motor started in Q2. Greg O’Donnell ended Q1 marching the Butchers from its own 8 to the Austin 45, and picked up where he left off, driving all the way down for a 6 yard TD toss to WR Mike Hunt. A 6 and a half minute drive. O’Donnell lead Chicago to a subsequent TD on a Madison Hayes grab. This was immediately followed up with a 75 yard TD toss on the next play from Jackie Daytona to Videl-San. Despite Chicago trying to run out the clock, they’re somehow able to advance 40 yards on 6 straight running plays - into field goal range where Sam Sidekick tacks on a 51 yard field goal to end the half. 20-10 Chicago.
The halftime speech in the locker room appeared to work for Austin, as the defense came out and finally figured out what they were up to. Greg O’Donnell is picked off by rookie linebacker Dan O’Leary after rookie free safety Dee Walt, who doubles as an occasional slot receiver, is unable to secure the catch and pops the ball into the air. Daytona has the Copperheads in the end zone two plays later, hooking up with Bayley Cowabunga for 6. Not to be outdone by his fellow linebacker, the terror himself Brach Thomaslacher gets to O’Donnell off the edge for an 11 yard sack on Chicago’s subsequent drive, forcing a punt. The punting teams for both teams battle it out over the next 5 minutes. Eventually, Jackie Daytona finds a groove and moves the Copperheads downfield, including a 40 yard strike to Jimmy Vampire. The drive is capped off by a two yard rushing score via Zoe Watts. What a turnaround. Austin ends the quarter up 24-20.
The fourth quarter saw both teams begin to revert to first-quarter mistakes. Daytona takes a sack on its first drive, compounded with an unnecessary roughness penalty on Cowabunga. Not to be outdone, Mike Hunt is called for tripping on the ensuing drive, followed by O’Donnell throwing another pick. This time by Maverick Bowie, who jumps the slant to WR Luca Scabbia. The game is devolving. Another unsportsmanlike conduct penalty backs Austin up. Daytona is then picked by Chainbreaker, who returns it 9 yards to the Austin 7. But Chicago cannot get the gears working and settle for 3. Despite yet another unnecessary roughness penalty, Austin gets it going. On a 3rd and 17, somehow Daytona is able to find a streaking Doug Howlett down the seam with no safety help. Howlett gets a devastating block from Videl-San, and he is sprung for 82 yards to the house! 31-23 Austin.
Greg O’Donnel and the Butchers offense continue to sputter. They are unable to convert on a 4th and 13 with 1:50 left. Turnover on downs. But the Butchers defense is also to hold, using all its timeouts and forcing a punt. After a booming 57 yard punt, Chicago will get one more shot down 8 with 42 seconds left, at its own 21. After a facemask from Austin breathes life into the drive, O’Donnell is able to hit Bowie for 20 yards and a spike. Next play with 19 seconds, O’Donnell to Scabbia – who escapes the grasp of two defenders, and wiggles his way for a 30 yard gain down to the 5.
But the clock is ticking!
O’Donnell and the offense sprint to the line. The Copperheads are holding Scabbia down on the ground. Tempers continue to flare, but the refs set the ball and it is snapped and spiked by O’Donnell with 1 second left! Incredible! From its own 42 to the 1 yard line in 40 seconds and no timeouts.
The Copperheads line up in goal line formation, but the Butchers go 3-wide. O’Donnell surveys the field under center. He takes the snap and will not hand off – it’s a pass! It’s a straight bull rush from Austin! O’Donnell hangs in despite the pressure but does not toss a jump ball to a receiver. Instead he dumps the ball off to RB Hayes, who blocks and releases his man. Somehow the ball makes it through the flailing hands, arms, helmets, and bodies and lands softly in the mitts of Hayes. There are three Copperheads in the end zone, but Hayes was lost in the cluster. By the time they locate the running back, he’s got a head of steam heading towards the end zone. Hayes puts his shoulder down and lunges into the end zone before being met by multiple defenders. Touchdown! Wow! But the Butchers cannot celebrate. They’re still down 2! With no time left in the game, they’ll have to convert here to get to overtime…
[two point conversion failed]
What an exciting finish to an exciting game! Unfortunately, we’ll never know what happened. Probably the most infuriating thing about the sim. Not only do we not get a play here for the two-point conversion, the notification itself is just tacked on to the end of the touchdown call. So you don’t even get a chance to enjoy the score before realizing the game is over. Talk about a bummer. Nonetheless, an absolute thriller from the Butchers and Copperheads. A true rollercoaster of emotions.
# 2
Week 12
New Orleans Second Line at Arizona Outlaws
We can dance if you want to, we can leave your win behind…?
Honestly I could’ve come close to filling up this entire article with week 12 games. Every game was a one-score game. The average margin of victory was just over 4 points. The largest margin of victory was 8 points. And the craziest stat? That 8-point win was this game, the second best finish of the season! What a nutty week. That’s why they pay me the big bucks though, to dig into the games and find the subtle nuances that distinguish a ho-hum 1 point win from a thriller of an 8 point game.
To say this was the mismatch of the week would be a severe, severe understatement. We all know Arizona was a juggernaut this year, but for those not really paying attention (aka me before this week), ‘Zona went ahead and ripped off 9 wins in a row to start the season. If you include Season 29 regular season games, the Outlaws regular season streak capped out at 12-straight. Insane. Coming into week 12, they had won 13 of their last 14 regular season games. Yikes! Then there’s the Second Line. After finishing season 29 out strong with 5 wins in its last 6 games, it started off on the same foot, blowing out perennial powerhouse Orange County by 24 points. And then, the Outlaws. A 61-17 drubbing by Arizona in week 2 left the Second Line questioning if they were in fact ready to make the leap into contending status. While they were able to recover and pick up a win the following week, New Orleans – after having won 6 of 7 previous regular season games – lost 7 of its next 10. So needless to say there was a clear favorite coming into this week 12 rematch.
Arizona won the toss and elected to take the ball first. They would not give it back until Charlemagne Cortez marched his team 67 yards downfield, capped by a 7 yard Darren Pama TD grab. Oh boy, here we go. The first three plays for New Orleans had everyone thinking the same thing: these guys are completely outmatched. 1 yard run, sack, negative 1 yard run. Negative 10 yards on drive 1, and a punt. Thankfully NOSL punter Taipan Pete was able to bail out the offense, somehow booming a 54 yard pun from his own two yard line. The Second Line defense hung tough, forcing the Outlaws to settle for three. While New Orleans picked up a nice first down on a 19-yard chunk play, the quarter would come to an end three plays later. New Orleans punts again. 10-0 Arizona.
The Outlaws appeared ready to start salting this game away, as their next three plays all resulted in first downs and included a 10 yard run, and two completions of 14 and 17 yards. However, Cortez has his next pass deflected at the line of scrimmage and picked by linebacker Busch Light.. Remus Roman caps off the subsequent 47-yard drive with a touchdown plunge. New Orleans has life! Right? Just 4 plays into Arizona’s following drive, Cortez looks deep and hooks up with Daren Pama for a 56 yard bomb. His second TD of the day. Arizona would cash in on its next drive for another touchdown thanks to another big play – a 38 yard TD scamper from Deadly memes. A bloody and staggering Second Line is able to land a soft body shot before the half ends, poking a 24 yard field goal through; and are able to avoid a final shot from the Outlaws, who miss on a 53-yard attempt. 24-10 at the half…though it feels more like 54-10.
Coming out of halftime, one has to wonder – did ‘Zona just take its foot off the gas a bit and lose focus? Or did New Orleans actually figure out the Outlaw offense? While one has to think the former is more likely, we’ll give credit where it’s due. The Outlaws three possessions in the third quarter went: INT/punt/punt. 41 total yards. Unfortunately for New Orleans, their offense left them out to dry. A missed field goal, two punts, and a long drive ending in a field goal saw NOSL cut into the deficit by just 3 points. The fourth quarter seemed to reflect this sentiment entirely. The Second Line , having started from its own 23, took its last 3rd quarter drive into the fourth, and pushed the ball down to the Arizona 13 before having to settle for 3 again. Oh well, another 3 points makes it a 1-score game. Could be wor…DOINK! Taipan Pete shanks a 30 yarder! Oh no. The very next play – Cortez to Nakamura for 34 yards. He defense is running out of gas. The body shots continue. 7 yard run, 9 yard pass, 13 yard pass, 7 yard run, and the knockdown shot – 3 yard TD gash by Deadly Memes. 31-13 Arizona with 6:18 left. New Orleans QB Ben Slothlisberger deserves a bit of credit here. Although the Outlaws defense was happy to sit back and let time tick, Big Ben did drive his offense downfield. A four-yard pass to by RB Mike Rotchburns on fourth and inches found the Second Line with a first and goal at the Arizona 1. 1:42 to go. But the Outlaws defense makes a stand, aided in part by an illegal shift, Slothlisberger and his offense are unable to get in on 4 pass attempts, and they turn it over at the 1.
Cortez and the ‘Zona offense trots out with the game in hand. But there’s just one pesky little annoyance – they’re sitting at their own 1 yard line. The Outlaws come up and line up in…victory formation? New Orleans defenders start to crowd the box. Cortez takes the snap and attempts to immediately kneel the ball. The refs blow the whistle…but the back judge has his hands up…safety! Cortez’s knee was on the goal line. A head-scratching play call by the coaches. New Orleans has been gashed left and right by Arizona running backs, so why not just pound it up the middle? Instead Cortez has to try and kneel the ball with inches to spare. 31-15 Arizona. A beautiful 56 yard free kick by Cade York puts New Orleans at its own 19 yard line. Only 1:05 left and Arizona up 2 scores. This is still a snoozer. Until Big Ben finally decides to sound the alarm. Wake up!! Slothlisberger drops back, then drops back more. He’s got plenty of time. Looks right and sees Quinton Crash, who puts a double move on safety Wesley Eriksen and is now streaking wide open down the middle. Crash makes the grab and will go unmolested 81 yards downfield for the touchdown! Wow! In yet another coaching blunder – the Outlaws did not drop the safeties into deep cover-2 for reasons still unknown. Still, New Orleans needs a 2-pt conversion. Slothlisberger runs his team up to the line. He drops back to pass again. Hangs in the pocket. And rifles one in between coverage for Brock Bodenhammer, who holds on and crumples to the ground. 31-23 Arizona. What in the wide world of sports is going on? The Outlaws crowd is stunned silent. New Orleans is jumping around on the sidelines. 27 seconds still on the clock. Taipan Pete takes the Second Line hands unit onto the field for the onside kick attempt. You can hear a pin drop in Arizona as the wheels haven’t just fallen off, they’ve lit on fire and are barreling towards a group of small children. Pete takes an 8-pace stutter step and tops the ball to the left. It takes two quick bounces and takes a giant leap up, a perfect hit by the kicker. The Second Line special teamers ram into the Outlaws first wave and bodies fly. Everyone has lost sight of the ball. The refs are peeling players off a dogpile 12 yards downfield. They’re signaling….Arizona ball! L’Gazzy Burfict has it. He raises the ball high in the air and a collective wipe of forehead sweat is palpable in Arizona. A weird one comes to an end, this time with no problems on the kneel-down.
#1
Week 10
Yellowknife Wraiths at New Orleans Second Line
Blago sun, won’t you come
I swear I don’t mean to pile on. The Poor Second line. Really involved in some craziness in Season 30, generally on the losing end, unfortunately. And for the Wraiths? Well, isn’t it only appropriate that the league patriarch and soon-to-be-retired Colby Jack finds himself sitting atop the list of best finishes of season 30? How poetic. While the Wraiths finished unsurprisingly in second place in the NSFC, it was no thanks to their rocky start. The Wraiths came into week 10 at 4-5, struggling to stay above water. Meanwhile, we just went over how New Orleans had started. A promising drubbing of the Otters on opening night followed by up-and-down performances, ultimately leaving them at 4-5. So a real lynchpin game for both these teams – one trying to make a jump in the standings, one trying to bring themselves level to .500 and get out of first gear.
Both teams were coming off promising wins. For the Second Line, it was a true manhandling of Colorado. Its running backs, Remus Roman and Mike Rotchburns, combined for 181 yards on the ground on only 23 carries, with three touchdowns. Tackle Cade Williams created mac-truck sized holes to go along with his team high eight pancakes, while the defense forced two interceptions and three sacks. For Yellowknife, though the ground game was effective in its week 9 win over San Jose, it was none other than Colby Jack who did the bulky of the heavy lifting. Jack threw for 305 yards and four touchdowns, with no int’s. Always dangerous Kai Sakura was the main beneficiary, racking up 141 receiving yards and two of those TD grabs. So it was to be ground and pound versus let it fly in week 10.
This matchup started off with both teams feeling eachother out. Slothlisberger moved the Second Line downfield before ultimately being forced to punt, while Colby Jack couldn’t get the engine to start on the first crank and saw his offense go three-and-out on their initial possession. The Second Line couldn’t quite find its feet on the ground on its next possession, but Slothlisberger was up to the challenge early – helping move the sticks and keep the drive alive. Eventually Rotchburns is able to power past the Yellowknife heavy stack for a 3 yard touchdown to cap the drive. After a desperation tackle on the ensuing kick off that keeps Sakura from busting the return to the house, Second Line Linebacker Busch Light is able to punch the ball free from Zee Rechs after a short completion. Dorothy Zbornak recovers at the Yellowknife 42. First down New Orleans. The Second Line take their next drive through the end of the first quarter but are stalled out after WR Quinton Crash gets flagged for taunting after a big block to spring his running back. New Orleans is able to punch a 43 yarder through for 3, though. 10-0 New Orleans. After punts from both teams, Colby Jack finally has a cup of coffee. After picking up only 36 yards halfway through the second quarter, Jack goes to work with 6:35 left in the half. Despite Taipan Pete’s terrific 63 yard punt, forcing the Wraiths to start from its own 6, they pick up 3 first downs and move towards midfield. An offensive pass interference call appears to take the air out of the balloon, but old man Jack hits Jat Cue Jr and Sakura on back to back plays for27 yards. Following in incompletion, Jack hits on 4 straight for 33 yards and sets his offense up at the NOLA 3. His fifth straight completion, this one to Eddie Jeeta, goes for a 4 yard touchdown. That would do it for first half events.
Can Wraiths smell blood? Well in any case, they did this day. First play coming out of halftime – Jack drops back and rolls to his left with time. He fires across his body and puts a beautiful ball into the outstretched hands of Captain Sakura, who makes the grab, hand fighting with corner Andrew Witten until he’s dragged down for a 53 yard gain. Jay Cue Jr takes the next play for an 18 yard gain on the ground, setting the Wraiths up at the 3 yard line. From there, Jack will tack on another TD toss – this one to Rechs. Yellowknife takes its first lead, 14-10. NOLA hits a wall hard in this third quarter, tallying only 21 total yards and punting twice, but big sacks from Second Line defenders Busch Light and Steven Wadham help stall Wraith drives, with some help from untimely penalties. Perhaps starting to sense the game slipping away for good, a sense of urgency seems to ignite NOLA. Rotchburns and Remus Roman rip off consecutive 12 and 15 yard runs. Slothlisberger dinks and dunks his way down to the 1 yard line. Nut a 3rd and goal pass is dropped in the end zone by WR Ed Barker. The Second Line tack on 3 and now trail 14-13. And here is where things start to get a bit wacky.
Colby Jack, now on fire, begins to pick apart the New Orleans secondary. Jack hits for 43, 14, 1, and 8 yard completions to set himself up at the NOLA 3. Yet another short touchdown pass goes out to Zee Rechs. 21-13 thanks to a red hot Colby Jack. But before fans can return from their piss breaks, Slothlisberger takes the first play of the drive and heaves a ball high and long down the right side line. And there’s receiver Ed Barker, who has no trouble securing the bomb from his quarterback. The speedy receiver roasts the Wraiths secondary and goes 75 yards unmolested for the score. NOLA wants 2. Big Ben fires an absolute dart to Crash in the slot, who catches the ball mid-slide for the successful conversion. 21-21 with 2:05 left. Kai Sakura nearly breaks another return off for a TD, but is instead tackled after a 41 yard return. Wraiths set up well with 1:48 left. But another massive sack by blitzing safety Steven Wadham forces the Wraiths to ultimately punt the ball away. Apparently a battle of ‘who wants it less?’ breaks out, because both offenses go 3-and-out with the game on the line. Eventually regulation ends with both teams tied at 21.
Really as I’m writing this I’m starting to question why I had this game at number 1. I’m going to chalk it up to a favor for Colby Jack. Because both teams continue to play soccer in overtime. 3 consecutive punts. Seriously. The last of which comes off the foot of Taipan Pete from his own end zone and travels only to the NOLA 34. Game over, right? Jack and company are only able to pick up 9 and are just short of a first down, but close enough for kicker Kokot to finish this thing. 45 yards out. No good! Kokot pushes it wide. Unbelievable. Now only 2:09 left in the game. But instead of taking this new life and making something out of it, NOLA continues to create a mess in their pants. A Daniel Foster sack forces a 3-and-out. Second Line MVP of the game Taipan Pete continues to do what he can – a booming 57 yard punt puts the Wraiths at its own 4. Only 1:21 left. This game seems to mercifully be heading towards a tie. But no Colby jack is not done adding to his passing stats. He’s about to get surgical with this bitch (finally).
Jack to Sakura for 8. Jack to Walker for 9, first down. Jack to Rechs for 14 and a first down. Tick tick tick. 58 seconds left from the Wraith 36 and no timeouts. A handoff to Jay Cue Jr.? 2 yard gain and 11 more seconds off the clock. With 38 seconds left Jack takes the snap after hurrying his team to the line. He looks right and hits WR Mark Walker on an option route, who makes the grab and knifes up field for 19 yards and a first down. Instead of pushing the envelope any further, the Wraiths will trot out Kokot and the kicking team. A questionable call – as he will be lined up for a 59 yarder after just missing from 45. And he’s kicking towards the same side of the field. If this kick misses, we’re heading towards a dreaded, though probably deserved, tie.
Kokot nods to his holder. Here’s the snap. It’s down clean. The kick is up – it’s dead straight…it looks like it has the leg…and…it clears the crossbar! It’s good! Blago Kokot goes from the outhouse to the penthouse on a 59 yarder to end the game! He’s mobbed on the field by teammates as the Wraiths just barely escape with a W. For the Second Line, there’s no one to blame but themselves. There last 5 possessions in Q4 and OT went punt/turnover on downs/punt/punt/punt. Although this was a game to forget for some, this is not the case for the immortal Colby Jack. With the coaching staff essentially abandoning the run, attempting only 10, Jack goes 40/58 for 445 yards, three TDs and no int’s. One that will go into the highlight reel for the soon to be hall of famer. But for today, he’ll have to make sure to shake his kicker’s hand as Kokot, despite missing one earlier, nails a high pressure 59 yarder to steal the W and would ultimately help the Wraiths sneak into one last playoff game for Jack.
________________
That's it! Thanks for making it this far! Cheers to Season 30 champions Sarasota Sailfish. Good luck to everyone in Season 31 and hope your team doesn't end up on the wrong side of...S31 top 5 finishes
As always, there were some great contenders and some tough cuts for the list. Week 2 Berlin v Sarasota was great. Chicago in Week 6 with an 83 yard TD pass for the win. Week 8 Colorado v Austin in OT. The Otters in Week 11 with a late score to tie and a score to win in OT. Ultimately, none of those made the list...though as I finished writing I realized maybe the cuts and rankings needed to be revisited. Oh well! Too late! My fingers are falling off so what's done is done.
Without further Ado I present to you, jzajenius36's:
The Season 30 top 5 finishes (regular season)
#5
Week 10
Baltimore Hawks at Berlin Fire Salamanders
Wildstar, you make my heart sing
Coming into this game, the Hawks had proven to be a real surprise squad. At 4-5, they had already exceeded expectations for the season. But they were no doubt big underdogs heading across the pond to face the 7-2 Berlin Fire Salamanders – who themselves ripped off 6 straight wins to start the year and whose two losses were by a combined 8 points.
Well the game started off with an angry Berlin team going right to work, trying to avenge its 1 point loss to New York the week before. After Baltimore kicker Galarraga missed a 45 yard field goal on its opening drive, Berlin dropped 17 straight points, including a 65 yard TD run by Danny King Jr. However, with just 2:40 left in the half, Berlin QB Nick Kaepercolin rolled left from his own end zone and tried to hook up with rookie wide out Troy Abed on a deep jump ball. But the ball is underthrown! Hawks linebacker AJ Lucas is able to catch up to Abed and out-muscles him for the ball! Abed goes crashing to the ground, but Lucas keeps his feet. Lucas turns upfield, gets a couple blocks, and is able to weave his way into the endzone for a pick 6! An absolutely phenomenal play by the Hawks stud linebacker, who cuts the lead to ten. The play carries momentum into the 2nd half, as the only score goes to Baltimore via a touchdown run by Busch Goose that cuts the lead to 3. The fourth quarter continues the trend. Both defenses, now fully locked in, stalemate both offenses for 13 straight minutes, until Berlin kicker Danny King Sr. 31 yard field goal. Berlin now leads, 20-14.
The Hawks offense, having been capable of mustering only 7 points in 58 minutes, gets one more crack at it, down 6. Rookie Gimmy Jaroppolo Jr proceeds to find his mojo, starting from his 27 and quickly moving into Berlin territory in less than a minute while spreading the ball around. Jaroppolo dinks and dunks and spikes his way to the Berlin 20 with 56 seconds to go. But after another spike its now 4th and 4. Jaroppolo hangs in the pocket and hits his tight end Makoa Mahi’ai for a ten yard first down! Spike. Another D. King jumps on the stat sheet, as Dante King grabs a ball for 7 more yards but is stopped short of the end zone by safety Derek Wildstar. Jaroppolo spikes. Third and goal from the 2 with 16 seconds. Jaroppolo drops back in the pocket looking for the win, but insteading of dropping into coverage, Derek Wildstar is sent off the right tackle on a blitz! He gets to Jaroppolo, wraps him up by the waist, and drops him for a loss of ten! The Fire Salamanders faithful goes nuts! Berlin players are dapping up Wildstar! But the rookie QB has his head on his shoulders. He gets up quick and gets his team back to the line of scrimmage immediately. Berlin defenders scramble to get back onsides with the coordinator frantically getting a coverage call in. Jaroppolo miraculously gets the snap off with 1 second left. He turns and fires left to his receiver Preston Parker, who makes the grab with off coverage, but he his hit and dropped immediately at the 3 by Swantavius Jones. Finally the clock runs out! A heroic attempt by Jaroppolo comes up just short as the Berlin secondary bends, but refuses to break. A massive sigh of relief is audible from the crowd and the celebration starts in earnest.
#4
Week 12
Colorado Yeti at Berlin Fire Salamanders
The King is DED
Well look who it is. Berlin is back on the list and looking for more late-game heroics. Its week 11 win was followed by a 5 point loss to Austin. Still, Berlin is 8-3 and sitting pretty. We mentioned how Berlin ripped off 6 straight wins to start the season and came down to earth a bit; meanwhile Colorado was on the other end of that spectrum. Colorado swept 4 preseason games and then proceeded to go 1-4. They then proceeded to win 5 of its next 6. A rollercoaster season thru 11 games., but now sitting at above .500 at 6-5.
The first quarter saw a defense battle off the bat, with the only score coming on a Richard Gilbert 1 yard towchdown run to put the Yeti on top. Of more note in the quarter, the Fire Salamanders punter/kicker, Danny King trots out for 3 punts. More on that later. The second and third quarters saw a back and forth battle, with Berlin putting up 15 points to the Yeti’s 6. 15-13 Berlin going into the fourth quarter. 3 more punts by Danny King put his total at 6. Add on a 23 and a 39 yard field goal to make his total kicks 8 for the day – not including all the kickoffs. Bear with me please!
The fourth quarter continues to see uninspiring play from both offenses. Colorado picks up 3 points early in the quarter to take the lead, 16-15. This is followed up with a long, but ultimately stalled drive from Berlin and another punt for King. Now time is starting to tick with only 5:22 remaining. The Berlin defense does its job again, forcing a 3-and-out, and setting up Nick Kaepercolin and his offense with a first down at its own 25 with 4:10 remaining. Something finally starts to click offensively as two first downs later, Berlin has 2:00 just shy of midfield; however, a false start and three plays later find Berlin with a 4th and 11 and 1:30 left. Danny King Jr. is called out for a 56 yarder. The kick is short and wide – never had a chance. Colorado takes over at its own 46, with 1:30 left. Berlin with only 2 timeouts left. Things are looking good.
Colorado lines up in a heavy set. But wait, it’s a play action. The Yeti are looking to throw? Mattathias Caliban sidesteps in the pocket, can’t find anyone, and then scrambles right. Now he looks left. His captain Raphael Delacour has two steps on his defender. Caliban loads up and fires a ball long and high, across his body, down the opposite sideline. But the distance proves too much! The flight path and air under it allows the cover safety, Swantavius Jones, to come over and make a play on the ball. Jones and Delacour collide in mid air! The Berlin sideline is screaming for a penalty! But no flags are out! Both players go crashing to the ground after what looked to be helmet-to-helmet contact. Delacour stays down for a few moments collecting himself. Jones, who fell forward 5 yards, pops up immediately with the ball high in his hand. Interception! Jones is mobbed on the sidelines. An inexplicable call and play execution from the Yeti who seemed to only need to run the clock out!
Berlin still has work to do, down to 2 timeouts at its own 29, with 1:17 left. 4 plays and 19 yards later, Berlin uses its final timeout. Third and 1 from its own 48, with 41 seconds. Kaepercolin hits his tight end, Clark Boyd, for 4 yards and a first down. Ball spiked. Kaepercolin, now in rythym, looks downfield on the next play and finds wide out Tychondrius Hood on a terrific throw into space for 23 yards! First down at the Yeti 23! The offense runs to the line of scrimmage where Kaepercolin waits for the clock to tick down, takes the snap, and spikes the ball. 1 second left. Hood and his QB come off the field to butt and helmet snaps from teammates. There is no celebration yet, but it appears the improbable has happened after Berlin missed a 56 yard field goal just a minute and a half ago, seemingly having lost the game.
Danny King Jr trots out with the special teams. King, having made two short field goals and missed a 56 yarder, is looking for precious redemption. This will be a 40 yarder. The snap is down, the kick is up, its got the leg! It starts left! Fading in…fading in….NO! Wide left! King missed it! Yeti players come sprinting onto the field to celebrate! A look of Bewilderment on Nick Kaepercolin’s face. Two chances for a game winning field goal are missed. Immediate finger pointing begins as commentators and reports after the game asking if King will still be on the roster tomorrow. Questioning why King had to bear the load of all kicks and punts that day. The final tally for punts and kicks for King stood at 10. Was his leg tired? Whatever the case was, the loss was a part of Berlin losing 5 of its last 6 games and contributing to it losing the Division by two games. Sometimes that’s just how the game goes, but it may lead to some shake ups for Berlin next year. For Colorado, a great win, but the suspect play calling is what it is. The Yeti went on to lose 3 of its next 4 games itself.
#3
Week 2
Austin Copperheads at Chicago Butchers
[2- point conversion failed]
Week 2. What a time to be alive. The birds are chirping, the sun is out, and both teams are 1-0 coming into this game. The world is their oyster! And yet, it’s still the beginning of the season, and there are still growing pains to be experienced. This includes Butchers linebacker Alejandro Chainbreaker, who was so amped up he was called for offsides on the first play from scrimmage after the kickoff. This would prove to be the theme of the first quarter for both teams. In fact, Austin appeared to be so offended by this initial penalty to start the game that they went all out trying to one-up it. Austin committed 4 1st-quarter penalties, including two on back-to-back plays. Austin also punted twice. And yet, heading into quarter 2, we are tied at 3.
Both offenses finally got the motor started in Q2. Greg O’Donnell ended Q1 marching the Butchers from its own 8 to the Austin 45, and picked up where he left off, driving all the way down for a 6 yard TD toss to WR Mike Hunt. A 6 and a half minute drive. O’Donnell lead Chicago to a subsequent TD on a Madison Hayes grab. This was immediately followed up with a 75 yard TD toss on the next play from Jackie Daytona to Videl-San. Despite Chicago trying to run out the clock, they’re somehow able to advance 40 yards on 6 straight running plays - into field goal range where Sam Sidekick tacks on a 51 yard field goal to end the half. 20-10 Chicago.
The halftime speech in the locker room appeared to work for Austin, as the defense came out and finally figured out what they were up to. Greg O’Donnell is picked off by rookie linebacker Dan O’Leary after rookie free safety Dee Walt, who doubles as an occasional slot receiver, is unable to secure the catch and pops the ball into the air. Daytona has the Copperheads in the end zone two plays later, hooking up with Bayley Cowabunga for 6. Not to be outdone by his fellow linebacker, the terror himself Brach Thomaslacher gets to O’Donnell off the edge for an 11 yard sack on Chicago’s subsequent drive, forcing a punt. The punting teams for both teams battle it out over the next 5 minutes. Eventually, Jackie Daytona finds a groove and moves the Copperheads downfield, including a 40 yard strike to Jimmy Vampire. The drive is capped off by a two yard rushing score via Zoe Watts. What a turnaround. Austin ends the quarter up 24-20.
The fourth quarter saw both teams begin to revert to first-quarter mistakes. Daytona takes a sack on its first drive, compounded with an unnecessary roughness penalty on Cowabunga. Not to be outdone, Mike Hunt is called for tripping on the ensuing drive, followed by O’Donnell throwing another pick. This time by Maverick Bowie, who jumps the slant to WR Luca Scabbia. The game is devolving. Another unsportsmanlike conduct penalty backs Austin up. Daytona is then picked by Chainbreaker, who returns it 9 yards to the Austin 7. But Chicago cannot get the gears working and settle for 3. Despite yet another unnecessary roughness penalty, Austin gets it going. On a 3rd and 17, somehow Daytona is able to find a streaking Doug Howlett down the seam with no safety help. Howlett gets a devastating block from Videl-San, and he is sprung for 82 yards to the house! 31-23 Austin.
Greg O’Donnel and the Butchers offense continue to sputter. They are unable to convert on a 4th and 13 with 1:50 left. Turnover on downs. But the Butchers defense is also to hold, using all its timeouts and forcing a punt. After a booming 57 yard punt, Chicago will get one more shot down 8 with 42 seconds left, at its own 21. After a facemask from Austin breathes life into the drive, O’Donnell is able to hit Bowie for 20 yards and a spike. Next play with 19 seconds, O’Donnell to Scabbia – who escapes the grasp of two defenders, and wiggles his way for a 30 yard gain down to the 5.
But the clock is ticking!
O’Donnell and the offense sprint to the line. The Copperheads are holding Scabbia down on the ground. Tempers continue to flare, but the refs set the ball and it is snapped and spiked by O’Donnell with 1 second left! Incredible! From its own 42 to the 1 yard line in 40 seconds and no timeouts.
The Copperheads line up in goal line formation, but the Butchers go 3-wide. O’Donnell surveys the field under center. He takes the snap and will not hand off – it’s a pass! It’s a straight bull rush from Austin! O’Donnell hangs in despite the pressure but does not toss a jump ball to a receiver. Instead he dumps the ball off to RB Hayes, who blocks and releases his man. Somehow the ball makes it through the flailing hands, arms, helmets, and bodies and lands softly in the mitts of Hayes. There are three Copperheads in the end zone, but Hayes was lost in the cluster. By the time they locate the running back, he’s got a head of steam heading towards the end zone. Hayes puts his shoulder down and lunges into the end zone before being met by multiple defenders. Touchdown! Wow! But the Butchers cannot celebrate. They’re still down 2! With no time left in the game, they’ll have to convert here to get to overtime…
[two point conversion failed]
What an exciting finish to an exciting game! Unfortunately, we’ll never know what happened. Probably the most infuriating thing about the sim. Not only do we not get a play here for the two-point conversion, the notification itself is just tacked on to the end of the touchdown call. So you don’t even get a chance to enjoy the score before realizing the game is over. Talk about a bummer. Nonetheless, an absolute thriller from the Butchers and Copperheads. A true rollercoaster of emotions.
# 2
Week 12
New Orleans Second Line at Arizona Outlaws
We can dance if you want to, we can leave your win behind…?
Honestly I could’ve come close to filling up this entire article with week 12 games. Every game was a one-score game. The average margin of victory was just over 4 points. The largest margin of victory was 8 points. And the craziest stat? That 8-point win was this game, the second best finish of the season! What a nutty week. That’s why they pay me the big bucks though, to dig into the games and find the subtle nuances that distinguish a ho-hum 1 point win from a thriller of an 8 point game.
To say this was the mismatch of the week would be a severe, severe understatement. We all know Arizona was a juggernaut this year, but for those not really paying attention (aka me before this week), ‘Zona went ahead and ripped off 9 wins in a row to start the season. If you include Season 29 regular season games, the Outlaws regular season streak capped out at 12-straight. Insane. Coming into week 12, they had won 13 of their last 14 regular season games. Yikes! Then there’s the Second Line. After finishing season 29 out strong with 5 wins in its last 6 games, it started off on the same foot, blowing out perennial powerhouse Orange County by 24 points. And then, the Outlaws. A 61-17 drubbing by Arizona in week 2 left the Second Line questioning if they were in fact ready to make the leap into contending status. While they were able to recover and pick up a win the following week, New Orleans – after having won 6 of 7 previous regular season games – lost 7 of its next 10. So needless to say there was a clear favorite coming into this week 12 rematch.
Arizona won the toss and elected to take the ball first. They would not give it back until Charlemagne Cortez marched his team 67 yards downfield, capped by a 7 yard Darren Pama TD grab. Oh boy, here we go. The first three plays for New Orleans had everyone thinking the same thing: these guys are completely outmatched. 1 yard run, sack, negative 1 yard run. Negative 10 yards on drive 1, and a punt. Thankfully NOSL punter Taipan Pete was able to bail out the offense, somehow booming a 54 yard pun from his own two yard line. The Second Line defense hung tough, forcing the Outlaws to settle for three. While New Orleans picked up a nice first down on a 19-yard chunk play, the quarter would come to an end three plays later. New Orleans punts again. 10-0 Arizona.
The Outlaws appeared ready to start salting this game away, as their next three plays all resulted in first downs and included a 10 yard run, and two completions of 14 and 17 yards. However, Cortez has his next pass deflected at the line of scrimmage and picked by linebacker Busch Light.. Remus Roman caps off the subsequent 47-yard drive with a touchdown plunge. New Orleans has life! Right? Just 4 plays into Arizona’s following drive, Cortez looks deep and hooks up with Daren Pama for a 56 yard bomb. His second TD of the day. Arizona would cash in on its next drive for another touchdown thanks to another big play – a 38 yard TD scamper from Deadly memes. A bloody and staggering Second Line is able to land a soft body shot before the half ends, poking a 24 yard field goal through; and are able to avoid a final shot from the Outlaws, who miss on a 53-yard attempt. 24-10 at the half…though it feels more like 54-10.
Coming out of halftime, one has to wonder – did ‘Zona just take its foot off the gas a bit and lose focus? Or did New Orleans actually figure out the Outlaw offense? While one has to think the former is more likely, we’ll give credit where it’s due. The Outlaws three possessions in the third quarter went: INT/punt/punt. 41 total yards. Unfortunately for New Orleans, their offense left them out to dry. A missed field goal, two punts, and a long drive ending in a field goal saw NOSL cut into the deficit by just 3 points. The fourth quarter seemed to reflect this sentiment entirely. The Second Line , having started from its own 23, took its last 3rd quarter drive into the fourth, and pushed the ball down to the Arizona 13 before having to settle for 3 again. Oh well, another 3 points makes it a 1-score game. Could be wor…DOINK! Taipan Pete shanks a 30 yarder! Oh no. The very next play – Cortez to Nakamura for 34 yards. He defense is running out of gas. The body shots continue. 7 yard run, 9 yard pass, 13 yard pass, 7 yard run, and the knockdown shot – 3 yard TD gash by Deadly Memes. 31-13 Arizona with 6:18 left. New Orleans QB Ben Slothlisberger deserves a bit of credit here. Although the Outlaws defense was happy to sit back and let time tick, Big Ben did drive his offense downfield. A four-yard pass to by RB Mike Rotchburns on fourth and inches found the Second Line with a first and goal at the Arizona 1. 1:42 to go. But the Outlaws defense makes a stand, aided in part by an illegal shift, Slothlisberger and his offense are unable to get in on 4 pass attempts, and they turn it over at the 1.
Cortez and the ‘Zona offense trots out with the game in hand. But there’s just one pesky little annoyance – they’re sitting at their own 1 yard line. The Outlaws come up and line up in…victory formation? New Orleans defenders start to crowd the box. Cortez takes the snap and attempts to immediately kneel the ball. The refs blow the whistle…but the back judge has his hands up…safety! Cortez’s knee was on the goal line. A head-scratching play call by the coaches. New Orleans has been gashed left and right by Arizona running backs, so why not just pound it up the middle? Instead Cortez has to try and kneel the ball with inches to spare. 31-15 Arizona. A beautiful 56 yard free kick by Cade York puts New Orleans at its own 19 yard line. Only 1:05 left and Arizona up 2 scores. This is still a snoozer. Until Big Ben finally decides to sound the alarm. Wake up!! Slothlisberger drops back, then drops back more. He’s got plenty of time. Looks right and sees Quinton Crash, who puts a double move on safety Wesley Eriksen and is now streaking wide open down the middle. Crash makes the grab and will go unmolested 81 yards downfield for the touchdown! Wow! In yet another coaching blunder – the Outlaws did not drop the safeties into deep cover-2 for reasons still unknown. Still, New Orleans needs a 2-pt conversion. Slothlisberger runs his team up to the line. He drops back to pass again. Hangs in the pocket. And rifles one in between coverage for Brock Bodenhammer, who holds on and crumples to the ground. 31-23 Arizona. What in the wide world of sports is going on? The Outlaws crowd is stunned silent. New Orleans is jumping around on the sidelines. 27 seconds still on the clock. Taipan Pete takes the Second Line hands unit onto the field for the onside kick attempt. You can hear a pin drop in Arizona as the wheels haven’t just fallen off, they’ve lit on fire and are barreling towards a group of small children. Pete takes an 8-pace stutter step and tops the ball to the left. It takes two quick bounces and takes a giant leap up, a perfect hit by the kicker. The Second Line special teamers ram into the Outlaws first wave and bodies fly. Everyone has lost sight of the ball. The refs are peeling players off a dogpile 12 yards downfield. They’re signaling….Arizona ball! L’Gazzy Burfict has it. He raises the ball high in the air and a collective wipe of forehead sweat is palpable in Arizona. A weird one comes to an end, this time with no problems on the kneel-down.
#1
Week 10
Yellowknife Wraiths at New Orleans Second Line
Blago sun, won’t you come
I swear I don’t mean to pile on. The Poor Second line. Really involved in some craziness in Season 30, generally on the losing end, unfortunately. And for the Wraiths? Well, isn’t it only appropriate that the league patriarch and soon-to-be-retired Colby Jack finds himself sitting atop the list of best finishes of season 30? How poetic. While the Wraiths finished unsurprisingly in second place in the NSFC, it was no thanks to their rocky start. The Wraiths came into week 10 at 4-5, struggling to stay above water. Meanwhile, we just went over how New Orleans had started. A promising drubbing of the Otters on opening night followed by up-and-down performances, ultimately leaving them at 4-5. So a real lynchpin game for both these teams – one trying to make a jump in the standings, one trying to bring themselves level to .500 and get out of first gear.
Both teams were coming off promising wins. For the Second Line, it was a true manhandling of Colorado. Its running backs, Remus Roman and Mike Rotchburns, combined for 181 yards on the ground on only 23 carries, with three touchdowns. Tackle Cade Williams created mac-truck sized holes to go along with his team high eight pancakes, while the defense forced two interceptions and three sacks. For Yellowknife, though the ground game was effective in its week 9 win over San Jose, it was none other than Colby Jack who did the bulky of the heavy lifting. Jack threw for 305 yards and four touchdowns, with no int’s. Always dangerous Kai Sakura was the main beneficiary, racking up 141 receiving yards and two of those TD grabs. So it was to be ground and pound versus let it fly in week 10.
This matchup started off with both teams feeling eachother out. Slothlisberger moved the Second Line downfield before ultimately being forced to punt, while Colby Jack couldn’t get the engine to start on the first crank and saw his offense go three-and-out on their initial possession. The Second Line couldn’t quite find its feet on the ground on its next possession, but Slothlisberger was up to the challenge early – helping move the sticks and keep the drive alive. Eventually Rotchburns is able to power past the Yellowknife heavy stack for a 3 yard touchdown to cap the drive. After a desperation tackle on the ensuing kick off that keeps Sakura from busting the return to the house, Second Line Linebacker Busch Light is able to punch the ball free from Zee Rechs after a short completion. Dorothy Zbornak recovers at the Yellowknife 42. First down New Orleans. The Second Line take their next drive through the end of the first quarter but are stalled out after WR Quinton Crash gets flagged for taunting after a big block to spring his running back. New Orleans is able to punch a 43 yarder through for 3, though. 10-0 New Orleans. After punts from both teams, Colby Jack finally has a cup of coffee. After picking up only 36 yards halfway through the second quarter, Jack goes to work with 6:35 left in the half. Despite Taipan Pete’s terrific 63 yard punt, forcing the Wraiths to start from its own 6, they pick up 3 first downs and move towards midfield. An offensive pass interference call appears to take the air out of the balloon, but old man Jack hits Jat Cue Jr and Sakura on back to back plays for27 yards. Following in incompletion, Jack hits on 4 straight for 33 yards and sets his offense up at the NOLA 3. His fifth straight completion, this one to Eddie Jeeta, goes for a 4 yard touchdown. That would do it for first half events.
Can Wraiths smell blood? Well in any case, they did this day. First play coming out of halftime – Jack drops back and rolls to his left with time. He fires across his body and puts a beautiful ball into the outstretched hands of Captain Sakura, who makes the grab, hand fighting with corner Andrew Witten until he’s dragged down for a 53 yard gain. Jay Cue Jr takes the next play for an 18 yard gain on the ground, setting the Wraiths up at the 3 yard line. From there, Jack will tack on another TD toss – this one to Rechs. Yellowknife takes its first lead, 14-10. NOLA hits a wall hard in this third quarter, tallying only 21 total yards and punting twice, but big sacks from Second Line defenders Busch Light and Steven Wadham help stall Wraith drives, with some help from untimely penalties. Perhaps starting to sense the game slipping away for good, a sense of urgency seems to ignite NOLA. Rotchburns and Remus Roman rip off consecutive 12 and 15 yard runs. Slothlisberger dinks and dunks his way down to the 1 yard line. Nut a 3rd and goal pass is dropped in the end zone by WR Ed Barker. The Second Line tack on 3 and now trail 14-13. And here is where things start to get a bit wacky.
Colby Jack, now on fire, begins to pick apart the New Orleans secondary. Jack hits for 43, 14, 1, and 8 yard completions to set himself up at the NOLA 3. Yet another short touchdown pass goes out to Zee Rechs. 21-13 thanks to a red hot Colby Jack. But before fans can return from their piss breaks, Slothlisberger takes the first play of the drive and heaves a ball high and long down the right side line. And there’s receiver Ed Barker, who has no trouble securing the bomb from his quarterback. The speedy receiver roasts the Wraiths secondary and goes 75 yards unmolested for the score. NOLA wants 2. Big Ben fires an absolute dart to Crash in the slot, who catches the ball mid-slide for the successful conversion. 21-21 with 2:05 left. Kai Sakura nearly breaks another return off for a TD, but is instead tackled after a 41 yard return. Wraiths set up well with 1:48 left. But another massive sack by blitzing safety Steven Wadham forces the Wraiths to ultimately punt the ball away. Apparently a battle of ‘who wants it less?’ breaks out, because both offenses go 3-and-out with the game on the line. Eventually regulation ends with both teams tied at 21.
Really as I’m writing this I’m starting to question why I had this game at number 1. I’m going to chalk it up to a favor for Colby Jack. Because both teams continue to play soccer in overtime. 3 consecutive punts. Seriously. The last of which comes off the foot of Taipan Pete from his own end zone and travels only to the NOLA 34. Game over, right? Jack and company are only able to pick up 9 and are just short of a first down, but close enough for kicker Kokot to finish this thing. 45 yards out. No good! Kokot pushes it wide. Unbelievable. Now only 2:09 left in the game. But instead of taking this new life and making something out of it, NOLA continues to create a mess in their pants. A Daniel Foster sack forces a 3-and-out. Second Line MVP of the game Taipan Pete continues to do what he can – a booming 57 yard punt puts the Wraiths at its own 4. Only 1:21 left. This game seems to mercifully be heading towards a tie. But no Colby jack is not done adding to his passing stats. He’s about to get surgical with this bitch (finally).
Jack to Sakura for 8. Jack to Walker for 9, first down. Jack to Rechs for 14 and a first down. Tick tick tick. 58 seconds left from the Wraith 36 and no timeouts. A handoff to Jay Cue Jr.? 2 yard gain and 11 more seconds off the clock. With 38 seconds left Jack takes the snap after hurrying his team to the line. He looks right and hits WR Mark Walker on an option route, who makes the grab and knifes up field for 19 yards and a first down. Instead of pushing the envelope any further, the Wraiths will trot out Kokot and the kicking team. A questionable call – as he will be lined up for a 59 yarder after just missing from 45. And he’s kicking towards the same side of the field. If this kick misses, we’re heading towards a dreaded, though probably deserved, tie.
Kokot nods to his holder. Here’s the snap. It’s down clean. The kick is up – it’s dead straight…it looks like it has the leg…and…it clears the crossbar! It’s good! Blago Kokot goes from the outhouse to the penthouse on a 59 yarder to end the game! He’s mobbed on the field by teammates as the Wraiths just barely escape with a W. For the Second Line, there’s no one to blame but themselves. There last 5 possessions in Q4 and OT went punt/turnover on downs/punt/punt/punt. Although this was a game to forget for some, this is not the case for the immortal Colby Jack. With the coaching staff essentially abandoning the run, attempting only 10, Jack goes 40/58 for 445 yards, three TDs and no int’s. One that will go into the highlight reel for the soon to be hall of famer. But for today, he’ll have to make sure to shake his kicker’s hand as Kokot, despite missing one earlier, nails a high pressure 59 yarder to steal the W and would ultimately help the Wraiths sneak into one last playoff game for Jack.
________________
That's it! Thanks for making it this far! Cheers to Season 30 champions Sarasota Sailfish. Good luck to everyone in Season 31 and hope your team doesn't end up on the wrong side of...S31 top 5 finishes
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