10-21-2021, 10:13 AM
(This post was last modified: 10-24-2021, 11:57 AM by allbetsonjames. Edited 1 time in total.)
Huge news unfolding out of the league office today, in the wake of the Colorado Yeti’s dominant performance over the Chicago Butchers in last nights games. Rumors had persisted throughout yesterday about potential tampering charges to be brought against Chicago general manager, Tyler Swift, and as of this morning the league is moving forward with those charges. ISFL Head Office official Swantavius Jones had this to say on the matter:
“After reviewing all of the evidence against Swift in the matter of Emperor de Pengu, it has become clear that Swift was in fact in direct violation of the leagues ‘heavy petting’ policy and by extension the leagues tampering policy.”
Jones went on to cite an early October incident involving Swift, de Pengu, and a Motel 6 hot tub. The exact nature of that incident is yet to be released, but the league is certain events that evening went beyond standard pets and into the realm of heavy petting.
When asked for comment on the episode de Pengu replied, “Magnus ain’t given’ me no pets. A bird needs his pets. Where my fuckin’ pets at Magnus?”
Heavy petting is strictly prohibited for general managers to engage in with players under contract for another team, and is specifically addressed in the league’s rulebook in Section 3.C, subsection J. This publication attempted to get a more detailed explanation of the rule from a league rules expert, but was unable to find one as nobody actually reads the rulebook. If found guilty Swift could be looking at a 5 million dollar fine, 2 seasons disqualification from all league positions, and 1 full week of pings from Big Edd (at his digression, with no recourse.)
It’s still yet to be seen if the league throws the book at Swift, but as of now things are looking dire for the Chicago general manager. More details as they become available...
“After reviewing all of the evidence against Swift in the matter of Emperor de Pengu, it has become clear that Swift was in fact in direct violation of the leagues ‘heavy petting’ policy and by extension the leagues tampering policy.”
Jones went on to cite an early October incident involving Swift, de Pengu, and a Motel 6 hot tub. The exact nature of that incident is yet to be released, but the league is certain events that evening went beyond standard pets and into the realm of heavy petting.
When asked for comment on the episode de Pengu replied, “Magnus ain’t given’ me no pets. A bird needs his pets. Where my fuckin’ pets at Magnus?”
Heavy petting is strictly prohibited for general managers to engage in with players under contract for another team, and is specifically addressed in the league’s rulebook in Section 3.C, subsection J. This publication attempted to get a more detailed explanation of the rule from a league rules expert, but was unable to find one as nobody actually reads the rulebook. If found guilty Swift could be looking at a 5 million dollar fine, 2 seasons disqualification from all league positions, and 1 full week of pings from Big Edd (at his digression, with no recourse.)
It’s still yet to be seen if the league throws the book at Swift, but as of now things are looking dire for the Chicago general manager. More details as they become available...