11-05-2021, 04:15 PM
(This post was last modified: 11-10-2021, 07:14 PM by allbetsonjames. Edited 1 time in total.)
Dear League I loved so much, this sort of breaks my heart to say but I also know that it's time that I stepped down from everything within the ISF L and that when moose finishes his career I too will be finished.
Almost a year and a 1/2 ago I joined this league. And it had grown into what I was looking for most at the time period it was a family, it was community and it was home for a period of severe isolation. And I fought to give other people that same feeling. I worked my ass off as a rookie mentor and head, sometimes being in rookie chat for over 80 hours a week: answering questions, engaging in conversation, and just hyping up rookies in general. I loved it. I don't regret it. It was made worth it when users like Crunk tell me that their time on the prospect bowl was so important to their love of the league. Or users like Jimi can make jokes that "what do I want to eat. What do I want to do? Schwarz knows" after I just quickly answer a question before anyone can begin to respond. Or the countless times others get excited or frustrated because I answered first, or they realized they beat me to answering.
I loved it. I loved knowing I was helping to make the league special.
And so I set out to keep doing that and creating that special feeling for Colorado.
I came into this league not wanting to GM or deal with it, but when the opportunity came up, I needed to give it a shot. And almost a year later, I'm here crying and writing this and calling it quits. Not because I hate what I've built. I love Colorado. I have no regrets about free agency decisions, no regrets about drafts or trades. It's become built into a place where the sim is secondary and we care so much more about just being together. Being friends. Attending virtual weddings, seeing newborn pictures, celebrating our friends personal victories outside of the sim.
I wouldn't change anything that we did in Colorado. I love you all there like family.
But over the past several seasons I've seen issues that I wanted to address. Things I wanted to change in rookie chat, in our rules, and I saw and grew concerned about our league activity at a point where people were laughing at me for it. "What do you mean we still have 350 ACs".
But I watched rookie classes get quieter and quieter. Get smaller.
I watched as they grew apart instead of bonded together.
I watched as people continued to tell me I was crazy that we're still getting tons of applicants and we don't need to worry.
I fought so hard for things that I thought needed to change. Things I heard rookies say OVER AND OVER again, but veteran users dismissed. Nobody wanted to change the systems or admit there were flaws. At least that's how it felt.
Then you add to it just the personal grievances. People calling me a cunt, saying they'd rather die than come to my team, telling me I’m ruining the franchise, and that they felt sorry for players we traded for, etc. Posting some of those comments in GM chat. Posting some of them to friends of mine who then get shit on for trying to defend me.
It wears on you. Being told "fuck your team in particular" wears on you. When it comes from people you thought were friends. People you thought were colleagues, or even those in head office positions. Feeling uncomfortable and unwanted in a space you had loved is hard.
And I internalized all of it. "They hate Colorado that means they hate me, because I am Colorado"
"I thought they were a friend but they say "better dead than yeti red so i guess not"
"I literally played the game and signed a free agent so FTY I guess."
I spent so many times wondering why am I here when everyone thinks I'm a piece of shit. And it festered inside of me like a disease. And over the past season especially it's just grown and I realize that if this league that I loved and literally was working my ass off for didn't care about me back… why should I continue? If this place is where I should be then it shouldn't be making me cry and question my own well being.
So I won't be continuing. I'll be stepping down from all positions as soon as replacements are found. I'll be riding out moose's career to not ruin the plans for Colorado long-term, and I'll be leaving the ISFL. My time will be spent elsewhere, where I don't feel the crushing weight of "everyone hates you and your team and thinks you do a shit job".
To all of the rookies that I've worked with, I love you.
To all of the rookies I didn't get to meet, I'm sorry.
To my friends - we’re still that, and we can still talk. I’ll be around, I just won’t have a player or a leadership role anymore.
And to the league I loved so much, I hope you can go back to being a place I could love and would want to come back to.
Almost a year and a 1/2 ago I joined this league. And it had grown into what I was looking for most at the time period it was a family, it was community and it was home for a period of severe isolation. And I fought to give other people that same feeling. I worked my ass off as a rookie mentor and head, sometimes being in rookie chat for over 80 hours a week: answering questions, engaging in conversation, and just hyping up rookies in general. I loved it. I don't regret it. It was made worth it when users like Crunk tell me that their time on the prospect bowl was so important to their love of the league. Or users like Jimi can make jokes that "what do I want to eat. What do I want to do? Schwarz knows" after I just quickly answer a question before anyone can begin to respond. Or the countless times others get excited or frustrated because I answered first, or they realized they beat me to answering.
I loved it. I loved knowing I was helping to make the league special.
And so I set out to keep doing that and creating that special feeling for Colorado.
I came into this league not wanting to GM or deal with it, but when the opportunity came up, I needed to give it a shot. And almost a year later, I'm here crying and writing this and calling it quits. Not because I hate what I've built. I love Colorado. I have no regrets about free agency decisions, no regrets about drafts or trades. It's become built into a place where the sim is secondary and we care so much more about just being together. Being friends. Attending virtual weddings, seeing newborn pictures, celebrating our friends personal victories outside of the sim.
I wouldn't change anything that we did in Colorado. I love you all there like family.
But over the past several seasons I've seen issues that I wanted to address. Things I wanted to change in rookie chat, in our rules, and I saw and grew concerned about our league activity at a point where people were laughing at me for it. "What do you mean we still have 350 ACs".
But I watched rookie classes get quieter and quieter. Get smaller.
I watched as they grew apart instead of bonded together.
I watched as people continued to tell me I was crazy that we're still getting tons of applicants and we don't need to worry.
I fought so hard for things that I thought needed to change. Things I heard rookies say OVER AND OVER again, but veteran users dismissed. Nobody wanted to change the systems or admit there were flaws. At least that's how it felt.
Then you add to it just the personal grievances. People calling me a cunt, saying they'd rather die than come to my team, telling me I’m ruining the franchise, and that they felt sorry for players we traded for, etc. Posting some of those comments in GM chat. Posting some of them to friends of mine who then get shit on for trying to defend me.
It wears on you. Being told "fuck your team in particular" wears on you. When it comes from people you thought were friends. People you thought were colleagues, or even those in head office positions. Feeling uncomfortable and unwanted in a space you had loved is hard.
And I internalized all of it. "They hate Colorado that means they hate me, because I am Colorado"
"I thought they were a friend but they say "better dead than yeti red so i guess not"
"I literally played the game and signed a free agent so FTY I guess."
I spent so many times wondering why am I here when everyone thinks I'm a piece of shit. And it festered inside of me like a disease. And over the past season especially it's just grown and I realize that if this league that I loved and literally was working my ass off for didn't care about me back… why should I continue? If this place is where I should be then it shouldn't be making me cry and question my own well being.
So I won't be continuing. I'll be stepping down from all positions as soon as replacements are found. I'll be riding out moose's career to not ruin the plans for Colorado long-term, and I'll be leaving the ISFL. My time will be spent elsewhere, where I don't feel the crushing weight of "everyone hates you and your team and thinks you do a shit job".
To all of the rookies that I've worked with, I love you.
To all of the rookies I didn't get to meet, I'm sorry.
To my friends - we’re still that, and we can still talk. I’ll be around, I just won’t have a player or a leadership role anymore.
And to the league I loved so much, I hope you can go back to being a place I could love and would want to come back to.
![[Image: Untitled_drawing4.png?ex=65189885&is=651...a7e4ddfd2&]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/906612704905666593/1157434655218352178/Untitled_drawing4.png?ex=65189885&is=65174705&hm=723bcd75bd49d3fa16b31bd7ebf7e536fca998ba339a37ec7590f00a7e4ddfd2&)
![[Image: 62699_s.gif]](https://signavatar.com/62699_s.gif)
![[Image: image.png?ex=6569460d&is=6556d10d&hm=910...7d8a8a4c3&]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/785957452163448877/1174900172292112385/image.png?ex=6569460d&is=6556d10d&hm=910cbbf6ac9696b3320237073da9a413dd9aa3be4e603c1d3bd1e9d7d8a8a4c3&)
![[Image: 63571_s.gif]](https://signavatar.com/63571_s.gif)
![[Image: 71073_s.gif]](https://signavatar.com/71073_s.gif)
![[Image: giphy.gif?cid=6c09b9525cklw8g5toih6brpb1...=giphy.gif]](https://media0.giphy.com/media/l0ErWnkLjegNB5LlC/giphy.gif?cid=6c09b9525cklw8g5toih6brpb18nwyahyrsv5zj2nf6qrze6&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=giphy.gif)
![[Image: lip-chap.jpg?width=383&height=468]](https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/461498035348701185/777250920941223966/lip-chap.jpg?width=383&height=468)
![[Image: k4AYgU9.gif]](https://i.imgur.com/k4AYgU9.gif)
![[Image: cut_flat_danger_grain_500.png]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/735280301349142640/916958312015228968/cut_flat_danger_grain_500.png)
![[Image: 030p.png]](https://i.postimg.cc/T3h5VJqn/030p.png)
![[Image: IMG-20220202-WA0038.jpg]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/462331942063308802/938573776839381063/IMG-20220202-WA0038.jpg)
![[Image: Untitled.png?ex=65b552d3&is=65a2ddd3&hm=...fce0de51c&]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/977977474606567495/1195804608551985236/Untitled.png?ex=65b552d3&is=65a2ddd3&hm=ca9b42227652104f6b11b956cf514030046eea6d6140d0e15b679fcfce0de51c&)
