*Hell

[CLG Rampage]

This is gonna be a heavy writeup, so if you don't wanna read about those sorts of topics then this is your chance to leave.

Also if there are any grammar mistakes I'm currently writing this from the ER on my phone, so sue me. Also also the media team can move this if they feel like it should be in a different section.

I'm going to rip the bandaid off really quickly here. Early yesterday morning, I nearly committed suicide after gunning my car straight towards a highway safety barrier. I pulled away at the last second, I'm ok physically, no one got hurt.

This past year has been brutal for me, as I'm sure it's been for everyone else. COVID meant my college career came to a screeching halt, it meant not getting to see family come the holidays, it meant a billion things I had to change. And after getting stuck with shitty shift after shitty shift, combined with a constantly changing sleep schedule that's almost certainly not healthy long term, the dam broke.

But, ultimately, what pulled me away from that state of mind and what got me to dodge the barrier was 'What would my family and friends think? How would this hurt them?' Imagining my family hearing about the wreck hours later, what that would be like, it completely tore my heart into pieces. And ultimately, this community was part of that process. Imagining someone in my family having to break the news, all the friends I've made here learning that I'm never coming back, that also broke my heart.

Don't let it get to the point that I did. It's not worth it, and eventually the dam might break for you as well. If you need help, just get it. One good thing to come out of COVID is that telehealth services have gotten far more robust, so you don't even have to do things in person, which was always an issue for me in the past.

Anyways, that's all I really have to say. I'm gonna be going on a break for a few weeks from the league in totality. I'll still be on discord if anyone wishes to speak, but other than that, peace.

[deadlunatic]

I'm glad you didn't go through with it. Unhealthy sleep habits and stress can cause tons of damage to the body and brain. It isn't talked about enough.

I hope you get some help, find someone to talk to, what ever you need to get through this!

[CLG Rampage]

I'm glad you didn't go through with it. Unhealthy sleep habits and stress can cause tons of damage to the body and brain. It isn't talked about enough.

I hope you get some help, find someone to talk to, what ever you need to get through this!

That's the plan

[Greenbaynathan]

I can feel ya in a lot of ways, i was/have been struggling with these same issues, I came pretty close to killing myself as well, in fact if I remember correctly, my joining of the dsfl was around the 1 year anniverery of me putting the knife down after nearly silting my throat (although this might be wrong, I don't fully remember).  I'm getting help now and the league has actually been a huge help in improving my mental state even more. (You guys don't have to worry about me, I'm in a much better place now than I was back then.)

[TeyonSchavari]

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles and empathize with your situation. I wish you a fast recovery. I'm glad you are still alive and hope that everything improves for you from this point on. Thank you for sharing, much love man

[Jangorhino]

get well