12-02-2021, 12:25 PM
(This post was last modified: 12-07-2021, 04:43 AM by .simo. Edited 1 time in total.)
This is gonna be a heavy writeup, so if you don't wanna read about those sorts of topics then this is your chance to leave.
Also if there are any grammar mistakes I'm currently writing this from the ER on my phone, so sue me. Also also the media team can move this if they feel like it should be in a different section.
I'm going to rip the bandaid off really quickly here. Early yesterday morning, I nearly committed suicide after gunning my car straight towards a highway safety barrier. I pulled away at the last second, I'm ok physically, no one got hurt.
This past year has been brutal for me, as I'm sure it's been for everyone else. COVID meant my college career came to a screeching halt, it meant not getting to see family come the holidays, it meant a billion things I had to change. And after getting stuck with shitty shift after shitty shift, combined with a constantly changing sleep schedule that's almost certainly not healthy long term, the dam broke.
But, ultimately, what pulled me away from that state of mind and what got me to dodge the barrier was 'What would my family and friends think? How would this hurt them?' Imagining my family hearing about the wreck hours later, what that would be like, it completely tore my heart into pieces. And ultimately, this community was part of that process. Imagining someone in my family having to break the news, all the friends I've made here learning that I'm never coming back, that also broke my heart.
Don't let it get to the point that I did. It's not worth it, and eventually the dam might break for you as well. If you need help, just get it. One good thing to come out of COVID is that telehealth services have gotten far more robust, so you don't even have to do things in person, which was always an issue for me in the past.
Anyways, that's all I really have to say. I'm gonna be going on a break for a few weeks from the league in totality. I'll still be on discord if anyone wishes to speak, but other than that, peace.
Also if there are any grammar mistakes I'm currently writing this from the ER on my phone, so sue me. Also also the media team can move this if they feel like it should be in a different section.
I'm going to rip the bandaid off really quickly here. Early yesterday morning, I nearly committed suicide after gunning my car straight towards a highway safety barrier. I pulled away at the last second, I'm ok physically, no one got hurt.
This past year has been brutal for me, as I'm sure it's been for everyone else. COVID meant my college career came to a screeching halt, it meant not getting to see family come the holidays, it meant a billion things I had to change. And after getting stuck with shitty shift after shitty shift, combined with a constantly changing sleep schedule that's almost certainly not healthy long term, the dam broke.
But, ultimately, what pulled me away from that state of mind and what got me to dodge the barrier was 'What would my family and friends think? How would this hurt them?' Imagining my family hearing about the wreck hours later, what that would be like, it completely tore my heart into pieces. And ultimately, this community was part of that process. Imagining someone in my family having to break the news, all the friends I've made here learning that I'm never coming back, that also broke my heart.
Don't let it get to the point that I did. It's not worth it, and eventually the dam might break for you as well. If you need help, just get it. One good thing to come out of COVID is that telehealth services have gotten far more robust, so you don't even have to do things in person, which was always an issue for me in the past.
Anyways, that's all I really have to say. I'm gonna be going on a break for a few weeks from the league in totality. I'll still be on discord if anyone wishes to speak, but other than that, peace.