12-06-2021, 11:49 PM
(This post was last modified: 12-07-2021, 05:01 AM by .simo. Edited 1 time in total.)
Ok so, I'm about to write my space jam squad, I'm very hyped to do this because I can get moneyz from it so uhh long words and yes. I will be going through every position an in UNBIASED fashion I will select the players I feel should play on this fate of the universe team.
So first, team name, I'm gonna make something up...let's go with the San Jose Sabercatz, good for now!
Quarterback: Dexter Zaylren, Berlin Fire Salamanders
This dude is our signal caller for our squad. Only in his second ISFL season, he's already been one of the best quarterbacks in the league, throwing for over 3700 yards with 32 touchdowns and 3 interceptions. An interception rate of <1% is amazing and against a monster squad is necessary for this situation, and second year NFL quarterbacks seem to be succeeding well in real life, just look at Pat Mahomes, Lamar Jackson, Joe Burrow. Let's move on
Running Back: Goat Tank, Berlin Fire Salamanders
Well, our first dude to help Dexter is his teammate Goat Tank! An absolute unit will be handling our carries and get us in the endzone here, with 1283 yards already and nearly 5 yards per rush attempt. Don't sleep on 9 touchdowns either, and easily big play probable, with 4 runs over 40 yards already! I trust this selection at running back with the death beam pointed at us.
Wide Receiver One: Tugg Speedman, New York Silverbacks
Dude is having an unbelievable season. I mean 96 receptions is already crazy, but to add almost 1500 yards receiving and double digit touchdowns? Dude is a monster and makes the monsters under the bed check to see if he still sleeps on his bed, hoping one day he leaves, but he doesn't and now they are scared eternally. That got out of hand, yeah Tugg Speedman for wide receiver #1 on this team.
Wide Receiver Two: Jake Fencik, Philadelphia Liberty
I picked this player because of one thing, big play player. The dude leads the league in average reception length, at 17.5 yards. That's insane too think about. He's helping the Liberty make the playoffs and with his 9 catches with 40 yards or more, it's no doubt he's a huge part of that team that the fans of Philly have been waiting for. Jake is gonna be catching some DIMES from Dexter on this team and burning defenses like some TOAST, BURNT TOAST MONSTER SQUAD L RATION + YB BETTER
Wide Receiver Three: Zack Crossley, San Jose Sabercats
104 receptions, 1270 yards, 8 touchdowns (I wrote this after 12/6 stream unlike rest of offense). A good slot option for Zaylren to throw to and he's a for sure lock to make some catches, and good ones, for the Sabercatz (not Sabercats).
Tight End: Borgo San Lorenzo, Philadelphia Liberty
Why not help get Fencik some confidence by adding his teammate Borgo San Lorenzo! The Cincinnati product has been amazing for Philly this season, with 70 receptions, 708 yards and 7 touchdowns. Something about all those sevens makes me feel like this was a good choice, maybe providing some luck to the Sabercatz squad. He's a good player, good target, and someone we need on the turf for us for the big game day.
Offensive Line!
Offensive Tackle #1: Bruce Buckley, Baltimore Hawks
One of the best offensive lineman, if not the best, in league history. The Hawks have a celebration here with Buckley as the dude we have protecting our QB, with 125 pancakes and only 3 sacks allowed. Dude is a unit and with all those pancakes, we might need to open a waffle house after our win against those monster men.
Offensive Tackle #2: Stumpy Jones, Sarasota Sailfish
I picked Stumpy because he has zero, yes ZERO, sacks allowed this season with 91 pancakes. Ratio is good and when you aren't allowing sacks to your man, you're gonna get noticed, and I feel like he is very deserving of this spot because well, he's been incredibly impressive on the field for those Sailfish this season, give him some credit man!
Offensive Guard #1: Felix Archstone, Austin Copperheads
A great name, and great player as well. #52 in Austin has been incredible to the fans and rest of the team, making sure he gets those pancakes while not allowing his quarterback to fall to the ground. Easily one of the best players for offensive lineman and having himself his best season yet. Props to Archstone!
Offensive Guard #2: Maiteers Rico-Shea, Orange County Otters
Last year, Mr. Rico-Shea had 100 pancakes and 1 sack allowed. This season he has 59 pancakes and 0 sacks allowed. So adding him to our squad will only make us better at the guard spot. Making sure the inside stays protected and that we can secure a win for us no matter how we play.
Center: Manhattan Project, Colorado Yeti
Colorado's first player on here is Manhattan Project...the name confuses me but the stats are the reason he's on here. He's been a unit at the center spot with 74 pancakes and 1 sack allowed. Not only will he help us, but with the University of Army experience, maybe show the monsters some class whenever possible. Great addition to our team right here.
Let's see the defense for the Sabercatz
Defensive Tackle: Dominoes Pizzaman, Orange County Otters
Only in his second season as a pro, Pizzaman has provided a lot to this rebuilding OCO team. He's the leading DT in TFLs and will for sure rack up more as time goes on. Good start here on defense.
Defensive End #1: Leonard Taylor, Yellowknife Wraiths
79 tackles, 9 sacks. The Ohio State product is a sure pick here as he is one of the better defenders in the league right now. A guy who can run around the monster lineman in a flash and sack the quarterback if given the chance.
Defensive End #2: Mongo, New Orleans Secondline
Our first NOLA player to make the list here is Mongo. One name, no problem. Yet another OSU prouct like Taylor, he has 10 sacks on 40 tackles, meaning every 4 tackles he's getting a sack. Efficient player who will be a great rusher on our defense.
Linebacker #1: Melvin Murder-Moose, Colorado Yeti
One of if not the best defender in the league right now, MMM has provided Colorado with 129 tackles ALREADY. 8 sacks is a good handful to and definetely worthy of a spot on this team.
Linebacker #2: Big Slammu, Honolulu Hahalua
A great player who is in their second season in Hawaii, Slammu has been an absolute problem on the field this season. 17 sacks is tied for 1st in the league and 112 tackles (almost a career best) isn't anything to ignore either. Great #2 player here.
Linebacker #3: BamBam McMullet, Berlin Fire Salamanders
Remember when I said tied first in sacks above? This is the dude he's tied with. McMullet not only has a great name, but is a great player on the field. McMullet also has 2 interceptions to add to his impressive resume already.
Linebacker #4: Busch Light, New Orleans Secondline
The second player from the Secondline on this list, Light is not here for his tackling, but his ability to pick the ball off. I'm thinking a nice pass coverage linebacker will help us and he certainly will be able to as he has 4 interceptions. Also 90 tackles and 3 sacks are nice to see too. Nice linebacker to round them up.
Cornerback #1: Annie May, Austin Copperheads
33 passes defended is the reason May is here. A shutdown corner who on any down can lock up anyone (except some guy named Jaycee). A problem for the monsters on the other side trying to get open.
Cornerback #2: Willie Miller, San Jose Sabercats
I gotta show my teammates some love, so Miller gets the nod here. 5 interceptions helps us get a ball hawk on D, and while he isn't the leader at that position, he has 29 passes defended. The corner spot is for sure one of our stronger spots with this one.
Free Safety: Pasta The Turtle, Baltimore Hawks
A rookie has made the monster squad! Damn this guy is gonna be a problem for a while if he's just a rookie sheesh. 50 tackles, 5 interceptions, 17 passes defended. Baltimore has a special player with Mr. Turtle here.
Strong Safety: Romulus Roman, Philadelphia Liberty
A hard hitter here, Roman has 3 force fumbles so far, along with 3 sacks and 4 interceptions too. A nice balanced player here who can round out our defense and send Monsters to Mars on some tackles if he really has too.
Kicker: Ikick Ballz, Philadelphia Liberty
Rookie kicker, 100% xp make, 86% FG make, and a long of 59. Easy choice
Punter: We aren't punting
Ok TLDR:
QB: Dexter Zaylren
RB: Goat Tank
WR1: Tugg Speedman
WR2: Jake Fencik
WR3: Zack Crossley
LT: Bruce Buckley
LG: Maiteers Rico-Shea
C: Manhattan Project
RG: Felix Archstone
RT: Stumpy Jones
LE: Leonard Taylor
RE: Mongo
DT: Dominoes Pizzaman
LOLB: Big Slammu
MLB1: Melvin Murder-Moose
MLB2: Busch Light
ROLB: BamBam McMullet
CB1: Annie May
CB2: Willie Miller
FS: Pasta The Turtle
SS: Romulus Roman
K: Ikick Ballz
Quite the team I must say, well thank you for reading this! If you read more than the TLDR you are a legend and have a good day!
1502 words, JKortesi media bonus shii topic
So first, team name, I'm gonna make something up...let's go with the San Jose Sabercatz, good for now!
Quarterback: Dexter Zaylren, Berlin Fire Salamanders
This dude is our signal caller for our squad. Only in his second ISFL season, he's already been one of the best quarterbacks in the league, throwing for over 3700 yards with 32 touchdowns and 3 interceptions. An interception rate of <1% is amazing and against a monster squad is necessary for this situation, and second year NFL quarterbacks seem to be succeeding well in real life, just look at Pat Mahomes, Lamar Jackson, Joe Burrow. Let's move on
Running Back: Goat Tank, Berlin Fire Salamanders
Well, our first dude to help Dexter is his teammate Goat Tank! An absolute unit will be handling our carries and get us in the endzone here, with 1283 yards already and nearly 5 yards per rush attempt. Don't sleep on 9 touchdowns either, and easily big play probable, with 4 runs over 40 yards already! I trust this selection at running back with the death beam pointed at us.
Wide Receiver One: Tugg Speedman, New York Silverbacks
Dude is having an unbelievable season. I mean 96 receptions is already crazy, but to add almost 1500 yards receiving and double digit touchdowns? Dude is a monster and makes the monsters under the bed check to see if he still sleeps on his bed, hoping one day he leaves, but he doesn't and now they are scared eternally. That got out of hand, yeah Tugg Speedman for wide receiver #1 on this team.
Wide Receiver Two: Jake Fencik, Philadelphia Liberty
I picked this player because of one thing, big play player. The dude leads the league in average reception length, at 17.5 yards. That's insane too think about. He's helping the Liberty make the playoffs and with his 9 catches with 40 yards or more, it's no doubt he's a huge part of that team that the fans of Philly have been waiting for. Jake is gonna be catching some DIMES from Dexter on this team and burning defenses like some TOAST, BURNT TOAST MONSTER SQUAD L RATION + YB BETTER
Wide Receiver Three: Zack Crossley, San Jose Sabercats
104 receptions, 1270 yards, 8 touchdowns (I wrote this after 12/6 stream unlike rest of offense). A good slot option for Zaylren to throw to and he's a for sure lock to make some catches, and good ones, for the Sabercatz (not Sabercats).
Tight End: Borgo San Lorenzo, Philadelphia Liberty
Why not help get Fencik some confidence by adding his teammate Borgo San Lorenzo! The Cincinnati product has been amazing for Philly this season, with 70 receptions, 708 yards and 7 touchdowns. Something about all those sevens makes me feel like this was a good choice, maybe providing some luck to the Sabercatz squad. He's a good player, good target, and someone we need on the turf for us for the big game day.
Offensive Line!
Offensive Tackle #1: Bruce Buckley, Baltimore Hawks
One of the best offensive lineman, if not the best, in league history. The Hawks have a celebration here with Buckley as the dude we have protecting our QB, with 125 pancakes and only 3 sacks allowed. Dude is a unit and with all those pancakes, we might need to open a waffle house after our win against those monster men.
Offensive Tackle #2: Stumpy Jones, Sarasota Sailfish
I picked Stumpy because he has zero, yes ZERO, sacks allowed this season with 91 pancakes. Ratio is good and when you aren't allowing sacks to your man, you're gonna get noticed, and I feel like he is very deserving of this spot because well, he's been incredibly impressive on the field for those Sailfish this season, give him some credit man!
Offensive Guard #1: Felix Archstone, Austin Copperheads
A great name, and great player as well. #52 in Austin has been incredible to the fans and rest of the team, making sure he gets those pancakes while not allowing his quarterback to fall to the ground. Easily one of the best players for offensive lineman and having himself his best season yet. Props to Archstone!
Offensive Guard #2: Maiteers Rico-Shea, Orange County Otters
Last year, Mr. Rico-Shea had 100 pancakes and 1 sack allowed. This season he has 59 pancakes and 0 sacks allowed. So adding him to our squad will only make us better at the guard spot. Making sure the inside stays protected and that we can secure a win for us no matter how we play.
Center: Manhattan Project, Colorado Yeti
Colorado's first player on here is Manhattan Project...the name confuses me but the stats are the reason he's on here. He's been a unit at the center spot with 74 pancakes and 1 sack allowed. Not only will he help us, but with the University of Army experience, maybe show the monsters some class whenever possible. Great addition to our team right here.
Let's see the defense for the Sabercatz
Defensive Tackle: Dominoes Pizzaman, Orange County Otters
Only in his second season as a pro, Pizzaman has provided a lot to this rebuilding OCO team. He's the leading DT in TFLs and will for sure rack up more as time goes on. Good start here on defense.
Defensive End #1: Leonard Taylor, Yellowknife Wraiths
79 tackles, 9 sacks. The Ohio State product is a sure pick here as he is one of the better defenders in the league right now. A guy who can run around the monster lineman in a flash and sack the quarterback if given the chance.
Defensive End #2: Mongo, New Orleans Secondline
Our first NOLA player to make the list here is Mongo. One name, no problem. Yet another OSU prouct like Taylor, he has 10 sacks on 40 tackles, meaning every 4 tackles he's getting a sack. Efficient player who will be a great rusher on our defense.
Linebacker #1: Melvin Murder-Moose, Colorado Yeti
One of if not the best defender in the league right now, MMM has provided Colorado with 129 tackles ALREADY. 8 sacks is a good handful to and definetely worthy of a spot on this team.
Linebacker #2: Big Slammu, Honolulu Hahalua
A great player who is in their second season in Hawaii, Slammu has been an absolute problem on the field this season. 17 sacks is tied for 1st in the league and 112 tackles (almost a career best) isn't anything to ignore either. Great #2 player here.
Linebacker #3: BamBam McMullet, Berlin Fire Salamanders
Remember when I said tied first in sacks above? This is the dude he's tied with. McMullet not only has a great name, but is a great player on the field. McMullet also has 2 interceptions to add to his impressive resume already.
Linebacker #4: Busch Light, New Orleans Secondline
The second player from the Secondline on this list, Light is not here for his tackling, but his ability to pick the ball off. I'm thinking a nice pass coverage linebacker will help us and he certainly will be able to as he has 4 interceptions. Also 90 tackles and 3 sacks are nice to see too. Nice linebacker to round them up.
Cornerback #1: Annie May, Austin Copperheads
33 passes defended is the reason May is here. A shutdown corner who on any down can lock up anyone (except some guy named Jaycee). A problem for the monsters on the other side trying to get open.
Cornerback #2: Willie Miller, San Jose Sabercats
I gotta show my teammates some love, so Miller gets the nod here. 5 interceptions helps us get a ball hawk on D, and while he isn't the leader at that position, he has 29 passes defended. The corner spot is for sure one of our stronger spots with this one.
Free Safety: Pasta The Turtle, Baltimore Hawks
A rookie has made the monster squad! Damn this guy is gonna be a problem for a while if he's just a rookie sheesh. 50 tackles, 5 interceptions, 17 passes defended. Baltimore has a special player with Mr. Turtle here.
Strong Safety: Romulus Roman, Philadelphia Liberty
A hard hitter here, Roman has 3 force fumbles so far, along with 3 sacks and 4 interceptions too. A nice balanced player here who can round out our defense and send Monsters to Mars on some tackles if he really has too.
Kicker: Ikick Ballz, Philadelphia Liberty
Rookie kicker, 100% xp make, 86% FG make, and a long of 59. Easy choice
Punter: We aren't punting
Ok TLDR:
QB: Dexter Zaylren
RB: Goat Tank
WR1: Tugg Speedman
WR2: Jake Fencik
WR3: Zack Crossley
LT: Bruce Buckley
LG: Maiteers Rico-Shea
C: Manhattan Project
RG: Felix Archstone
RT: Stumpy Jones
LE: Leonard Taylor
RE: Mongo
DT: Dominoes Pizzaman
LOLB: Big Slammu
MLB1: Melvin Murder-Moose
MLB2: Busch Light
ROLB: BamBam McMullet
CB1: Annie May
CB2: Willie Miller
FS: Pasta The Turtle
SS: Romulus Roman
K: Ikick Ballz
Quite the team I must say, well thank you for reading this! If you read more than the TLDR you are a legend and have a good day!
1502 words, JKortesi media bonus shii topic