04-06-2022, 12:02 PM
(This post was last modified: 04-11-2022, 09:26 AM by Crunk. Edited 2 times in total.)
News music blares as Gillian Almos and Harry Decker stand in front of a news ticker with all the gossip of the great Los Angeles area
"A sad story yesterday as Orange County Otter superstar linebacker Dominos Pizzaman was seen begging for change on the 241 offramp near the Orange County Zoo." says Almos
"One of our field cameramen Piper Higgins was able to spot him and have a few words with the highly touted football star." Continues Decker
Piper shoving a camera into the personal space of Pizzaman who is holding a cardboard sign with "Hungry, anything helps"
P: Pizzaman! don't you have a practice to go to, isn't there a huge game this week against the Sailfish?
D: Please go away, I'm just trying to live my life, the last thing I need are you guys making things worse
P: Can you just talk to me for a minute, if you do I'll throw a fresh twenty in your little collection helmet
D: Make it a fifty and I'll give you my story
Piper whips out his wallet and only has two fives and ten ones
P: Do you take Venmo?
Pizzaman flips his cardboard and reveals a QR for piper to donate
D: They locked me out of the training facility, I can't physically get in to practice, lift weights, whatever, I need to come up with at least 500 grand by sundown or else I'm shit out of luck for next week. I talked to my agent and even another lawyer friend from PJU to see if they could help. But after I faxed them my most recent contract there is nothing I can do. There is this weird contract clause that I need to pay for all my training out of pocket, who would have thought that- I guess it was getting auto deducted and I never knew.
P: So how close are you?
D: I'm still in the hole about 250 big one's. The other money came from a small autograph signing I did over at the card shop on Mulberry street on Monday, so here I am just trying to max out my earnings, I figured the zoo is a hotspot, lots of cashflow, and alot of times I went to the zoo i ended up spending less than I anticipated, so hopefully my plan works and I am able to scavenge some of the extra dollars and cents from those parents that didn't fork the cash over for the premium primate experience.
P:Tell me about how your teammates and coaches feel?
D: Well its hard to tell, my coaches have been supportive and said that I can still dress for the rest of the games, which is nice, but its apparently illegal for them to wire me a little stipend while I get back on my feet which is lame. I really think we as players need to stand up to this debauchery of garnishment of public shame for the less financially savvy player pool. I feel like a joker having to call my family for cash- some of whom I've bought homes and cars for. And if I try to explain it to them they start snoring on the phone, its a mess. Anyway to answer your question about my peer players, same deal, they're doing everything they can but I need more than words of encouragement and free meals.
P: Wow that's astonishing, I really hope you can come up with that cash, what is next if you don't get the money by this week.
D: Well hopefully this interview actually gives me a nice boost in exposure, if you are watching this and would like to donate please find my venmo DPizza77 and donate, its really much appreciated. Other than that I've gotten a pretty amazing tip that there is a fund setup called Make Every Dollar Investment Available, media for short that will give players some extra cash in exchange for some personal stories or in depth analysis about their playing time etc. so hopefully my application for that comes back and I qualify.
P: Well best of luck! I'm gonna send this back to the studio and we can hopefully get you back in the training room so you can do some more work for our hometown otters. Back to you guys in the studio.
Piper turns off camera
P:Wow that was really good, super convincing, are we still good for the reservation at Dorsia tonight Dominos?
Pizzaman ditching the cardboard in the trash and checking his phone for any suckers that donated
D: Oh yes of course I'll pick you up around 8 and I'll have them put the sauvignon on ice so its chilled for when we get there
P:Awesome I appreciate it, never been there and seems to die for.
D: Its really fancy, thanks again for the whole shebang here.
P:So I have to ask what is the deal here, I know you're a millionaire why do you need all this extra money from fans, press junkies, so on and so forth.
D: Believe it or not, Its not cheap to get all the work I got done this offseason and man oh man these plastic surgeons are really intense with their collections phew. The impoverishment is fake, I've still got some deals coming in, a nice house in the hills, and can afford to take a friend out to dinner once in a while, but I still owe. And I guess that's the ISFL way, buy now and pay later. I'm hoping one day I get an ISFL banker that misplaces a zero on my paycheck but until that day its gonna have to be the way its been going.
Dominos hops into his 2034 Ford Bronco XLT and drives away into the sunset.
Dominos never does show up to pick Piper up for their night on the town, instead he invests his donations into a nest egg for when he want a commissioned photo of himself
"A sad story yesterday as Orange County Otter superstar linebacker Dominos Pizzaman was seen begging for change on the 241 offramp near the Orange County Zoo." says Almos
"One of our field cameramen Piper Higgins was able to spot him and have a few words with the highly touted football star." Continues Decker
Piper shoving a camera into the personal space of Pizzaman who is holding a cardboard sign with "Hungry, anything helps"
P: Pizzaman! don't you have a practice to go to, isn't there a huge game this week against the Sailfish?
D: Please go away, I'm just trying to live my life, the last thing I need are you guys making things worse
P: Can you just talk to me for a minute, if you do I'll throw a fresh twenty in your little collection helmet
D: Make it a fifty and I'll give you my story
Piper whips out his wallet and only has two fives and ten ones
P: Do you take Venmo?
Pizzaman flips his cardboard and reveals a QR for piper to donate
D: They locked me out of the training facility, I can't physically get in to practice, lift weights, whatever, I need to come up with at least 500 grand by sundown or else I'm shit out of luck for next week. I talked to my agent and even another lawyer friend from PJU to see if they could help. But after I faxed them my most recent contract there is nothing I can do. There is this weird contract clause that I need to pay for all my training out of pocket, who would have thought that- I guess it was getting auto deducted and I never knew.
P: So how close are you?
D: I'm still in the hole about 250 big one's. The other money came from a small autograph signing I did over at the card shop on Mulberry street on Monday, so here I am just trying to max out my earnings, I figured the zoo is a hotspot, lots of cashflow, and alot of times I went to the zoo i ended up spending less than I anticipated, so hopefully my plan works and I am able to scavenge some of the extra dollars and cents from those parents that didn't fork the cash over for the premium primate experience.
P:Tell me about how your teammates and coaches feel?
D: Well its hard to tell, my coaches have been supportive and said that I can still dress for the rest of the games, which is nice, but its apparently illegal for them to wire me a little stipend while I get back on my feet which is lame. I really think we as players need to stand up to this debauchery of garnishment of public shame for the less financially savvy player pool. I feel like a joker having to call my family for cash- some of whom I've bought homes and cars for. And if I try to explain it to them they start snoring on the phone, its a mess. Anyway to answer your question about my peer players, same deal, they're doing everything they can but I need more than words of encouragement and free meals.
P: Wow that's astonishing, I really hope you can come up with that cash, what is next if you don't get the money by this week.
D: Well hopefully this interview actually gives me a nice boost in exposure, if you are watching this and would like to donate please find my venmo DPizza77 and donate, its really much appreciated. Other than that I've gotten a pretty amazing tip that there is a fund setup called Make Every Dollar Investment Available, media for short that will give players some extra cash in exchange for some personal stories or in depth analysis about their playing time etc. so hopefully my application for that comes back and I qualify.
P: Well best of luck! I'm gonna send this back to the studio and we can hopefully get you back in the training room so you can do some more work for our hometown otters. Back to you guys in the studio.
Piper turns off camera
P:Wow that was really good, super convincing, are we still good for the reservation at Dorsia tonight Dominos?
Pizzaman ditching the cardboard in the trash and checking his phone for any suckers that donated
D: Oh yes of course I'll pick you up around 8 and I'll have them put the sauvignon on ice so its chilled for when we get there
P:Awesome I appreciate it, never been there and seems to die for.
D: Its really fancy, thanks again for the whole shebang here.
P:So I have to ask what is the deal here, I know you're a millionaire why do you need all this extra money from fans, press junkies, so on and so forth.
D: Believe it or not, Its not cheap to get all the work I got done this offseason and man oh man these plastic surgeons are really intense with their collections phew. The impoverishment is fake, I've still got some deals coming in, a nice house in the hills, and can afford to take a friend out to dinner once in a while, but I still owe. And I guess that's the ISFL way, buy now and pay later. I'm hoping one day I get an ISFL banker that misplaces a zero on my paycheck but until that day its gonna have to be the way its been going.
Dominos hops into his 2034 Ford Bronco XLT and drives away into the sunset.
Dominos never does show up to pick Piper up for their night on the town, instead he invests his donations into a nest egg for when he want a commissioned photo of himself
Code:
1009 words
The Riddler
New York Sliverbacks
Dallas Birddongs
Former Players
Dominos Pizzaman S30-S40
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