06-05-2022, 09:11 PM
(This post was last modified: 06-20-2022, 10:08 AM by allbetsonjames. Edited 2 times in total.)
On April 15th I created what many have come to known as “The Masterpiece.” For those unaware the Masterpiece is a work of art created to celebrate my player Maximilian Hamilton. It embodies the core values that Max brings to the field each day, while simultaneously displaying the highest level of artistic expression possible. This artistic celebration of greatness was put out by me in a moment of epiphany. This art piece is truly my life's greatest achievement, my magnum opus, my raison d’etre. If I were to die today my legacy would be this art.
https://imgur.com/V3CEVUJ
Upon the creation of the Masterpiece, I submitted it to the graphics department, for them to truly come to understand what a great graphic both is, and ought to be. For too long the standard of a perfect graphic has been far too low. Were the 7/7 graphics impressive? Yes. But were they at the level of the Masterpiece? No. Not even close. The depths to which I had to go inside my mind to manifest this greatness into reality was nothing short of brilliance and genius.
Soon after my submission, I was showered with praise and adoration. User br0_0ker, a fellow artistic savant and artistic genius, commented “this is one of the single greatest pieces of art in the modern era.” Bravo br0_0ker, your analysis could not have been more on point. In a year or two from now, what will pop into ones mind when one asks themselves what are the greatest pieces of art of the modern era? Nothing to the level of the Masterpiece that much is certain. When you walk into a “modern” museum these days, what do you see? I went to a museum once and was greeted by a literal black portrait with a single white dot in the center. You think that is art? Nay, that is the filth by which I take a handkerchief to wipe off the bottom of my shoe. Not only should the ISFL graphics department thank me for blessing the world with the Masterpiece, but so too should the world.
But tragedy soon befell my glorious Masterpiece. From the deepest pit the Earth has known, a great enemy emerged. Like the Balrog of Mordor he showed himself to me at my moment of triumph, and struck me down from my seat of glory. “Brilliant” he commented. His words rang more falsely than a megachurch’s pastors’ sermon. Sarcasm not seen except from the mind of the most puberty driven teenage girl was showered upon me by the graphic judge known as “ReverendOreilly.” A fitting name for a con man if you had to ask me. The False Reverend as he shall so be called then passed down his judgement. A 1/7. I gasped. Has anyone on this Earth experienced such folly? A single point out of 7 for what will be known in many years as the greatest work of mankind? A single point out of 7 for what humanity will be known for after our sun has exploded and enveloped mankind in flames. A single point out of 7 for what will be the most valuable NFT in existence in a few years? These are not matters which I take lightly. A single point out of 7, and for my effort, a measly 100k. What can I do with that? Thats barely enough to feed myself for a week. No wonder artists die young. But alas, I will have my revenge.
My revenge is this my friends. Every cent that was owed to me by my work of art will be given to me by way of media. For not only was a slighted by my score of a 1/7, but I was also slighted by my payout. The graphics department themselves say a 1/7 gets 200k, yet only 100k was given to me. The slight to my dignity as an ISFL member surpasses all other slights directed to me. As an ISFL member I have come to expect equal and fair treatment for all members, but it appears due to my artistic prowess I have been discriminated against in the most unfair way possible; by removing my means to make a living. While my heart aches for the ISFL to reach its potential as a bastion of fairness and equality; my mind seethes with revenge. Therefore this media piece will cover all aspects of the masterpiece to help everyone understand why it is what it is; but also because I need money.
We start with the gloves. Originally purchased 2 years ago from Gucci as part of their one time collection of luxury football gear, Max travelled to Jerusalem soon after this purchase and had them blessed by a priest, an imam and a cohen in order to ensure that his hands literally become the Hands of God. Max used these gloves on game 1 of the S35 DSFL regular season where he caught 3 touchdowns and led the Luchadores to their first victory. Upon their victory Max quickly realized the power these gloves had, and decided to put them away for the playoffs. In the Masterpiece, Max is seen outstretched making clean contact with the Hands of God and a football as a glides into the endzone for another Tijuana score
The shoes Max is wearing in the Masterpiece are actually the Boots of Hermes. While playing God of War one Saturday evening, and while high on weed and shrooms, Max had the idea of obtaining boots that could help him jump higher, and ultimately picked out the boots of Hermes to help him literally fly and high point balls above defenders. Max travelled to Rome itself and was visited in a dream by Hermes, who took him in his arms and whispered sweet melodies into his ear. Hermes told Max he was gonna be the best, the best a man can get. Upon waking up Max found the Boots of Hermes in his briefcase. The boots were painted green to match the color of the grass, so as to not draw attention to them. Unfortunately the paint job ruined the flying attributes of the boots and now they're just regular boots.
FInally Max’s helmet, the final piece of the puzzle, the last fragment of Trifroce. Without Max’s helmet, Max would not be what he is. As Sauron was forging the One Ring in Mordor, Max forged the Helmet of Doom alongside his step dad, Daddy Sauron. Originally intended just to keep him safe from all who would seek to harm Max, Daddy Sauron also made some slight alterations to the helmet as well to provide some minor advantages. For example, Max has the power to see behind him, thanks to the giant Eye of Sauron on the back of the Helmet of Doom. Unfortunately this power only works while Max wears the One Ring, and since the shit makes him go invisible, it isn't quite viable for league play.
Now let’s discuss the situation depicted in the Masterpiece. It’s 4th and 62. The Luchadores have been pushed back in a tight game. Its 21-21 and the Portland Pythons have played a hard fought game. In the 4th quarter with 5 minutes left they looked on their way to getting the ball back with plenty of clock left to score. The punt team had been called out, but Max had a different idea. He ran up to his coach and whispered in his ear “execute order 66.” Coach looked at Max and nodded “Dew it.” Max ran out with the punt team and hid his slender body behind his giant offensive lineman. The ball snapped and Max used his Boots of Hermes to fly over his guard and over the incoming defensive tackle. The punter received the snap and dropped back to pass. Max flew into the air, just as he practiced, and the punter sent up a prayer. Its way over! Max activated the nitrous system on his boots and flew down the field like an F1 car flying down the main straight in Baku. Using his Helmet of Doom he tracked the ball through the air (yes he was invisible as he put on the One Ring prior to the snap. How else would he not have been seen?) and then stretched out his Hands of God. Max went face first into the ground, and then he felt it. The football, 1 yard deep into the endzone, in his Hands of God. They reviewed it, and the play stood. It was a touchdown. The crowd went nuts. Max, the Hero Tijuana needed, had come through. It was an amazing day for Max and the team. They would go on to lose 31-28.
And there you have it. That is the story of the Masterpiece. Graphic graders and my fellow ISFL peers, do you see now, the beauty, the majesty, the insinuation of the Masterpiece now? I hope so. I hope you tell your sons and your daughter of the day you were told its story. How often are lay people subject to the story behind great art? Count yourselves among the blessed.
Finally a note to the graphics graders. Please don’t take this personally. Your mistake was understandable. It looked dumb and it probably felt dumb. Sometimes we don’t see greatness when it is standing right in front of us, and that’s ok. Live and learn. Hopefully the next time greatness is sent to you, you provide it with the 7/7 grade it deserves. If not, I guess I can just write another media piece <3
That being said, I doubt I will be able to create something of this pedigree again. The passion I put onto my ipad as I gently stroked my gen 2 apple pencil upon its retina screen at a smooth 60hz is likely unrepeatable. The sounds I heard from my apple iphone 13 that stimulated my senses into euphoria are likely once in a lifetime. The vibration from my apple watch gen 5 that provided relief and satisfaction and I received the notification that my transmission oil was being shipped was pure and ultimate bliss.
But fear not fellow ISFL members, where there is a need to buy very expensive T6 equipment, there will be pointless media written, and I will be there to write it.
https://imgur.com/V3CEVUJ
Upon the creation of the Masterpiece, I submitted it to the graphics department, for them to truly come to understand what a great graphic both is, and ought to be. For too long the standard of a perfect graphic has been far too low. Were the 7/7 graphics impressive? Yes. But were they at the level of the Masterpiece? No. Not even close. The depths to which I had to go inside my mind to manifest this greatness into reality was nothing short of brilliance and genius.
Soon after my submission, I was showered with praise and adoration. User br0_0ker, a fellow artistic savant and artistic genius, commented “this is one of the single greatest pieces of art in the modern era.” Bravo br0_0ker, your analysis could not have been more on point. In a year or two from now, what will pop into ones mind when one asks themselves what are the greatest pieces of art of the modern era? Nothing to the level of the Masterpiece that much is certain. When you walk into a “modern” museum these days, what do you see? I went to a museum once and was greeted by a literal black portrait with a single white dot in the center. You think that is art? Nay, that is the filth by which I take a handkerchief to wipe off the bottom of my shoe. Not only should the ISFL graphics department thank me for blessing the world with the Masterpiece, but so too should the world.
But tragedy soon befell my glorious Masterpiece. From the deepest pit the Earth has known, a great enemy emerged. Like the Balrog of Mordor he showed himself to me at my moment of triumph, and struck me down from my seat of glory. “Brilliant” he commented. His words rang more falsely than a megachurch’s pastors’ sermon. Sarcasm not seen except from the mind of the most puberty driven teenage girl was showered upon me by the graphic judge known as “ReverendOreilly.” A fitting name for a con man if you had to ask me. The False Reverend as he shall so be called then passed down his judgement. A 1/7. I gasped. Has anyone on this Earth experienced such folly? A single point out of 7 for what will be known in many years as the greatest work of mankind? A single point out of 7 for what humanity will be known for after our sun has exploded and enveloped mankind in flames. A single point out of 7 for what will be the most valuable NFT in existence in a few years? These are not matters which I take lightly. A single point out of 7, and for my effort, a measly 100k. What can I do with that? Thats barely enough to feed myself for a week. No wonder artists die young. But alas, I will have my revenge.
My revenge is this my friends. Every cent that was owed to me by my work of art will be given to me by way of media. For not only was a slighted by my score of a 1/7, but I was also slighted by my payout. The graphics department themselves say a 1/7 gets 200k, yet only 100k was given to me. The slight to my dignity as an ISFL member surpasses all other slights directed to me. As an ISFL member I have come to expect equal and fair treatment for all members, but it appears due to my artistic prowess I have been discriminated against in the most unfair way possible; by removing my means to make a living. While my heart aches for the ISFL to reach its potential as a bastion of fairness and equality; my mind seethes with revenge. Therefore this media piece will cover all aspects of the masterpiece to help everyone understand why it is what it is; but also because I need money.
We start with the gloves. Originally purchased 2 years ago from Gucci as part of their one time collection of luxury football gear, Max travelled to Jerusalem soon after this purchase and had them blessed by a priest, an imam and a cohen in order to ensure that his hands literally become the Hands of God. Max used these gloves on game 1 of the S35 DSFL regular season where he caught 3 touchdowns and led the Luchadores to their first victory. Upon their victory Max quickly realized the power these gloves had, and decided to put them away for the playoffs. In the Masterpiece, Max is seen outstretched making clean contact with the Hands of God and a football as a glides into the endzone for another Tijuana score
The shoes Max is wearing in the Masterpiece are actually the Boots of Hermes. While playing God of War one Saturday evening, and while high on weed and shrooms, Max had the idea of obtaining boots that could help him jump higher, and ultimately picked out the boots of Hermes to help him literally fly and high point balls above defenders. Max travelled to Rome itself and was visited in a dream by Hermes, who took him in his arms and whispered sweet melodies into his ear. Hermes told Max he was gonna be the best, the best a man can get. Upon waking up Max found the Boots of Hermes in his briefcase. The boots were painted green to match the color of the grass, so as to not draw attention to them. Unfortunately the paint job ruined the flying attributes of the boots and now they're just regular boots.
FInally Max’s helmet, the final piece of the puzzle, the last fragment of Trifroce. Without Max’s helmet, Max would not be what he is. As Sauron was forging the One Ring in Mordor, Max forged the Helmet of Doom alongside his step dad, Daddy Sauron. Originally intended just to keep him safe from all who would seek to harm Max, Daddy Sauron also made some slight alterations to the helmet as well to provide some minor advantages. For example, Max has the power to see behind him, thanks to the giant Eye of Sauron on the back of the Helmet of Doom. Unfortunately this power only works while Max wears the One Ring, and since the shit makes him go invisible, it isn't quite viable for league play.
Now let’s discuss the situation depicted in the Masterpiece. It’s 4th and 62. The Luchadores have been pushed back in a tight game. Its 21-21 and the Portland Pythons have played a hard fought game. In the 4th quarter with 5 minutes left they looked on their way to getting the ball back with plenty of clock left to score. The punt team had been called out, but Max had a different idea. He ran up to his coach and whispered in his ear “execute order 66.” Coach looked at Max and nodded “Dew it.” Max ran out with the punt team and hid his slender body behind his giant offensive lineman. The ball snapped and Max used his Boots of Hermes to fly over his guard and over the incoming defensive tackle. The punter received the snap and dropped back to pass. Max flew into the air, just as he practiced, and the punter sent up a prayer. Its way over! Max activated the nitrous system on his boots and flew down the field like an F1 car flying down the main straight in Baku. Using his Helmet of Doom he tracked the ball through the air (yes he was invisible as he put on the One Ring prior to the snap. How else would he not have been seen?) and then stretched out his Hands of God. Max went face first into the ground, and then he felt it. The football, 1 yard deep into the endzone, in his Hands of God. They reviewed it, and the play stood. It was a touchdown. The crowd went nuts. Max, the Hero Tijuana needed, had come through. It was an amazing day for Max and the team. They would go on to lose 31-28.
And there you have it. That is the story of the Masterpiece. Graphic graders and my fellow ISFL peers, do you see now, the beauty, the majesty, the insinuation of the Masterpiece now? I hope so. I hope you tell your sons and your daughter of the day you were told its story. How often are lay people subject to the story behind great art? Count yourselves among the blessed.
Finally a note to the graphics graders. Please don’t take this personally. Your mistake was understandable. It looked dumb and it probably felt dumb. Sometimes we don’t see greatness when it is standing right in front of us, and that’s ok. Live and learn. Hopefully the next time greatness is sent to you, you provide it with the 7/7 grade it deserves. If not, I guess I can just write another media piece <3
That being said, I doubt I will be able to create something of this pedigree again. The passion I put onto my ipad as I gently stroked my gen 2 apple pencil upon its retina screen at a smooth 60hz is likely unrepeatable. The sounds I heard from my apple iphone 13 that stimulated my senses into euphoria are likely once in a lifetime. The vibration from my apple watch gen 5 that provided relief and satisfaction and I received the notification that my transmission oil was being shipped was pure and ultimate bliss.
But fear not fellow ISFL members, where there is a need to buy very expensive T6 equipment, there will be pointless media written, and I will be there to write it.