06-25-2022, 03:57 PM
(This post was last modified: 06-28-2022, 05:56 PM by dude_man. Edited 4 times in total.)
Letting a Spin Wheel to Decide my Season Predictions
by Liter
Hello ladies & gentleman, boys and girls (not sure why I used the "&" symbol as well as "and" they mean the same thing but who cares). Okay, welcome to my newest masterpiece, where I use a spin wheel to determine what my ISFL season predictions will be, I will be genuinely using the outcome of these luck based results for my actually season predictions. If you don't know what a "spin wheel" is, it's basically one of those wheels that people spin and when it stops spinning it lands on, like, an answer or something, I think. The rules are pretty self explanatory, for each ISFL season prediction question on the form, I will be spinning a wheel with every optional answer and will be choosing whichever answer the wheel lands on. Obviously these results can be faked but you can trust that I won't fake them, this method is probably better than me picking them based on what I actually think, the last time I did, I got 6 TPE, which might be the least amount you can earn.
I implemented two additional features to make it a bit more interesting. 3 vetoes will be given to me in case of emergency. For example, if I spin the wheel to decide the wheel to decide the regular season champion and it lands on the Austin Copperheads, an extremely unlikely scenario in my opinion, I will have the ability to veto the wheel and spin again, I can only use it once per question. I'll try to avoid using them, remember, ONLY FOR EMERGENCY. The second element I implemented was that I choose to include an additional option to the spin wheel. Since both conferences in the ISFL have an odd number of teams, that kind of throws off the repeating color pattern of the spin wheel, so I choose to add an additional option, a "FREE SPIN" option that the wheel can land on. When you think about it, pretty much every odds based decision making thing features a "try again" element to it, so I feel like this isn't a violation of any unwritten rule, it's also fun to spin the wheel, so to be able to do it for free is just amazing. Obviously when the wheel lands on this I just get to spin the wheel again. If it lands on "FREE SPIN" two three times in a row, I'll literally retire my player after the next season, and remember, I don't bluff.
ASFC Standings
Alright, let's get this show on the road. The first part for the season predictions is to determine the ASFC Standings, 1st place through 7th place. Each time the wheel lands on a team, that team will be removed from the wheel from the following spins. Here is what our, wait no, this is MY wheel, not "ours" go get your own. Anyways, here's what MY wheel looks like so you get a better picture of how this is gonna work.
Alright, folks, let's spin the wheel right round baby right round like a record baby.
FIRST PLACE: San Jose Sabercats
With the very first spin, the fate has decided the San Jose Sabercats will finish in first place in the ASFC. I suppose this isn't TOO outlandish, I mean, it's a wild guess but anything can happen. They definitely weren't close to first place last year but they have talent. I think most people have them predicted to be around 4th place but I've always liked the Sabercats for some reason so I'm not going to veto this.
SECOND PLACE: Arizona Outlaws
Wow, this one actually makes sense. The wheel has spoken and it's making sense, people. The Arizona Outlaws are completely capable of finishing 2nd, they could quite possibly finish 1st. The common consensus is that AZ is one of the top 3 teams so this prediction is very good, maybe I'll end up with more than 6 TPE this season.
THIRD PLACE: New Orleans Secondline
Okay, this is probably more absurd than San Jose finishing first, and that's pretty unlikely. The question is: do I veto this? I'm unsure whether or not to veto this. Since, I have become accustomed to allowing a wheel make all my decisions, so now I will spin a wheel to determine if I should veto it or not. I am not kidding.
So it seems like I'm NOT going to veto this wheel spin, and I won't veto the wheel spin that said not to veto it either, so NOLA remains in 3rd place. This works out anyways, I kinda like the team since whoever the hell scouted me with pretty cool. Don't mess this up New Orleans, I'm counting on you.
FOURTH PLACE: AUSTIN COPPERHEADS
I don't need a wheel for this one, this shit gettin' VETOED sucka. That's right, I truly never think Austin is good team, even when they ARE a good team. This is nothing against their players, it's like the New York Giants, no matter who's on the team, they're gonna suck. Also, I've gotten into the habit of literally never picking them to win in weekly predictions and so far, it's worked out. So, I'm sorry Austin, you're getting vetoed. 2 vetoes remaining.
FREE SPIN
OOOOOOHHHHHH SNAP, we get to spin again!!! Yes, and this team I mean "we!" Check under your seat, everyone wins a TAX FREE free spin!! Alright, everyone collectively use our brain power and spin the wheel again!
FREE SPIN
ANOTHER ONE?! BY GOD, WE GONNA RUN OTTA SPINS! Alright folks, try REALLY hard, focus! We need to get a really good spin!
FORTH PLACE: AUSTIN COPPERHEADS
Wait...... WHAT!? GUYS, this is not what I meant! I just vetoed this, what the heck?! Am I seriously going to spend a second veto against Austin? Yes, the answer is yes. Oh and yes, this literally happened, this isn't a bit I'm doing, it genuinely landed on the Copperheads again. I'm typing all of this out on the fly so this was not anticipated whatsoever and now this puts the rest of the media piece in jeopardy, thanks a lot Austin. Get vetoed, bish (for the second time).
please God, don't let it be the Copperheads
FORTH PLACE: HONOLULU HAHALUA
Oh thank God, it's over. It only took us 5 spins and 2 out of MY 3 vetoes, but finally, the wheel has decided the Honolulu Hahalua will finish in 4th place in the ASFC. The Hahalua are a very good team, unless you've been living under a rock, you'd know this already. They just won the Ultimus so coming in 4th place is probably the lowest they can finish, although it's not literally impossible for them to do worse. The team is built to destroy and conquer so I'm happy the wheel didn't put them any lower.
FIFTH PLACE: ORANGE COUNTY OTTERS
What rhymes with "orange?" That's easy, "door hinge" go, try it. Anyways, the Otters a darn good team, not as good as all of the teams but most of them. This standing isn't that bad for them, although I can definitely see them doing better than what the wheel predicted. I'd say the Otters will probably finish within the top 7, but that's just a wild assumption.
SIXTH PLACE: NEW YORK SILVERBACKS
I'm still new to the league so it's hard to pin down what the Silverbacks are made of. They've looked terrible at times, and they've also looked great on occasion. I'm glad I'm not the one making predictions because I genuinely have no idea where to put these guys.
so that leaves...
LAST PLACE: AUSTIN COPPERHEADS
This was sooo worth the vetoes, this is exactly where I wanted the Copperheads on my predictions. It's not even that I think they're so bad, it just hurts me physically and emotionally to have them any higher. This prediction is also pretty damn reasonable because they're a pretty bottom tier team, they're the ISFL equivalent of the Jacksonville Jaguars and we all know it.
Alright, phew, I thought that would never end. These standings THAT bad, but they could definitely be better. I guess we'll have to wait and see how well these turn out. Here are our standings as it appears on the ISFL Regular Season Predictions form:
NSFC Standings
Alright, we've been through this before, now we just have to do it for 7 different teams. The NSFC is probably even more difficult to predict since basically every team has extremely similar records, glad I'm letting a wheel do it for me. Here's the wheel again, in case you wanted to see:
NSFC Standings
Alright, we've been through this before, now we just have to do it for 7 different teams. The NSFC is probably even more difficult to predict since basically every team has extremely similar records, glad I'm letting a wheel do it for me. Here's the wheel again, in case you wanted to see:
Okay lets get this spin wheel in the sky so it keeps spinning
FIRST PLACE: PHILEDELPHIA LIBERTY
FIRST PLACE: PHILEDELPHIA LIBERTY
Hmm, this is very interesting. Last season, the Liberty didn't even make the playoffs, but you could blame that on the NSFC being evenly balanced, could Philly finish first? Yes, theoretically, they COULD, just like I COULD write a an article without disgruntling a few people. It's honestly not that unlikely for Philly to win it all, they might be underdogs, but they wouldn't be the first football team from Philadelphia to win despite being underdogs. Might as well celebrate now Philly, you're gonna do very well next season, the wheel is never wrong.
SECOND PLACE: COLORADO YETI
Oh God, this isn't good. I don't even need to explain why, it's so bad. Forget being second best, I'd be surprised if Colorado finished better than second worst, this team is destined to lose. I'm gonna have to use my very last veto on this. No vetoes remaining, things just got serious.
SECOND PLACE: BALTIMORE HAWKS
I guess this prediction makes sense, Baltimore is a good team, there's just so many good teams to play against that it might be difficult for them to finish in the top 3. I only know that they won the Ultimus recently, maybe like 2 seasons ago, I'm not going to check because Saturday's are supposed to be fun.
THIRD PLACE: SARASOTA SAILFISH
This one isn't bad either, Sarasota definitely seems like a top 3 team. They have the potential to be regular season champions, in my opinion. Their offense is only getting better and ummm I don't know, it feels weird to be praising a team this much, a team that didn't even make the playoffs last season. The only thing holding them back is their competition, very very tough competition.
FREE SPIN
Unfortunately the higher-ups called, we have regrettably ran out of free spins to give away.
FOURTH PLACE: Yellowknife Wraiths
This was a team that I thought very highly of last season, they, very unexpectedly, were #1 in the conference for some time before falling to and finishing in 3rd place. This is definitely a reasonable spot for them, they could even go beyond this and finish in the top 3. This season will reveal truly how good the Wraiths are or if last season was just a fluke. I erroneously predicted them to do very well in the playoffs, last season, unfortunately, they lost their first game. If they had won, they might've won the whole thing.
FIFTH PLACE: BERLIN FIRE SALAMANDERS
Now this is great team, wonderful, flawless in every category. Definitely no bias here, just a great team that I just so happen to be a part of. Thinking of booking a trip to Berlin, actually. Why am I telling you? I don't know, my media pieces tend to go off the rails when I get this far into them, expect weird stuff. But I repeat, the Fire Salamanders are a great team, they started with incredible momentum, last season and they slowly began to break apart. They won their first 4 games, and then lost their next 4. Berlin finished around fifth place last season so this spot isn't outlandish in the slightest.
SIXTH PLACE: COLORADO YETI
Well, I can't veto this, but I don't even think I would want to. The Yeti can be bad at times, but they can also be not that bad at times. This is still not where they should be though. How many times can you be this sure of team finishing in last place? Colorado had less than half the number of wins as the next best team, last season, that says a lot. Something might happen and maybe some other team will be worse then them, that's pretty unlikely though since every team is playoff caliber.
LAST PLACE: THE CHICAGO BUTCHERS
This ain't happening, no way. Last season if you told me this was gonna happen, I'd believe you if it was week 3 because they started out with 3 straight losses. After a few weeks, they somehow managed to tie for the best record in the conference, if they won any of those 3 games, they'd be the only team in the NSFC to win 10 games. Will they come in last? I HIGHLY doubt it, it's much more likely that they win the Ultimus, instead.
Well, were these predictions better or worse than the ASFC ones? I'm very glad I didn't have to do these predictions because half of the teams in this conference are either tied with, or ONE win away from 5/6 of the other teams. What. The. Hell. How does that even happen? This conference is almost impossible to predict and if someone perfectly predicts the standings, they are using witchcraft and should be put on trial. Here are what the standings look like:
Regular Season Champion
Well, this is it, the big one. One spin, one regular season champion. Throwing out a prayer that it doesn't land on the Austin Copperheads or the Colorado Yeti. Every team is an option for this prediction but only around 5 have a shot. I didn't even add a "Free Spin" option, that's how serious this is. Here's what OUR (yes, this one is everybody's) wheel looks like:
Regular Season Champion: Arizona Outlaws
Okay, that's not what I expected, an actual prediction that I agree with. I mean, I probably would've picked some other team like Honolulu or Chicago but if I predict something to happen, then it usually doesn't happen. The Outlaws have a great chance at being of the best teams in the entire league, this season. Great running back, great wide receivers, I could honestly just list positions and say that Arizona has a great player in that position because they probably do, this team is stacked. Being in the ASFC also allows the Outlaws and easier schedule, they'll be facing teams with much, much worse records.
And there you have it, the ISFL Regular Season Predictions as determined by a spinning wheel. These have already been submitted by me and if you haven't submitted yours already, I recommend using these. I'm surprised that these prediction turned out reasonably well since they were completely random. I'm also pretty proud that this article didn't dissolve into me lashing out at everyone reading it. If you read my previous article, you may remember I said some pretty nasty things. I'd like to this moment to apologize to absolutely no-one. Catch you on the flipside, poser. I'll be riding into the sunset on my triple exhaust, helium-powered, magma-proof tricycle while you sit here staring at your screen wishing you could be me. Who am I kidding, I'm sitting here in my pajamas, eating sour Skittles, and I don't even own a tricycle. I'm the one who had to use MS Paint in order to save pictures of the spinning wheels, I'm the poser. I don't even know Gungan Basic, I just use Google translate, I'm a fraud, a great big PHONY. If The Sorcerer's Apprentice, the movie, were a person, it'd be me.