07-04-2022, 01:40 PM
(This post was last modified: 07-12-2022, 02:17 AM by dude_man. Edited 1 time in total.)
SH: Hello, you hellish heathens, and get ready to hear the heeding of the great one on Shazam! with Shazam Hefner. I’m your host, Preston “Shazam” Hefner, and welcome to the show. Our guest today needs no introduction: it’s the tutu-wearing wall-smashing future Copperhead himself, Roma Amir-Kani (@dallasrogue21)!
RAK: Hey Shazam! Thanks for having me on the show, it's an honor to be on! I've been watching this show since I was really young, and have always imagined myself being one of the interviewees!
SH: What can I say? Shazam is for the children. So, how’s it been? I know you’re probably on cloud 9 right now, what with the draft and stuff.
RAK: It's been pretty good! Definitely stoked to get drafted by the Austin copperheads, and I am 100 percent ready to work to get into the ISFL strong and fast. But I will say, the ISFL practices are a lot different than their DSFL counterparts.
SH: Really? How so?
RAK: Well, first off, in Austin, they have an induction ceremony that involves, 1, bathing in a pool of copperheads, and 2, kissing a copperhead. Secondly, we have two practices a day, one at 6 am, and the other at 5pm. Quite taxing in comparison to one a day DSFL practices.
SH: …that’s just hazing with extra steps, yeah?
RAK: No no no. We all go through it, so it's not hazing, at least that's what they tell me.
SH: Oh, well, whatever works works, I guess. So, question number one: how would you rate your time spent with Portland? I know you were a waiver pickup, so you weren’t able to get to know them as much as other people did.
RAK: Oh, it's been amazing! A solid 10/10. And yeah, the waiver wire pickup did kind of complicate things, as I didn't get to know them before they picked me up and vice versa. But, zeagle, pugwalrus, and cptgoodar have been really helpful during the whole process.
SH: Now, what would you say was the best and worst part about Portland? It can be the locker room, the games, the city, whatever.
RAK: The best part? The free food during halftime of the games. The worst part? Definitely the city, and the travelling to and from it for games. The jet lag is terrible, and the fans are super critical of the team. When we lost the playoff game, some fans, not all mind you, were calling for our GM to be replaced, when we just had one of our best seasons in the team's history. But, that's kinda what happens when you have longtime fans of a historically great team.
SH: Did you let their criticism get to you?
RAK: I like to read the criticism, I enjoy watching people doubt me and my team. I know what we can do and I know what we will do. So, I use this hate as a fuel to our fire. Every team will have bad games, bad stretches, and bad plays, it’s how you bounce back that matters. And with Portland going to win the Ultimini next season, I think it’ll prove the critics wrong.
SH: You seriously think that? Well, a man can dream. So, back to the draft - you were the 6th safety taken in the 4th round. Do you feel like you were snubbed, or do you not really care?
RAK: This is a complicated scenario to say the least, I declared my interest in the draft late, and joined the DSFL midway through the season, so, it made sense that I would drop being some others that had declared long before me. But, on the other hand I do believe I am the best safety in my class, and possibly in the league, so, realistically I should’ve been first overall no questions asked. Even if I had no playtime in the DSFL. My college tape and stats plus my DSFL stats show I’m a playmaker and a havok wrecker, don’t worry, all the teams that passed on me will regret it after I have a storied hall of fame career with the copperheads.
SH: Are you happy with Austin, or do you wish another team drafted you?
RAK: Really there were only two teams I was really interested in, and only one I wasn’t. The two were Arizona and Austin, mainly because zeagle, who is really active with Portland still, is in Arizona, and PugWalrus, who is Portland's GM, plays in Austin. So I already knew a good bit about the organizations and it would make the transfer easier. But the one team I didn’t want to go to, I don’t know if I should say it…. Well… look at my rookie contract and you’ll see.
SH: Well, Morley dropped a bombshell, so why not? Shock the world.
RAK: Who’s Morley?
SH: Austin Morley? The wide receiver who told everyone to eat shit? He was on my last episode, c’mon man.
RAK: Oh so now you’re assuming everyone watches all your episodes? Quite vain if you ask me.
SH: Look, man, you’re the one who said you watched my show since you were a kid, so…hey, whatever.
RAK: Am I still a kid, Shazam!?!!
SH: What-I never said that?
RAK: Look man, if you’re trying to fight, just say it.
SH: I never fuckin’ said I wanted to fight, man. I just wanted to have fun and talk. You’re the one trying to instigate this shit.
RAK: Bro, you legit just called me a child. And then insulted my mom. How can you say with a straight face you aren’t tryin’ to fight?!?
SH: What - I never insulted your mom? What the fuck are you on about? I did nothing wrong, I was just saying this one moment in the series? Yknow, the thing I’m paid to do?
RAK: DO YOU HAVE DEMENTIA? YOU CALLED MY MOTHER A WALRUS.
SH: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN? Look, man, I just wanted to have a pleasant conversation with a DSFL player, like I have been DOING for the past few MONTHS. YOU’RE the one who’s putting false words in my mouth.
RAK. I AM NOT “PLEASANT” ENOUGH FOR YOU!?!? LITTLE DO YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHAT MY DAD WOULD SAY TO ME BEFORE HE PISSED IN MY CEREAL BOWL IN THE MORNINGS. SO WHY YOU GOTTA BRING THAT UP!?!? AND YOU SHOULD BE USED TO MEN PUTTING STUFF IN YOUR MOUTH.
SH: …Get the hell out of my recording booth.
RAK: NO. WE ARE GONNA FINISH THIS INTERVIEW IF IT'S THE LAST THING YOU DO. AND DON’T CALL THE COPS.
SH: Listen to me, you little SHIT, get the FUCK outta my recording booth. I WILL call the cops.
RAK: Do it then, pussy.
SH: Alright. Cut the recording. Terrence, what are you doing, I said cut the DAMN reco-
Code:
70 for Dallas, 30 for me
Please note this is all for jokes. Dallas and I have no bad blood (for now) ;)
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