08-12-2022, 04:27 PM
(This post was last modified: 08-12-2022, 05:15 PM by dude_man. Edited 2 times in total.)
Hello and welcome to by far the worst mock draft of the off season. this is was done over the span of about 30 minutes, with most of that being uploading images to Imgur so that they could be posted here.
METHOD
I put all the names of all prospects onto a spinny wheel and let the wheel decide, since that's what 90% of the GMs in the league do anyways, and let that decide how the players were picked. Unfortunately I do not quite have the technology that the GMs in the league have, so I can't weight the wheel by TPE, however if I could, I would have weighted it by TPE.
Here's a look at what the wheel looks like! This is also a look as to what most team's draft boards look like.
With that terrible introduction out of the way lets get to it:
With the first overall pick, Berlin selects
@ThePope A kicker / punter in Paddy MacGuiness. There is an obvious reason for this, and that is they would like to tank for next season, where they can get the first overall pick again, so they have even more resources to go on an unending championship streak, all while having their special teams fulfilled for the foreseeable future.
With the second overall Pick, The New York Silverbacks select
Wait a pick that's actually realistic? One that could realistically happen? @Moldycheez4 / Jason Oexius is an incredibly good user, who I have done media with in the past and is going to be a boon wherever he goes. The silverbacks select an all star player here, and hopefully a good user for a long time. Last time I mentioned him in a mock he got mad at me for slandering him, so I'm going to say only nice things about him. He is allegedly a good dude, who despite what anyone else claims drinks only in reasonable amounts. He is active in locker rooms wherever he goes and will not lead a campaign to get your GM fired. as a result he's probably the most realistic pick of this entire draft
With the third overall pick, the Colorodo Yeti select
@LutherVox / Luther Vox. Colorodo is clearly looking for a way to deal with their aging WR corps, selects a mid tier WR over several higher prospects because he scouted so well. this is the only feasible explanation I have, seeing as how HighStickKing somehow isnt drafted here instead as a WR prospect.
With the 4th overall pick, the Austin Copperheads select
@Lemorse7 / Dalibor Dvorsky.
The copperheads are looking to create the best defense of all time. They attempt to do this by taking one of the safeties of all time. at not even 70 TPE, the copperheads are taking the long haul with this pick, looking to lock up championships with some lock down defense. Not only do they bolster their defense they also bolster their locker room as Lemorse is a known user of discord, who even posts sometimes!
With the 5th overall pick, the Baltimore Hawks Select
@Bmason0520 aka Brandon mason. The hawks believe that last year was just a fluke so they go for a very win now move with an early Offensive line selection. I don't know anything further about this user so that's all the analysis you are getting regarding Mr Mason.
With the 6th overall pick in the draft, the New Orleans Second Line Selects
@WALDO / Thwomp. New Orleans is one of the few teams that probably wouldn't want a new DE immediately, so they are taking Thwomp now so that they can hurt everyone else, and then trade him for a first in a year or two, as is (I would assume) the NOLA way. I do not actually know the New Orleans way as I don't have a single clue what's going on over there, however I would assume they are generally nice people.
With the 7th Overall pick in the draft The New York Silver Backs select
@TacocaT. The New York current offensive scheme is so RB heavy that they suspect they are going to chew through RBs like candy due to injury, as such they are taking a backup early so they aren't left high and dry when the injury bug nips their starting RB, picking a RB who is lower on the TPE so the fault isn't on them being a bust but on NY for picking them. Notably Alexa from @RockbotRockbo's draft agrees with this pick. New York GMs legally have to make it happen, even if the picks are already "locked in".
With the 8th overall pick, The Colorodo Yeti select
@nunccoepi AKA Adrian St. Christmas. Obviously the yeti want to run a 2QB system in the near future, so they pick a QB to help back up their 1.1K tpe current QB, in an attempt to create the greatest 2QB system to never do it, while also grabbing the current best QB off the board.
With the 9th overall pick, The Yellowknife Wraiths select
@CeeKay / Cornelius King. A team without any major roster flaws just takes who they think is a prospect that will bloom into an all pro cant miss blue chip, despite having torch already. they have never looked at the TPE list and seen that there is still the best WR prospect on the board
With the 10th overall pick The Berlin Fire Salamanders select
Me! this is a reach at best and an outright mistake at worst as I am a noted locker room menace and overall toxic player along with having an extremely low TPE amount.
With the 11th overall pick, The Honolulu Hahalua Select:
@Jabs aka Wae Traynes A fairly high earning CB, they want to bolster their defensive core, in an attempt to hold onto their championship window, despite all the retirements going on around them. A fine pick to stay long term competitors
With the 12th overall pick, the Chicago Butchers select
@Hontier / Gribbuh Fister
Chicago is taking the saying "defense wins championships" a little too seriously here, as they have 0 offensive stopping power, despite being just 2 seasons removed from an ultimus win.
With the 13th over all pick The Sarasota sailfish Select
@RDBSouthPaw aka Jordan Hartline. Sarasota doesn't particularly care which LB they take here, but they almost always take a defensive player with this slot, in an attempt to win as soon as possible with earlier call ups.
and finally, with the 14th pick in the draft, The Honolulu Hallelujah select
Honolulu selects @WhatAmUs aka Blippy Shpoopy. they do this because this is the best name left in the draft, and they want the intimidation factor. I am tired and need to get this out ASAP.
METHOD
I put all the names of all prospects onto a spinny wheel and let the wheel decide, since that's what 90% of the GMs in the league do anyways, and let that decide how the players were picked. Unfortunately I do not quite have the technology that the GMs in the league have, so I can't weight the wheel by TPE, however if I could, I would have weighted it by TPE.
Here's a look at what the wheel looks like! This is also a look as to what most team's draft boards look like.
With that terrible introduction out of the way lets get to it:
With the first overall pick, Berlin selects
@ThePope A kicker / punter in Paddy MacGuiness. There is an obvious reason for this, and that is they would like to tank for next season, where they can get the first overall pick again, so they have even more resources to go on an unending championship streak, all while having their special teams fulfilled for the foreseeable future.
With the second overall Pick, The New York Silverbacks select
Wait a pick that's actually realistic? One that could realistically happen? @Moldycheez4 / Jason Oexius is an incredibly good user, who I have done media with in the past and is going to be a boon wherever he goes. The silverbacks select an all star player here, and hopefully a good user for a long time. Last time I mentioned him in a mock he got mad at me for slandering him, so I'm going to say only nice things about him. He is allegedly a good dude, who despite what anyone else claims drinks only in reasonable amounts. He is active in locker rooms wherever he goes and will not lead a campaign to get your GM fired. as a result he's probably the most realistic pick of this entire draft
With the third overall pick, the Colorodo Yeti select
@LutherVox / Luther Vox. Colorodo is clearly looking for a way to deal with their aging WR corps, selects a mid tier WR over several higher prospects because he scouted so well. this is the only feasible explanation I have, seeing as how HighStickKing somehow isnt drafted here instead as a WR prospect.
With the 4th overall pick, the Austin Copperheads select
@Lemorse7 / Dalibor Dvorsky.
The copperheads are looking to create the best defense of all time. They attempt to do this by taking one of the safeties of all time. at not even 70 TPE, the copperheads are taking the long haul with this pick, looking to lock up championships with some lock down defense. Not only do they bolster their defense they also bolster their locker room as Lemorse is a known user of discord, who even posts sometimes!
With the 5th overall pick, the Baltimore Hawks Select
@Bmason0520 aka Brandon mason. The hawks believe that last year was just a fluke so they go for a very win now move with an early Offensive line selection. I don't know anything further about this user so that's all the analysis you are getting regarding Mr Mason.
With the 6th overall pick in the draft, the New Orleans Second Line Selects
@WALDO / Thwomp. New Orleans is one of the few teams that probably wouldn't want a new DE immediately, so they are taking Thwomp now so that they can hurt everyone else, and then trade him for a first in a year or two, as is (I would assume) the NOLA way. I do not actually know the New Orleans way as I don't have a single clue what's going on over there, however I would assume they are generally nice people.
With the 7th Overall pick in the draft The New York Silver Backs select
@TacocaT. The New York current offensive scheme is so RB heavy that they suspect they are going to chew through RBs like candy due to injury, as such they are taking a backup early so they aren't left high and dry when the injury bug nips their starting RB, picking a RB who is lower on the TPE so the fault isn't on them being a bust but on NY for picking them. Notably Alexa from @RockbotRockbo's draft agrees with this pick. New York GMs legally have to make it happen, even if the picks are already "locked in".
With the 8th overall pick, The Colorodo Yeti select
@nunccoepi AKA Adrian St. Christmas. Obviously the yeti want to run a 2QB system in the near future, so they pick a QB to help back up their 1.1K tpe current QB, in an attempt to create the greatest 2QB system to never do it, while also grabbing the current best QB off the board.
With the 9th overall pick, The Yellowknife Wraiths select
@CeeKay / Cornelius King. A team without any major roster flaws just takes who they think is a prospect that will bloom into an all pro cant miss blue chip, despite having torch already. they have never looked at the TPE list and seen that there is still the best WR prospect on the board
With the 10th overall pick The Berlin Fire Salamanders select
Me! this is a reach at best and an outright mistake at worst as I am a noted locker room menace and overall toxic player along with having an extremely low TPE amount.
With the 11th overall pick, The Honolulu Hahalua Select:
@Jabs aka Wae Traynes A fairly high earning CB, they want to bolster their defensive core, in an attempt to hold onto their championship window, despite all the retirements going on around them. A fine pick to stay long term competitors
With the 12th overall pick, the Chicago Butchers select
@Hontier / Gribbuh Fister
Chicago is taking the saying "defense wins championships" a little too seriously here, as they have 0 offensive stopping power, despite being just 2 seasons removed from an ultimus win.
With the 13th over all pick The Sarasota sailfish Select
@RDBSouthPaw aka Jordan Hartline. Sarasota doesn't particularly care which LB they take here, but they almost always take a defensive player with this slot, in an attempt to win as soon as possible with earlier call ups.
and finally, with the 14th pick in the draft, The Honolulu Hallelujah select
Honolulu selects @WhatAmUs aka Blippy Shpoopy. they do this because this is the best name left in the draft, and they want the intimidation factor. I am tired and need to get this out ASAP.