08-14-2022, 11:19 PM
(This post was last modified: 08-15-2022, 01:12 AM by dude_man. Edited 1 time in total.)
First of all I have to say that any kind of responsibility would be detrimental to my health and in no way would I ever want to do that. With that out of the way, my first dictator-like decree as the new Head Office of ISFL, I would enact a detrimental re-ordering of the conferences. I will outline the re-ordered conferences and my reasoning below, and some objective opinions also.
ISFL Leagues
Animal Simulation Football League - There are a lot of animal themed teams in the league, as such I have ordained it necessary to place them in their own zoo.
Orange County Otters - Animal, adorable, enough said
San Jose Sabercats - This is an animal that doesn’t exist anymore, either way it’s an animal and I deem it worthy enough to be included.
Austin Copperheads - I hate snakes, but this is also an animal gotta keep it in here.
Honolulu Hahalua - Doesn’t sound like an animal, but is, qualified
New York Silverbacks - Big gorilla, too scared to not put it in here
Baltimore Hawks - Hawks are animals, I can’t say much about this stuff
Sarasota Sailfish - I love having the Sailfish and the Hahalua together, could make a nice fishy rivalry here
Nocturnal Simulation Football Conference - Alright rejects, you aren’t cute or cuddly, except maybe you Fire Salamanders. You do have something in common, and that is edgy colors, except you Second Line. Thus I deem you the Nocturnal Conference.
Arizona Outlaws - Black and red, very cool, very scary colors.
Colorado Yetis - Didn’t want to call the Yetis an animal, also has red and black, very edgy yeti.
Yellowknife Wraiths - I do like the color combinations, and black is a nice scary color.
Philadelphia Liberty - Nothing scarier than a cracked bell.
Chicago Butchers - This one should explain itself, every part of this team is terrifying.
Berlin Fire Salamanders - Sorry, as much as I wanted to throw you guys in the Animal Arena, you have Black and Red, thus making you a certifiable scary team.
New Orleans Second Line - This is my team and I am doing them a disservice here. But I had to place them somewhere and this was the best place I could put them.
Okay, in my first draft of this, I had this nicely split between National (USA) and International Conferences, and then guess what, apparently Norfolk isn’t in Canada, crazy stuff.
DSFL Conferences
Animal Football Conference - We’re keeping things consistent here.
Kansas City Coyotes - Kansas City, proud city located in the proud state of….Missouri?
Minnesota Grey Ducks - It’s dangerous putting them in the same conference as the Birddogs, but with how the Dogs played this year, don’t think they’re scared. (Sorry fellow dogs).
Portland Pythons - Still don’t like snakes, but still animals.
Dallas Birddogs - Less of a bird, more of a dog.
Non-Animal Football Conference - DSFL has more international teams than ISFL, little interesting tidbit for you.
London Royals - Love the look of this team, but I have to cheat and not call this a lion team but an English Royalty team.
Bondi Beach Buccaneers - When I see Bondi Beach Buccaneers, I actually don’t even think about that one NFL Team, whatever it’s called, pretty impressive.
Norfolk Seawolves - Every time I look at this name I think that it’s an animal themed team, then it's just a submarine and that really throws me off.
Tijuana Luchadores - This is such a great theme for a team, it makes having mascots and entertainment slots very easy to fill.
For my next dictatorial decree, I would severely reduce how stat heavy the Linebackers get. As a completely unbiased defensive linemen, I have to stand around and watch the Linebackers get so much glory on the stat sheet. All they do is walk around all smug after tackling somebody, or intercepting a pass, and rushing the Quarterback for an easy sack. Therefore, I would enact that Linebackers only gain half of a stat for every stat point they gain. For example, let’s say a linebacker gets 17 TFL and 20 Sacks in season, how crazy right? BOOM, suddenly that is cut down to a very admirable 8.5 TFL and 10 Sacks. That, to my Defensive Tackle eyes, looks like a fair and balanced stat-line
I would also like to add 2 additional teams to the ISFL, just to round out the ISFL Leagues to 8 Teams each. This is completely ignoring the current population of ISFL because I don’t know that much about it and I am still the Head Office for some reason. Anyway, I drew up something for all the interested parties which is a map (yay!) of the various teams in both the ISFL and the DSFL, and their respective locations on it. Please don’t look too much into the quality of your logos, I’m the Head Office Overlord, not an artist.
Picture Here:
As you can see, North America is rightfully full of football, but our current outreach into areas outside of North America is fairly sparse. So I would suggest expansion into the Continents of Asia and South America. In the picture above you can see I chose the extremely creative and not at all overused mythological animal for Asia, the Dragon. I think we have the capabilities of completely uprooting the popularity of Baseball in that area, and replacing it with the sweet simulated football that we love so much. This team would be part of ISFL’s Animal Simulation Football League.
As for South America, I chose Brazil as a nice location, and gave them their national currency, the Real as a placeholder. Mostly because I am fairly unfamiliar with the area, and I actually really like how that sounds as a team name. I think getting some sort of foothold in the area would be a nice start and we can see what happens from there. This team would fill out the eighth spot in the Nocturnal Simulation Football League.
For later expansion, my dream would be Simulation Football in every continent, so that no-one can escape my money hungry dreams the fun that we all have together. So ideally that would include expansion into Africa, the Middle East, and eventually Antarctica. In order to facilitate that, we would have to expand the developmental league into several areas too, but that is a long term plan, and I intend to rule forever.
As part of my final decree, to show your reverence and servitude towards me, your gracious, merciful, and VERY handsome Head Office. I would require a yearly membership of $5, or the cutest picture of any animal near you, be it a pet, or wild animal hanging around your garbage can. This of course would be a lifetime contract that cannot be voided since my lifestyle must be maintained. If any of you would be unhappy with my changes, you can send me a message and I will make sure to send it right into the shredder.
Love,
Your Glorious Eternal Head Office Overlord.
ISFL Leagues
Animal Simulation Football League - There are a lot of animal themed teams in the league, as such I have ordained it necessary to place them in their own zoo.
Orange County Otters - Animal, adorable, enough said
San Jose Sabercats - This is an animal that doesn’t exist anymore, either way it’s an animal and I deem it worthy enough to be included.
Austin Copperheads - I hate snakes, but this is also an animal gotta keep it in here.
Honolulu Hahalua - Doesn’t sound like an animal, but is, qualified
New York Silverbacks - Big gorilla, too scared to not put it in here
Baltimore Hawks - Hawks are animals, I can’t say much about this stuff
Sarasota Sailfish - I love having the Sailfish and the Hahalua together, could make a nice fishy rivalry here
Nocturnal Simulation Football Conference - Alright rejects, you aren’t cute or cuddly, except maybe you Fire Salamanders. You do have something in common, and that is edgy colors, except you Second Line. Thus I deem you the Nocturnal Conference.
Arizona Outlaws - Black and red, very cool, very scary colors.
Colorado Yetis - Didn’t want to call the Yetis an animal, also has red and black, very edgy yeti.
Yellowknife Wraiths - I do like the color combinations, and black is a nice scary color.
Philadelphia Liberty - Nothing scarier than a cracked bell.
Chicago Butchers - This one should explain itself, every part of this team is terrifying.
Berlin Fire Salamanders - Sorry, as much as I wanted to throw you guys in the Animal Arena, you have Black and Red, thus making you a certifiable scary team.
New Orleans Second Line - This is my team and I am doing them a disservice here. But I had to place them somewhere and this was the best place I could put them.
Okay, in my first draft of this, I had this nicely split between National (USA) and International Conferences, and then guess what, apparently Norfolk isn’t in Canada, crazy stuff.
DSFL Conferences
Animal Football Conference - We’re keeping things consistent here.
Kansas City Coyotes - Kansas City, proud city located in the proud state of….Missouri?
Minnesota Grey Ducks - It’s dangerous putting them in the same conference as the Birddogs, but with how the Dogs played this year, don’t think they’re scared. (Sorry fellow dogs).
Portland Pythons - Still don’t like snakes, but still animals.
Dallas Birddogs - Less of a bird, more of a dog.
Non-Animal Football Conference - DSFL has more international teams than ISFL, little interesting tidbit for you.
London Royals - Love the look of this team, but I have to cheat and not call this a lion team but an English Royalty team.
Bondi Beach Buccaneers - When I see Bondi Beach Buccaneers, I actually don’t even think about that one NFL Team, whatever it’s called, pretty impressive.
Norfolk Seawolves - Every time I look at this name I think that it’s an animal themed team, then it's just a submarine and that really throws me off.
Tijuana Luchadores - This is such a great theme for a team, it makes having mascots and entertainment slots very easy to fill.
For my next dictatorial decree, I would severely reduce how stat heavy the Linebackers get. As a completely unbiased defensive linemen, I have to stand around and watch the Linebackers get so much glory on the stat sheet. All they do is walk around all smug after tackling somebody, or intercepting a pass, and rushing the Quarterback for an easy sack. Therefore, I would enact that Linebackers only gain half of a stat for every stat point they gain. For example, let’s say a linebacker gets 17 TFL and 20 Sacks in season, how crazy right? BOOM, suddenly that is cut down to a very admirable 8.5 TFL and 10 Sacks. That, to my Defensive Tackle eyes, looks like a fair and balanced stat-line
I would also like to add 2 additional teams to the ISFL, just to round out the ISFL Leagues to 8 Teams each. This is completely ignoring the current population of ISFL because I don’t know that much about it and I am still the Head Office for some reason. Anyway, I drew up something for all the interested parties which is a map (yay!) of the various teams in both the ISFL and the DSFL, and their respective locations on it. Please don’t look too much into the quality of your logos, I’m the Head Office Overlord, not an artist.
Picture Here:
As you can see, North America is rightfully full of football, but our current outreach into areas outside of North America is fairly sparse. So I would suggest expansion into the Continents of Asia and South America. In the picture above you can see I chose the extremely creative and not at all overused mythological animal for Asia, the Dragon. I think we have the capabilities of completely uprooting the popularity of Baseball in that area, and replacing it with the sweet simulated football that we love so much. This team would be part of ISFL’s Animal Simulation Football League.
As for South America, I chose Brazil as a nice location, and gave them their national currency, the Real as a placeholder. Mostly because I am fairly unfamiliar with the area, and I actually really like how that sounds as a team name. I think getting some sort of foothold in the area would be a nice start and we can see what happens from there. This team would fill out the eighth spot in the Nocturnal Simulation Football League.
For later expansion, my dream would be Simulation Football in every continent, so that no-one can escape my money hungry dreams the fun that we all have together. So ideally that would include expansion into Africa, the Middle East, and eventually Antarctica. In order to facilitate that, we would have to expand the developmental league into several areas too, but that is a long term plan, and I intend to rule forever.
As part of my final decree, to show your reverence and servitude towards me, your gracious, merciful, and VERY handsome Head Office. I would require a yearly membership of $5, or the cutest picture of any animal near you, be it a pet, or wild animal hanging around your garbage can. This of course would be a lifetime contract that cannot be voided since my lifestyle must be maintained. If any of you would be unhappy with my changes, you can send me a message and I will make sure to send it right into the shredder.
Love,
Your Glorious Eternal Head Office Overlord.
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