02-02-2023, 06:09 PM
(This post was last modified: 02-03-2023, 04:36 PM by Aneeqs. Edited 2 times in total.)
What follows is a brief transcription of a video interview with Mary Marie, an upcoming draft prospect from the University of Edinburgh. Marie excelled in her four years at the nascent and insignificant gridiron football program at UoE. She holds the Edinburgh record for career passes defended, interceptions, and tackles. She was described in the Edinburgh University Press as "The only reason to watch that God-awful football team." She has declared for the 2055 DSFL draft. We were unfortunately unable to secure the rights to release the video, so have instead opted to release a transcript.
Ms. Marie is lounging on a chair in her Edinburgh kitchen; there is a pile of unwashed dishes behind her.
It's good to meet you, Mary. Thank you so much for taking the time for this interview.
Of course! It's my pleasure.
How would you describe your college career, now that it's at its end?
It's been nothing less than an absolute pleasure.
Despite all the losing?
A year or two ago I would have said that, yea.
But not any more?
No, not any more. Now I would say it's because of all the losing, if you want me to put it in a sentence. I think I've always been pretty good at keeping the losses behind me, at never getting too caught up in it. But recently I've learned to appreciate a loss just as much as any win. I'm just happy to be out there making my tackles, you know?
You don't think that kind of mindset might be seen as a negative for teams that might see you as an attractive prospect? They're looking to find players who are going to want to win games, aren't they?
Oh, I'm sure a lot of teams are looking for that 'will-to-win' or whatever. I just want people to know that I'm as competitive as any other player. I don't have a 'will-to-win', I have a 'will-to-play-good-football'.
A 'will-to-execute'.
Exactly. A 'will-to-execute'. Snap-to-snap, win or lose. I see it as a positive thing. No matter what, I'll be out there playing my best football.
I'm glad to hear it. On to my next question, what is your most treasured football memory?
Oh, it's definitely when I returned a fumble recovery for a touchdown against Dundee to tie the game at home in 2053.
What makes that one so special?
Well, we were losing 27-21, and they were just running out the clock. I think it was within the two-minute-warning, but we had timeouts left so they still needed a first down to ice it. The running back fumbled on third down and I scooped the ball and ran for my life some 50 or so yards. We were in the middle of our horrible losing streak at the time—we hadn't won a game in over a year—and I thought I had just scored a go-ahead touchdown.
Was it not a go-ahead touchdown?
No. Our kicker missed the extra point, and we lost in overtime. That's why I said we were in the middle of our horrid losing streak. But that's neither here nor there. It was a great moment nevertheless.
Oh God. That's brutal.
Yea, we would have to wait almost another full year before finally getting a win. That game was a total blowout, funnily enough. We picked them off six times.
Okay, one more question before we wrap up, and this one has been on the minds of a lot of people that have followed Edinburgh sports during your time there: What's the deal with your name? What possessed your parents to name you that?
You mean Mary Marie?
Yes, I mean Mary Marie. Sorry if it's too personal a question.
I don't mind. I should mention, though: I'm in a draft class alongside names such as Grungus Burgermeister and Timmy Hugenads, so frankly I don't think my name will be too out of place in the pros. But to answer your question I'll have to get into my family history for a moment, if you don't mind.
By all means, go ahead.
Well, to start, my name is actually Mary Marie the fourth. And my mother is Mary Marie III and my grandmother is Mary Marie II. My great-grandmother was named Mary, and she married into the name Marie. She must have been a serious jokester to name her daughter Mary Marie II, but to be honest I couldn't tell you exactly why. And my Grandma Marie...
Marie II.
Yea, my Grandma, Mary Marie II, she grew up during the eighties and was really involved in American second wave feminism, and somewhere along the way she became a political lesbian and ended up married to another woman. She told me that she felt as though her mother had committed a radical act by naming her baby after herself, which I guess men do with their sons a lot more than women do with their daughters. So my grandmother wanted to follow in her mother's footsteps and named my mom Mary Marie III. My mom of course grew up in a very political household and also became a political lesbian. She named me Mary Marie IV for the same reasons she was named Mary Marie III, she wanted to carry on the legacy.
Sorry to interrupt, but could you clarify on the term 'political lesbian'?
Political lesbianism is a theory from second-wave radical feminism in which, in order to advance feminism and the destruction of the patriarchy, women should divest from heterosexuality and men in general in favor of basically becoming gay, celibate or asexual, even if internally they would prefer to date and sleep with men.
I don't mean to be rude, but that seems... fraught.
It's pretty fraught, I'm not going to lie. Of course there's plenty of books written about it and I could never give it justice if I tried, but I definitely bristled against that kind of thinking when I was growing up. I don't want to get into it but my mom was probably never really into women, and it definitely caused a lot of problems for my family growing up. When I was a rebellious teen I tried to mess with my moms and grandmas by dating guys—which is how I learned to love football, as it turns out—but when I went to university I realized that I preferred girls, political theory or otherwise.
That's one way of figuring that out.
It really is!
Okay, one more question: If you have a daughter, will you name her Mary Marie V?
I guess I'll have to find out. Probably.
Thank you so much for your time, Mary, and good luck in the draft.
Thanks! Have a great day.
This is my first attempt at a media post, so sorry if it's not in-line with what's normally written here.
WR Grungus Burgermeister
S Timmy Hugenads
Ms. Marie is lounging on a chair in her Edinburgh kitchen; there is a pile of unwashed dishes behind her.
It's good to meet you, Mary. Thank you so much for taking the time for this interview.
Of course! It's my pleasure.
How would you describe your college career, now that it's at its end?
It's been nothing less than an absolute pleasure.
Despite all the losing?
A year or two ago I would have said that, yea.
But not any more?
No, not any more. Now I would say it's because of all the losing, if you want me to put it in a sentence. I think I've always been pretty good at keeping the losses behind me, at never getting too caught up in it. But recently I've learned to appreciate a loss just as much as any win. I'm just happy to be out there making my tackles, you know?
You don't think that kind of mindset might be seen as a negative for teams that might see you as an attractive prospect? They're looking to find players who are going to want to win games, aren't they?
Oh, I'm sure a lot of teams are looking for that 'will-to-win' or whatever. I just want people to know that I'm as competitive as any other player. I don't have a 'will-to-win', I have a 'will-to-play-good-football'.
A 'will-to-execute'.
Exactly. A 'will-to-execute'. Snap-to-snap, win or lose. I see it as a positive thing. No matter what, I'll be out there playing my best football.
I'm glad to hear it. On to my next question, what is your most treasured football memory?
Oh, it's definitely when I returned a fumble recovery for a touchdown against Dundee to tie the game at home in 2053.
What makes that one so special?
Well, we were losing 27-21, and they were just running out the clock. I think it was within the two-minute-warning, but we had timeouts left so they still needed a first down to ice it. The running back fumbled on third down and I scooped the ball and ran for my life some 50 or so yards. We were in the middle of our horrible losing streak at the time—we hadn't won a game in over a year—and I thought I had just scored a go-ahead touchdown.
Was it not a go-ahead touchdown?
No. Our kicker missed the extra point, and we lost in overtime. That's why I said we were in the middle of our horrid losing streak. But that's neither here nor there. It was a great moment nevertheless.
Oh God. That's brutal.
Yea, we would have to wait almost another full year before finally getting a win. That game was a total blowout, funnily enough. We picked them off six times.
Okay, one more question before we wrap up, and this one has been on the minds of a lot of people that have followed Edinburgh sports during your time there: What's the deal with your name? What possessed your parents to name you that?
You mean Mary Marie?
Yes, I mean Mary Marie. Sorry if it's too personal a question.
I don't mind. I should mention, though: I'm in a draft class alongside names such as Grungus Burgermeister and Timmy Hugenads, so frankly I don't think my name will be too out of place in the pros. But to answer your question I'll have to get into my family history for a moment, if you don't mind.
By all means, go ahead.
Well, to start, my name is actually Mary Marie the fourth. And my mother is Mary Marie III and my grandmother is Mary Marie II. My great-grandmother was named Mary, and she married into the name Marie. She must have been a serious jokester to name her daughter Mary Marie II, but to be honest I couldn't tell you exactly why. And my Grandma Marie...
Marie II.
Yea, my Grandma, Mary Marie II, she grew up during the eighties and was really involved in American second wave feminism, and somewhere along the way she became a political lesbian and ended up married to another woman. She told me that she felt as though her mother had committed a radical act by naming her baby after herself, which I guess men do with their sons a lot more than women do with their daughters. So my grandmother wanted to follow in her mother's footsteps and named my mom Mary Marie III. My mom of course grew up in a very political household and also became a political lesbian. She named me Mary Marie IV for the same reasons she was named Mary Marie III, she wanted to carry on the legacy.
Sorry to interrupt, but could you clarify on the term 'political lesbian'?
Political lesbianism is a theory from second-wave radical feminism in which, in order to advance feminism and the destruction of the patriarchy, women should divest from heterosexuality and men in general in favor of basically becoming gay, celibate or asexual, even if internally they would prefer to date and sleep with men.
I don't mean to be rude, but that seems... fraught.
It's pretty fraught, I'm not going to lie. Of course there's plenty of books written about it and I could never give it justice if I tried, but I definitely bristled against that kind of thinking when I was growing up. I don't want to get into it but my mom was probably never really into women, and it definitely caused a lot of problems for my family growing up. When I was a rebellious teen I tried to mess with my moms and grandmas by dating guys—which is how I learned to love football, as it turns out—but when I went to university I realized that I preferred girls, political theory or otherwise.
That's one way of figuring that out.
It really is!
Okay, one more question: If you have a daughter, will you name her Mary Marie V?
I guess I'll have to find out. Probably.
Thank you so much for your time, Mary, and good luck in the draft.
Thanks! Have a great day.
This is my first attempt at a media post, so sorry if it's not in-line with what's normally written here.
WR Grungus Burgermeister
S Timmy Hugenads