04-13-2023, 01:59 AM
(This post was last modified: 04-15-2023, 05:16 PM by Aneeqs. Edited 1 time in total.)
The Cape Town Crash, a recently rebranded franchise that has been viewed as cursed for a very long time. Philadelphia had made the playoffs just once since S23 in S32, and actually won a playoff game in S32. Going back even further, that was their first playoff win since S16. A term ‘Cape Town Curse’ was beginning to emerge, as once again Cape Town looked to be in purgatory before the season began. While they had weapons and a solid defense, something always seemed to go wrong. This season Cape Town would be trotting out a rookie QB, Creg Jerrith IV. After the preseason started 2-2 for them, the users were ready to see what new agony awaited them this season. However, what we got instead was a very pleasant surprise. S40 has given Cape Town one thing that they have not had in a very long time, hope. Hope is a very dangerous thing though, because now expectations are raised. But enough about the future, time to focus on the very recent past!
Week 1: vs Baltimore Hawks
The season began with a game at home against the Baltimore Hawks. After a kickoff went through the back of the end zone, rookie QB Creg Jerrith IV dropped back on the first offensive snap of the season for Cape Town. On his very first pass attempt, Jerrith IV found receiver Derrick Prince for a 9 yard gain. Facing 2nd and inches, Jerrith IV handed the ball off to RB Jarvis Harbinger-Marjin for a 2 yard game which moved the chains, and resulted in a first down. Jerrith IV then found another receiver, this time Erwin Kemp for a huge 37 yard catch and run for another first down. On his third pass attempt of his young career, Jerrith IV finally threw an incompletion as a ball sailed over the head of Kemp. Deep in Baltimore territory, Jerrith IV found Prince again, this time for a 12 yard completion, and getting another first down. On 1st and 10, Jerrith IV wanted to hand the ball off, but he tried to hand it off the wrong way, and ended up with the ball still in his hands. Deciding to make something happen, he ran forwards only to be met with a wall at the line of scrimmage, and was driven backwards for a 1 yard loss. On 2nd down, this time he handed the ball off the right way, but JHM was only able to pick up a single yard. Facing the first 3rd down of his career, Jerrith IV dropped back to pass and found his TE American Boot on a short route over the middle for a 9 yard gain which was enough to gain a first down. Jerrith IV was hit after he threw the ball though which resulted in a roughing the passer penalty. Now with 1st and Goal at the 1 yard line, Jerrith IV handed the ball off to JHM once again, and he was able to punch the ball in from 1 yard out to score Cape Town’s first points of the season. Kicker Patrick Cunningham’s extra point attempt was good, and added another point to Cape Town’s total. Now it was time for Cape Town’s first drive on defense. Baltimore’s QB Preston Beatz started the drive with a pair of completions to receivers Tolliver and Turnbull for short yards. Beatz found Turnbull open once again against CB Art Deco. Facing 2nd and 3 while on the Cape Town 43 yard line, Baltimore decided to run the ball for the first time this season with Dante King. This decision proved fruitful as Dante King gained 3 yards which was enough for a first down. Beatz’s next pass was intended for King, but it fell incomplete. He then found WR Rocky Moreaux for a 5 yard gain. Facing 3rd and 4 Baltimore handed the ball off to King who gained about 8 yards which would have been enough for a first down, but the offense began walking backwards as a yellow flag hit the ground. The referee’s announced “Holding, offense!” as the stadium erupted into cheers as now Cape Town would have a much greater chance of holding Baltimore to at most a field goal. Beatz found his TE Nacho Macho Man for a 12 yard gain, but it was not enough to convert the 3rd and 14 they were facing. Kicker Mike Makmur lined up for a 48 yard attempt, and his kick was right down the middle, scoring Baltimore’s first points of the season. The next drives by both teams were relatively uneventful as Cape Town went 3 and out, while Baltimore punted at the Cape Town 41 for a touchback. Jerrith IV led Cape town on a sustained drive into Baltimore territory, but after multiple incompletions ended up facing 3rd and 10 on the Baltimore 37 yard line. He was able to find Boot for a 5 yard completion, but Boot was tackled on the spot as Cape Town was unable to convert. Still, they were able to reclaim their 7 point lead with a successful field goal from their kicker Cunningham. Mirroring Makmur’s 48 yard attempt, Cunningham also had a 48 yard attempt, however his kick was drifting towards the left as it went through the uprights. It was still good though, and scored three more points for Cape Town. Cape Town’s defense then forced a 3 and out after a sack on 3rd down by LB Barry Badman. Cape Town started their fourth drive of the game with a bang, JHM took a handoff for 15 yards, then Jerrith IV had a couple short completions to his receivers. Then in Baltimore territory, Jerrith IV found Prince again, this time for a 24 yard strike to halve the distance between Cape Town and the end zone. Jerrith IV found another receiver, this time Kemp for a 15 yard gain. On 1st and goal from the Baltimore 9 yard line, Jerrith IV dropped back to pass, and found Prince in the end zone for the first TD pass of his career. On the kickoff, return man Moreaux slipped a tackle and made it to the 29 yard line. Still feeling some momentum from his good return, Moreaux beat his man off the line of scrimmage and was wide open for a 10 yard catch and run. However, safety Jasper Fontaine was able to punch the ball out of Moreaux’s hands, and CB Bageshwari Singh recovered and returned it 10 yards to the Baltimore 29 yard line. Now Cape Town’s offense would take over with great field position. After a quick completion to JHM, Jerrith IV was hit after he threw the ball again, resulting in another roughing the passer penalty. Jerrith IV then found veteran WR Escanor Sama for an 8 yard completion. JHM received another handoff, this time 2 yards out from the end zone, and scored his second TD of the game. Cunningham’s kick was good, and scored one more point for Cape Town. Cape Town’s defense forced another 3 and out on their next defensive drive. Jerrith IV led a drive deep into Baltimore territory before ultimately stalling out in the red zone. After making a 48 yard field goal, surely Cunningham would be up to the task of making a 30 yard field goal. As the ball left Cunningham’s foot, he couldn’t help but feel as though something felt off. His fears were confirmed a couple seconds later as the ball cleanly missed the uprights wide left. Now Baltimore would take over at their own 25 yard line. Baltimore’s drive looked to be off to a poor start as DT Christian Marciano sacked Beatz for a 9 yard loss. Then a breakdown in coverage ensued as Tolliver was wide open for a 47 yard catch and run. After an incompletion and an 11 yard sack by LB Dominos Pizzaman, Cape Town was ready to walk into halftime with a comfortable lead. That was until Beatz found Moreaux wide open against busted coverage again, this time resulting in a 46 yard TD pass. Makmur’s kick was good and cut into the Cape Town lead by another point. The first two drives after halftime resulted in two 3 and outs. Then Baltimore began driving. After a 10 yard gain which would have put them in Cape Town territory, rookie Money hit a player after the play was over which resulted in an unnecessary roughness penalty. Now facing 2nd and 14, Moreaux burned the Cape Town defense once again, this time for a 49 yard catch and run. Now at the Cape Town 8 yard line, Beatz found Tolliver for a 4 yard gain to get them closer to the end zone. On a QB draw Beatz was stopped at the line of scrimmage, and King was only able to muster a single yard against a stout Cape Town defensive line. With little options, Baltimore decided to let Makmur line up for a 20 yard chip shot field goal. His kick was good, and cut down Cape Town’s lead by another three points. The next drives by both teams were uneventful again. On Cape Town’s next drive after a turnover on downs at their own 40 yard line, JHM had the ball in his hands for the first three plays, resulting in gains of 5, 8, and 5 yards. Backup RB Riggins then had the ball twice for two 2 yard gains. JHM then came back into the game on 4th and inches. Needing any forward progress to gain a first down, JHM found a hole and hit it for a 14 yard gain. Now on the cusp of the red zone, Jerrith IV’s first pass was dropped by Kemp. His next pass was an 18 yard strike to Prince to bring Cape Town to within the 5 yard line. On the next snap, Jerrith IV found Boot in the end zone for a 4 yard TD pass, and his second of the game. Cape Town’s defense held Baltimore to just 4 plays before forcing a punt. Jerrith IV then led a methodical drive downfield which brought them into the red zone. Facing 3rd and 5, Jerrith IV tried to force a pass to Boot, but it was broken up by LB Walter Gunther. Facing 4th and 5, Cape Town decided to extend their lead by letting Cunningham kick a 34 yard field goal attempt. His kick was right down the middle, and extended Cape Town’s lead by three points. Baltimore’s next drive was a 5 minute long TD drive, but Cape Town was still up by two scores, surely it wouldn’t amount to anything, right? Cape Town recovered the onside kick and all they had to do now was get a single first down, and they would comfortably win the game. But Baltimore forced a 3 and out, and Baltimore led a quick TD drive with 24 seconds left on the clock. Baltimore needed to recover another onside kick attempt, but it was recovered by Cape Town again, and with no timeouts left on the side of Baltimore, Cape Town survived the late comeback attempt and started their season 1-0.
Result: Win 34-27
Record: 1-0
Week 2: @ Colorado Yeti
To begin week 2, Cape Town traveled to Colorado to face off against the Yeti. Cape Town won the coin toss, and elected to defer to the second half. This decision proved to bite them almost immediately as Cunningham’s kick was returned by Yeti return man Cross-Eriksen for a 34 yard return. However, Cape Town’s defense would step up as on the fourth play of the drive, QB Live Laughlove was intercepted by Jasper Fontaine and brought all the way back for a 56 yard pick 6. Cunningham’s kick was good, and added another point to Cape Town’s early lead. Cape Town’s defense then forced a 3 and out. After which Cape Town’s offense stepped onto the field for the first time this afternoon. Cape Town’s first offensive drive started with an 11 yard run by Jarvis Harbinger-Marjin, then a quick 1 yard completion to Escanor Sama. Jerrith IV then connected with American Boot for a 7 yard gain, then again for a 31 yard catch and run. Jerrith IV found Boot once again, this time for a 4 yard completion. Now in the red zone, Jerrith IV connected with Erwin Kemp for an 8 yard gain. On 1st and goal he took a sack for a loss of 6 yards, and fumbled. The ball was recovered by Cape Town though, and they remained on offense. Facing 3rd and goal after a short completion to Boot, Jerrith IV found Prince for a 10 yard completion, but was unable to get a TD. However after the play was over, Colorado defender Anthony Stark had a late hit on a Cape Town player resulting in a personal foul being called for unnecessary roughness. Automatic first down. With just 1 yard to go, JHM punched the ball in from 1 yard out to score Cape Town’s second TD of the game. Cunningham’s second extra point attempt of the game was good, and brought Cape Town to a 14-0 lead. The Colorado offense finally stabilized on their next drive as they marched right down the field and scored off of a 4 yard pass from Laughlove to WR Eeeeeeee phenssta. Doom’s extra point attempt was good, and cut another point into Cape Town’s lead. When Cape Town took over they started their drive with a bang. A 43 yard catch and run by Derrick Prince. However, a sack and a penalty ensured that Cape Town would have difficulty scoring a TD this drive. On 3rd and 14 Jerrith IV tried to find a man, but ended up throwing to a heavily covered Boot and ended up completing the pass to the turf. Cunningham walked out onto the field for a 42 yard field goal attempt. Cunningham’s kick was good, and gave Cape Town a 10 point lead. Colorado’s offensive momentum continued as they scored another TD, this time a 5 yard completion from Laughlove to Bud R. Fingers. However, Doom missed the extra point attempt, and a 4 point lead would remain for Cape Town. The next drive by both teams was a 3 and out. With 8 minutes left in the half, Cape Town decided they would bleed as much time as possible from the clock. Starting at their own 20, JHM had carries of 20 yards, 4 yards, 18 yards, 15 yards, and 1 yard. With a few passes from Jerrith IV thrown in, the drive ended up stalling out at the Colorado 15 yard line. Cunningham lined up for a 32 yard field goal attempt, and his kick was right down the middle, scoring another three points for Cape Town. The next two drives by both teams to end the half were 3 and outs. After halftime, Cape Town received the kick. After looking like they were making progress, a taunting penalty on the veteran receiver Escanor Sama backed them up to their own 12 yard line. After a sack on 2nd and 17 resulted in a 3rd and 24, a screen pass for JHM gained just 4 yards forcing a punt. Colorado took this momentum, and stormed down the field scoring a TD with their backup RB Marvin Toledo. On Cape Town’s next possession, Jerrith IV completed a pass to Prince for a 12 yard gain, but Colorado defender Cross-Eriksen delivered a huge hit which knocked the ball free. Cross-Eriksen recovered his own forced fumble, and was down on the Cape Town 38 yard line. With incredible field position, Colorado squandered it entirely after being sacked on 3rd down resulting in a punt. Colorado then forced a 3 and out, and followed it up by failing to gain a first down, instead getting a 46 yard field goal. Successful offense continued to elude Cape Town as they had yet another 3 and out. Cape Town’s defense continued to frustrate Colorado’s offense as they forced yet another 3 and out. Competent offense finally occurred for Cape Town on their next drive as Jerrith IV completed a 14 yard catch and run to Kemp. JHM then had a 4 yard carry, followed by a 13 yard reception. Kemp had another catch, this time for 8 yards, but shoved the man who tackled him after the play was over resulting in a loss of 15 yards on an unnecessary roughness penalty. On 2nd and 17 Jerrith IV found a wide open Derrick Prince for a 31 yard TD pass. Cunningham’s extra point attempt was once again good. Cape Town’s defense forced another 3 and out with 7 and a half minutes left on the clock. It was now time for Cape Town’s offense to burn the clock as much as they could to hold on to their lead. Cape Town’s offensive coordinator decided the best way to accomplish this was to work the short passing game as Jerrith IV had completions of 10 yards, 12 yards, 9 yards, 7 yards, and another 7 yards before finally running the ball with JHM. JHM brought the ball down to the Colorado 9 yard line before finally being stopped. With a chance to extend their lead with less than 2 minutes left on the clock, Cape Town elected to take a field goal. Cunningham’s kick was right down the middle as he scored another three points for Cape Town on a 26 yard field goal attempt. Colorado was sacked on the first play of their next drive, then Laughlove was intercepted by Art Deco and was returned 4 yards to the Colorado 22 yard line. All Cape Town needed to do now was kneel the ball a couple times and win the game. Wait, they stopped kneeling the ball after the first time? JHM FUMBLED?? Oh he recovered it. Good. Cunningham kicked a 36 yard field goal. I think this offensive coordinator needs to be fired. Cape Town’s defense held Colorado out of the end zone on their final drive resulting in another win for Cape Town. Cape Town had now started the season 2-0, and some more optimistic fans were beginning to have something that they had not felt in a long time. Hope.
Result: Win 33-23
Record: 2-0
Week 3: @ New York Silverbacks
Cape Town would begin week 3 similarly to week 2, on defense. This time they would not force an early turnover, but instead completely stifle the running and passing attack of the New York Silverbacks forcing a punt after just 4 plays. This offense started to look a bit different from how it did early in previous games though. While a handoff to RB Jarvis Harbinger-Marjin was usually how drives started, it featured him frequently throughout the drive this time as well as the second play was a 7 yard completion to JHM. Jerrith IV then dropped back and connected with Derrick Prince for a quick 8 yard gain. After this was 4 carries by JHM resulting in gains of 13 yards, 6 yards, 8 yards, and 7 yards. Having a 2nd and 3 in New York territory, Cape Town gained a first down on their next play, but it was nullified by an illegal chop block by OL Pilot RedSun. On the very next play, Cape Town had no gain, but were called for a taunting penalty by Pilot RedSun again. This backed them up to their own 36 yard line. Facing 2nd and 33, Jerrith IV was sacked by LB Teemo Swift for an 11 yard loss. Facing 3rd and 44, American Boot jumped early, maybe trying to get a head start on his route. This instead backed up Cape Town even further. Staring down the barrel of a 3rd and 49 (some quick research has the longest 3rd down conversion ever being a 3rd and 39 by the vikings, if Cape Town converted here it would shatter the real life record) and with New York playing prevent defense, Derrick Prince cut over the middle and was running free in an empty zone. Jerrith IV hits his man, and Prince makes one man miss, slips another tackle, and he has no one in front of him! But he appears to be losing steam, and safety Regina Ferraro will catch him from behind but not after he has a monstrous 61(!!) yard gain. Cape Town had just somehow converted a 3rd and 49. Bolstered by the miraculous effort of their teammate, Cape Town really wanted to score a TD now. Jerrith IV hit Boot in the flat for a quick 6 yard gain. Then JHM took a handoff up the middle for a 2 yard gain. Not wanting to waste the efforts of Prince, JHM wanted the ball again. This time cut outside, shed a tackle attempt, and ran into the end zone for a 10 yard TD run. Cunningham’s extra point attempt was good, and Cape Town had now scored on their offensive drive of the game for the first three games in a row, I wonder how long this streak will last. A stout Cape Town defense held New York to just 5 positive yards including penalties before forcing a punt on their next drive. Offensive momentum did not continue for Cape Town as their next drive was a 3 and out. On their third offensive drive of the game, New York finally managed to gain a first down on the back of a Malcolm Savage completion to receiver Matthew Mara, this effort did not do anything to help their anemic offense though as they gained just 6 yards on the next series resulting in a punt. Cape Town’s offensive momentum seemed to evaporate completely as they were unable to muster a first down as they went 3 and out for a second time in a row. Boosted by a facemask penalty, New York finally crossed over into Cape Town territory on their next drive. While in Cape Town territory, New York managed to gain only a single yard before deciding to let their kicker attempt a 50+ yard field goal. New York kicker Ian Cole III walked out onto the field to try to score three points from 52 yards out. Cole III was successful in this endeavor as while his kick may not have been a thing of beauty, it did have just enough steam to get over the crossbar resulting in New York’s first points of the day. After stagnating on offense their last 2 tries, Cape Town finally seemed to figure things out. “Just hand the ball off to JHM, it should work out.” This strategy proved fruitful as JHM took the first carry of the drive for a 16 yard gain, finally getting another first down and ensuring that a 3 and out would not take place for the third time in a row. Jerrith IV found Boot for a 5 yard gain, then went back to giving the ball to JHM. JHM had a short 1 yard carry on 2nd down, but on 3rd and 3 he took it 9 yards for a first down. With a new set of downs, Jerrith IV hit Kemp for a 9 yard gain, bringing them deeper into New York territory. Another set of handoffs to JHM ensued, with gains of 9 yards and 3 yards respectively. Jerrith IV then dropped back to pass twice. His first attempt fell incomplete, his intended target was Kemp. He then hit Boot for a 9 yard gain bringing Cape Town into the red zone, and more importantly keeping the drive alive by picking up a first down. JHM took a handoff 13 yards to the brink of the end zone. On his next carry he punched the ball in from 1 yard out to score his second rushing TD of the afternoon. Cunningham’s second extra point attempt of the game was good, adding another point to Cape Town’s lead. Cape Town’s defense allowed a new longest play against them this game after a 14 yard carry by RB Michaelangelo McTurtle. Cape Town did not allow another yard to be gained as Jasper Fontaine forced an incompletion, Savage overthrew his receiver, and Mandrew McHollywood dropped a pass. The punt was not great either, as a 7 yard return by Prince set Cape Town up just outside of New York territory. This was quickly entered as JHM sliced through the New York defense for a 13 yard gain. Eventually Cape Town ended up at the New York 26 yard line, and were faced with 4th and 4. Instead of taking the points and going up by 14, Cape Town decided to go for it. Somewhat uncharacteristically though, Cape Town decided to run the ball with their backup RB John Riggins. Riggins was only able to muster 3 yards, and fell short of the line to gain, resulting in a turnover on downs. New York’s offense looked like it was gaining some momentum as they completed two passees, one for 10 yards and another for 19. However this was a mirage as Savage’s next 3 passes fell incomplete. Receiving the kick after halftime, Jasper Fontaine was out at return man. Fontaine slipped a man and took it down the right side, and was finally pushed out of bounds at the 34 yard line, a great return. Jerrith IV’s first pass attempt of the half to Boot fell incomplete. His second pass attempt was more on target, but was dropped by Kemp. Needing something to happen on 3rd and 10, Jerrith IV found a wide open Derrick Prince with no one covering him again. Prince caught the ball and ran for a total of 60 yards before finally being brought down at the New York 5 yard line. Cape Town then decided to run a bit of a trick play. Jerrith IV faked a handoff to JHM, but kept the ball for himself as he tried to run into the end zone. Unfortunately, Cape Town’s offensive coordinator forgot to factor in how fast Jerrith IV was, and he was stopped 1 yard short of the end zone after the defenders realized what was going on. On the next play Cape Town decided to hand the ball off to JHM again, and it paid off as he punched the ball in from 1 yard out yet again to score his third rushing TD of the game. Cunningham’s third extra point attempt of the game was good. New York’s offense coming into the second half seemed rejuvenated, as they immediately began marching down the field, and after a big play from Mandrews McHollywood found themselves in the red zone at the Cape Town 11 yard line. This is where Cape Town LB Dominos Pizzaman went into ‘maximum overdrive’ and in the process completely annihilated any offense that New York had going for them. It started with an almost immediate off the snap sack by Pizzaman where he instantly shed his blocker. Then Pizzaman dropped back into coverage where he intercepted Savage and brought the ball back 31 yards to the New York 49 yard line. Unfortunately, Cape Town’s offense would waste this opportunity by failing to pick up a single yard as they were forced to punt resulting in a 3 and out. New York’s offense seemed to have the wind taken out of them as the most yards they gained on a single play was a facemask penalty. Having already hit a 52 yard field goal once in this game, New York felt confident that Cole III could hit another one. This faith was misplaced though as he missed the uprights wide right. Cape Town’s offense was unable to capitalize again as they gained just a single first down before punting the ball away after 5 plays. Starting on their own 4 yard line, New York finally led a methodical drive downfield where they ended up in Cape Town territory. However, the drive stalled out on the Cape Town 31 yard line, and they decided to take the field goal instead of going for it on 4th and 10. This time Cole III was able to make the field goal, but it was from 48 yards out. Cape Town on their next drive breached New York territory, but were unable to get past there as they ended up punting the ball away on the New York 47 yard line. Needing to make something happen, New York decided that they were going to go for it regardless of where they were, sure their last 2 passes on this drive fell incomplete, one of which was broken up, but they were going to go for it anyway. Savage dropped back to pass, and located his receiver McHollywood. But Doc Fireball was draped all over him and knocked the ball away as it was approaching, resulting in a turnover on downs on the New York 11 yard line. Cape Town’s next drive was mostly them moving backwards as Jerrith IV was sacked on 1st down, and an unnecessary roughness penalty was called on Prince on 3rd down. This set up a 41 yard field goal attempt for Cunningham, whose kick was right down the middle, and extended Cape Town’s lead by another three points. Cape Town forced another turnover on downs as New York failed to convert on 4th and 16. After failing to pick up much yardage, and even bleed out the clock much, Cunningham missed a 45 yard field goal attempt. It just ran out of steam as it approached the uprights. But this ultimately proved irrelevant as the lead was too big to overcome at this point in the game. With 1 minute left on the clock, Savage managed to complete 2 of his 4 pass attempts for a total of 23 yards combined. He was unable to get his 5th and final pass attempt off as he was sacked by safety Aleksandr Milescu for a loss of 11 yards which ended the game. Cape Town’s defense held New York QB Malcolm Savage to just 195 yards on 49 attempts, of which he completed just 21 of. Derrick Prince had an absolutely huge game receiving as he had a total of 151 yards on 6 targets, 5 of which he caught. JHM had 3 rushing TDs on 31 attempts while also having 122 rushing yards. The offense was clicking, the defense was great. A 3-0 start was their reward. Only a brick wall could stop them now.
Result: Win 24-6
Record: 3-0
Week 4: vs Yellowknife Wraiths
Up until this point, Cape Town had faced relatively easy opponents compared to the behemoth they were about to encounter. The defending Ultimus Champions were marching into Cape Town today, and they had just dropped their first game of the season last week. They would be looking to right this wrong. The game started with Cape Town on offense for the first time since week 1. Jerrith IV began the drive passing with a quick 5 yard completion to Kemp. JHM then jumped before the snap and was called for a false start penalty. Jerrith IV dropped back to pass, now facing 2nd and 10, but was sacked by DE Daron Arnold for a 5 yard loss. With a 3rd and 15 looming in front of them, Cape Town showed no signs of fear by running a shot play. Prince beat his man off the line immediately and found a soft spot in the zone. Jerrith IV hit Prince for what ended up being a 40 yard catch and run. With a new set of downs, JHM got his first carry of the game where he ran into a brick wall resulting in a gain of a single yard. Jerrith IV connected with Boot on the next play for a gain of 9 yards, and a first down. Jerrith IV then found Kemp for another 5 yard completion. JHM received the next 2 snaps, gaining a single yard each time. With their streak of first drive TDs broken, Cape Town wanted to at least continue the streak of first drive scoring. To do this, they let Cunningham attempt a 30 yard field goal. As soon as the ball left his foot he could tell something was wrong as the ball sailed to the left immediately, and missed the uprights entirely. For the first time this season, Cape Town had failed to score on their first offensive drive of the game. Cape Town’s defense seemed to still be in great form though as they allowed only a 7 yard completion before forcing a 3 and out. On Cape Town’s second drive of the game, they handed the ball off to JHM for the duration of it. He was unable to find a rhythm though as he gained 3 yards, then 2 yards, then another 3 yards as Cape Town was forced to punt after going 3 and out. Cunningham however had a fantastic punt going 63 yards in the air and out of bounds at the Yellowknife 2 yard line. After a short gain by Yellowknife RB Detective Crashmore, Absolute Unit’s pass to Bernd D. Brot fell incomplete. On 3rd and 9 at their own 3 yard line, Unit was sacked by Marciano in the end zone resulting in a safety, and scoring Cape Town’s first points of the game! Cape Town’s offense remained anemic though as they were able to gain just 12 yards not including a 15 yard penalty on their first play. Yellowknife’s offense finally managed to string a few plays together as they had 2 plays in a row of 12 yards. The first was a 12 yard completion to receiver Calvin Spiff, the second was a 12 yard run by Adebayo Akinfenwa. Yellowknife continued down the field until they got into Cape Town territory. The drive ultimately stalled out on the Cape Town 32 yard line where their kicker Double Doink drilled a 49 yard field goal through the uprights scoring three points and putting Cape Town at their first deficit this season. Cape Town finally managed to kickstart their offense on their next drive as it began with a 10 yard completion from Jerrith IV to Boot. Jerrith IV then found his big play threat receiver Prince for a 21 yard gain. JHM finally managed to find some holes as he had gains of 7 yards and 6 yards on his next 2 carries. With a fresh set of downs deep in Yellowknife territory, Jerrith IV was sacked by LB Zephyr Greywold for a loss of 5 yards. Jerrith IV was only able to gain 10 yards on his next 2 pass attempts, bringing up 4th and 4 on the Yellowknift 24 yard line. Showing confidence in their kicker, Cape Town let Cunningham attempt a 41 yard field goal. This time his kick was right down the middle, and scored three points for Cape Town, putting them up by 2 points again. Yellowknife began their next drive on their own 10 yard line after a disastrous return by Brot. Akinfenwa was able to manage just 7 yards on 2 carries before Unit’s pass fell harmlessly to the ground after it was intended for an open Crashmore. Getting a little crazy perhaps, they decided to let Doink attempt a 63 yard field goal. Doink’s kick was certainly accurate enough, but it ran out of steam before it could get there, and fell well short of the goal posts resulting in a miss. With just over 2 minutes left in the half, Cape Town led a drive deep into Yellowknife territory where they only ran the ball with JHM. Somehow they were able to burn only a single minute off the clock in doing so. JHM carried the ball for a 6 yard gain, a 3 yard gain, a 4 yard gain, a 1 yard gain, a 6 yard gain, a 2 yard gain, a 4 yard gain, and was finally tackled behind the line of scrimmage for a loss of 1 yard after getting into the red zone. Cunningham lined up for a 37 yard field goal attempt, and his kick was good, extending Cape Town’s lead by 3 points. Cape Town’s defense was up to the task of stopping Yellowknife’s offense before the half ended as they allowed only 2 completions while keeping Yellowknife mostly out of Cape Town territory. To start the second half, Cape Town’s defense picked up right where they left off in being world beaters, allowing a single first down before forcing a punt after 5 plays. Jerrith IV was unable to complete a pass until it was 3rd down when Cape Town took over though. That pass also fell well short of the line to gain as it was just a 6 yard completion to Kemp as Cape Town went 3 and out yet again. Starting on their own 40 yard line, Akinfenwa fell forward for a 5 yard gain. Unit then tried to complete a pass to Spiff, but it fell incomplete. Unit then found a wide open Brot on 3rd and 4 for a huge 31 yard completion moving the chains. Yellowknife RB Kumquat Archipelago then ran into a brick wall for a gain of exactly 0 yards. Unit then hit Brot again, this time for an 11 yard completion. Now in the red zone, Akinfenwa took a carry for a gain of 3 yards before Unit found Brot in the end zone for a 13 yard TD pass. Deciding to take a potential 3 point lead, Yellowknife went for 2. Unit dropped back to pass and tossed the ball quickly to Spiff who dove into the end zone for a successful 2 point conversion. Cape Town return man Jasper Fontaine decided to take things into his own hands as he took the kickoff for 38 yards after making 2 men miss. Cape Town’s offensive coordinator seemed to have his faith in Jerrith IV shaken a bit as they ran with JHM for 4 plays straight to start the drive. JHM gained 9 yards, 2 yards, 1 yard, and 0 yards on these carries. Now being forced into a passing situation facing 3rd and 8, Jerrith IV hit Prince for a gain of 8 yards. However, he was ruled just short of the line to gain. Already in Yellowknife territory, Cape Town’s offense got the ‘green light’ and was allowed to go for it. JHM took a handoff where he ran into 3 Yellowknife defenders at the line of scrimmage and was stopped for no gain resulting in a turnover on downs. Yellowknife’s drive began with a 6 yard run by Akinfenwa, then a 0 yard run by Archipelago. Akinfenwa then ripped off a huge 20 yard run getting Yellowknife a new set of downs. Unit then found Akinfenwa for a 4 yard gain, after which Archipelago gained 2 yards on a carry. Unit targeted his receiver Spiff for what would have been a first down, but Cape Town safety Jasper Fontaine broke the pass up, and stemmed the flow of what could have been a potentially disastrous drive for Cape Town. Doink lined up for a 42 yard field goal attempt, and his kick was good, putting Yellowknife up by 6 points now, the largest lead of the afternoon by either team. Cape Town’s offense seemed to have a fire lit under them as they marched down the field deep into Yellowknife territory. However, a sack would ultimately have the drive stall out on the Yellowknife 25 yard line. Cunningham lined up for a 42 yard field goal attempt, but he missed it wide right this time for his second missed field goal of the game, surely this wouldn’t come back to haunt Cape Town, right? With 9 and a half minutes left on the clock, Yellowknife needed to bleed as much of the clock as they could to hold on to their 6 point lead, and maybe even extend it somewhat. Yellowknife started this strategy with a 13 yard pass to Brot. Then another pass attempt to Akinfenwa, but it fell incomplete. The Cape Town defense was then called for having 12 men on the field. Akinfenwa had a gain of 2 yards on a carry, then Unit completed his next 3 pass attempts in a row. It started with an 8 yard gain to Archipelago, then another completion to Archipelago, this time a gain of 5 yards, finally it ended with a 13 yard completion to Crashmore. Now in the red zone, Akinfenwa took a handoff for a gain of 7 yards. Then Cape Town’s goal line defense showed up as they forced back to back incompletions to force a field goal attempt of 28 yards. A chip shot for Doink as his kick went through the uprights, extending Yellowknife’s lead to 9 points with just under 5 minutes left of the clock. Needing to score quickly, Cape Town marched down the field at a brisk pace not seeming to understand the importance of needing to score twice. It was not until there were 3 minutes left on the clock that Cape Town seemed to pick up the pace in play calling at which point they were only at their own 44 yard line. Jerrith IV completed a pass to Escanor Sama for a 6 yard gain, then was sacked by LB Kahn Cussion for a 7 yard loss. Needing a first down to stay alive in the game, Jerrith IV connected with Kemp for a 17 yard catch and run getting a first down. Jerrith IV then hit Prince for a 6 yard gain. Jerrith IV then found Kemp again for a 14 yard gain this time, bringing Cape Town into the red zone. Jerrith IV’s next pass attempt fell incomplete, it was intended for JHM. Jerrith IV then hit Boot for a 7 yard gain to bring them a step closer to the end zone. With a minute and a half left on the clock, Jerrith IV hit an open Kemp yet again on the drive resulting in a gain of 6 yards, picking up a new set of downs. Jerrith IV’s next pass attempt was intended for Prince, but it fell incomplete. Jerrith IV then dropped back on 2nd and goal to find JHM uncovered in the middle of the end zone for a TD. Cunningham lined up for the extra point attempt, and his kick was good, cutting Yellowknife’s lead down to just 2 points. Cape Town now needed to recover the onside kick to have any chance of winning the game. What’s that? Cape Town didn’t attempt an onside kick?? THEY DID A REGULAR KICK OFF WITH 1:09 LEFT ON THE CLOCK AND NO TIMEOUTS?!?!? Yellowknife’s offense kneeled the ball twice to end the game after Cape Town decided to not play. And with that, Cape Town lost their first game of the season.
Result: Loss 15-17
Record: 3-1
Now for some nice words about the people here who somehow tolerate me enough to keep me around. Also maybe some words about how the ISFL has actually been a positive influence on me and maybe helped me pass English class in high school.
I joined the ISFL in S25, it was the Summer of covid, and I was browsing r/nfl when I found a post detailing the ‘International Simulation Football League’. I had no idea what this was, and decided to check it out. After looking around for a bit, I thought “Hey, I’m probably not going to be very active in here, so I’ll make a kicker and see how that goes.” I was very wrong. Outside of some early interaction where I ranted about timezones for a bit on day 1 of me joining, I didn’t interact with very many people. Then the London Royals drafted me with pick 45. Until this point the only real interaction I had with anyone in the league was just scouting conversations. The words that Sylphreni and Highschnadi had for me were probably what kept me in the league until this day. “We just weren’t willing to risk not getting the top player at the position on the board, and xenos was the favorite by a country mile.” The first message I sent in there was a gif of someone drop kicking someone else. And that became my calling card in there.
While in the London locker room, there were so many great people that I interacted with, to list off a few now, a good chunk of which were my fellow draftees, Crunk, Swanty, the king of counting himself: katarn22, abh89, Maglubiyet, MrStennett, the GMs Sylphreni and Highschnadi, and many more.
While still on the topic of those who made my first experience in an ISFL locker room so great, there was one user in particular who stood above the rest in making sure I stayed and had a great time, that user is DeadlyPlayer. In my mind there is no one else in the entire ISFL who loves a franchise more than him, and wants to make sure everyone who is in that franchise is having a great time as well.
London went on to win the Ultimus that season, and the feeling in the locker room is one that I don’t think I will ever forget. Everyone was having an incredible time, and it was good feelings all around.
Once I got to the Philadelphia locker room after being drafted there, I was definitely still more active in the London locker room. That being said, over time I slowly drifted more towards the Philadelphia locker room. In there, there were and still are incredible people. The first of which I will mention is Juni, he is a fantastic locker room presence, and always brings a smile to the faces of those who he interacts with.
Despite all the memes about him, negs is truly a great guy, it is always fun to interact with him.
Snowy is someone who I had not really interacted with until several months ago, and I still talk to him very frequently. I also may have made a promise that I would carry him to gold in league of legends.
Pat and Cody are also great locker room presences, and adam! Is someone who I want to break my receiving records for Cape Town.
If I decided to keep going, I could easily hit the character limit on the forum, and I don’t think I want to find out what that is today. There are many more who I have not listed by name, but they have all contributed to a fantastic experience that I want many others to have as well.
Week 1: vs Baltimore Hawks
The season began with a game at home against the Baltimore Hawks. After a kickoff went through the back of the end zone, rookie QB Creg Jerrith IV dropped back on the first offensive snap of the season for Cape Town. On his very first pass attempt, Jerrith IV found receiver Derrick Prince for a 9 yard gain. Facing 2nd and inches, Jerrith IV handed the ball off to RB Jarvis Harbinger-Marjin for a 2 yard game which moved the chains, and resulted in a first down. Jerrith IV then found another receiver, this time Erwin Kemp for a huge 37 yard catch and run for another first down. On his third pass attempt of his young career, Jerrith IV finally threw an incompletion as a ball sailed over the head of Kemp. Deep in Baltimore territory, Jerrith IV found Prince again, this time for a 12 yard completion, and getting another first down. On 1st and 10, Jerrith IV wanted to hand the ball off, but he tried to hand it off the wrong way, and ended up with the ball still in his hands. Deciding to make something happen, he ran forwards only to be met with a wall at the line of scrimmage, and was driven backwards for a 1 yard loss. On 2nd down, this time he handed the ball off the right way, but JHM was only able to pick up a single yard. Facing the first 3rd down of his career, Jerrith IV dropped back to pass and found his TE American Boot on a short route over the middle for a 9 yard gain which was enough to gain a first down. Jerrith IV was hit after he threw the ball though which resulted in a roughing the passer penalty. Now with 1st and Goal at the 1 yard line, Jerrith IV handed the ball off to JHM once again, and he was able to punch the ball in from 1 yard out to score Cape Town’s first points of the season. Kicker Patrick Cunningham’s extra point attempt was good, and added another point to Cape Town’s total. Now it was time for Cape Town’s first drive on defense. Baltimore’s QB Preston Beatz started the drive with a pair of completions to receivers Tolliver and Turnbull for short yards. Beatz found Turnbull open once again against CB Art Deco. Facing 2nd and 3 while on the Cape Town 43 yard line, Baltimore decided to run the ball for the first time this season with Dante King. This decision proved fruitful as Dante King gained 3 yards which was enough for a first down. Beatz’s next pass was intended for King, but it fell incomplete. He then found WR Rocky Moreaux for a 5 yard gain. Facing 3rd and 4 Baltimore handed the ball off to King who gained about 8 yards which would have been enough for a first down, but the offense began walking backwards as a yellow flag hit the ground. The referee’s announced “Holding, offense!” as the stadium erupted into cheers as now Cape Town would have a much greater chance of holding Baltimore to at most a field goal. Beatz found his TE Nacho Macho Man for a 12 yard gain, but it was not enough to convert the 3rd and 14 they were facing. Kicker Mike Makmur lined up for a 48 yard attempt, and his kick was right down the middle, scoring Baltimore’s first points of the season. The next drives by both teams were relatively uneventful as Cape Town went 3 and out, while Baltimore punted at the Cape Town 41 for a touchback. Jerrith IV led Cape town on a sustained drive into Baltimore territory, but after multiple incompletions ended up facing 3rd and 10 on the Baltimore 37 yard line. He was able to find Boot for a 5 yard completion, but Boot was tackled on the spot as Cape Town was unable to convert. Still, they were able to reclaim their 7 point lead with a successful field goal from their kicker Cunningham. Mirroring Makmur’s 48 yard attempt, Cunningham also had a 48 yard attempt, however his kick was drifting towards the left as it went through the uprights. It was still good though, and scored three more points for Cape Town. Cape Town’s defense then forced a 3 and out after a sack on 3rd down by LB Barry Badman. Cape Town started their fourth drive of the game with a bang, JHM took a handoff for 15 yards, then Jerrith IV had a couple short completions to his receivers. Then in Baltimore territory, Jerrith IV found Prince again, this time for a 24 yard strike to halve the distance between Cape Town and the end zone. Jerrith IV found another receiver, this time Kemp for a 15 yard gain. On 1st and goal from the Baltimore 9 yard line, Jerrith IV dropped back to pass, and found Prince in the end zone for the first TD pass of his career. On the kickoff, return man Moreaux slipped a tackle and made it to the 29 yard line. Still feeling some momentum from his good return, Moreaux beat his man off the line of scrimmage and was wide open for a 10 yard catch and run. However, safety Jasper Fontaine was able to punch the ball out of Moreaux’s hands, and CB Bageshwari Singh recovered and returned it 10 yards to the Baltimore 29 yard line. Now Cape Town’s offense would take over with great field position. After a quick completion to JHM, Jerrith IV was hit after he threw the ball again, resulting in another roughing the passer penalty. Jerrith IV then found veteran WR Escanor Sama for an 8 yard completion. JHM received another handoff, this time 2 yards out from the end zone, and scored his second TD of the game. Cunningham’s kick was good, and scored one more point for Cape Town. Cape Town’s defense forced another 3 and out on their next defensive drive. Jerrith IV led a drive deep into Baltimore territory before ultimately stalling out in the red zone. After making a 48 yard field goal, surely Cunningham would be up to the task of making a 30 yard field goal. As the ball left Cunningham’s foot, he couldn’t help but feel as though something felt off. His fears were confirmed a couple seconds later as the ball cleanly missed the uprights wide left. Now Baltimore would take over at their own 25 yard line. Baltimore’s drive looked to be off to a poor start as DT Christian Marciano sacked Beatz for a 9 yard loss. Then a breakdown in coverage ensued as Tolliver was wide open for a 47 yard catch and run. After an incompletion and an 11 yard sack by LB Dominos Pizzaman, Cape Town was ready to walk into halftime with a comfortable lead. That was until Beatz found Moreaux wide open against busted coverage again, this time resulting in a 46 yard TD pass. Makmur’s kick was good and cut into the Cape Town lead by another point. The first two drives after halftime resulted in two 3 and outs. Then Baltimore began driving. After a 10 yard gain which would have put them in Cape Town territory, rookie Money hit a player after the play was over which resulted in an unnecessary roughness penalty. Now facing 2nd and 14, Moreaux burned the Cape Town defense once again, this time for a 49 yard catch and run. Now at the Cape Town 8 yard line, Beatz found Tolliver for a 4 yard gain to get them closer to the end zone. On a QB draw Beatz was stopped at the line of scrimmage, and King was only able to muster a single yard against a stout Cape Town defensive line. With little options, Baltimore decided to let Makmur line up for a 20 yard chip shot field goal. His kick was good, and cut down Cape Town’s lead by another three points. The next drives by both teams were uneventful again. On Cape Town’s next drive after a turnover on downs at their own 40 yard line, JHM had the ball in his hands for the first three plays, resulting in gains of 5, 8, and 5 yards. Backup RB Riggins then had the ball twice for two 2 yard gains. JHM then came back into the game on 4th and inches. Needing any forward progress to gain a first down, JHM found a hole and hit it for a 14 yard gain. Now on the cusp of the red zone, Jerrith IV’s first pass was dropped by Kemp. His next pass was an 18 yard strike to Prince to bring Cape Town to within the 5 yard line. On the next snap, Jerrith IV found Boot in the end zone for a 4 yard TD pass, and his second of the game. Cape Town’s defense held Baltimore to just 4 plays before forcing a punt. Jerrith IV then led a methodical drive downfield which brought them into the red zone. Facing 3rd and 5, Jerrith IV tried to force a pass to Boot, but it was broken up by LB Walter Gunther. Facing 4th and 5, Cape Town decided to extend their lead by letting Cunningham kick a 34 yard field goal attempt. His kick was right down the middle, and extended Cape Town’s lead by three points. Baltimore’s next drive was a 5 minute long TD drive, but Cape Town was still up by two scores, surely it wouldn’t amount to anything, right? Cape Town recovered the onside kick and all they had to do now was get a single first down, and they would comfortably win the game. But Baltimore forced a 3 and out, and Baltimore led a quick TD drive with 24 seconds left on the clock. Baltimore needed to recover another onside kick attempt, but it was recovered by Cape Town again, and with no timeouts left on the side of Baltimore, Cape Town survived the late comeback attempt and started their season 1-0.
Result: Win 34-27
Record: 1-0
Week 2: @ Colorado Yeti
To begin week 2, Cape Town traveled to Colorado to face off against the Yeti. Cape Town won the coin toss, and elected to defer to the second half. This decision proved to bite them almost immediately as Cunningham’s kick was returned by Yeti return man Cross-Eriksen for a 34 yard return. However, Cape Town’s defense would step up as on the fourth play of the drive, QB Live Laughlove was intercepted by Jasper Fontaine and brought all the way back for a 56 yard pick 6. Cunningham’s kick was good, and added another point to Cape Town’s early lead. Cape Town’s defense then forced a 3 and out. After which Cape Town’s offense stepped onto the field for the first time this afternoon. Cape Town’s first offensive drive started with an 11 yard run by Jarvis Harbinger-Marjin, then a quick 1 yard completion to Escanor Sama. Jerrith IV then connected with American Boot for a 7 yard gain, then again for a 31 yard catch and run. Jerrith IV found Boot once again, this time for a 4 yard completion. Now in the red zone, Jerrith IV connected with Erwin Kemp for an 8 yard gain. On 1st and goal he took a sack for a loss of 6 yards, and fumbled. The ball was recovered by Cape Town though, and they remained on offense. Facing 3rd and goal after a short completion to Boot, Jerrith IV found Prince for a 10 yard completion, but was unable to get a TD. However after the play was over, Colorado defender Anthony Stark had a late hit on a Cape Town player resulting in a personal foul being called for unnecessary roughness. Automatic first down. With just 1 yard to go, JHM punched the ball in from 1 yard out to score Cape Town’s second TD of the game. Cunningham’s second extra point attempt of the game was good, and brought Cape Town to a 14-0 lead. The Colorado offense finally stabilized on their next drive as they marched right down the field and scored off of a 4 yard pass from Laughlove to WR Eeeeeeee phenssta. Doom’s extra point attempt was good, and cut another point into Cape Town’s lead. When Cape Town took over they started their drive with a bang. A 43 yard catch and run by Derrick Prince. However, a sack and a penalty ensured that Cape Town would have difficulty scoring a TD this drive. On 3rd and 14 Jerrith IV tried to find a man, but ended up throwing to a heavily covered Boot and ended up completing the pass to the turf. Cunningham walked out onto the field for a 42 yard field goal attempt. Cunningham’s kick was good, and gave Cape Town a 10 point lead. Colorado’s offensive momentum continued as they scored another TD, this time a 5 yard completion from Laughlove to Bud R. Fingers. However, Doom missed the extra point attempt, and a 4 point lead would remain for Cape Town. The next drive by both teams was a 3 and out. With 8 minutes left in the half, Cape Town decided they would bleed as much time as possible from the clock. Starting at their own 20, JHM had carries of 20 yards, 4 yards, 18 yards, 15 yards, and 1 yard. With a few passes from Jerrith IV thrown in, the drive ended up stalling out at the Colorado 15 yard line. Cunningham lined up for a 32 yard field goal attempt, and his kick was right down the middle, scoring another three points for Cape Town. The next two drives by both teams to end the half were 3 and outs. After halftime, Cape Town received the kick. After looking like they were making progress, a taunting penalty on the veteran receiver Escanor Sama backed them up to their own 12 yard line. After a sack on 2nd and 17 resulted in a 3rd and 24, a screen pass for JHM gained just 4 yards forcing a punt. Colorado took this momentum, and stormed down the field scoring a TD with their backup RB Marvin Toledo. On Cape Town’s next possession, Jerrith IV completed a pass to Prince for a 12 yard gain, but Colorado defender Cross-Eriksen delivered a huge hit which knocked the ball free. Cross-Eriksen recovered his own forced fumble, and was down on the Cape Town 38 yard line. With incredible field position, Colorado squandered it entirely after being sacked on 3rd down resulting in a punt. Colorado then forced a 3 and out, and followed it up by failing to gain a first down, instead getting a 46 yard field goal. Successful offense continued to elude Cape Town as they had yet another 3 and out. Cape Town’s defense continued to frustrate Colorado’s offense as they forced yet another 3 and out. Competent offense finally occurred for Cape Town on their next drive as Jerrith IV completed a 14 yard catch and run to Kemp. JHM then had a 4 yard carry, followed by a 13 yard reception. Kemp had another catch, this time for 8 yards, but shoved the man who tackled him after the play was over resulting in a loss of 15 yards on an unnecessary roughness penalty. On 2nd and 17 Jerrith IV found a wide open Derrick Prince for a 31 yard TD pass. Cunningham’s extra point attempt was once again good. Cape Town’s defense forced another 3 and out with 7 and a half minutes left on the clock. It was now time for Cape Town’s offense to burn the clock as much as they could to hold on to their lead. Cape Town’s offensive coordinator decided the best way to accomplish this was to work the short passing game as Jerrith IV had completions of 10 yards, 12 yards, 9 yards, 7 yards, and another 7 yards before finally running the ball with JHM. JHM brought the ball down to the Colorado 9 yard line before finally being stopped. With a chance to extend their lead with less than 2 minutes left on the clock, Cape Town elected to take a field goal. Cunningham’s kick was right down the middle as he scored another three points for Cape Town on a 26 yard field goal attempt. Colorado was sacked on the first play of their next drive, then Laughlove was intercepted by Art Deco and was returned 4 yards to the Colorado 22 yard line. All Cape Town needed to do now was kneel the ball a couple times and win the game. Wait, they stopped kneeling the ball after the first time? JHM FUMBLED?? Oh he recovered it. Good. Cunningham kicked a 36 yard field goal. I think this offensive coordinator needs to be fired. Cape Town’s defense held Colorado out of the end zone on their final drive resulting in another win for Cape Town. Cape Town had now started the season 2-0, and some more optimistic fans were beginning to have something that they had not felt in a long time. Hope.
Result: Win 33-23
Record: 2-0
Week 3: @ New York Silverbacks
Cape Town would begin week 3 similarly to week 2, on defense. This time they would not force an early turnover, but instead completely stifle the running and passing attack of the New York Silverbacks forcing a punt after just 4 plays. This offense started to look a bit different from how it did early in previous games though. While a handoff to RB Jarvis Harbinger-Marjin was usually how drives started, it featured him frequently throughout the drive this time as well as the second play was a 7 yard completion to JHM. Jerrith IV then dropped back and connected with Derrick Prince for a quick 8 yard gain. After this was 4 carries by JHM resulting in gains of 13 yards, 6 yards, 8 yards, and 7 yards. Having a 2nd and 3 in New York territory, Cape Town gained a first down on their next play, but it was nullified by an illegal chop block by OL Pilot RedSun. On the very next play, Cape Town had no gain, but were called for a taunting penalty by Pilot RedSun again. This backed them up to their own 36 yard line. Facing 2nd and 33, Jerrith IV was sacked by LB Teemo Swift for an 11 yard loss. Facing 3rd and 44, American Boot jumped early, maybe trying to get a head start on his route. This instead backed up Cape Town even further. Staring down the barrel of a 3rd and 49 (some quick research has the longest 3rd down conversion ever being a 3rd and 39 by the vikings, if Cape Town converted here it would shatter the real life record) and with New York playing prevent defense, Derrick Prince cut over the middle and was running free in an empty zone. Jerrith IV hits his man, and Prince makes one man miss, slips another tackle, and he has no one in front of him! But he appears to be losing steam, and safety Regina Ferraro will catch him from behind but not after he has a monstrous 61(!!) yard gain. Cape Town had just somehow converted a 3rd and 49. Bolstered by the miraculous effort of their teammate, Cape Town really wanted to score a TD now. Jerrith IV hit Boot in the flat for a quick 6 yard gain. Then JHM took a handoff up the middle for a 2 yard gain. Not wanting to waste the efforts of Prince, JHM wanted the ball again. This time cut outside, shed a tackle attempt, and ran into the end zone for a 10 yard TD run. Cunningham’s extra point attempt was good, and Cape Town had now scored on their offensive drive of the game for the first three games in a row, I wonder how long this streak will last. A stout Cape Town defense held New York to just 5 positive yards including penalties before forcing a punt on their next drive. Offensive momentum did not continue for Cape Town as their next drive was a 3 and out. On their third offensive drive of the game, New York finally managed to gain a first down on the back of a Malcolm Savage completion to receiver Matthew Mara, this effort did not do anything to help their anemic offense though as they gained just 6 yards on the next series resulting in a punt. Cape Town’s offensive momentum seemed to evaporate completely as they were unable to muster a first down as they went 3 and out for a second time in a row. Boosted by a facemask penalty, New York finally crossed over into Cape Town territory on their next drive. While in Cape Town territory, New York managed to gain only a single yard before deciding to let their kicker attempt a 50+ yard field goal. New York kicker Ian Cole III walked out onto the field to try to score three points from 52 yards out. Cole III was successful in this endeavor as while his kick may not have been a thing of beauty, it did have just enough steam to get over the crossbar resulting in New York’s first points of the day. After stagnating on offense their last 2 tries, Cape Town finally seemed to figure things out. “Just hand the ball off to JHM, it should work out.” This strategy proved fruitful as JHM took the first carry of the drive for a 16 yard gain, finally getting another first down and ensuring that a 3 and out would not take place for the third time in a row. Jerrith IV found Boot for a 5 yard gain, then went back to giving the ball to JHM. JHM had a short 1 yard carry on 2nd down, but on 3rd and 3 he took it 9 yards for a first down. With a new set of downs, Jerrith IV hit Kemp for a 9 yard gain, bringing them deeper into New York territory. Another set of handoffs to JHM ensued, with gains of 9 yards and 3 yards respectively. Jerrith IV then dropped back to pass twice. His first attempt fell incomplete, his intended target was Kemp. He then hit Boot for a 9 yard gain bringing Cape Town into the red zone, and more importantly keeping the drive alive by picking up a first down. JHM took a handoff 13 yards to the brink of the end zone. On his next carry he punched the ball in from 1 yard out to score his second rushing TD of the afternoon. Cunningham’s second extra point attempt of the game was good, adding another point to Cape Town’s lead. Cape Town’s defense allowed a new longest play against them this game after a 14 yard carry by RB Michaelangelo McTurtle. Cape Town did not allow another yard to be gained as Jasper Fontaine forced an incompletion, Savage overthrew his receiver, and Mandrew McHollywood dropped a pass. The punt was not great either, as a 7 yard return by Prince set Cape Town up just outside of New York territory. This was quickly entered as JHM sliced through the New York defense for a 13 yard gain. Eventually Cape Town ended up at the New York 26 yard line, and were faced with 4th and 4. Instead of taking the points and going up by 14, Cape Town decided to go for it. Somewhat uncharacteristically though, Cape Town decided to run the ball with their backup RB John Riggins. Riggins was only able to muster 3 yards, and fell short of the line to gain, resulting in a turnover on downs. New York’s offense looked like it was gaining some momentum as they completed two passees, one for 10 yards and another for 19. However this was a mirage as Savage’s next 3 passes fell incomplete. Receiving the kick after halftime, Jasper Fontaine was out at return man. Fontaine slipped a man and took it down the right side, and was finally pushed out of bounds at the 34 yard line, a great return. Jerrith IV’s first pass attempt of the half to Boot fell incomplete. His second pass attempt was more on target, but was dropped by Kemp. Needing something to happen on 3rd and 10, Jerrith IV found a wide open Derrick Prince with no one covering him again. Prince caught the ball and ran for a total of 60 yards before finally being brought down at the New York 5 yard line. Cape Town then decided to run a bit of a trick play. Jerrith IV faked a handoff to JHM, but kept the ball for himself as he tried to run into the end zone. Unfortunately, Cape Town’s offensive coordinator forgot to factor in how fast Jerrith IV was, and he was stopped 1 yard short of the end zone after the defenders realized what was going on. On the next play Cape Town decided to hand the ball off to JHM again, and it paid off as he punched the ball in from 1 yard out yet again to score his third rushing TD of the game. Cunningham’s third extra point attempt of the game was good. New York’s offense coming into the second half seemed rejuvenated, as they immediately began marching down the field, and after a big play from Mandrews McHollywood found themselves in the red zone at the Cape Town 11 yard line. This is where Cape Town LB Dominos Pizzaman went into ‘maximum overdrive’ and in the process completely annihilated any offense that New York had going for them. It started with an almost immediate off the snap sack by Pizzaman where he instantly shed his blocker. Then Pizzaman dropped back into coverage where he intercepted Savage and brought the ball back 31 yards to the New York 49 yard line. Unfortunately, Cape Town’s offense would waste this opportunity by failing to pick up a single yard as they were forced to punt resulting in a 3 and out. New York’s offense seemed to have the wind taken out of them as the most yards they gained on a single play was a facemask penalty. Having already hit a 52 yard field goal once in this game, New York felt confident that Cole III could hit another one. This faith was misplaced though as he missed the uprights wide right. Cape Town’s offense was unable to capitalize again as they gained just a single first down before punting the ball away after 5 plays. Starting on their own 4 yard line, New York finally led a methodical drive downfield where they ended up in Cape Town territory. However, the drive stalled out on the Cape Town 31 yard line, and they decided to take the field goal instead of going for it on 4th and 10. This time Cole III was able to make the field goal, but it was from 48 yards out. Cape Town on their next drive breached New York territory, but were unable to get past there as they ended up punting the ball away on the New York 47 yard line. Needing to make something happen, New York decided that they were going to go for it regardless of where they were, sure their last 2 passes on this drive fell incomplete, one of which was broken up, but they were going to go for it anyway. Savage dropped back to pass, and located his receiver McHollywood. But Doc Fireball was draped all over him and knocked the ball away as it was approaching, resulting in a turnover on downs on the New York 11 yard line. Cape Town’s next drive was mostly them moving backwards as Jerrith IV was sacked on 1st down, and an unnecessary roughness penalty was called on Prince on 3rd down. This set up a 41 yard field goal attempt for Cunningham, whose kick was right down the middle, and extended Cape Town’s lead by another three points. Cape Town forced another turnover on downs as New York failed to convert on 4th and 16. After failing to pick up much yardage, and even bleed out the clock much, Cunningham missed a 45 yard field goal attempt. It just ran out of steam as it approached the uprights. But this ultimately proved irrelevant as the lead was too big to overcome at this point in the game. With 1 minute left on the clock, Savage managed to complete 2 of his 4 pass attempts for a total of 23 yards combined. He was unable to get his 5th and final pass attempt off as he was sacked by safety Aleksandr Milescu for a loss of 11 yards which ended the game. Cape Town’s defense held New York QB Malcolm Savage to just 195 yards on 49 attempts, of which he completed just 21 of. Derrick Prince had an absolutely huge game receiving as he had a total of 151 yards on 6 targets, 5 of which he caught. JHM had 3 rushing TDs on 31 attempts while also having 122 rushing yards. The offense was clicking, the defense was great. A 3-0 start was their reward. Only a brick wall could stop them now.
Result: Win 24-6
Record: 3-0
Week 4: vs Yellowknife Wraiths
Up until this point, Cape Town had faced relatively easy opponents compared to the behemoth they were about to encounter. The defending Ultimus Champions were marching into Cape Town today, and they had just dropped their first game of the season last week. They would be looking to right this wrong. The game started with Cape Town on offense for the first time since week 1. Jerrith IV began the drive passing with a quick 5 yard completion to Kemp. JHM then jumped before the snap and was called for a false start penalty. Jerrith IV dropped back to pass, now facing 2nd and 10, but was sacked by DE Daron Arnold for a 5 yard loss. With a 3rd and 15 looming in front of them, Cape Town showed no signs of fear by running a shot play. Prince beat his man off the line immediately and found a soft spot in the zone. Jerrith IV hit Prince for what ended up being a 40 yard catch and run. With a new set of downs, JHM got his first carry of the game where he ran into a brick wall resulting in a gain of a single yard. Jerrith IV connected with Boot on the next play for a gain of 9 yards, and a first down. Jerrith IV then found Kemp for another 5 yard completion. JHM received the next 2 snaps, gaining a single yard each time. With their streak of first drive TDs broken, Cape Town wanted to at least continue the streak of first drive scoring. To do this, they let Cunningham attempt a 30 yard field goal. As soon as the ball left his foot he could tell something was wrong as the ball sailed to the left immediately, and missed the uprights entirely. For the first time this season, Cape Town had failed to score on their first offensive drive of the game. Cape Town’s defense seemed to still be in great form though as they allowed only a 7 yard completion before forcing a 3 and out. On Cape Town’s second drive of the game, they handed the ball off to JHM for the duration of it. He was unable to find a rhythm though as he gained 3 yards, then 2 yards, then another 3 yards as Cape Town was forced to punt after going 3 and out. Cunningham however had a fantastic punt going 63 yards in the air and out of bounds at the Yellowknife 2 yard line. After a short gain by Yellowknife RB Detective Crashmore, Absolute Unit’s pass to Bernd D. Brot fell incomplete. On 3rd and 9 at their own 3 yard line, Unit was sacked by Marciano in the end zone resulting in a safety, and scoring Cape Town’s first points of the game! Cape Town’s offense remained anemic though as they were able to gain just 12 yards not including a 15 yard penalty on their first play. Yellowknife’s offense finally managed to string a few plays together as they had 2 plays in a row of 12 yards. The first was a 12 yard completion to receiver Calvin Spiff, the second was a 12 yard run by Adebayo Akinfenwa. Yellowknife continued down the field until they got into Cape Town territory. The drive ultimately stalled out on the Cape Town 32 yard line where their kicker Double Doink drilled a 49 yard field goal through the uprights scoring three points and putting Cape Town at their first deficit this season. Cape Town finally managed to kickstart their offense on their next drive as it began with a 10 yard completion from Jerrith IV to Boot. Jerrith IV then found his big play threat receiver Prince for a 21 yard gain. JHM finally managed to find some holes as he had gains of 7 yards and 6 yards on his next 2 carries. With a fresh set of downs deep in Yellowknife territory, Jerrith IV was sacked by LB Zephyr Greywold for a loss of 5 yards. Jerrith IV was only able to gain 10 yards on his next 2 pass attempts, bringing up 4th and 4 on the Yellowknift 24 yard line. Showing confidence in their kicker, Cape Town let Cunningham attempt a 41 yard field goal. This time his kick was right down the middle, and scored three points for Cape Town, putting them up by 2 points again. Yellowknife began their next drive on their own 10 yard line after a disastrous return by Brot. Akinfenwa was able to manage just 7 yards on 2 carries before Unit’s pass fell harmlessly to the ground after it was intended for an open Crashmore. Getting a little crazy perhaps, they decided to let Doink attempt a 63 yard field goal. Doink’s kick was certainly accurate enough, but it ran out of steam before it could get there, and fell well short of the goal posts resulting in a miss. With just over 2 minutes left in the half, Cape Town led a drive deep into Yellowknife territory where they only ran the ball with JHM. Somehow they were able to burn only a single minute off the clock in doing so. JHM carried the ball for a 6 yard gain, a 3 yard gain, a 4 yard gain, a 1 yard gain, a 6 yard gain, a 2 yard gain, a 4 yard gain, and was finally tackled behind the line of scrimmage for a loss of 1 yard after getting into the red zone. Cunningham lined up for a 37 yard field goal attempt, and his kick was good, extending Cape Town’s lead by 3 points. Cape Town’s defense was up to the task of stopping Yellowknife’s offense before the half ended as they allowed only 2 completions while keeping Yellowknife mostly out of Cape Town territory. To start the second half, Cape Town’s defense picked up right where they left off in being world beaters, allowing a single first down before forcing a punt after 5 plays. Jerrith IV was unable to complete a pass until it was 3rd down when Cape Town took over though. That pass also fell well short of the line to gain as it was just a 6 yard completion to Kemp as Cape Town went 3 and out yet again. Starting on their own 40 yard line, Akinfenwa fell forward for a 5 yard gain. Unit then tried to complete a pass to Spiff, but it fell incomplete. Unit then found a wide open Brot on 3rd and 4 for a huge 31 yard completion moving the chains. Yellowknife RB Kumquat Archipelago then ran into a brick wall for a gain of exactly 0 yards. Unit then hit Brot again, this time for an 11 yard completion. Now in the red zone, Akinfenwa took a carry for a gain of 3 yards before Unit found Brot in the end zone for a 13 yard TD pass. Deciding to take a potential 3 point lead, Yellowknife went for 2. Unit dropped back to pass and tossed the ball quickly to Spiff who dove into the end zone for a successful 2 point conversion. Cape Town return man Jasper Fontaine decided to take things into his own hands as he took the kickoff for 38 yards after making 2 men miss. Cape Town’s offensive coordinator seemed to have his faith in Jerrith IV shaken a bit as they ran with JHM for 4 plays straight to start the drive. JHM gained 9 yards, 2 yards, 1 yard, and 0 yards on these carries. Now being forced into a passing situation facing 3rd and 8, Jerrith IV hit Prince for a gain of 8 yards. However, he was ruled just short of the line to gain. Already in Yellowknife territory, Cape Town’s offense got the ‘green light’ and was allowed to go for it. JHM took a handoff where he ran into 3 Yellowknife defenders at the line of scrimmage and was stopped for no gain resulting in a turnover on downs. Yellowknife’s drive began with a 6 yard run by Akinfenwa, then a 0 yard run by Archipelago. Akinfenwa then ripped off a huge 20 yard run getting Yellowknife a new set of downs. Unit then found Akinfenwa for a 4 yard gain, after which Archipelago gained 2 yards on a carry. Unit targeted his receiver Spiff for what would have been a first down, but Cape Town safety Jasper Fontaine broke the pass up, and stemmed the flow of what could have been a potentially disastrous drive for Cape Town. Doink lined up for a 42 yard field goal attempt, and his kick was good, putting Yellowknife up by 6 points now, the largest lead of the afternoon by either team. Cape Town’s offense seemed to have a fire lit under them as they marched down the field deep into Yellowknife territory. However, a sack would ultimately have the drive stall out on the Yellowknife 25 yard line. Cunningham lined up for a 42 yard field goal attempt, but he missed it wide right this time for his second missed field goal of the game, surely this wouldn’t come back to haunt Cape Town, right? With 9 and a half minutes left on the clock, Yellowknife needed to bleed as much of the clock as they could to hold on to their 6 point lead, and maybe even extend it somewhat. Yellowknife started this strategy with a 13 yard pass to Brot. Then another pass attempt to Akinfenwa, but it fell incomplete. The Cape Town defense was then called for having 12 men on the field. Akinfenwa had a gain of 2 yards on a carry, then Unit completed his next 3 pass attempts in a row. It started with an 8 yard gain to Archipelago, then another completion to Archipelago, this time a gain of 5 yards, finally it ended with a 13 yard completion to Crashmore. Now in the red zone, Akinfenwa took a handoff for a gain of 7 yards. Then Cape Town’s goal line defense showed up as they forced back to back incompletions to force a field goal attempt of 28 yards. A chip shot for Doink as his kick went through the uprights, extending Yellowknife’s lead to 9 points with just under 5 minutes left of the clock. Needing to score quickly, Cape Town marched down the field at a brisk pace not seeming to understand the importance of needing to score twice. It was not until there were 3 minutes left on the clock that Cape Town seemed to pick up the pace in play calling at which point they were only at their own 44 yard line. Jerrith IV completed a pass to Escanor Sama for a 6 yard gain, then was sacked by LB Kahn Cussion for a 7 yard loss. Needing a first down to stay alive in the game, Jerrith IV connected with Kemp for a 17 yard catch and run getting a first down. Jerrith IV then hit Prince for a 6 yard gain. Jerrith IV then found Kemp again for a 14 yard gain this time, bringing Cape Town into the red zone. Jerrith IV’s next pass attempt fell incomplete, it was intended for JHM. Jerrith IV then hit Boot for a 7 yard gain to bring them a step closer to the end zone. With a minute and a half left on the clock, Jerrith IV hit an open Kemp yet again on the drive resulting in a gain of 6 yards, picking up a new set of downs. Jerrith IV’s next pass attempt was intended for Prince, but it fell incomplete. Jerrith IV then dropped back on 2nd and goal to find JHM uncovered in the middle of the end zone for a TD. Cunningham lined up for the extra point attempt, and his kick was good, cutting Yellowknife’s lead down to just 2 points. Cape Town now needed to recover the onside kick to have any chance of winning the game. What’s that? Cape Town didn’t attempt an onside kick?? THEY DID A REGULAR KICK OFF WITH 1:09 LEFT ON THE CLOCK AND NO TIMEOUTS?!?!? Yellowknife’s offense kneeled the ball twice to end the game after Cape Town decided to not play. And with that, Cape Town lost their first game of the season.
Result: Loss 15-17
Record: 3-1
Now for some nice words about the people here who somehow tolerate me enough to keep me around. Also maybe some words about how the ISFL has actually been a positive influence on me and maybe helped me pass English class in high school.
I joined the ISFL in S25, it was the Summer of covid, and I was browsing r/nfl when I found a post detailing the ‘International Simulation Football League’. I had no idea what this was, and decided to check it out. After looking around for a bit, I thought “Hey, I’m probably not going to be very active in here, so I’ll make a kicker and see how that goes.” I was very wrong. Outside of some early interaction where I ranted about timezones for a bit on day 1 of me joining, I didn’t interact with very many people. Then the London Royals drafted me with pick 45. Until this point the only real interaction I had with anyone in the league was just scouting conversations. The words that Sylphreni and Highschnadi had for me were probably what kept me in the league until this day. “We just weren’t willing to risk not getting the top player at the position on the board, and xenos was the favorite by a country mile.” The first message I sent in there was a gif of someone drop kicking someone else. And that became my calling card in there.
While in the London locker room, there were so many great people that I interacted with, to list off a few now, a good chunk of which were my fellow draftees, Crunk, Swanty, the king of counting himself: katarn22, abh89, Maglubiyet, MrStennett, the GMs Sylphreni and Highschnadi, and many more.
While still on the topic of those who made my first experience in an ISFL locker room so great, there was one user in particular who stood above the rest in making sure I stayed and had a great time, that user is DeadlyPlayer. In my mind there is no one else in the entire ISFL who loves a franchise more than him, and wants to make sure everyone who is in that franchise is having a great time as well.
London went on to win the Ultimus that season, and the feeling in the locker room is one that I don’t think I will ever forget. Everyone was having an incredible time, and it was good feelings all around.
Once I got to the Philadelphia locker room after being drafted there, I was definitely still more active in the London locker room. That being said, over time I slowly drifted more towards the Philadelphia locker room. In there, there were and still are incredible people. The first of which I will mention is Juni, he is a fantastic locker room presence, and always brings a smile to the faces of those who he interacts with.
Despite all the memes about him, negs is truly a great guy, it is always fun to interact with him.
Snowy is someone who I had not really interacted with until several months ago, and I still talk to him very frequently. I also may have made a promise that I would carry him to gold in league of legends.
Pat and Cody are also great locker room presences, and adam! Is someone who I want to break my receiving records for Cape Town.
If I decided to keep going, I could easily hit the character limit on the forum, and I don’t think I want to find out what that is today. There are many more who I have not listed by name, but they have all contributed to a fantastic experience that I want many others to have as well.
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