06-22-2023, 05:26 AM
(This post was last modified: 06-24-2023, 01:57 PM by xenosthelegend. Edited 1 time in total.)
Interviewer (Bill Sweatt for BSN - Bondi Sports Network): Next up, we have an interview with maybe the unlikeliest player to ever be drafted in the DSFL. From the hometown Bondi Beach Buccaneers, it's RB Bertie Mannering-Phipps!
BMP: A very good afternoon to you, sir
BS: Uh, hi, yes. You joined the Bucs very recently after being picked up on the waiver wire, but you're pretty well known for another "sport" <performs air quotes> aren't you?
BMP: Indeed, I have had the distinct honour of being No.1 on the Under-18 World Croquet Tour for three years running. Thanks to Papa's <grinds teeth audibly> holistic training regime, I was known as the Fastest Mallet in Scarsdale.
BS: What made you switch to football, and how has the, uh, transition from croquet been?
BMP: <wry smile> I developed a little bit of a boo-boo on my ring finger when I lost...I mean, was cheated out of a finals appearance...by that bally fool Archie Wotheringshireton after he slammed a ball at me during the mocktail break in the 2019 World Cup of Croquet semi-finals. My father was very disappointed, and I was promptly exiled for my transgressions <grinds teeth audibly again>. I decided to show him what for, and develop my skills in football so that he could never attend another high society event again - ah, the ridicule that he would suffer <performs a chef's kiss>. It's been bloody magnificent, let me tell you.[url=https://forums.sim-football.com/showthread.php?pid=705265&highlight=bernardhibou#pid705265][/url]
BS: <incredulous stare> Uh, relatable, relatable. <glances nervously at notes> The Bucs have been in need of a star RB for some time now, what do you think you bring to the table?
BMP: Well, first of all, we finally have someone who can make a proper pink gin, ahahha! But in terms of physical attributes, I know I can outrun pretty much anybody in the DSFL, it's just a matter of employing that speed consistently to confound and outwit our opposition. I must say, running away from the nannies before afternoon nap time all those years has really paid off! However, it does get rather tiring out there when you can't have a Shirley Temple every 20 minutes, I'll tell you that for free.
BS: I...I think you are saying that endurance is a thing for you?
BMP: Indubitably, but every day I'm training harder with the garden staff, pretty soon we'll need to plant a new rosebush obstacle course on the other side of the ha-ha!
BS: <no longer able to focus on notes, mouth open in shock> I don't know what that means, but...anyway, that's all we have time for today, good luck this season, and we'll be watching your career with great interest!
BMP: Tally-ho, old bean! Make sure you try some of the Eton Mess before you toddle off, Marjorie's really outdone herself this time.
BS: What the f..<video cuts back to nightly sports coverage>
BMP: A very good afternoon to you, sir
BS: Uh, hi, yes. You joined the Bucs very recently after being picked up on the waiver wire, but you're pretty well known for another "sport" <performs air quotes> aren't you?
BMP: Indeed, I have had the distinct honour of being No.1 on the Under-18 World Croquet Tour for three years running. Thanks to Papa's <grinds teeth audibly> holistic training regime, I was known as the Fastest Mallet in Scarsdale.
BS: What made you switch to football, and how has the, uh, transition from croquet been?
BMP: <wry smile> I developed a little bit of a boo-boo on my ring finger when I lost...I mean, was cheated out of a finals appearance...by that bally fool Archie Wotheringshireton after he slammed a ball at me during the mocktail break in the 2019 World Cup of Croquet semi-finals. My father was very disappointed, and I was promptly exiled for my transgressions <grinds teeth audibly again>. I decided to show him what for, and develop my skills in football so that he could never attend another high society event again - ah, the ridicule that he would suffer <performs a chef's kiss>. It's been bloody magnificent, let me tell you.[url=https://forums.sim-football.com/showthread.php?pid=705265&highlight=bernardhibou#pid705265][/url]
BS: <incredulous stare> Uh, relatable, relatable. <glances nervously at notes> The Bucs have been in need of a star RB for some time now, what do you think you bring to the table?
BMP: Well, first of all, we finally have someone who can make a proper pink gin, ahahha! But in terms of physical attributes, I know I can outrun pretty much anybody in the DSFL, it's just a matter of employing that speed consistently to confound and outwit our opposition. I must say, running away from the nannies before afternoon nap time all those years has really paid off! However, it does get rather tiring out there when you can't have a Shirley Temple every 20 minutes, I'll tell you that for free.
BS: I...I think you are saying that endurance is a thing for you?
BMP: Indubitably, but every day I'm training harder with the garden staff, pretty soon we'll need to plant a new rosebush obstacle course on the other side of the ha-ha!
BS: <no longer able to focus on notes, mouth open in shock> I don't know what that means, but...anyway, that's all we have time for today, good luck this season, and we'll be watching your career with great interest!
BMP: Tally-ho, old bean! Make sure you try some of the Eton Mess before you toddle off, Marjorie's really outdone herself this time.
BS: What the f..<video cuts back to nightly sports coverage>