07-21-2023, 02:06 AM
(This post was last modified: 07-22-2023, 07:18 PM by lemonoppy. Edited 1 time in total.)
I haven’t been writing for this site for a bit, since I’m actually busy writing a fanfic that I’ve been wanting to write for years, but that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna pop in for a good mock draft before the Ultimus to try and really nail my First Rounders task. This is what I’m pretty sure the draft order will be, as of before the Ultimus, with team needs attached:
New Orleans: RB, OL, DT, LB, S
Chicago: RB, TE, OL, LB, S
Orange County: WR, OL, DE, CB
San Jose: RB, DE, LB, CB, S
Colorado: RB, WR, DE, CB
Sarasota: WR, OL, DT, S
Yellowknife: QB, WR, DT, LB, CB
Austin: QB, TE, DE, LB, CB
New York: TE, OL, DE, CB
Cape Town: QB, WR, DT, CB
Honolulu: RB, TE, DE, S
Baltimore: QB, TE, DE, K/P
Berlin: QB, WR, OL, LB
Arizona: WR, TE, DT, CB
1. Arizona (via New Orleans): DT Crasher Wake, @ZodiacEXE
What do you get the team that has everything? This feels like when the Lakers took a great team that already had Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, added two #1 overall picks in Magic Johnson and James Worthy, and won the 80s. They don’t have many needs, but their dynasty is starting to get older, so they’re going to need to start replacing aging pieces. The defensive line seems like a good place to start as they have Emerson Quinn retiring this year, and Raphael McTurtle about to go through Round 4 of regression. They already have one guy ready to fill that void in Scruffy the Janitor from a couple years ago, Crasher could come in almost immediately and, combined with Sir Tywrell Xah’Aawrone, form the Arizona D-line of the future. Also, I’m not doing trades in this one, but even if I did, any GM who gives this team more good players should be drawn and quartered.
2. Berlin (via Chicago): QB Jay Cue III, @Opera_Phantom
Look Berlin, I say this as a friend. Don’t. Get. Cute. If you wait until your pick at #4 to take one of the best users this game has ever seen to fill a serious position of need, you are just asking to get leapfrogged by a team like Austin or Yellowknife who need a QB and would LOOOOOOOOVE to land JQ3. (I know Yellowknife has a QB GM coming up, they’d position swap him in a heartbeat.) Is this the absolute best time to get a QB? Please notice the fact that I DO NOT CARE. This is your chance to get a user who has been a beast every time he’s made a character, and he’s even had a cup of coffee in Berlin as JQ2 (twice). I’m sure he’s in the Discord server, you can at him whenever, he shows up for anime night. Don’t screw this up. I wouldn’t even be shocked if Arizona took him at #1. Also, both Ultimus teams are picking 1-2, how crazy is that? What is parity, can’t find it.
3. Sarasota (via Orange County): S Josh Gibson, @DoubleDub
If Jay Cue III is available at this spot, phone lines will be open for offers, but since that’s not the case, Sarasota stays at this spot, and gets a player likely for an immediate call-up. Sarasota’s safety squad (lot of S’s there) has been aging almost to the point of unusability lately, and this fixes that problem very well. There’s usually a first-time user that busts into the top 3 of draft classes, just by showing that they’re willing to put in the work and make a monster character instantly, and Gibson looks like this year’s character in that respect. They might even go safety again in the third round once some more safeties show up in draftable spots, that’s how dire that need is. But for now, Gibson works great at #3
4. Berlin (via San Jose): LB Iman Outlaw, @allbetsonjames
Sorry James, might wanna change your name to Ichbin ein Berliner (god I’m old). Look, even if you make it clear that you have a preferred destination, if you’re good enough (and Iman looks to be good enough to go this high), and you’re not a GM, other teams should be able to take you, and if the team in question wants you that badly, they can trade for you. Otherwise, that’s what the kids these days call collusion. Anyway, Berlin has a very strong linebacker corps, but two of them enter regression this year, with the third being one more year out from it. It’s a bit early, admittedly, but they don’t have a ton of weaknesses at the moment, and this feels like a play that could pay off soon (provided he doesn’t bolt in his first chance at free agency, although he shouldn’t if he lands with a team as strong as Berlin).
5. Austin (via Colorado): DT Sack Sparrow, @Water
Capping off this run of top five picks that all belong to a team that got it from a trade, Austin is on the clock, and I think they look at their D-line. They’ve got three of the next five picks, so they should find a player here that Sarasota or Yellowknife might covet before they pick again at #8 and #9. Both teams could be in the market for a DT, so Sack Sparrow would be a steal in more ways than one. This would be their Joey Din replacement, and I know he’s still viable for a good bit more time, but I still think this’ll work, since someone might be able to slide back into the linebacker corps and still fill out the front seven for now, with Din getting his heir apparent in the process.
6. Sarasota: WR Thomas Sutha, @lemonoppy
Johnny Blaze Jr. is very good. Lucius Salem is very good, even if he’s a little older. Nick Kaepercolin was very good, now he’s very old. Rockbot Rockbo is alright, but he’s a ghost. And Artemis Entreri went bust. That is the story for why Sarasota needs a wide receiver, I’m a writer. Sarasota has been trying to patch the holes at wide receiver lately, and nothing seems to be sticking. They should take Sutha here, immediately start him as their WR3 with a quick path past the Rockbot for WR2 status. Seems like a solid train of logic here.
7. Yellowknife: LB Cheecago Boucher, @UberBJ
The bad news for Yellowknife is that they would’ve loved any of the players that went before them in the last few spots. The good news is that Yellowknife is really old and worn down (that’s good news?), and can take basically anyone they want right now. The badder news is that they only have one other pick (a GM pick) in the top 34 selections, and this isn’t that deep of a draft, so they have to make this exact pick really count. There isn’t a great corner that isn’t a GM for another team, they have a QB coming later, and Sutha was the first round receiver to get. Boucher is a terrific get here, with their once-elite receiver corps beginning to wind down.
8. Austin: TE Dylan Duma, @honey
Tight end is a bit of a luxury pick, but I think one would fill out this offense nicely. Austin is accustomed to running two tight end sets, or whatever gets as many targets on the field for Queen Elizabeth II as possible. Deshawn Penne is starting to wind down, and Pegme Amidala went to an early retirement, so Duma could quickly find himself a very important position in the Copperheads offense.
9. Austin (via New York): LB Bubba Hog, @IHateBobNutting
One more first rounder for the Copperheads, don’t worry though, we’ll be seeing them again later in the mid-2nd, in case you start missing them. It’s a tiny bit of a reach, and there’s a possibility Austin trades down in this spot, but Hog could absolutely be worth as premium of a pick as this. Spicy Ron doesn’t have much longer left in the league, and Ryan Knock does not look like his replacement. Coupled with the Sack Sparrow pick from earlier, this could absolutely complete this front seven and make this defense whole for a couple more years.
10. Sarasota (via Cape Town): OL Kelijah Verwae, @Moosecop
We are now ten picks into the first round, and we have seen just five teams make picks; is that weird? I don’t know, anyway TOP TEN OFFENSIVE LINEMAN SELECTION WA-HEY! This right here is the perfect set-up for an offensive lineman to go this high. Sarasota tends to play multiple offensive linemen, but both of their current ones are aging out. Moosecop is a decorated user who’s built three recognizable players before, and best of all, Sarasota has already addressed their biggest needs earlier at safety and wide receiver. They could come away from this draft with three undisputed #1 prospects at three important positions. That would be an incredible haul. Also, he’s the only OL prospect in this class, so either get him quick or don’t get one at all.
11. Chicago (via Honolulu): LB Gaius Gleel, @Crodyman
I think Chicago might have the worst linebacker corps in the league, and for any team besides the one that’s spent the last two years selling every part of their team that isn’t nailed down, that’s almost impressive. Their best player at that position is a sub-500 TPE player, who’s been inactive for almost six months. Another player is IA at around 300, and their other one is wrist deep in regression, big yikes. Now there is hope on the horizon in the form of Aleksandar Kovic, who could honestly be their #1 LB in TPE by Week 1, but that only replaces the one who’ll be eaten by the regression bug. What about the other two IAs? Well, this is a strong linebacker class, and Gaius Gleel could at least surpass Monty Ward by Week 1 as well, and be a bonafide starter right away.
12. Baltimore: TE Ignatious Cleetington, @"spiffymcgee"
Looking over the Baltimore roster, you won’t find a ton of holes, and the ones you will find are either pretty minor (they’ll need a quarterback and a kicker very eventually) or already addressed to some extent (they have a solid DL ready for a call-up whenever). And then there’s tight end, where Penger Toliver hasn’t been seen in two months, and hasn’t updated in four. It’s the only blemish on a dangerous team, and I think they can afford to address it with this big of a pick. Cleetington could probably expect a call-up immediately and could add some youth to an offense with a lot of players with draft years that start with a 3X.
13. New Orleans (via Berlin): RB Oskar Clark, @goblin jr.
It feels like New Orleans prioritized quantity over quality in this draft, which is kinda ok when you just need more warm bodies. They have no picks in the top 12, but they have six picks in the top 30, that’s a good way to at least rebuild your roster. In this position, I’d probably go best player available, which would be Wing Gundam. But they are gonna have to use a GM pick on a DT, so instead, I think a fun move would be to take one of the top running backs off the board, and go with Oskar Clark to pair with the emerging Kyle Crane. Eldroh Kove is already waiting in the wings, but his progression has been very spotty, and he might be better served changing positions if Clark takes that job.
14. Arizona: WR Anakin Skywalker, @ForSucksFake
Operation Get Younger is underway in Arizona, and after addressing their DL at the start of the first, here at the end of the first, they grab a new wide receiver of the future. Maybe I’m just projecting, since I’m also a morally questionable, slightly underrated, recreated wide receiver before who went #14 overall to a team that currently has two 1000+ TPE vets, but Anakin feels like a character that fits well here. Arizona is about to be without a 1000 TPE receiver for the first time in what feels like forever, and while Benji Aguilera looks like a strong future #1 receiver, they have no one behind him besides the underperforming Don Tollibeo. It might be a year or two before he sees the field, but this could be a great move in the long term.
15. New Orleans: DT Allister Adebam, @MobiausGrander
Second round time, and we start with a run of three GM picks in a row, I bet we can expect something unexpected here. Normally, GMs picking themselves with high seconds would trade down, but both New Orleans and Colorado have multiple seconds (with NOLA having multiple multiples), and it might not be worth the trouble. Here, the Second Line add to their D-line with Allister Adebam. With Mike Scott about to fall off a small cliff and James Batista not living up to expectations, this is a much needed upgrade that could coincide with the steadily rising Sonny Johnson.
16. Chicago: LB Sem’ga Nah’sim, @TheCC
They’re taking two of them, you can’t stop me. Like I said before, Chicago’s linebacker corps is a wasteland, and I think bolstering their linebacker corps to the point of at least usability would be a good start to their recovery, though they’re probably still gonna need at least another season or two in the tank in order to really get all the pieces they’ll need to bolster their roster. Nah’sim, Glee, and Kovic could combine to form a very nice trio as long as they all stay active. Otherwise, Chicago’s rebuild might take a lot longer.
17. Colorado (via Orange County): CB Bell Pepper, @Ephenssta
Colorado’s cornerbacks are a dire bunch, but it’s certainly not for lack of trying. Cedric Wilkins II, bless his heart, is about to be in his 13th season, and after a 50% regression shotgun blast, he’ll be starting what has to be his final season at like 275 TPE or so, while their other two IAs will be floating around 400-500 TPE. Meanwhile, they have five, count ‘em five(!) developmental corners in the D-League, and only one of them (Synystyr Gates) or maybe two (Saveour Piethons) could be worth a call-up. So Ephenssta just decided to do it themselves, and make a decent corner for them. They’ll need all the help they can get there.
18. San Jose: DE Wing Gundam, @ctots
Literally “best defensive player available” is the name of the game for the Sabercats, and with WingGundam Leviosa still falling down the board, it’s a slam dunk decision right here. Alex Armstrong and Jumbo Edward do look like stalwarts for the foreseeable future on their line, but Kenny Lyons isn’t that guy, and Gundam very well could be.
19. Colorado: RB Bertie Mannering-Phipps, @bernardhibou
The sudden retirement of Gucci Gurley came as a huge shock, especially to a team that really didn’t need to lose any more players. Luckily, they have a few second rounders to throw around, so they can pick up someone who can possibly be their immediate RB2, and keep Malik Brooks from being run into the ground.
20. New Orleans (via Sarasota): S Tha Thu Craicte, @DeadlyPlayer
Next position of interest for the Second Line, safety. Neither of their current ones should be a starting safety for a team that isn’t in the D-League, but at least Honey Humphries is trying his best in a bad situation. Some added support from Tha Thu Craicte would be a huge boon for a team trying to find its new defensive identity.
21. Baltimore (via Yellowknife): DE Midwest Emo, @Jiggly_333
Oh good, Baltimore again. Look last time, I said I was already having a hard time finding players to go here, now you’re making me do it again? This is bullshit, I’m joining the writer’s strike. But momma didn’t raise no quitter, so I’ll finish this under protest. So I mentioned before that they have a solid DL in developmental, Frederick Carlson. And while he is steadily adding TPE, there’s still going to be a few years before anyone besides their incumbent starters will see significant playing time, so they might try for a couple players in this spot who can push one another, and Emo might be a strong pick for that.
22. Austin: QB C.G Breezy Jr., @LIL MUNKEY
The fact that his second initial doesn’t have a period is gonna drive me fucking crazy, ANYWAY! So a lot of people expect Austin to be the landing spot for Jay Cue III, and while that might happen, they would need him to fall past Berlin at least once, and I don’t think that’ll happen. However the junior Breezy will still be someone worth snagging without needing to give up a haul of picks or players, especially after addressing a lot of their needs with their three first rounders.
23. San Jose (via New York): S Robert Green, @RobJG2
San Jose needs help in their entire secondary, and I wouldn’t be shocked if they traded up to land someone with more potential, but Robert Green would be a fine pickup for them as well. Aside from Brooks Piggott and Russet Buster (for however long he has left), they have nothing but regressing inactives. Don’t be surprised if they also try to address this in free agency.
24. New Orleans (via Cape Town): LB Norman Smiley, @SmittyHextall
More hot New Orleans action, as they keep filling out their defense. There’s still a few players left that can contribute to the Second Line’s rebuild, and Norman Smiley could fill another spot that’s currently occupied by a player who’s about to fall off a cliff, this time being Ignatius Reilly (although Rodney Rosadino isn’t seeming to be cutting it either).
25. Yellowknife (via Honolulu): QB Maximus Boudreaux, @ZootTX
Absolute Unit is starting to hit his stride as a quarterback, but even still, now’s the best time to find his replacement. A couple seasons from now, he’ll be on the downturn, and Maximus Boudreaux (another superlative name) can fill his shoes.
26. Colorado (via Baltimore): WR Tyler Hunt, @Tyrathiel
The Yeti are actually a bit lucky they’re able to address both of their offensive needs at once, so this would be an outstanding draft in conjunction with the Bertie Mannering-Phipps selection, and could eventually, or maybe rather quickly, depending on how quick Erwin Kemp falls off or decides to retire.
27. New Orleans (via Berlin): LB Sam Mercury, @Rise of Smitty
At this range, you’re just looking for people who’ll be there to update every week, and he’s at least been doing enough to keep his character up to par with others who came in when he did. Remember when I listed two Second Line linebackers to replace? Mercury replaces the other one.
28. Arizona: CB Paul Dosza, @.simo
Rigged. This is all rigged, Arizona’s cheating. How’s the undisputed best team in the league gonna get two top 5 players in this draft, one of which being at the end of the second round? This is wrong, and I’m assuming someone’s doing something illegal.
New Orleans: RB, OL, DT, LB, S
Chicago: RB, TE, OL, LB, S
Orange County: WR, OL, DE, CB
San Jose: RB, DE, LB, CB, S
Colorado: RB, WR, DE, CB
Sarasota: WR, OL, DT, S
Yellowknife: QB, WR, DT, LB, CB
Austin: QB, TE, DE, LB, CB
New York: TE, OL, DE, CB
Cape Town: QB, WR, DT, CB
Honolulu: RB, TE, DE, S
Baltimore: QB, TE, DE, K/P
Berlin: QB, WR, OL, LB
Arizona: WR, TE, DT, CB
1. Arizona (via New Orleans): DT Crasher Wake, @ZodiacEXE
What do you get the team that has everything? This feels like when the Lakers took a great team that already had Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, added two #1 overall picks in Magic Johnson and James Worthy, and won the 80s. They don’t have many needs, but their dynasty is starting to get older, so they’re going to need to start replacing aging pieces. The defensive line seems like a good place to start as they have Emerson Quinn retiring this year, and Raphael McTurtle about to go through Round 4 of regression. They already have one guy ready to fill that void in Scruffy the Janitor from a couple years ago, Crasher could come in almost immediately and, combined with Sir Tywrell Xah’Aawrone, form the Arizona D-line of the future. Also, I’m not doing trades in this one, but even if I did, any GM who gives this team more good players should be drawn and quartered.
2. Berlin (via Chicago): QB Jay Cue III, @Opera_Phantom
Look Berlin, I say this as a friend. Don’t. Get. Cute. If you wait until your pick at #4 to take one of the best users this game has ever seen to fill a serious position of need, you are just asking to get leapfrogged by a team like Austin or Yellowknife who need a QB and would LOOOOOOOOVE to land JQ3. (I know Yellowknife has a QB GM coming up, they’d position swap him in a heartbeat.) Is this the absolute best time to get a QB? Please notice the fact that I DO NOT CARE. This is your chance to get a user who has been a beast every time he’s made a character, and he’s even had a cup of coffee in Berlin as JQ2 (twice). I’m sure he’s in the Discord server, you can at him whenever, he shows up for anime night. Don’t screw this up. I wouldn’t even be shocked if Arizona took him at #1. Also, both Ultimus teams are picking 1-2, how crazy is that? What is parity, can’t find it.
3. Sarasota (via Orange County): S Josh Gibson, @DoubleDub
If Jay Cue III is available at this spot, phone lines will be open for offers, but since that’s not the case, Sarasota stays at this spot, and gets a player likely for an immediate call-up. Sarasota’s safety squad (lot of S’s there) has been aging almost to the point of unusability lately, and this fixes that problem very well. There’s usually a first-time user that busts into the top 3 of draft classes, just by showing that they’re willing to put in the work and make a monster character instantly, and Gibson looks like this year’s character in that respect. They might even go safety again in the third round once some more safeties show up in draftable spots, that’s how dire that need is. But for now, Gibson works great at #3
4. Berlin (via San Jose): LB Iman Outlaw, @allbetsonjames
Sorry James, might wanna change your name to Ichbin ein Berliner (god I’m old). Look, even if you make it clear that you have a preferred destination, if you’re good enough (and Iman looks to be good enough to go this high), and you’re not a GM, other teams should be able to take you, and if the team in question wants you that badly, they can trade for you. Otherwise, that’s what the kids these days call collusion. Anyway, Berlin has a very strong linebacker corps, but two of them enter regression this year, with the third being one more year out from it. It’s a bit early, admittedly, but they don’t have a ton of weaknesses at the moment, and this feels like a play that could pay off soon (provided he doesn’t bolt in his first chance at free agency, although he shouldn’t if he lands with a team as strong as Berlin).
5. Austin (via Colorado): DT Sack Sparrow, @Water
Capping off this run of top five picks that all belong to a team that got it from a trade, Austin is on the clock, and I think they look at their D-line. They’ve got three of the next five picks, so they should find a player here that Sarasota or Yellowknife might covet before they pick again at #8 and #9. Both teams could be in the market for a DT, so Sack Sparrow would be a steal in more ways than one. This would be their Joey Din replacement, and I know he’s still viable for a good bit more time, but I still think this’ll work, since someone might be able to slide back into the linebacker corps and still fill out the front seven for now, with Din getting his heir apparent in the process.
6. Sarasota: WR Thomas Sutha, @lemonoppy
Johnny Blaze Jr. is very good. Lucius Salem is very good, even if he’s a little older. Nick Kaepercolin was very good, now he’s very old. Rockbot Rockbo is alright, but he’s a ghost. And Artemis Entreri went bust. That is the story for why Sarasota needs a wide receiver, I’m a writer. Sarasota has been trying to patch the holes at wide receiver lately, and nothing seems to be sticking. They should take Sutha here, immediately start him as their WR3 with a quick path past the Rockbot for WR2 status. Seems like a solid train of logic here.
7. Yellowknife: LB Cheecago Boucher, @UberBJ
The bad news for Yellowknife is that they would’ve loved any of the players that went before them in the last few spots. The good news is that Yellowknife is really old and worn down (that’s good news?), and can take basically anyone they want right now. The badder news is that they only have one other pick (a GM pick) in the top 34 selections, and this isn’t that deep of a draft, so they have to make this exact pick really count. There isn’t a great corner that isn’t a GM for another team, they have a QB coming later, and Sutha was the first round receiver to get. Boucher is a terrific get here, with their once-elite receiver corps beginning to wind down.
8. Austin: TE Dylan Duma, @honey
Tight end is a bit of a luxury pick, but I think one would fill out this offense nicely. Austin is accustomed to running two tight end sets, or whatever gets as many targets on the field for Queen Elizabeth II as possible. Deshawn Penne is starting to wind down, and Pegme Amidala went to an early retirement, so Duma could quickly find himself a very important position in the Copperheads offense.
9. Austin (via New York): LB Bubba Hog, @IHateBobNutting
One more first rounder for the Copperheads, don’t worry though, we’ll be seeing them again later in the mid-2nd, in case you start missing them. It’s a tiny bit of a reach, and there’s a possibility Austin trades down in this spot, but Hog could absolutely be worth as premium of a pick as this. Spicy Ron doesn’t have much longer left in the league, and Ryan Knock does not look like his replacement. Coupled with the Sack Sparrow pick from earlier, this could absolutely complete this front seven and make this defense whole for a couple more years.
10. Sarasota (via Cape Town): OL Kelijah Verwae, @Moosecop
We are now ten picks into the first round, and we have seen just five teams make picks; is that weird? I don’t know, anyway TOP TEN OFFENSIVE LINEMAN SELECTION WA-HEY! This right here is the perfect set-up for an offensive lineman to go this high. Sarasota tends to play multiple offensive linemen, but both of their current ones are aging out. Moosecop is a decorated user who’s built three recognizable players before, and best of all, Sarasota has already addressed their biggest needs earlier at safety and wide receiver. They could come away from this draft with three undisputed #1 prospects at three important positions. That would be an incredible haul. Also, he’s the only OL prospect in this class, so either get him quick or don’t get one at all.
11. Chicago (via Honolulu): LB Gaius Gleel, @Crodyman
I think Chicago might have the worst linebacker corps in the league, and for any team besides the one that’s spent the last two years selling every part of their team that isn’t nailed down, that’s almost impressive. Their best player at that position is a sub-500 TPE player, who’s been inactive for almost six months. Another player is IA at around 300, and their other one is wrist deep in regression, big yikes. Now there is hope on the horizon in the form of Aleksandar Kovic, who could honestly be their #1 LB in TPE by Week 1, but that only replaces the one who’ll be eaten by the regression bug. What about the other two IAs? Well, this is a strong linebacker class, and Gaius Gleel could at least surpass Monty Ward by Week 1 as well, and be a bonafide starter right away.
12. Baltimore: TE Ignatious Cleetington, @"spiffymcgee"
Looking over the Baltimore roster, you won’t find a ton of holes, and the ones you will find are either pretty minor (they’ll need a quarterback and a kicker very eventually) or already addressed to some extent (they have a solid DL ready for a call-up whenever). And then there’s tight end, where Penger Toliver hasn’t been seen in two months, and hasn’t updated in four. It’s the only blemish on a dangerous team, and I think they can afford to address it with this big of a pick. Cleetington could probably expect a call-up immediately and could add some youth to an offense with a lot of players with draft years that start with a 3X.
13. New Orleans (via Berlin): RB Oskar Clark, @goblin jr.
It feels like New Orleans prioritized quantity over quality in this draft, which is kinda ok when you just need more warm bodies. They have no picks in the top 12, but they have six picks in the top 30, that’s a good way to at least rebuild your roster. In this position, I’d probably go best player available, which would be Wing Gundam. But they are gonna have to use a GM pick on a DT, so instead, I think a fun move would be to take one of the top running backs off the board, and go with Oskar Clark to pair with the emerging Kyle Crane. Eldroh Kove is already waiting in the wings, but his progression has been very spotty, and he might be better served changing positions if Clark takes that job.
14. Arizona: WR Anakin Skywalker, @ForSucksFake
Operation Get Younger is underway in Arizona, and after addressing their DL at the start of the first, here at the end of the first, they grab a new wide receiver of the future. Maybe I’m just projecting, since I’m also a morally questionable, slightly underrated, recreated wide receiver before who went #14 overall to a team that currently has two 1000+ TPE vets, but Anakin feels like a character that fits well here. Arizona is about to be without a 1000 TPE receiver for the first time in what feels like forever, and while Benji Aguilera looks like a strong future #1 receiver, they have no one behind him besides the underperforming Don Tollibeo. It might be a year or two before he sees the field, but this could be a great move in the long term.
15. New Orleans: DT Allister Adebam, @MobiausGrander
Second round time, and we start with a run of three GM picks in a row, I bet we can expect something unexpected here. Normally, GMs picking themselves with high seconds would trade down, but both New Orleans and Colorado have multiple seconds (with NOLA having multiple multiples), and it might not be worth the trouble. Here, the Second Line add to their D-line with Allister Adebam. With Mike Scott about to fall off a small cliff and James Batista not living up to expectations, this is a much needed upgrade that could coincide with the steadily rising Sonny Johnson.
16. Chicago: LB Sem’ga Nah’sim, @TheCC
They’re taking two of them, you can’t stop me. Like I said before, Chicago’s linebacker corps is a wasteland, and I think bolstering their linebacker corps to the point of at least usability would be a good start to their recovery, though they’re probably still gonna need at least another season or two in the tank in order to really get all the pieces they’ll need to bolster their roster. Nah’sim, Glee, and Kovic could combine to form a very nice trio as long as they all stay active. Otherwise, Chicago’s rebuild might take a lot longer.
17. Colorado (via Orange County): CB Bell Pepper, @Ephenssta
Colorado’s cornerbacks are a dire bunch, but it’s certainly not for lack of trying. Cedric Wilkins II, bless his heart, is about to be in his 13th season, and after a 50% regression shotgun blast, he’ll be starting what has to be his final season at like 275 TPE or so, while their other two IAs will be floating around 400-500 TPE. Meanwhile, they have five, count ‘em five(!) developmental corners in the D-League, and only one of them (Synystyr Gates) or maybe two (Saveour Piethons) could be worth a call-up. So Ephenssta just decided to do it themselves, and make a decent corner for them. They’ll need all the help they can get there.
18. San Jose: DE Wing Gundam, @ctots
Literally “best defensive player available” is the name of the game for the Sabercats, and with WingGundam Leviosa still falling down the board, it’s a slam dunk decision right here. Alex Armstrong and Jumbo Edward do look like stalwarts for the foreseeable future on their line, but Kenny Lyons isn’t that guy, and Gundam very well could be.
19. Colorado: RB Bertie Mannering-Phipps, @bernardhibou
The sudden retirement of Gucci Gurley came as a huge shock, especially to a team that really didn’t need to lose any more players. Luckily, they have a few second rounders to throw around, so they can pick up someone who can possibly be their immediate RB2, and keep Malik Brooks from being run into the ground.
20. New Orleans (via Sarasota): S Tha Thu Craicte, @DeadlyPlayer
Next position of interest for the Second Line, safety. Neither of their current ones should be a starting safety for a team that isn’t in the D-League, but at least Honey Humphries is trying his best in a bad situation. Some added support from Tha Thu Craicte would be a huge boon for a team trying to find its new defensive identity.
21. Baltimore (via Yellowknife): DE Midwest Emo, @Jiggly_333
Oh good, Baltimore again. Look last time, I said I was already having a hard time finding players to go here, now you’re making me do it again? This is bullshit, I’m joining the writer’s strike. But momma didn’t raise no quitter, so I’ll finish this under protest. So I mentioned before that they have a solid DL in developmental, Frederick Carlson. And while he is steadily adding TPE, there’s still going to be a few years before anyone besides their incumbent starters will see significant playing time, so they might try for a couple players in this spot who can push one another, and Emo might be a strong pick for that.
22. Austin: QB C.G Breezy Jr., @LIL MUNKEY
The fact that his second initial doesn’t have a period is gonna drive me fucking crazy, ANYWAY! So a lot of people expect Austin to be the landing spot for Jay Cue III, and while that might happen, they would need him to fall past Berlin at least once, and I don’t think that’ll happen. However the junior Breezy will still be someone worth snagging without needing to give up a haul of picks or players, especially after addressing a lot of their needs with their three first rounders.
23. San Jose (via New York): S Robert Green, @RobJG2
San Jose needs help in their entire secondary, and I wouldn’t be shocked if they traded up to land someone with more potential, but Robert Green would be a fine pickup for them as well. Aside from Brooks Piggott and Russet Buster (for however long he has left), they have nothing but regressing inactives. Don’t be surprised if they also try to address this in free agency.
24. New Orleans (via Cape Town): LB Norman Smiley, @SmittyHextall
More hot New Orleans action, as they keep filling out their defense. There’s still a few players left that can contribute to the Second Line’s rebuild, and Norman Smiley could fill another spot that’s currently occupied by a player who’s about to fall off a cliff, this time being Ignatius Reilly (although Rodney Rosadino isn’t seeming to be cutting it either).
25. Yellowknife (via Honolulu): QB Maximus Boudreaux, @ZootTX
Absolute Unit is starting to hit his stride as a quarterback, but even still, now’s the best time to find his replacement. A couple seasons from now, he’ll be on the downturn, and Maximus Boudreaux (another superlative name) can fill his shoes.
26. Colorado (via Baltimore): WR Tyler Hunt, @Tyrathiel
The Yeti are actually a bit lucky they’re able to address both of their offensive needs at once, so this would be an outstanding draft in conjunction with the Bertie Mannering-Phipps selection, and could eventually, or maybe rather quickly, depending on how quick Erwin Kemp falls off or decides to retire.
27. New Orleans (via Berlin): LB Sam Mercury, @Rise of Smitty
At this range, you’re just looking for people who’ll be there to update every week, and he’s at least been doing enough to keep his character up to par with others who came in when he did. Remember when I listed two Second Line linebackers to replace? Mercury replaces the other one.
28. Arizona: CB Paul Dosza, @.simo
Rigged. This is all rigged, Arizona’s cheating. How’s the undisputed best team in the league gonna get two top 5 players in this draft, one of which being at the end of the second round? This is wrong, and I’m assuming someone’s doing something illegal.